Pieces
by crimsonmarie
Summary: A tragic accident and failed relationships. An absent father and overbearing parents. The desperate need to move on and a new beginning. Can they put each other back together or will they destroy themselves trying? AH, M for future chapters. On hiatus
1. Prelude

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**If you've read my other story, Stay… this is nothing like that. Completely different and the complete opposite so I hope you all still enjoy this.**

**Thanks to TheSpoiltOne, Liz, and Angie for having a hand in beta'ing this for me. You're all ten kinds of amazing and I love you all dearly.**

**And happy fourth of July to everyone who celebrates it.**

~*~

***Edward***

I looked over at my cell phone, resting next to my briefcase in the passenger seat of my car, as _her_ ring tone sang out at me and tightened my hands on the wheel. It was so happy, Chad Kroger telling me that I was never gonna be alone and all I wanted to do was grab it and throw it out the window.

Contrary to his gravelly voice, I _was_ alone. And I was pretty damn sure that it was gonna stay that way because the girl on the other end of the phone had no _fucking_ intentions of ever changing that.

Wasn't crushing my heart once in this lifetime enough for her? She had to call right as I was getting ready to leave to make it all worse? She couldn't just let me leave in peace; no, she had to call at the last fucking minute to make everything a little worse for me.

Growling as the verse started over again, I reached over with one hand and snatched it up, flipping open the top and pressing it to my ear. I ground my teeth together and didn't say anything, staring at the license plate of the white car in front of me.

I guess when I turned into the cold-hearted ass that I'd accused her of being a few days ago, I could just blame it on myself. Had to answer the phone and see what else she could dish out to me; couldn't just ignore her the way I should've. Nope. Had to torture myself a little more for the _fun of it_.

"Don't go, don't go, don't go," she was chanting, her voice quiet, broken and pleading.

I hated myself even more when my stomach twisted and I had to swallow hard, pressing my lips tightly together so that I could stay quiet and not tell her how much I really wanted to hate her right now.

Wanted to, but the more she pled with me and kept chanting _don't go_, the harder she was making it for me.

"Edward, don't go. Please don't go, please."

"I have no reason to stay," I finally replied, my voice carefully detached and void of any emotion at all.

Huh. I guess I was halfway to being what she always said she was. I could feel like total and utter shit and _still_ make it sound like I didn't care. I guess I'd learned more from her than I'd originally thought I had.

"What about me?"

"You've made it perfectly fucking clear how I'm not supposed to feel about you so don't start this shit," I growled, narrowing my eyes at the car in front of me as I gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"I was… Edward, please don't go," she begged and I heard her voice shaking. "Please, just come back so that I can talk to you."

"I'm done talking to you, Bella. You've heard my side and you have absolutely _nothing_ to add to it. I'm done talking and I'm done hurting." I sucked in a deep breath and sat up straight in the seat. "I'm done with you."

"You don't understand!"

"I understand fucking perfectly! You're chasing after ghosts and leaving someone _real_, someone who's in _love with you _and all your fucking craziness for a _ghost_, Bella! I'm fucking done!"

"Please come back, Edward. Just stay tonight and let me talk to you."

"I already told you," I said through my teeth, taking another deep breath and gritting down on my teeth hard enough to have my jaw aching, "that I'm done talking to you, Bella. My flight leaves in three hours and I'm not turning around for you anymore. I'm fucking _done_," I said for the thousandth time, swallowing hard and flexing my hand around the steering wheel.

If I was supposed to be turning into a cold-hearted bastard, was it supposed to hurt this much?

"Please," she whispered. "Give me one more day. Please, Edward."

"God damn it, Bella, no! No, no, no; a thousand fucking times, _no_!"

"I love you!" she shouted. "Edward, I love you!"

My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open, both of my hands loosening their grip around the wheel and the cell phone as I stared at the car in front of me once again. It felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach; all the air was gone from my lungs, I felt light-headed and honestly, I was pretty sure my toes had gone numb.

There they were. The words I'd been aching to hear her say for the four longest months of my life had finally made their way out of her mouth and I wasn't nearly as crushed and broken as I had been a few seconds ago.

"What?" I managed breathily.

"I'm in love with you," she cried, her breathing choppy and the simple sentence was punctuated with tiny sniffles.

"I don't…"

"Don't go, Edward, please," she whispered, her voice breaking. "At least not tonight. I understand if you still want to go tomorrow but give me tonight. Please just give me tonight."

She continued to whisper _please_ into the phone as I sat up even more in my seat and looked around, glaring at all the traffic that had managed to surround me without my knowledge.

Since when was it busy at two in the afternoon on a damn Wednesday?

Since Bella had decided to finally give in and tell me what I'd wanted to hear, that's when. When my world finally started to sort itself out, there was a car in every space I wanted to use to turn around in.

This was madness.

"Bella, I'll be there, okay? I'm on my way."

I heard her hiccup out a sob and looked to my right, passing by full driveways and wondering when in the hell Wednesday afternoon had become the new Friday night. Why did people insist on making things ten times harder than they really, honestly, truly needed to be?

I heard the horn of another car blaring and looked in the direction of the sound, dropping the phone and stupidly slamming both of my feet onto my brakes.

Panic. Pure and unadulterated panic washed over me as I watched the silver car heading toward me, the sound of squealing tires echoing in my ears.

I was jerked to the right as the silver car inevitably made contact with mine, my seatbelt keeping me in my seat as my head snapped in the same direction. I heard glass breaking, felt the pinpricks against my skin as it hit me, heard more honking and felt the excruciating pain radiating throughout my whole body.

Before I succumbed to the darkness creeping around the edges of my eyes, I was pretty sure I heard the most beautifully broken voice screaming _no_ from somewhere far away.


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**Ah, once again, you're all ten kinds of fucking amazing. I'm so glad that you enjoyed the beginning of this. And to answer a few questions that I got; yes, there will be romance and lemons and all that stuff but it's gonna take a while to get there. I think once you read this chapter, you'll understand.**

**Thanks to Angie and Amanda, once again, because you girls are all sorts of awesome and I adore you both like you wouldn't believe.**

**Oh, there's a thread for this story over at Twilighted already and the link for that is on my profile if you feel so inclined to join us over there.**

**One more thing and then I'm done, I promise. I changed a bit about the prelude – just the accident scene – so if you want to go take a look at that, I say go for it.**

**Okay, enjoy!**

~*~

***Edward***

***Eight Months Earlier; November***

Taking a deep breath and shaking out my free hand, I bounced a little on the balls of my feet before I tightened my other hand around the handle of my briefcase and pushed through the heavy wooden door into the extremely bright and cheerful waiting room.

There were toys, magazines and coloring books spread out around the room in what I could only imagine was an attempt to calm whatever children would be there throughout the day. The front desk was separated from all of it by a thick plastic barrier and there were already two girls sitting behind it, both of them laughing as they seemed to get everything in order for the day, completely oblivious to me until the door slammed.

They both looked up, their smiles still firmly in place as they stopped what they were doing to stare at me.

I shifted uncomfortably, peeling my coat off my shoulders and hanging it on the rack I'd spotted behind the door before grabbing my briefcase again and making my feet move across the red and yellow-zigzagged carpet to walk up to them.

I _hated_ first days with a passion. I hadn't had to deal with one for the past three years of my life and it hadn't occurred to me at the time that I'd be forced to deal with _this_.

The staring, the whispers, the speculation that came with being the _new guy_ in the office and the constant wondering about my personal life.

Not that I had one of those anymore. Moving to a new place where I didn't know anyone, they didn't know me and they _definitely_ didn't know my parents made things ten times easier if anyone cared to ask about me.

I had no life and I intended to keep it that way for quite some time.

The girl with the jet-black hair and fierce blue eyes shoved open the sliding portion of the partition and rested her elbow on the grey counter space in front of her, smiling brightly at me.

"You must be Edward," she chirped.

I swallowed hard and nodded.

Great. They'd heard about me. I didn't really want to think about _what_ they'd heard. Sure, I'd only told Carlisle the basic facts, but it didn't mean that he hadn't blabbed everything all over the entire office. He'd clearly said that almost everyone was very close to each other.

"That's me," I nodded, finally making it to the counter and placing my hands on the small ledge to keep myself from bolting. "Carlisle said to come in a little early."

"I'm Alice," she stated, sticking her hand over the counter and through the open space. I took it and smiled nervously, shaking her hand and quickly dropping it. "And this is Angela."

"Nice to meet the both of you."

"Come on through the door," Angela stated, her long brown hair falling into her face when she nodded toward another thick wooden door at my right.

I smothered a chuckle as she slapped at it and grumbled something about someone named Ben stealing all of her hair ties this morning. I turned and pushed through the door, looking around and tentatively taking a step to my left. Another counter was there, along with another door and I nearly jumped out of my skin when it opened.

_Fuck, Edward. Breathe, dude._

"They haven't gotten your office finished yet," Alice declared, walking over to me and handing me a lanyard with a laminated white card at the end of it. "But they've set up a little area back here for you to use in the mean time."

I nodded, slipping the lanyard over my head as I followed her down the narrow hallway and through a doorway. The room we were standing in was clearly an office supply room; a copier was in the corner, a fax machine was on a counter full of papers, files and extra supplies and it was about as big as my car. And over in the corner, next to the copier, was a tiny space of the wall-length counter that was completely cleared off with a low blue chair pushed in underneath it.

"It's really not much of an office at all," Alice sighed heavily, shaking her head as if it was physically hurting her. "But they refused to let me near it. Esme said your office would be finished by the end of the week so that's something to look forward to, isn't it?"

I looked over at her and offered a small smile, chuckling lightly and tightening my hand around my suitcase handle again.

It was going to be a _long_ fucking week.

"Tanya Azeart will be the nurse that works most with you," she sighed heavily, rolling her eyes. "I'm sure she'll make herself known to you as soon as she comes in this morning."

I didn't like the sound of that. I'd dealt with my fair share of the office crazies and I'd really hoped to avoid all of that this time. This was a pediatrician's office and I'd been practically _begging_ any higher power last night that I wouldn't have to deal with someone like that ever again.

Once had been more than enough in my lifetime.

"Bella will be handling most of your calls, appointments and cases. She works up front with us."

"Bella?" I asked dimly, still staring sadly at the small space that was my _office_ for the next week.

A tiny little piece of counter space was supposed to be my damn office for the next week. I wouldn't even be able to look at a file without hitting my elbow on the damn copy machine.

"She's not here yet." Alice cleared her throat and I looked over at her, watching as she fidgeted and shifted her weight on her feet. "She's going to be a little late this morning."

I raised an eyebrow at her obvious discomfort but let it go and nodded.

The last thing I needed to hear about was drama. And if this Bella person was the main cause of it, I would stay as far away from her as I could.

I wanted to be _normal_ damn it. No more drama, no more issues; just a happy, blissful life doing something that I loved and surrounded by the people Carlisle assured me were like family to him.

"There's coffee and muffins in the break room if you'd like some and we all go out to lunch at Jared's. It's a small diner right across the road so if you'd like to come with us today, you're more than welcome to."

I smiled at her and nodded again, licking my lips.

"Thank you, Alice."

"No problem, Edward. Carlisle will be here in about twenty minutes so if there's anything you'd like to put away…" She trailed off as she motioned to my little corner and I watched as she twisted her lips to the side. "On second thought, just follow me."

She turned on her heel and I followed her back down the hallway and back into the front office, watching as Angela moved her feet from Alice's blue chair and picked the paper off a muffin.

"Do you like your hole?" Angela asked brightly before taking a bite out of her muffin.

Alice laughed loudly, plopping back into her seat and motioning to the extra one next to her. I set my briefcase down and carefully pulled the chair out, sitting down into it as if I might break it if I applied my full weight to it.

"I… adore it," I said through my teeth, nodding at her.

She threw her head back and laughed, shaking her head and brushing crumbs off her shirt.

"I saw a few plans for the new office they were remodeling for you," Alice started, reaching forward and grabbing the bottle of water that was sitting in front of her, "and from what I can tell, it's going to be gorgeous. They're doing quite a bit to impress you, you know."

She tipped the end of the bottle at me before screwing off the top and lifting it to her lips.

"So where are you from again?" Angela asked, leaning forward to peer around Alice and look at me.

"Chicago," I said quietly, shifting uncomfortably in the chair and looking around on the desk space in front of me.

There weren't any personal effects at all and compared to Alice's little space – which had everything ranging from pens with little tufts of feathers spouting out of the top to crazy stickers attached to her computer monitor – it was almost barren. Except for one picture in a simple black frame.

An attractive brown-eyed girl with long brown hair was wrapped up in a blonde man's arms, smiling brightly while he had his face buried into her neck. She'd been laughing; her cheeks were tinged pink and she looked the epitome of absolute happiness.

"That's a hell of a change, isn't it?" Alice stated.

I looked back at her and shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess."

"What made you come to Forks of all places?" Angela asked, tearing off a piece of her muffin and popping it into her mouth.

"I needed a change," I said quickly, sucking in a deep breath.

"Well, I believe you've accomplished that," Alice stated, nodding her head as she screwed the top of her water bottle back on.

I let out the breath and nodded, smiling appreciatively at her. I don't know if she knew that I didn't want to talk about it or if she'd just run out of things to say, but the less that I had to talk about my old life, the better off I felt.

"Yes," I said quietly.

We all looked up as the main door opened and I immediately recognized Carlisle. From the short interview that I'd had with him a few days ago, it was easy to feel comfortable with him. He was nearing forty and you'd never believe it. Either his life wasn't at all stressful or he'd managed to find a plastic surgeon that could work wonders. He shrugged his coat off his shoulders, hanging it up before turning to the front desk.

"Edward!" he bellowed, smiling as he walked up to the counter and leaned comfortably on it. "Good morning, girls. How's everything going?"

"Very well," Angela chirped, popping another piece of the muffin into her mouth. "Just getting to know Edward a bit."

"Don't believe a word that they've said, Edward. It's all bull," he said quickly.

I managed a nervous laugh, my gaze shifting to the framed picture on the desk again.

Something about it just didn't make sense. When Alice had been talking about this Bella person – and I assumed it was her in the picture – she'd seemed nervous and a little on edge. But the girl in the photo looked happy and completely content with her life. It was a complete contradiction and for the life of me, I couldn't understand why it even mattered to me.

"All right, well, come on into my office and we'll get everything set up for you today. I've given you a few patients for the day. Not too many," he stated, disappearing from the counter and walking through the other door.

I stood up, nodding my head and smiling at the girls before grabbing my briefcase. Carlisle opened the office door, poking his head in.

"See you soon, ladies."

They said their goodbyes and I quickly walked out of the front office, following Carlisle down the hallway and toward what I assumed was his personal office. We'd had our interview at a local coffee shop so that he wouldn't be interrupted and it had made things a bit easier for me. I hadn't had to impress anyone else but him that day and it was nice to feel comfortable instead of being gawked at upon arriving and leaving the office.

He pushed through a frosted glass door with his name written in black letters on the front and held the door for me. I quickly walked in ahead of him, looking around at the dark paneled walls decorated with his degrees and pictures of whom I assumed were his wife and his children. The carpet was grey, the desk was huge and shined to perfection, the chairs seemed like you could fall asleep in them and everything was just… _homey_.

"I assume Alice showed you what is passing as your office for the week?" he asked, wincing a little as he set his briefcase down on the desk and looked at me.

"It's fine," I lied, laughing nervously and slowly walked over to one of the chairs in front of his desk.

"My wife, Esme, is in charge of the whole thing. We'd taken a vacation for a few days to go visit some family and apparently, the workers thought that they could take a vacation, too." He sighed heavily and shook his head, sitting down in his wing-backed chair and motioning for me to do the same. "I believe she's sending over a basket of her homemade oatmeal raisin cookies for you later today in apology. You like oatmeal raisin, right?"

I nodded as I sat down.

"It's not necessary. I don't mind, really."

"She won't leave you alone until you accept the cookies and her apology, Edward. Trust me," he said, smirking as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on the edge of the desk. "Don't make things more difficult for yourself."

I nodded my acceptance and finally let go of the handle on my briefcase, letting it fall to the carpet with a dull _thud_. Security blanket; gone.

"Now," he started, clapping his hands once and flicking open the buckles on his briefcase, "I've chosen a few of our regular patients for you to see today. Just as a warm up."

He pulled out a few files and snapped his briefcase closed, moving it to the floor before leaning over and handing the files to me.

"They're mostly just regular check ups and they're all pretty accepting of everyone that we have working here. There is one, though," he started, his voice low. "His mother is very… _protective_ and feels that she knows what's better for him."

I looked up at him to see his head tilted to the side.

"We're just doctors," he smirked, "what do we know?"

"So why does she bring him here if she thinks she knows?" I asked, tentatively opening up the first file and looking through the chart.

"Her husband is more relaxed and laid back; believes in us more than she does. But he's a lawyer and she doesn't work."

I nodded, biting the inside of my mouth before flipping through the rest of the files, doing my best to try to familiarize myself with their medical history in a short amount of time.

"Bella will be the one handling all of your appointments and such. She'll be in at eleven today and I believe your first appointment isn't until twelve-fifteen. You'll want to check in with her just to make sure."

I nodded again, looking up at him briefly to see that his jaw was clenched tightly and his eyes were directed at a spot on the wall above my head.

All right then.

"Let's give you the tour, shall we?" he asked, abruptly standing up and clapping his hands again.

I eyed him as he rounded the desk and walked to the door. Shaking my head and wondering what in the fuck I'd gotten myself in to, I snapped the files closed, grabbed my briefcase once again and stood up to follow him out into the hallway.

Long fucking week, hell, it was going to a long fucking_ day_.

~*~

By the time eleven-thirty rolled around, I'd memorized every single little decoration lining the walls of the hallway, had figured out the easiest way to get to the break room without being stopped, had met Tanya who had followed me around for the better portion of the morning, and had finally gotten the standard white lab coat that Carlisle had forgotten to give to me earlier.

I was bored out of my fucking mind. Carlisle had his own patients to attend to, leaving me on my own until Tanya had found me around nine-thirty. She'd then proceeded to give me every single way to contact her should I ever need her for _anything_, and I'd spent a good ten minutes hiding in an empty exam room. Now I understood Alice's tone of voice and rolling her eyes when she'd told me about her.

Tanya might have been a future prospect of mine if she hadn't all but thrown herself at me the first chance she got. Her strawberry blonde hair was styled up into some strange twist with little pieces sticking out all over, her make-up looked as though one of our patients had done it and the skin tight scrubs with happy little kittens all over it were just not… right. On so many different levels.

Quickly looking around all the corners before I turned them, I made my way to the front office.

This Bella girl was supposed to be here now and she had all the information that I'd need for the day. If I was going to be coming to her and asking her about appointments and such, I needed to find her and meet her properly. A photo on a desk and everyone's tight-lipped reactions when they brought her up was a warning, not a proper meeting.

Bracing myself and squaring my shoulders as the door to the office came into my sight, I reached it and pushed through it. Alice and Angela were on one side of the office and who I assumed to be Bella was on the other side, quietly working away while the other two giggled and cooed over the newborns in the waiting room.

Angela looked over at me first, shooting me a bright smile.

"Hey, Edward! How's it going so far?" she asked, twirling around in her chair and sticking a pen cap in her mouth.

Alice twirled around as well, kicking her short legs out in front of her and crossing her ankles.

"Not too bad. I, uh… met Tanya."

Alice's eyes widened and she clapped her hands over her mouth, twisting around again so that her back was to me before she leaned on the counter.

I watched from the corner of my eye as Bella turned slightly in her chair, a flush staining her cheeks before she turned back.

"At least you're still in one piece," Angela said, nodding her head and coughing to cover up a laugh. "I don't see any lipstick marks on you. You made it off easy, Edward."

"I don't even want to know," I sighed, shaking my head and reaching up to run my hand through my hair.

"No, you really don't," I heard Bella grumble.

I looked over at her, met with the back of her head as she pushed what was probably an appointment book across the counter to me.

I shook my head and walked over to her side, looking down at the book marked with horrendous handwriting. I could almost feel her tense and I drew my eyebrows together.

What was _with_ this girl?

"Everyone takes lunch at one," she said quietly, studiously staring at the file in front of her.

I nodded, trying to put patient names with the charts Carlisle had given to me earlier.

"Are you coming with us today, Bella?" Alice asked, her voice quiet and almost pleading.

"I actually brought lunch today. I'll probably just stay here and get caught up from this morning."

"I'll bring you back some coffee," Angela offered.

I looked back at them, wondering what in the hell had happened to the two women cooing and giggling and laughing with each other a few minutes ago. I saw them exchanging worried glances and barely suppressed the urge to roll my eyes.

Seriously, what the _hell_ was going on?

Shaking my head again, I turned back to the appointment book.

Why the hell did it matter? I was here to work – not make the best of friends with my other co-workers.

"Thanks, Ang."

She finally looked up at me and the look in her eyes made _me_ hurt.

Pain, sadness, and absolute heartbreak were etched into them and everything I'd previously been thinking about her vanished. People don't look that way with mere drama. No, they look that way when they've been dragged through the mud on the back of a four-wheeler and have lost all hope of ever surviving anything ever again.

I swallowed hard and looked down to see that she was handing me more files. Blinking at them, I stole another glance at the appointment book next to me and noticed that there were at least two more patients added to the ones I'd been informed of earlier.

"Carlisle's booked for today," she said quietly, her voice shaking a little bit. "There are only two more added on. I can uhm… I can change them. Switch them, if you want."

"No," I said just as quietly, shaking my head and reaching for the files.

Our fingertips brushed and she immediately snatched her hand away from me, quickly turning around and hiding behind her hair.

I tilted my head down at the files, my fingertips tingling a little from where we'd touched.

Huh. Weird.

"Tanya will usually have those for you, but since you're here…"

She was back to staring at something on her desk and I took a step backwards, nodding as I tapped my fingers against the folders.

"Okay."

I turned back to Angela and Alice, watching Alice chew nervously on her bottom lip and Angela fidget with her pen cap.

All right, this was just ridiculous. I didn't care. They were all protective of this little mouse with the heartbroken eyes, but I _didn't care_.

I was here to do a job. _Not_ to care so much about why she had that haunted look in her eyes.

_I didn't care_.

"Thank you," I said, quickly turning on my heel and heading to the door. "See you two at lunch."

I walked as quickly as I could down the hallway, keeping my eyes fixed on the files in my hand as I made it to my makeshift office. Breathing a sigh of relief that a certain nurse hadn't spotted me, I walked over to the counter and slapped the files on top of the other ones I had resting there.

Nope. Didn't care.

~*~

By the time the day had ended, I was fucking exhausted. My last patient of the day had been the one that Carlisle had warned me about earlier this morning.

And fuck if he wasn't kidding about his mother.

I'd had to walk her through everything that I was about to do. If I so much as twitched in her son's direction, she was standing by his side and wrapping her arms around him, curling him into her as if I'd just brought out a chainsaw and planned on hacking his arms off.

Carlisle had merely snickered at me when I told him all of this, clapped me on the back and said that I had officially made it through my first day at the office. He'd left about twenty minutes later, spouting on about there definitely being more cookies at some point and telling me to head on home before I burned myself out too quickly.

I didn't have anyone to go home to like he did. There wasn't even anything interesting on television tonight – I'd checked out of boredom earlier this morning – and I was pretty sure my furniture wouldn't miss having my ass sitting on it.

That's all I'd been doing since I'd arrived last week. Sitting on my ass, watching television and fielding phone calls from my mother.

She had to keep up appearances, after all, and having her only son run away to some little hobunk town in Washington to get away from her wasn't something she really wanted to announce to her garden club friends.

Hell, I'd even spent Thanksgiving on the couch in front of the television as I ate one of the frozen dinners I'd picked up before getting settled into my apartment. I could've cooked myself a three course meal if I'd felt the need to, but had managed to convince myself that it was a form of rebellion that I hadn't been allowed to have in my early teens. Instead, I enjoyed the fuck out of my frozen turkey and cranberry sauce and had proudly marked it on the calendar as my own private Independence Day.

Maybe I should get out more.

Rubbing my forehead, I sighed heavily and shifted yet again in the chair. It would've been comfortable if it was anywhere near being the same height as the counter. But the chair was ten times lower to the ground and the counter was level with my neck. I couldn't count the number of times my arms had fallen asleep while I was trying to write the latest information in their charts. If I hit my elbow on the edge of the copier one more damn time, I was going to start screaming. As it was, I was positive that there would be a bruise there in a few hours.

Sighing heavily, I dropped my arms and barely managed to bite back the obscenities I wanted to scream out when I hit my elbow _again_. I'd been spot on about that prediction, at least.

Growling, I stood up and grabbed my things from the counter. Everyone else was gone for the day as far as I knew and damn it if I was going to torture myself in this small corner when there was an entire front desk at my disposal.

I walked out of the supply room and down the hallway, gently kicking the half-open door leading to the front desk. I almost dropped everything I had in my hands when I saw Bella still sitting in her chair, looking up at me.

"Uh," I started, looking over at the two empty chairs next to her. "Sorry."

She smirked and shook her head.

"S'okay."

Well, she seemed relaxed enough now. She was even looking at me for more than two seconds.

"Would you mind if I worked out here? My office," I drawled, surprised when I earned an amused snort from her, "isn't really comfortable."

"Not at all," she said easily, motioning over her shoulder with her right hand.

I noticed a small tattoo on the underside of her wrist when she moved and nodded my head, both in thanks and a little bit of awe. The meek, almost scared girl I'd seen earlier today hadn't seemed like the type to get a tattoo of any kind.

"Thanks."

She nodded at me, offering me a small smile before she turned back to whatever it was that she'd been doing before I'd interrupted.

I finally moved out of the doorway and walked over to the seat Angela had been sitting in this morning. Setting all of my crap down, I plopped into the chair and grabbed a pen from the yellow happy faced mug, playing with it and looking over at Bella.

"Why are you still here?" I blurted out, wincing a little.

Jackass, Edward.

"Making up time," she said easily, her back still to me as she reached for the coffee cup Angela had brought to her after lunch.

I made a face. That _had_ to be disgusting by now.

"Oh."

I rolled my eyes at myself.

Brilliant, Edward.

"You?"

"Charts."

I watched as she threw the cup into a garbage can at her feet and pursed my lips.

Why was I talking to her? We both obviously had things we needed to do and I was trying to start a conversation?

Well, okay, in all fairness, I really hadn't talked to anyone aside from Carlisle during my interview in a week. At lunch, I couldn't shut up – and I'd _tried_ – so maybe I was just starving for attention.

Yes. That had to be it. And just because the look I'd seen in her eyes earlier had haunted me all damn day, it didn't mean anything.

No more drama. Just stilted, awkward conversation with a girl I worked with.

"Oh," she replied.

I rolled my tongue over my teeth and nodded, turning in the chair slightly and looking down at my files again.

"How much time do you have to make up?" I asked, turning back in her direction and threading the pen through my fingers.

Worst fucking idea ever. I was never going to get anything done. I was never going to let _her_ get anything done, either.

"Three hours."

"You're staying here for another three hours?"

"No." She shook her head and turned slightly towards me, grabbing a stack of brightly colored Post-Its off of Alice's desk before turning around again. "I'll spread it out during the week."

And you apparently won't be looking at me while you do it.

"Oh."

I turned back to my files again, still playing with the pen as I finally flipped one open and stared down at what I'd already written. I jumped when someone knocked on the open door and looked up to find Tanya standing there, grinning manically at me and licking her lips.

Fucking hell. Why the hell was she still here? Where the hell had she been hiding? Why in God's name did Carlisle and his wife need to go on vacation so that I didn't have a door to lock?

"How was your first day, Edward?" she asked, completely ignoring Bella as she flounced into the room and sat in Alice's vacant seat. "You're here kind of late, aren't you?"

"Stalking people again, Tanya?" Bella asked innocently as she turned in her chair, her eyes flitting over my face for a brief moment before she stood up and walked out of the room.

No. Come back. _Please_ come back. She couldn't leave me alone with this woman. I hadn't done anything that horrible to her yet; why was she _leaving_? She couldn't just say something like that and then _leave_ me here with her!

"Ignore her," Tanya muttered, glaring at the path Bella had taken. "It was a joke that got taken out of context. The charges were dropped."

"Uh huh," I mumbled, swallowing hard and watching as Bella reappeared in the lobby.

"So? How was it?"

I looked back at Tanya, vaguely remembering that she'd asked me a question, and shook my head to clear it a little, my grip tightening on the pen.

"It was good. I like it here."

"And just you wait!" she squealed, rolling her chair closer to mine and slapping her hands on my knees. "I'll show you all over town, Edward. You won't have to worry about a thing!"

"Just that pesky case of herpes you have, right, Tanya?" Bella shouted.

My eyes widened and I looked through the window at Bella to see that she was innocently spraying down the toys in the lobby and putting things in their proper places. If I hadn't actually heard her, I never would've known that she'd spoken.

"Not an issue right now!" Tanya snapped, her nails digging into my knees.

"I have to go," I said quickly, standing up and gathering my files once again.

"Why don't I show you some restaurants? We can talk," Tanya flirted, batting her eyes as she stood up and leaned a hip against the counter. "Get to know each other a little more."

"I, uhm…"

"So, are you ready?"

I looked up to see Bella had walked back in the room and was turning off her computer, her coat already on as she slung her little black purse over her shoulder and turned to face me once the screen had gone black.

"Excuse me?" Tanya asked dryly, whipping around to face her.

"I'm taking Edward to dinner." She said it so easily, so nonchalantly that I wasn't sure if she really meant it or not. "Neither of us has eaten since lunch and we're pretty hungry."

Tanya looked back at me and I quickly nodded, doing my best to smile apologetically at her.

"We've had it all planned out since this morning," I confirmed, nodding.

Tanya crossed her arms over her chest and huffed, glaring at Bella.

"Another time, then," she grumbled before stalking out of the office.

"Don't forget to set the alarm when you leave!" Bella yelled out behind her.

I looked over at Bella and blinked at her a few times.

"I hope you're ready to leave," she said quietly, looking down at her feet and crossing her arms over her chest. "She'll be watching."

I nodded dumbly and quickly walked into the hallway and down to my office. I shoved the files into my briefcase and turned back around, surprised to find Bella in the doorway.

Was she sure Tanya was the stalker?

"Have to keep up appearances," she offered as if she was able to read my mind. "Make it look like it's the truth."

"We can uhm… we can go somewhere. I am pretty…"

"I have plans," she said quickly, looking down at the floor and starting in the direction of the main lobby.

Right.

Shaking my head and huffing out a breath, I followed her, catching up to her as quickly as I could and walking beside her in silence as we reached the door. I motioned her to go first and followed behind her, staring at the back of her head as I slung my coat over my shoulders.

"Why is she staying later?" I asked as I grabbed my briefcase from where I'd set it down and reaching in front of her to pull the door open for her.

She flinched away from me when I got too close, quickly walking through the door and waiting for me to walk out behind her.

"Carlisle's asked her to stay a little later and clean up the patient rooms. Our normal cleaning crew just shut down and we haven't found another company just yet."

I nodded, fishing my car keys out of my coat pocket as we walked out of the main building and towards the parking lot.

"Oh."

Could I not think of something else to say?

We walked in silence and before we could part ways and go off to our respective cars, I stopped and waited for her to do the same.

"Thank you," I said awkwardly, jiggling the keys in my hand. "For… that."

She looked up at me briefly, avoiding eye contact as she smirked and nodded.

"You're welcome. See you tomorrow, Edward."

She turned away from me, walking over to the little red Dodge Neon I saw parked in the corner of the mostly empty parking lot and I licked my lips, shaking my head slowly as I covered the short distance to my Volvo and unlocked the door.

Plopping into the front seat, I closed the door and leaned forward, resting my forehead against the steering wheel as I blindly stuck the key in the ignition.

Well, I couldn't say that it hadn't been an interesting first day.


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**I love you guys. Seriously. I want to have you all over for dinner so that I can personally tell you how much I adore each and every one of you. Thank you all so much for reading and telling me what you think. I really appreciate it.**

**Oh! Stay has been nominated for two awards (The Shimmer Awards and the Twilight Twins awards) so if you feel so inclined to go vote for it (or all the other awesome stories that are there) please do so. The links will be in my profile.**

**And if you feel so inclined to listen to drunken ramblings and random thoughts of mine at any point in time, I have Twitter under the same name (crimsonmarie). Feel free to stalk me.**

**And thanks to my lovely betas; Angie and Amanda. You girls are amazing and I thank you for putting up with all of my craziness. And to sixeightshuffle, who pimped me out in her A/N a few days ago. Go visit her. She's awesome.**

**Okay, I'm done. Enjoy!**

~*~

***Bella***

"Isabella?"

I kept staring at my shoes, my name ringing in my ears as I studied the rounded toes of my sensible heels.

I needed to do this. I needed to look up, acknowledge the woman standing in front of the archway, stand up and follow her into the room that was meant to be comforting.

But it wouldn't be comforting. It didn't help at all when they just sat there… staring at me and waiting for me to initiate a conversation and pour my heart out to them.

I didn't initiate conversations. I hated having people analyze me. I hated when people stared at me. I hated listening to them tell me what they thought I should do.

They weren't in my head. They knew nothing about my heart and the condition it'd been twisted in to six years ago. They just wanted the money I'd be shelling out to them if I followed this lady into that room.

But I'd wanted this. I'd wanted help. I'd specifically asked Carlisle to give me a name of someone he trusted so that I could _deal_ with this already.

I'd tried before. Right after it happened.

Nothing had worked then and I was scared that nothing would work now.

Even worse than that, everyone was hoping that something would. Carlisle's eyes had lit up when I asked him about it and Jake was practically fucking giddy about the whole damn thing. I was pretty sure that even Alice and Angela were hoping something would work for me. I didn't even want to get started on my mother and Emmett; those two, more than anyone else, needed me to do this.

I wasn't always the easiest person to work with, be friends with or be related to. I was more paranoid than anyone in the entire world was and it took a whole lot of fucking time for me to even _trust_ anyone else.

I was a wreck.

I needed to do this.

"Isabella?" she asked again.

I kept my head down, still staring at the tips of my shoes and slowly wiping my sweating palms on my thighs.

I wanted to get up. I was screaming at my legs in my head, demanding that they make some sort of movement. I needed to do this; I owed it to everyone in my life to do this.

The woman sighed and disappeared back through the archway. Swallowing hard, I chanced a look up and quickly gathered my purse from the floor beside me. Clutching it to my chest, my legs finally decided to work and I stood up.

Instead of walking over to the receptionist, I took a sharp left and bolted out the door, greedily gulping in the fresh air as I walked down the sidewalk and back to my car.

It was too much. It wasn't enough. I couldn't do it.

I unzipped my purse to grab my cigarettes and lighter as I continued through the parking lot. I flicked open the pack and grabbed a cigarette with shaking hands, stuffing it between my lips and flicking my lighter. Touching the flame to the end of it, I inhaled and blew it out through my nose.

Relief.

Closing my eyes briefly, I put the pack and lighter back into my purse, grabbed my cell phone and quickly dialed in the familiar number that he hadn't changed since college. Snatching the cigarette from my lips and repeatedly flicking it, I put the phone up to my ear and leaned against my car as I reached it.

"Hey," Jake greeted, his voice weary.

"Couldn't do it," I grumbled, raising the cigarette to my lips and taking another drag from it.

"It's all right, Bells."

I heard the disappointment in his voice and felt my gut twist in anxiety. I hated disappointing people. I hated disappointing people I cared about, people that were on my side and hoping that I'd get better soon.

"You gotta work yourself up to it."

"Yeah," I grumbled, nodding as I sucked in another drag.

It was six years in the making; how much more did I really need to work up to?

"Don't beat yourself up over it."

I smirked, shaking my head as I flicked my cigarette and took another drag, staring down at the faded white lines on the pavement.

Don't beat myself up over it, but feel free to feel like the biggest failure in the world once again.

"It takes time."

Six years, Jake, _six fucking years_ and nothing had changed.

"Yeah," I sighed, flicking my cigarette again. "Are you busy?"

"No. Come on over," he said, his voice overly bright and cheery.

I sucked off another drag, squeezing my eyes shut as I blew it out again.

"I'll stop and get something to eat. What do you want?"

"Whatever you feel like having."

"I'll be there soon."

"Hey, don't you need to go to work?"

"Eleven," I grumbled, taking another drag from the cigarette and slowly opening my eyes again. "New doctor boy is in today."

"Oh, right."

"I'll be there in a few."

"Bye, Bells."

"Bye," I grumbled, snapping my phone shut and curling my fingers around it.

I crossed my free arm over my chest and flicked my cigarette again, staring out at the trees across from me.

I should go back inside. I should go back in there, make up some half-assed excuse about why I hadn't gone in when I was supposed to, sit my ass in that faux-comfortable room they'd stick me in and talk about everything. Talk about him, talk about the way I'd felt hollow no matter who had been in my life in the past six years, talk about my _daddy issues_ and all that other happy stuff so that they could nod and smile and tell me all about how I'd been holding on to all of it for entirely too long.

But I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to hear all the negative things they'd spout on about once the dam broke. I wasn't ready to feel that way again; not now. Maybe not ever.

I unwound my arm from my waist and set my purse on the hood of my car, throwing my cell phone in it and reaching up with my free hand, fisting it in my hair, pulling slightly.

Why couldn't I _do_ this? What was I so damn afraid of that I couldn't get the help I both wanted and needed?

_You're afraid of losing him_, the tiny, nagging, annoying voice inside of my head stated simply.

I blew out a deep breath and quickly took another drag before throwing the cigarette away from me and dropping my hand from my hair.

I'd already lost him. He wasn't coming back. I had nothing left to lose.

Snatching my purse from the hood of the only thing my father had ever gotten for me, I grabbed my keys and unlocked the door.

Everyone always leaves. The only constants in my life had been my mother, my brother and ever since college, Jake, and I was more than happy to keep it that way.

~*~

I pulled into the parking lot of Black Smoke's Garage and grabbed the non-descript white bag with Jake's donuts in it. Pulling the keys out of the ignition and grabbing the iced coffee cup from the small holder near my feet, I shoved open my door and climbed out.

Jake was sitting in a white plastic lawn chair, a cigarette in between his lips, his long black hair flowing over one shoulder and his dark eyes trained on me. His A-shirt, barely visible underneath the heavy dark blue jacket he was wearing, was littered with grease stains and clinging to his muscular chest, his legs kicked out in front of him and his ankles crossed. He looked the picture of relaxation except for the line between his bushy eyebrows.

The line that _I_ always put there. The line that clearly told me that I'd disappointed and failed to meet his expectations once again. The line that screamed pity, acceptance, and everything that I always feared when I looked into his eyes.

He'd been one of the three men in my life that I couldn't bare to disappoint and I hated to see that line telling me that I had.

I'd met him my freshman year at college when he'd been accidentally enrolled into one of my photography courses and had clearly been in over his head the minute the professor started talking about f-stops and shutter speeds. When he'd been called out on it, he'd immediately said something incredibly stupid – on purpose – and had the whole class rolling in laughter.

He was the class clown and I was the girl hiding in the middle of the room so that no one would notice me. It had been two years since everything had happened and I'd gotten very used to and had been very content with being by myself.

When the professor paired us up for the assignment we had due at the end of class, I was terrified. I didn't want to be paired up with anyone – least of all a guy that was clearly my total opposite.

At the end of class that day, we'd ending up going out for pizza because we hadn't been able to stop talking and had been inseparable since. He had been so easy to talk to and I'd felt so _comfortable_ with him almost immediately. I couldn't remember the last time something like that had happened for me with a guy and I had fucking reveled in it. He'd quickly become my best friend – the only one I'd had in a very long time and up until about two months ago, everything had been fine.

He'd started dating a new girl, Jean, and the relationship we'd had between us was slowly starting to deteriorate. He didn't seem like the same person anymore and it had gotten to the point where I was scared to even call him just to talk to him like I used to. It always seemed like I was bothering him somehow.

Like now.

"Here," I managed, clearing my throat as I thrust the bag into his hands upon reaching him. "Boston cream."

"How much?" he asked, flicking the cigarette in the opposite direction and carefully taking the bag from my hands.

Great. Now he thought I was breakable. And he actually wanted to _pay_ me. He never paid me and I never paid him; that was always the way we worked. It worked out in the end and neither of us had ever said anything differently.

Until now.

"Don't worry about it." I swallowed hard and crossed my free arm over my chest, looking down at his feet as I lifted the coffee straw to my lips. "I got it."

"Bells…"

"It was two fucking dollars, Jake. I think I can handle it," I grumbled.

"Have you eaten?"

"Not hungry."

"Bella, come on…"

"I _can't_, okay?" I said forcefully, my voice thick as I spared a glance at him from underneath my lashes. "Not right now."

I heard him heave a long-suffering sigh and felt my eyes water before I squeezed them together tightly and calmed my quivering chin by biting down on the straw to my coffee.

"And you can't keep doing _this_, either," he said quietly. "Either grow the balls needed to get the help you want or stop trying altogether."

"Yeah," I whispered, moving the straw from my mouth and nodding. "I uh… I have to go."

"Bella, come _on_," he nearly growled.

"You're right!" I exclaimed, holding my free hand up and swallowing hard, slowly opening my eyes to meet his. "I know you're right. I just need to go."

"Where? You said that you didn't need to be at work for another two hours," he grumbled, throwing the bag to the cement floor beneath him and lifting his hips to grab the pack of cigarettes out of his front pocket.

I watched as he lit it and swallowed hard again, wondering where _my Jake_ had gone. The guy that would do anything to make me laugh or keep me from crying or when he couldn't, the guy who would just hold on to me and let me cry into his chest for a few hours when I needed to.

"I don't know," I said weakly, shrugging my shoulders. "Anywhere, I guess."

He glared at me as he sucked in a drag of his cigarette and I ground my teeth together, my heart beating frantically against my ribs and my fingers clutching my coffee cup tightly.

"Don't pull this shit with me."

I nodded, licking my bottom lip and staring down at the ground, willing the tears to go away.

"I'll call you later, okay?" I managed, reaching up and digging the heel of my hand into my eyes as I walked back towards my car.

"Whatever, Bella," I heard him grumble right before I heard the chair scrape against the floor when he stood up.

I climbed back into my car and hastily dropped my coffee cup back into the holder at my feet, my hands shaking as I jammed the keys in the ignition and started to back out of the parking lot. I heard a car horn blaring and brakes squealing before I slammed my foot on my own and swallowed hard, quickly shoving the car back into _drive_ and pulling back into my space.

I kept my foot on the brake as I leaned forward, curling my arms over the steering wheel and resting my forehead on the center of it.

"What the hell are you doing?" I heard Jake scream as he approached the driver's side of the car.

I flinched, immediately dropping my hand back onto the gearshift and placing it in park as he ripped open the door.

"Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed, Bella? Jesus fucking Christ!" he shouted, slamming his hands on the top of the car.

The tears had already started; rolling down my cheeks in steady streams as he continued to tell me how stupid I was for not looking before I started backing up. My throat was already aching from the effort it was taking me to hold back the sobs that were begging me to let them out and it felt like I had someone sitting on my chest.

"Get out of the car!"

I kept my head down and slid out of the seat, standing in front of him and clasping my hands together in front of me.

"You_ need_ therapy, Bella, okay? You need it. You need to go and you need to talk to someone because you sure as fuck aren't talking to me anymore!"

_You don't have time for me anymore._

"What are you trying to pull here? Are you trying to make me feel bad? Make me feel worse than I already do when I'm around you? I don't know what the fuck has happened to you lately, but it's like you don't exist anymore!"

_I don't exist to __**you**__ anymore._

"I can't live with you like this! I can't stand it! I don't even know who you are anymore!"

_Maybe you never did._

"Do you hear me, Bella?"

I nodded, my bottom lip in my teeth, tears still in my eyes and rolling down my cheeks and my breath hitching in my chest.

"I don't know what to do anymore! If I was smart, I'd listen to Jean and just leave you the hell alone!"

_Everyone always leaves._

"Is that what you want, Bella? Do you _want_ me to leave you alone?"

I shook my head, my breath quickening as I twisted my fingers around each other and in different directions, pain shooting through my hands and up to my arms as I bent them in awkward positions.

"Then fix yourself!"

With that, he stormed away, leaving me standing in the open door of my car with my head down. I finally sank back into the seat, turned to face the open bay doors of the garage as I blindly grabbed the door handle, and pulled it closed. He was standing in the middle of them, his eyes on mine as I pressed my foot back on the brakes and shifted the car into _reverse_ again. I watched as his face softened a little and he started back towards me.

No. Not again. I couldn't deal with anything like that again today.

Quickly wiping my face off with the sleeves of my coat, I turned around and made sure that no one was coming down the road this time before I backed out. Jake was standing in the middle of the parking lot when I looked back at him, his arms folded across the top of his head as he watched me drive away, his signature sign of distress.

I made it to work in a daze, not fully comprehending where I was until I pulled into the parking lot and tried to find a space. Finding one, I put the car in park and yanked the keys out of the ignition, placing my hands in my lap and staring hard at the wooden fence separating our parking lot from the rest of the street. With a cry that sounded as though it belonged to an alley cat in heat, I leaned my head against the steering wheel again and sobbed.

I didn't think my heart could break anymore than it already had. Leave it to my best friend to make it fifteen times worse than I ever imagined that it could be.

~*~

I made it into the office exactly at eleven – somehow – and made a direct beeline to the bathroom, ignoring whatever it was that Alice had said to me.

At least, I was pretty sure that she'd said something to me. I wasn't really able to concentrate on much of anything after the morning that I'd already had and as much as I really did like Alice, I just wanted to block everything out.

I wanted to clean my face, sit down at my desk and bury myself in work for the next eight hours without having to think about anything of importance.

Slamming my way into the spacious and sterile bathroom, I dropped my purse and walked to the sink. Looking in the mirror, I saw that my eyes were red and puffy and really, all I wanted to do was go home, take a long ass shower and hide in bed for the rest of the day.

New doctor be damned.

Taking a deep breath, I turned on the tap and cupped my hands underneath the cold water, leaning down and splashing it on my face.

I had a job to do. Alice and Angela were counting on me. This new doctor and all his patients were now my responsibility. I couldn't just leave all of that on them on his first day.

I groaned softly as I reached up and pulled at the paper towel dispenser, ripping a few out and shutting off the water.

Let's add a few more people and their disappointment to the long list I had already started six years ago; why not?

Carlisle, Alice, Angela… I didn't even want to think of my mother or Emmett. Christ, the looks on their faces when I told them that I couldn't do it today…

I buried my wet face into the paper towels and barely muffled a scream, harshly rubbing my face with the rough paper.

With one more deep breath, I balled the paper up, threw it away, looked directly into the mirror and sighed, one word floating through my mind:

_Failure._

Swallowing hard and turning away, I walked back to the door, grabbed my purse and pulled on the handle. I walked out of the bathroom and into the front office, keeping my head down as I dropped my purse onto the desk and shed my coat.

"Hey Bella," Angela said, her voice quiet and testing.

I squeezed my eyes shut and held the collar of my jacket tightly in both hands.

_**Failure.**_

"Hey," I managed, my voice raw.

Clearing my throat, I walked out and into the lobby, stepping over misplaced toys and swerving around toddlers to hang up my coat. With that finished, I walked back into the office and sat down in my chair.

My eyes immediately landed on the picture of us and watered again, my left hand automatically going to my right wrist. My thumb gently brushed over my tattoo and I took another deep, shaky breath.

Way too much today.

"How'd it go?" Alice asked quietly.

"It didn't," I choked out, swallowing hard and tearing my eyes away from the picture to focus on the blotter in front of me.

"Bella, it's okay…"

"Please," I begged quietly.

"The new doctor's really nice," Angela immediately said, her voice bright and upbeat. "I think he'll fit in great."

I nodded, finally moving my hand from my wrist and reaching out to turn on my computer.

"Cute, too," Alice piped up. "Tanya will love having him here."

The smirk that quickly graced my lips felt foreign and even hurt a little as I shook my head.

"Poor bastard."

They laughed and their attention was quickly – and thankfully – torn from me as a few newborns were brought in by their mothers. They cooed and laughed as they came up to the window and I answered the phone as it rang.

This could be a normal day. I could make it a normal day if I tried hard enough, damn it. Nothing had to be different about it. Just because I'd had a hell of a fucking morning didn't mean that the rest of the day couldn't turn out to be all right.

Half an hour later, I kept telling myself that this day was getting better. I was keeping busy and I hadn't been able to think about anything else; just as I'd wanted it to be.

Just as I was flipping through files on my desk to find the extra patients I'd blessed this Edward with, the door to our office swung open and there he stood. He was very tall and lean, with disheveled red-brown hair, slightly crazed and vibrant green eyes and ten times more gorgeous than anyone had a right to be.

And I had to work with him. Perfect.

I'd never been a very confident, open girl when it came to meeting new people. It took Alice and Angela weeks before I'd even tell them who was in the picture with me and even longer for me to tell them what had happened to him.

Add in someone with gorgeous looks, my own low self-esteem and the complete inability to be anywhere near normal and I have a whole shitload of new problems on my plate.

I'd never wanted to crawl underneath my desk and hide as much as I did right at that moment.

Alice and Angela quickly started talking to him and I fought to keep from swallowing my tongue. I managed some smart-ass comment when they began talking about Tanya before catching myself and quickly sliding the appointment book over in his direction. He stepped up next to me and I froze, every part of me tensing as I kept my eyes fixated on the top of the file folder that I needed to hand to him.

Fuck.

I worked on relaxing and then started rambling about lunch, internally cursing myself. I _hated_ meeting new people. I hated it even more that I had to be the one in direct contact with him.

Angela asked me about going with them for lunch and I quickly made up some excuse, not having any desire at all to be the odd woman out during _that_. I knew I'd have to face him eventually and I'd have to be comfortable with him at some point – especially if he planned on staying for a while – but that day didn't have to be today.

Any day but today, preferably. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week. Just _not today_.

Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the folders in my shaking hands and turned to look up at him, finally meeting his eyes. I watched them flicker with some sort of emotion and clenched my jaw, pleading with him in my head to just take the damn folders and get away from me.

Instead, I started babbling again and honestly, I don't even know what the hell made its way out of my mouth but it had to make some sort of sense because he was responding to me. _Finally_, after what felt like ages, he grabbed the folders from me, our fingertips brushing.

I quickly snatched my hand back when I felt a little shock and turned away from him, pushing my hair in front of my face and going back to staring at the blotter in front of me.

Static electricity. That's all. It wasn't anything to be concerned with. It was cold, office was covered in that ugly carpet; made sense.

He finally left after saying goodbye to Alice and Angela and I relaxed, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my desk and cradle my head in my hands.

"Bella?" Alice asked.

"I'm fine," I mumbled, rubbing my hands over my face and taking deep, even breaths.

"Carlisle has an hour free around three-thirty," Angela said nonchalantly.

I swallowed hard and nodded, dropping my hands and puffing out my cheeks as I stared at the computer screen.

"Thanks."

~*~

I tapped the end of my pen against the blotter, gnawing on my bottom lip as I stared at the stupid pop-up on the screen in front of me.

There _was_ paper in the printer, damn it. I could _see_ the paper in the printer. I had _put it there_ not even ten damn seconds ago.

Everyone aside from Tanya and Edward had already left for the day and the office was blissfully quiet. It was relaxing, finally being alone for the first time since I'd woken up that morning and even though I knew there were two other people roaming around, it didn't bother me. They weren't anywhere near me and probably wouldn't be. I was content with that. It was the first thing I found that I _could_ deal with today.

At three-thirty, I'd quietly snuck out of the office and made my way down to Carlisle's, meekly knocking on the glass and staring at my feet as I waited for him to grant me entrance. When he had, all he'd done was close the door behind me, wrap his arms around my shoulders and let me bury my face into his chest like I'd done so many times before.

Carlisle had been the only father-figure in my life in the past few years that had truly seemed to give a shit about what happened to me and he'd been the one that I'd leaned on the most when I had days like these. He didn't judge me for it and he didn't hold it against me; he was just _there_ when I needed him.

I owed him for so much and I'd never be able to repay him.

_Failure_, the stupid voice whispered directly in my ear.

Snapping my pen down on the blotter, I glared at the printer and pursed my lips.

I just had this one thing to print out and had to clean up the little messes in the lobby from all the kids that had been in and out of there all day before I planned on leaving. I just wanted to go home and take a very long bath – screw the shower – and _relax_. Forget all about everything that had happened throughout the day, lose myself in the hot water and maybe even have a glass of wine.

I sat up straight in my chair, still shooting evil glances at the printer when I heard approaching footsteps coming down the hallway.

Taking a deep breath and then blowing it out quickly, I watched the door from the corner of my eye as I stabbed at the 'OK' button on the screen with the cursor. I looked up when it opened to see Edward walking in, his hands full of files and a look on his face somewhere between astonishment and absolute terror.

_Yep, scared him away already, didn't you?_

He apologized, I forced myself to relax and managed to meet his eyes for more than two seconds without looking away. When he asked if he could sit up here because his office was too small, I'd actually snorted in amusement.

The little corner in the supply room that they'd cleared out for him for the week even being referred to as an office amused me more than it should've.

Nervous energy. A whole shit-ton of it.

I turned back to my computer as he sat down, planning on looking over the appointments once again for the next day just to make sure that none of them overlapped – as I had a bad habit of doing every once in a great while – when he actually started speaking to me. I put some of that nervous energy to work when I realized that all of the appointments were fine, quickly beginning to clean up my little space of the desk as I did my best to answer him without having to face him.

Maybe tomorrow I'd be able to face him. Maybe tomorrow I'd be normal enough to carry on a full length conversation with him. Maybe tomorrow I'd just be normal.

_Right. Like that'll happen._

I sighed and looked up when I heard a knock on the open door to see Tanya standing there, her blue eyes zeroed in on Edward as she breezed into the office with a grin on her face and a spring in her step. I rolled my eyes, scribbling a note to myself about bringing in a batch of Carlisle's favorite cream cheese brownies in a pathetic attempt at a _thank you_ and trying to block out whatever it was that she was saying to him.

It didn't work, of course, and when I heard her ask him what he was still doing here, I couldn't hold it back.

She had, quite literally, stalked the last doctor we'd had working for us. She was more than half of the reason he left the practice and had moved clear across the country. I wouldn't be surprised if he changed his name altogether. The only reason the charges had been dropped in the first place was that he didn't want to have to see her again or risk the chance of her finding out where he was living.

"Stalking people again, Tanya?"

Then I backpedaled and quickly turned in my chair, scanning Edward's face before I stood up and shuffled out of the room.

Maybe he liked her. Maybe he wanted her company despite the pure craziness dripping off of her.

I had nothing on her. She was ten times crazier than I was and I didn't even care enough to want to know how she'd gotten there. I just knew that there was something incredibly wrong with the way she went about trying to get involved with men. And for someone like _me_ to know better than that, she was pretty damn bad.

But she was kind of pretty and had perky boobs that she made no qualms about hating to hide behind her scrubs. As long as she kept her mouth shut, she could've been the perfect girl for anyone.

Maybe she was the perfect girl for Edward and I was just making everything a little harder for the both of them.

Shaking my head as I walked into the lobby, I grabbed the spray bottle of disinfectant from the child-locked cabinet in the corner and started spraying down the toys as I put them in their proper places.

And I _really_ couldn't help it when she said that he didn't have to worry about a thing because it was common knowledge about her sexual adventures. She made no notion to hide her one-night stands and had bitched about her case of herpes almost the minute she found out that she had it.

If Edward was going to get serious about her, he really deserved to know what he was getting himself in to. So it was completely justified when I innocently yelled it out.

"Just that pesky case of herpes, right, Tanya?"

Fair warning and all.

I heard him mumbling that he had to go and clearly heard Tanya suggesting something about restaurants. I chanced a glance over at him to see that he looked very distraught and completely trapped between her and the door and twisted my lips to the side. I put the disinfectant away, vowed to come in earlier tomorrow to finish cleaning up and grabbed my jacket before walking back into the office and rescuing him.

I guess he wasn't interested in her after all.

Well, at least he was smart.

I followed him down to his office and then led him back down the hallway, waiting for him to get his coat on as I stared at everything but him. I vaguely remember him asking me something about actually going out to dinner, and barely remember the automatic response I gave to him before we were standing in the parking lot and getting ready to part ways.

I hadn't been in the presence of another guy – aside from Jake, my brother and Carlisle – in longer than I cared to admit and it was almost terrifying. I don't remember much of what we said to each other – if anything – and hardly remembered walking to my car and getting into it. It was like I was on auto-pilot and until I heard my cell phone beeping at me from my purse resting on the passenger seat as I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex, I didn't know how I'd gotten there.

Maybe I needed a vacation. Maybe I'd talk to Carlisle when I came in tomorrow to see if there was any possible way I'd be able to take a week-long vacation to clear my head.

I snorted sarcastically and tapped my fingertips against the steering wheel as I navigated my way through the parking lot. I'd need a lot longer than a week to clear my head.

Shaking my head and parking in front of my unit, I grabbed my phone and stared down at the screen. Rolling my eyes, I sent Jake to voicemail and grabbed my purse, pushing out of the car and slinging it over my shoulder.

No desire to talk to him. Not now, not tomorrow and maybe not even the day after. I was too damn tired and drained to even attempt to try listening to him kiss my ass.

I threw my phone into my purse and locked my car door before walking up to the forest green front door and shoving the key into the lock. My cell phone started ringing again and I dropped my purse on the couch as I walked in, flipping off my shoes and slamming the door behind me as I walked back towards the bathroom.

I was done with this day – in more ways than one – and I was going to hide in my bathroom with a tub full of extremely hot water until every inch of me was wrinkled from it.


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

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**AND! (I'm almost done, I promise) Stay has been translated into Portuguese! How awesome is that? The link – if you're so inclined to go check it out – is under my Favorite Stories. Be sure to go and show Guta some love because she's ten shades of fucking awesome for doing all of that.**

**As always, Angie and Amanda are my saviors because they are amazing and I wouldn't know what the hell to do without them. I am utterly surprised that they haven't gotten tired of me yet. And again, to my lovely Cha (sixeightshuffle) because she makes me whole. :D  
**

**Done. Promise. Enjoy!**

~*~

***Edward***

I turned the key in the lock and pushed through the door, stuffing my keys in my jacket pocket and carefully eyeing the side of Bella's face as she sat in her chair behind the front desk.

Carlisle had given me a key to the office – as he'd given one to everyone, apparently – just in case I needed to come in early to get some work done. And since I'd been rudely interrupted last night before leaving and hadn't really had the energy to open my briefcase again once I'd made it home, I made myself get up and come in an hour early.

I'd seen her car out in the parking lot, but hadn't thought much of it. I wasn't a morning person and no matter how many cups of coffee that I'd poured down my throat after my shower, I was still looking out at everyone through half-lidded eyes and probably scowling at just about everything that got in my way.

When she didn't look at me, I sighed and shook my head, slightly annoyed that everyone else knew what the hell was wrong with her and yet, I was left in the dark about all of it.

Okay, yeah, I'd been working here for a grand total of one damn day, but having someone tell me _something_ about the girl before I met her would've been nice.

Setting my briefcase down by my feet, I shrugged out of my jacket and hung it up on the pegs, running a hand through my hair as I bent down.

"Good morning, Edward."

I stood up quickly, slowly turning to see that she was now standing by her chair, playing nervously with a piece of paper and biting her bottom lip as she shifted her weight on her feet.

"Morning," I grumbled, blinking at her once before bending down and grabbing my briefcase again.

"How are you?"

I blinked at her again as I straightened up, still standing in the doorway and reaching up to run my hand through my hair again.

"Fine. And you?"

She shrugged and I nearly fell over in shock when I got a small smile from her.

"Fine."

I nodded, taking one step towards the front desk and watching as she – even though we were still feet apart – took one back and the smile fell from her face. I watched her eyes widen and watched as the paper in her hands crinkled as she tightened her fingers into fists.

Now I was just fucking confused. She can save me from the clutches of Tanya yesterday and be in the same room with me _then_, but today we're separated by Plexiglas and she looks like a scared rabbit.

"I-I made some coffee," she stated, her voice shaking as she untangled one hand from the paper and pointed over her shoulder. "And I, uh, I made some brownies. I mean, it's kind of early for chocolate of any kind but…"

She folded her bottom lip into her mouth and looked down, dropping her arm back to the paper and nervously trying to fold it back into place.

"If you wanted some, you're more than welcome," she said softly.

"Thank you," I replied just as softly, nodding at her even though she wasn't looking at me.

I was beginning to think that she'd never look at me for more than a few minutes at a time. Maybe she found me absolutely revolting and couldn't stand to look at me without feeling sick.

I smirked to myself and shrugged.

Maybe that wouldn't be so bad after all. If she couldn't look at me because I was that revolting to her, then there was no need for me to get involved in all of this drama that seemed to be surrounding her. It was as good of an excuse as any.

"I just… I need to make some copies." She looked up at me, her eyes carefully avoiding mine as she held up the crumpled paper. "Would you mind?"

"Why would I… oh." My shoulders slumped forward and I sighed heavily. That was still my office. "No, not at all."

"Esme keeps her promises," she offered, her voice a little lighter than before. "Your office will definitely be done by the end of the week."

I smirked at her and nodded, watching as she hastily turned on her heel and took off out of the office. Sighing, I reached up and ran my hand through my hair once more, unsure of whether or not she'd jump through the ceiling if I followed her.

Like I was actually going to work in there anyway. I'd discovered that my elbow was extremely sensitive to the lightest touch this morning when I had used it to slam the refrigerator door closed and was in no hurry to make it any worse than it already was.

Quickly slipping through the lobby and through the doorway, I walked the few short steps to the office door and pushed through it, quickly walking over to where Angela had been sitting the day before and placing my briefcase on the counter.

We'd worked together fine before Tanya had shown up yesterday. There was no reason why we couldn't do so again.

I eyed the door anyway, slowly sitting down in the chair before flipping open the locks on my briefcase and pulling out the files I hadn't gotten to last night. I grabbed another pen from the smiley mug in front of me, pushing my briefcase onto Alice's side and resting my elbows on the counter.

"Fuck!" I yelped, dropping the pen, twisting in the chair and carefully cradling my over-sensitive elbow in my hand.

"You all right?"

I looked up, my bottom lip caught tightly between my teeth to see that Bella was cautiously standing in the doorway, the fresh copies in her hands.

"Sore," I squeaked.

She nodded, setting the copies down on her side of the counter before turning and walking out of the room again. I released my bottom lip from my teeth, huffing and gently rubbing my elbow.

Okay, maybe we _couldn't_ work together after all.

Turning back to the files, I let go of my elbow and picked up the pen, resting my other hand in my lap as I flipped open the top and started writing down the notes that should've been done by now.

"Here."

I jumped, turning to find that Bella was standing next to Alice's seat, a small square of beige fabric in her hand. I looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. She shrugged innocently, licking her lips and holding it out to me.

"Put it underneath your elbow," she said quietly. "It won't hurt as much to lean on it."

I dropped the pen again, reaching out and taking it from her. She quickly snatched her hand away the minute I had a grip on it and took a step back, offering me a nervous smile before turning around and walking over to her chair. I stared at the back of her head as she sat down, blinking rapidly and _really_ fucking confused.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"Mhmm."

I set the fabric on the counter, carefully resting my elbow on it as I turned back to my files. It still hurt, but it wasn't as bad as it had been on the bare surface. Breathing out a sigh of relief, I once again picked up the pen and looked down at the papers in front of me.

We worked in silence until I heard an annoying, twangy, muffled song coming from somewhere on her side of the office and looked up as she sighed.

"Go _away_ Jake, damn," she whispered, snatching her purse up from the floor underneath the counter. "I don't wanna talk to you."

I held back a snort and watched as she pulled an orange phone from her purse, immediately hitting one of the buttons on the side and thankfully cutting off the person singing about tractors of all fucking things.

"Boyfriend?"

She snorted and I couldn't help the smirk that lifted one corner of my mouth. Something about the way she snorted always left me feeling amused. There hadn't been very many women in my life who would willingly let anyone hear them sound so _un-lady like_.

I thought it was all bullshit. Sound however you want; it's not gonna matter in the grand scheme of things.

"Right," she grumbled. "No. He's the best friend that won't stop calling."

"Ever think of answering the phone?" I asked innocently.

"To listen to him kiss my ass and make himself feel better about what he said to me? No," she snorted, throwing the phone back into her purse before shoving it back underneath the counter.

"Well, what'd he say?"

I turned around completely, once again abandoning the charts I needed to fill out to kick my legs out in front of me and cross my ankles.

She was quiet for a while and I sighed softly, shaking my head and pulling my legs back. Right. Let's not clue in the new guy to anything going on.

"He said that he didn't know me anymore," she finally said softly, "and that he couldn't live with me like this anymore."

So something had happened to make her like this. She hadn't always been this way.

"Oh."

"And he was supposed to be the one person outside of my family that didn't judge me for anything." She laughed humorlessly and I found myself swallowing hard at the pain laced through her voice. "Shows what I know."

"I'm sure he…"

"Do you want some coffee?" she asked abruptly, quickly standing up and walking out of the room without waiting for my answer.

"Sure," I answered to the empty room. "Black, two sugars. Thanks."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to the charts, snatching the pen up once again and shaking my head.

And that was the exact fucking reason why I should never try befriending my co-workers.

~*~

I ended up standing outside of the front office door again at the end of the day, my files in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other as I looked cautiously down the hallway.

Tanya had been throwing innuendos at me every chance she got and I _really_ didn't want to be vulnerable enough to be alone in a room with her at any point during the rest of my life.

I was _going_ to get some work done today, damn it. And I was _not_ going to do it in the supply room with that damn copier laughing at me each time I hit my elbow on it. At this rate, I was going to have a permanent mark on me from the side of it.

I tapped my knuckles against the door before pushing it open a little with the toe of my shoe, poking my head in to see Bella sitting there with her hands in her hair and her eyes wide at the computer screen.

"You okay?" I asked quietly, pushing through the door.

"Every damn day," she mumbled, pulling her hands from her hair and framing the computer monitor. "It's like the printer _knows_ when I need to print this out for tomorrow morning and it doesn't want to work!"

I laughed and relaxed from the tense position I hadn't realized I'd been standing in. I wasn't sure _why_ I was tense the minute I walked in here and saw her – maybe I'd been subconsciously preparing myself for a mental breakdown of some sort. She sure looked like she might be on the verge of one half the time.

"Is it installed properly?"

"It's been working fine all day!" she exclaimed, slapping one hand down onto the top of it. "But the minute I'm alone with it and have to print out the patient sheets for tomorrow morning, it stops working!"

She hit it again and I laughed, quickly walking over to Angela's side of the room to set my stuff down before walking over to her. She moved out of the way, sliding her chair away from me and I bit back a sigh as I lifted the lid of the printer.

Well, at least she was talking to me and initiating conversation today. I really couldn't ask – and shouldn't expect – more than that.

"That wasn't there before!" she insisted when I started laughing at the obvious paper jam. "It was working fine!"

"Okay."

"I swear!"

"I believe you!" I laughed, grabbing the mangled piece of paper from the wheel in the printer and yanking it out.

It immediately started printing the sheet she needed and I looked over at her, pressing my lips together when I saw her face burn red and her eyes narrow at the printer.

"I hate this thing!" she exclaimed, slapping her hand on the top of the printer and snapping it closed. "And it hates me!"

"I'm sure it doesn't hate you."

She looked up at me, her lips pursed and her eyes narrowed.

"That was not there before! It's… magic! Or something! It _hates_ me!"

"Okay," I nodded, clearing my throat to keep from laughing again.

"Thank you," she finally managed, huffing before turning back and facing her computer screen again.

"You're welcome."

I went back to Angela's space and sat down in her chair, grabbing a pen and tapping it against my lips as I smirked at the back of Bella's head.

Against my better judgment, I wanted to know what had happened to her. I wanted to know what had made her supposed best friend say those things to her and what had happened to make her the way she was now. Why she flinched away from me, couldn't look into my eyes for more than a few seconds at a time, or seemed to struggle to be natural with me unless she was pissed off at the printer.

I wanted to know why the girl sitting across the room from me, still mumbling and cursing under her breath, merely seemed to be a shell of the girl that I saw in the picture with the blonde guy wrapped around her. She was definitely nowhere near as happy as she had been in that picture and fuck it all, I wanted to know _why_.

I might regret that later, but for now, I wanted to know.

Shaking my head at myself, I turned back to my work and actually managed to get through two files before Tanya showed up, sat down in Alice's seat and asked me to her place for dinner.

"Are you ready, Edward?" Bella asked, quickly shutting her computer down and grabbing her purse from the floor.

I think I might love this girl.

"Again?" Tanya screeched, actually stomping her foot and balling her hands into fists as she jumped up from the chair.

"Yes," I said quickly, nodding as I set the finished files to the side and gathered the other ones, sticking them in my briefcase and standing up.

As I looked up at her, with the too-tight colorful M&M scrubs, too much make-up slapped onto her face and the pout on her incredibly thin lips, I couldn't even muster up the apology I should've spouted off to her.

"Showing him around," Bella said, standing up straight once her computer was off. "He needs someone who won't try to infect his goods every second."

"So he'd rather take the damaged, broken, stone cold bitch?" Tanya hissed.

I watched the color drain from Bella's face and quickly stepped in between them, placing my hand on the small of Bella's back and starting to push her towards the door.

"Maybe some other time, Tanya," I said quietly, having to put actual force behind my hand in order to get Bella moving.

It was like she was _stuck_ there, her eyes centered on Tanya's face and her hands clutching onto the strap of her purse so tightly that her knuckles were white.

"If she doesn't break you too," she sniffed, turning on her heel and stalking out of the office.

I led Bella out into the lobby and over to the door, stepping away from her to grab my coat and hand hers to her when she merely stared at the wall in front of us.

"Bella?" I asked softly, gently tapping her arm. "Bella, your coat."

She kept staring at the wall as she finally dropped her hands from her purse strap and reached out, her hands shaking as she took her coat from me. I slowly shrugged mine on, watching as her purse fell from her shoulder and landed on the floor with a _thud_. I picked up my briefcase, carefully watching as she slowly shrugged her coat on and bent down to retrieve her purse, her eyes never leaving the wall.

Hell, I don't even think she _blinked_.

I let her walk in front of me as I opened the door, nervously staring at the back of her head as we walked out into the frigid night air.

It hadn't snowed yet, but the temperature had dropped considerably and the cold wind was biting as it whipped around, sending Bella's long hair up around her face.

"Do you want to get some coffee?" I asked softly, taking one large step so that I was next to her.

"No," she answered, her voice extremely quiet and withdrawn as she shook her head. "Thank you."

"Are you okay to drive home?"

"Fine."

"Bella, I…"

"Bells!"

I looked up when I heard a deep voice coming from the parking lot to see a tall man with long black hair standing next to an ancient car parked by Bella's Neon. He was wearing a dark blue jacket and greasy blue jeans, one of his hands raised above his head as he took a step forward.

"I have to go," she said quietly, her voice still detached. "Thank you, Edward. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay."

I watched as she walked over to the man with her head down and her hands clutching onto her purse strap. I fought against the urge to follow her and dug my keys out of my jacket pocket, taking slow, measured steps towards my own car and watching out of the corner of my eye as the two of them talked.

Her head was down, her eyes on the ground as she stood in front of him. His hands were on her shoulders and his head was bowed a little, his eyes undoubtedly trained on the top of her head.

Maybe he was the best friend she'd been avoiding this morning. It was easy to tell when a guy was trying to apologize to a girl in his life – I'd done my fair share of it in the past and could easily recognize the signs.

Sucking in a deep breath, I shook my head and finally unlocked my car, throwing my briefcase into the back and plopping into the driver's seat. I stuck the key in the ignition and leaned back in the seat, still watching out of the window as Bella nodded and let the guy wrap his arms around her shoulders.

She turned her face in my direction as she rested her head on his chest, her arms limply hanging off his waist, and I cringed. She just looked so… _broken_ and defeated; like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders without any hope of it letting up.

I grabbed the steering wheel and tapped my fingers against it, watching as she backed away from him and crossed her arms over her chest, her head still bowed as she nodded.

I don't know why I was still sitting here. I had no rational reason to still be sitting here and watching the two of them make amends. I could be halfway home and maybe working on the files that never seemed to get done the way they should've, but instead I was sitting here, watching my co-worker.

Maybe _I_ was the stalker.

"Fuck, Edward," I breathed, gripping the steering wheel tightly and shaking my head. "Go home. Put the car in gear and go home."

I dropped my hand to the gearshift in between the two seats and put my foot on the brake, my eyes still trained on Bella as she shook her head and finally looked up at him. I licked my lips, shook my head and shoved the car into drive, slowly lifting my foot from the brake. I stopped when I saw the guy lean forward and kiss her forehead before disappearing into his car and driving off without a second glance at her. I watched as Bella leaned against the front bumper of her car once his car was out of sight, one hand rubbing her forehead while the other wrapped tightly around her waist.

Sucking in a deep breath, I pulled up in front of her and stopped, pressing the automatic button on the panel next to me and rolling down the window. And my jaw dropped when she merely took one step forward, grabbed the door handle and climbed into the car on her own.

"Do you," she started and I watched as she looked up, her eyes trained on our building, "do you still want to go for coffee?"

She looked down at her hands in her lap, her purse still hanging off her shoulder and I saw her start to gnaw on her bottom lip.

"I'm sorry, we can-"

She reached for the door handle and I quickly locked the doors, rolling up the window and shaking my head.

"No, we can go. But can you, uh…" I cleared my throat as I cranked the heat. "Can you tell me how to get there?"

She snorted quietly and I smirked, pulling up to the exit of the parking lot and waiting for her to give me the directions.

The short car ride to the small café she directed me to was silent except for when she spoke up about where I needed to turn and I parked on the side of the street, quickly unlocking the doors as she reached for the handle. I pocketed my keys as I got out of the car and walked over to her side, closing the door behind her as she climbed out and stood off to the side.

We walked in silence up to the front door and I let her go in first, stepping into the warm building and looking around at the crowded café filled with every type of person I could've ever possibly imagined existed. Obvious artists, coffee fiends and people with bright pink streaks in their hair were prominent as they littered the round tables. But the environment was welcoming and comfortable as we walked up to the counter. People looked up when they heard the door open but quickly went back to whatever they were doing or whomever they were talking to; no one stared as we walked by them.

"Go get a table," she said quietly, pulling her purse in front of her as we got in line behind a few people. "I've got this."

"No, Bella, I've got it," I said quickly, shaking my head and reaching for my wallet.

"Edward," she said quietly, looking up at me. "I'm sorry about this morning."

Huh?

"Black coffee, two sugars," she said quietly before turning her back to me.

Oh.

My jaw hit the floor and all I could do was turn and walk to the first empty table I saw over in a corner, slowly shaking my head in stunned silence as I shrugged out of my jacket and hung it on the high-backed chair. I slid up onto it, resting my elbow on the tabletop – quickly remembering that my other one still wasn't up to par quite yet – and rested my chin in my hand as I watched Bella move up in the line. She was looking down at her feet, stubbing her toe into the line in the unique stone flooring and only looking up long enough to see when the line was moving up.

I couldn't even begin to explain to myself why she'd changed her mind. I'd only planned on asking her if she was really all right to drive home when I pulled up to her; I hadn't been expecting anything else.

If I'd learned anything about her in the two days that I'd been working in the same office as her, it was that I couldn't expect anything when it came to her. She was the biggest mystery I'd ever encountered and in all honestly, I wasn't sure what the hell to do with her.

She was always surprising me. I didn't think that she'd talk to me at all this morning when I walked in and then she initiates an actual conversation. I'd been hoping, but not expecting, for her to save me a second time if Tanya showed up and she thankfully had. She'd shot me down for my invitation to coffee the first time; I wasn't expecting her to take it back and be the one to flip it around on me.

And I sure as hell hadn't realized that she'd heard my coffee preference this morning. Now I kind of felt like an asshole for being sarcastic. She wasn't supposed to hear it.

I watched as she finally made it up to the counter and quietly ordered our drinks, having to repeat to the barista a few times, it looked like. She handed over her money when all was said and done and I noticed that her cheeks were flushed red and she was fiddling with her purse strap as she waited for her change.

I continued to watch as she squirmed in her spot, anxiously looking around the café and carefully avoiding my eyes each time she looked in my direction. I tapped my fingertips against my thigh, twisting my lips to the side as I watched her.

She didn't seem to be very comfortable in her own skin. Like she was perpetually nervous and slightly twitchy around a group of people that she didn't know or in a group that was too big.

The barista finally handed her our drinks and I sat up straight as she walked over to me, setting the cups on the table before placing her purse next to them and shrugging out of her jacket. She jumped up into the chair and slid one of the cups over to me before wrapping her hands around hers and staring down at it.

"So was that your best friend?" I asked quietly.

She nodded, licking her bottom lip before lifting the cup to her mouth.

"He apologized."

"You forgave him?"

She nodded again, setting the cup back on the table and turning it in circles.

"He said that he was just having a bad day."

"You believed him?"

She scoffed and shook her head, looking over her shoulder and licking her bottom lip again before pressing her lips together.

"No," she said quietly, looking back down at her hands.

"So why'd you forgive him?"

She shrugged one shoulder and looked up at me briefly before averting her gaze to the wall behind me.

"He's my best friend," she said in an almost whisper. "Best friends always forgive each other, right?"

"Unless they're in the wrong which he apparently was."

She shook her head again, taking a deep breath and tapping her fingernails against the lid to her coffee cup.

"But he wasn't," she whispered. "I deserved what he said."

I rolled my tongue along my teeth and finally picked up my own coffee cup, sipping from it and very impressed that it was actually _good_ before setting it back down and leaning in to her. I watched her eyes dart to mine quickly, alarm clear in them before she seemed to force herself to relax and looked down at her coffee cup again. I brought my other arm up to the table, carefully keeping the weight off my elbow.

"Why don't you tell me about this guy?" I suggested, wrapping my hands around my coffee cup.

"Why do you wanna know?" she asked quietly, her voice slightly defensive.

Huh. He could hurt her, make her feel like shit and with one easy apology, she was clearly back on his side. A-fucking-mazing.

Well, she was nothing if not a completely loyal and protective best friend to someone who may or may not deserve it.

I wonder if she was like that with her boyfriends.

I shook my head, cleared my throat and shifted in my seat.

_Don't care_.

"Maybe I can shed some light on your situation." I picked up my coffee and took a sip from it, eyeing her over the rim. "Give you a fresh perspective, if you will."

"What are you? A therapist?" she laughed nervously and shifted uneasily in her seat.

"I thought about it, but I like being able to have a simple conversation with people without reading too much in to everything they say." I leaned back in my seat, watching as her shoulders relaxed. "I won't tell anyone else if you don't want me to, Bella."

"Aren't you the least bit curious about what Tanya said?" she asked in a rush, looking at me briefly before looking down at her coffee cup again.

Fuck yes I was. But with as twitchy as she was around me on a daily basis, there was no way I was going to make it worse at this moment. _She'd_ asked _me_ to coffee – in a roundabout way – and I wasn't going to ruin it.

"When – or if – you ever get around to telling me, I'll listen. But I won't ask if you don't want me to know."

I heard her small sigh and covered my smirk with my coffee cup.

I was getting there. And for the life of me, I couldn't understand why the fuck I was so smug and satisfied about it.

_**Don't**__ care_.

"Thank you," she said quietly, her tongue poking out of her mouth to lick her bottom lip again.

I merely nodded at her, drumming my fingertips against my cup.

"I met him in college," she started softly, her eyes trained on her hands as she played with the lid. "We clicked immediately, even though we're complete opposites."

"Did you two ever date?"

"No." She smirked and shook her head. "I had a mild crush on him, but he never felt that way about me." She flicked her thumbnail on the bottom edge of her cup. "No one ever does."

Her voice was even quieter and the pain was back. I shifted again in my seat and she sighed, shaking her head once.

"He was so easy to talk to and we were quickly each other's best friend. He knew everything about me and vice versa." She took a deep breath. "Then we finished college – it was a technical college and we were out in under a year – and Jake met Jean a few months ago." She smiled softly. "She hates me and has created a very big rift in our relationship. We're not the same anymore." She shook her head. "He left to go see her after he apologized." She snorted and lifted the coffee to her lips. "She had a dinner party planned for their families and the best friend just doesn't count as much as she used to."

"You shouldn't have forgiven him," I said evenly, shaking my head. "He doesn't deserve your forgiveness. He doesn't deserve to have you as a friend if he's going to run back to her when you're clearly hurting."

She flinched and I sucked in a deep breath.

Too much, Edward.

"I'm always hurting," she whispered, her eyes – while avoiding mine – looking the exact same as they had the first day I'd met her. "He's used to it."

"Well, then he should be helping you through it instead of running off to her. Bro's before ho's."

Her eyes snapped to mine and held, staring at me for what felt like an eternity before her lips quirked into a smile and she started laughing. It wasn't sarcastic by any means and I couldn't hold back the smile that immediately lit up my face as I listened to her. Her laugh wasn't anything like I'd expected; it was loud and squeaky, spiking higher the longer she laughed.

"You all right?" I asked, laughing a little as she placed a hand over her mouth and leaned back in her chair.

She nodded, waving me off with her other hand and taking a deep breath, blowing it back out and pressing her lips together.

"Sorry."

I shook my head, still chucking a little as I lifted the cup to my lips again.

"Don't apologize."

She sucked in another breath and blew it back out again before dropping her hand, leaning forward and grabbing her cup.

"It used to be that way," she continued, nodding slightly. "He dated a few girls in college and he kind of did the same thing to me then, but it wasn't as bad as this. Jean's got her claws in deep, I guess." She shrugged one shoulder, back to avoiding my eyes as she sipped from her cup. "I've never been enough to make anyone stay for long."

I raised an eyebrow at her and tapped my fingers on the top of the table.

"What do you-?"

"Too soon," she said quickly and quietly, leaning forward a little so that her hair fell in front of her face.

Progress. At least she was talking to me and telling me when I should keep my mouth shut – albeit in a very nice way – instead of darting from the room as she'd done this morning.

"Sorry," I said quietly, nodding and wrapping my hands around my cup again.

"It's not you, Edward," she sighed heavily, shaking her hair away from her face and briefly looking at me, "it's me."

It was my turn to laugh and I watched a small smile light up her face as she brushed her hair completely over her shoulder and stared directly at my nose.

"Breaking up with me, are you?" I asked, shaking my head and smiling at her.

She snorted and rolled her eyes, smirking at me.

"I meant it in all seriousness, you know."

I shrugged one shoulder and lifted my coffee cup again.

"I know."

She nodded, her eyes shifting back to the wall behind me as she began to gnaw on the plastic top of her coffee cup.

"You're wasting your time," she said after a few moments of semi-comfortable silence.

"With?" I asked evenly, raising my eyebrow as I watched her slowly set the cup back on the table and lean back in the chair, wrapping her arms around her waist.

"Talking to me."

"Why do you say that?"

I leaned in again, watching her jaw tense and her arms seem to tighten around her middle as I did so. I bit back the urge to sigh and waited as her eyes roamed the wall behind me.

"I don't trust you."

I blinked at her. Wasn't expecting that. Wasn't expecting the stab to the gut that accompanied her words, either, but there it was.

Well, I couldn't fault her for being honest at least.

"Oh."

"It's not…"

She took a deep breath and leaned in as well, our knuckles barely an inch apart as she wrapped her hands around her cup. The tattoo on her wrist caught my eye again as her sleeves pulled back and I was only able to make out that it was letters, or maybe a saying of some sort twisted into a design in black ink. It wasn't big at all and obviously easily hidden for when she needed to be at work.

I looked up at her face as she began speaking again, reminding myself to ask her about it when I got another chance.

If there ever _was_ another chance. She seemed very intent on keeping me at a distance.

"I don't trust anyone new. And I very rarely trust men." She looked up and met my eyes. "I'm a pain in the ass, Edward, and you're just wasting your time trying to get to know me."

I licked my lips and nodded.

"Tell me this," I said quickly, watching as her eyes darted away from me again. "What woman isn't a pain in the ass?"

She raised an eyebrow but kept her gaze on the wall and her hands firmly around her cup.

"Honestly. Every woman that I've ever had in my life has been a royal pain in my ass. Including my own mother. And you may not trust me now, but I'm not so sure that I trust you yet either. So," I said easily, leaning back in the chair and tapping my fingertips against the table, "even trade."

She slid her eyes back to mine and I watched as she smirked, her shoulders relaxing as she sat up a little straighter in the chair and let her hands fall to her lap.

"Okay."

"So, since we're not trusting each other," I started, clearing my throat and shifting in my seat, "would you want to not trust each other tomorrow after work?"

"Doing what?" she mumbled, one of her eyes narrowing at me.

I shrugged and looked around.

"This?"

She started chewing on her bottom lip and I inwardly sighed, shaking my head.

"Never-"

"Okay," she said quickly, her hands gripping the edge of the table tightly. "I, uhm, yeah. That'd be… I could… we could…"

"Bella, you don't have to."

"No, I want to," she said, nodding once and pursing her lips. "I…" She tilted her head, a strange look on her face. "I _want_ to."

"We don't have to if you really don't want to."

"No." She shook her head, sucking in another deep breath and looking up to meet my eyes. "I want to."

I nodded, smirking a little at her before she looked down at her cup.

"Okay, then." I tapped my fingertips against the top of the table again, twisting my lips to the side and watching as she fidgeted. "Can I ask you a question?"

"No promises that I'll answer it, but yeah, sure."

She lifted one shoulder in a shrug, playing with the plastic top of her coffee cup again.

"You don't trust me, but you got into my car."

"You don't trust _me_, but this was the second time you offered to take me somewhere after work," she countered quickly, her eyebrow quirked up as she looked up at me again.

I grinned and nodded, leaning back in the chair.

"Touché."

She nodded, fidgeting with her cup and chewing on her bottom lip.

"Thank you," she finally said quietly, looking up at me briefly before looking back down at her hands.

"For what?"

She was the one that had saved me from Tanya _and_ paid for my coffee; what was she thanking _me_ for?

"For this."

"Well, you're welcome," I mumbled, shifting in my seat. "Thanks for saving me from Tanya two days in a row. And for the coffee." I toasted her with my half-empty coffee cup. "I'll buy tomorrow."

She nodded and sucked in a deep breath, lifting her coffee cup to her lips again.

We spent another fifteen minutes in a slightly tense and awkward silence before we finished off our coffee and decided to head out. I drove her back to her car, pulling up next to the driver's side door and shifting into park.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said, clearing my throat and looking over at her.

She looked up at me quickly, offering me a small smile before she grabbed her purse from the floor and grabbed the door handle.

"Tanya won't give up," she said quietly, facing the window. "And if you ever need an excuse, I'm always a good one."

"You're not an excuse if we're really going to do something tomorrow after work."

She shrugged before pushing open the car door and stepping out.

"We'll see," she said quietly before stepping out of the way of the door. "Thank you."

She closed the door behind her and I watched, waiting until she got into her car and drove away before closing my eyes and resting my head back against the headrest.

I didn't want to care. I didn't want to care about that damn tattoo on her wrist, or why she was so easily accepting of an apology that she shouldn't have rightly given. I didn't want to care about why she couldn't look me in the eye for longer than a minute at tops and I didn't want to care about why she said that I was wasting my time talking to her.

But I did.

And I hated it.


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**I love you guys. Seriously. You make my world go 'round. Thank you for reading and reviewing to let me know what you think. I read every single one of them – we all know how I suck at replying to everything by now – and I can't thank you enough.**

**That being said, thank you **_**again**_** because Stay won a Twilight Twins award for most romantic Edward! That makes me all sorts of giddy and excited and it means so much to me so **_**thank you**_** so fucking much. That one shot I was talking about last time is taking a little longer to write but as soon as it's done, I will be posting it.**

**Moving on…**

**Angie, Amanda, you know how much I adore you girls. You're so great and I love you both beyond measure.**

**This chapter is a bit of an emotional roller coaster, so I'm apologizing now. Needed to happen though, promise.**

**Enjoy!**

~*~

***Bella***

I watched Edward out of the corner of my eye as I turned around to grab a pen from Alice's wire mesh holder – even though I had more than enough sitting right in front of me – and blew out a quiet, shaky breath.

It was the end of the day and he was back in Angela's seat, studiously working on the files that he needed to have finished before the next morning while I sat here and demanded my nerves to relax.

I'd been on edge all day. Alice and Angela had thankfully not asked me about it – probably just figuring it was one of my _moods_ and Carlisle had been too busy to do more than stop in for a few seconds to greet everyone before patients started pouring into the waiting room.

Apparently, today was the day that every young child in Forks decided to come down with a cold. Esme's design crew had decided that today would be as good as any other to do some actual _work_ on his office and it had been noisy as fuck in the hallway all damn day. It had been an absolutely insane day altogether. Angela and I had even had to run across the street to get lunch because there was absolutely no way that we'd be able to take an hour away from the phones and walk-ins.

I have to say, it was rather nice not spending the entire hour by myself. I'd been eating at my desk since Edward showed up and I had almost forgotten how much I actually missed having other people around to talk to if I'd felt so inclined to do so.

From the glimpses I allowed myself of Edward, even _he_ looked exhausted and slightly annoyed. From what I'd overheard Angela and Alice talking about, Tanya hadn't let up on him since he walked in the door. She was definitely persistent when she wanted to be.

_Maybe he doesn't want to go for coffee after work anymore. Maybe he's tired of you, too._

I licked my lips, tapping the end of the pen against the appointment book in front of me and swallowing hard.

It didn't matter. It _shouldn't_ matter.

And while yesterday had been awkward and I'd said more than I really wanted to, it was nice getting out and talking to someone who didn't already _know everything_. I didn't have to go back to my apartment and sit around until it was late enough that I could go to bed and wait for the next morning. I wasn't waiting for the phone to ring, hearing Jake rambling on about some new adventure that he and Jean were going on that didn't involve me.

I'd had something to do. Something that didn't revolve around my best friend slowly pushing me out of his life.

Granted, I'd pushed myself in Edward's car the minute Jake had left and he was probably just taking me to be polite, but at least he'd taken me somewhere. He hadn't demanded that I get out of his car and look at me with disgust when I would've undoubtedly burst into tears.

After all, there's only so much rejection and half-assed apologies I could deal with in one day.

"We don't," I started, forced to clear my throat when my voice came out rough, "we don't have to go tonight."

"Huh? Go where?" he asked, obviously trying to stifle a yawn.

My stomach fell and I closed my eyes tightly, frantically tapping the pen against the appointment book and taking a deep breath through my nose.

He was tired. He'd had a busy day and he'd forgotten about our coffee proposition from last night.

_You're not even memorable enough to keep him interested in something that he asked you not even twenty-four hours ago._

"Nevermind," I managed, my leg jiggling up and down nervously as I began to clear up the space on my desk.

I needed to go. It was stupid of me to be worried about this all fucking day. He obviously didn't want to and there was no reason that I should've brought it up. He probably just felt bad for me yesterday, knowing what had happened between Jake and me.

I felt like an ass for telling him anything. I knew better than to do that. What the hell had I been thinking?

_Christ, Bella, you're such an idiot._

"Oh! Oh, shit! Bella, I…"

"It's fine," I said quietly, shaking my head as I quickly shut down my computer and began to stand up. "You had a long day."

"No, Bella… well, yes, okay, I did but I-"

"It's okay," I laughed nervously, grabbing my purse from the floor and setting it on the counter. "I'll just see you tomorrow, right?"

"Don't leave?" he asked quickly. "Please? Tanya will probably be here soon…"

I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip, swallowing hard. Right. Tanya would be coming in soon, I'm sure, in an attempt to get him to go out with her and he needed me to save him from her.

_That's all you're good for, after all._

"Right," I whispered, nodding and plopping back down into my chair, opening my eyes again and staring straight ahead.

Fuck, I needed a cigarette.

"I didn't forget," he offered hopefully. "I've just got a lot on my mind."

_The least of which is making me feel like I have an actual life again._

"Yeah, I know."

"I'm buying, right? That was the deal?"

"You don't have to, Edward," I mumbled, shaking my head as I brought my elbows up to rest on the desk and cradle my head in my hands. "I know you're tired."

"Which just means that I need the coffee, right?"

"Are you doing anything after work that warrants the need for coffee?"

He was quiet and I rubbed my hands over my face, jiggling both of my legs up and down underneath the counter.

"We can go to dinner or something," he offered again.

"Don't," I said quietly. "It's fine. Another time."

Where in the _fuck_ was Tanya when I needed her? Any other time, she's bursting in here with all of her inappropriate scrubs and craziness and today; _nothing_.

"Bella…"

"Edward, it's fine, all right?" I asked, standing up and starting towards the door. "Don't worry about it."

I walked into the lobby and popped the lock on the cabinet, grabbing the disinfectant and starting to spray down all the toys in the corner.

It wasn't a big deal. It didn't matter. He did a hell of a lot more than I did today so it was normal for him to be tired and not remember something insignificant like a non-trusting coffee meeting with a girl that he worked with.

"Bella…"

I turned on my heel to see his head poking out of the sliding window in front of Alice's space, his cheek resting on the counter on the side in the waiting room with his bottom lip pouting out and his eyes wide, innocent and directed at me.

I raised an eyebrow at him, crossing one arm over my waist and letting my other hand fall to my side, the disinfectant smacking against my knee.

"What are you doing?"

He turned his head, resting his chin on the counter as he sighed.

"Come for coffee with me?"

"It's not a big deal, Edward." I brushed him off and turned around again, spraying down the chairs as I walked by them. "You've had a rough day."

"And I'd like to make it better by going to get coffee with you."

"Who says I'd make it better?"

"I do."

"You don't know me well enough to make that assumption."

"And you don't know me well enough to assume I don't need coffee no matter what time of day it is."

I rolled my eyes as I threw a coloring book onto one of the tables in the corner, gritting my teeth together.

_He just wants coffee, Bella. This has nothing at all to do with you._

"So what do you need me there for?"

"Company."

"I'm sure Tanya would love to join you."

"Do you dislike me that much, Bella?" he gasped.

I looked over my shoulder at him to see that he was standing up straight with a hand over his heart, a look of horror and disgust on his face and his mouth hanging open.

"I'm just stating a fact," I said simply, looking down at the mound of outdated magazines and forcing my lips to stop twitching.

All right, that move was rather amusing.

"I like all of my junk being not itchy, thank you very much," he huffed.

I couldn't help it as I laughed, leaning against the table with the magazines and looking back at him. He was grinning at me and shrugging his shoulders, his fingertips tapping out a rhythm on his chest.

"Well, I don't!" he exclaimed.

"Good to know," I laughed, shaking my head as I stood up straight again.

"You'll come with me?"

I nodded, biting my bottom lip and sighing, giving in. He grinned at me again, actually bouncing a little on the balls of his feet.

"Great! Let me just…"

"Edward!" Tanya screeched, appearing in the doorway of the office out of nowhere.

When I needed her; nothing. When I want nothing more than to get out of here without seeing her one more time, there she fucking is.

I watched his grin falter as he slowly turned on his heels and faced her. She was wearing Scooby Doo scrubs today and the way Scooby was stretched across her breasts was obscene. Especially since his tongue was hanging out.

Christ, I wished Carlisle would say something to her about those damn things already. At least make her buy the correct size to begin with. She was good with the kids, I could give her that, but I wished to holy hell that she'd learn how to deal with adults; specifically male adults.

"Hi, Tanya," he said through his teeth, forcing a smile on his face.

Poor bastard.

I quickly put the disinfectant back in the cabinet, locked it and grabbed our coats from the pegs, sliding mine on over my shoulders.

"I'm having this dinner party," I could hear Tanya purr as I walked through the door leading to the hallway, "and I was wondering if you'd wanna come? It's tomorrow night right after work. You could meet all of my friends!"

"Sorry, Tanya," I said easily, squeezing by her and walking over to Edward to hand him his coat, "we've got plans for tomorrow night."

"Is there something _wrong_ with you?" she demanded, staring at Edward through narrowed eyes.

"Excuse me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as he took his coat from me.

"She's… there's… she's a wretched bitch!" Tanya exclaimed, pointing at me as I grabbed my purse. "She's probably just using you!"

"Yes, Tanya," I sighed, tilting my head at her as I slung my purse over my shoulder, "I'm using him. He knows this. He's okay with this. Let it go."

She sputtered, throwing her hands in the air and shaking her head.

"You're _okay_ with this?" she screeched.

Edward shrugged, pulling his coat on before turning to grab his files and shove them in his briefcase.

"I'm not opposed to it."

"There's something wrong with the both of you!" she screeched again before storming out of the office and back down the hallway. "I'll tell Carlisle about this! He won't approve!"

Edward's head snapped in my direction and I waved him off, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Carlisle knows better," I said quietly, nervous again now that I was back in the same room with him and we were alone. "Don't worry about it."

He nodded slowly, clipping the snaps on his briefcase closed and standing up straight. I turned on my heel, leading the way down the hallway and out of the office altogether, listening to his footsteps behind me.

"Did you want to ride with me again?"

"I can drive," I said quietly, swallowing hard and nodding. I hated to drive; absolutely fucking _hated_ it. If I didn't need to in order to get to work in the morning, I'd walk my ass everywhere. "This way you don't have to come back here and drop me off."

"I don't mind."

"It's probably out of your way…"

"It's really not." He stepped up to me, jiggling his keys in his hand as we stood awkwardly in the middle of the parking lot. "I live in the Heights. I have to go back by here anyway."

My face fell. Of _course_ he'd live in the most expensive, ritzy apartments in all of Forks. Why the hell wouldn't he?

_He's too good for you. You're kidding yourself if you think you could __**ever**__ fit into his life._

I shook my head and reached around, clasping my right wrist in my hand and dragging my thumb up and down as I looked over to his car.

I didn't want to fit into his life. Not like that. Coffee after work was a long ways away from fitting into someone else's life as a permanent fixture.

I felt my face pale.

Did I want that? When had the words _permanent fixture_ even become an option in my brain?

"Bella? Are you all right?"

My eyes snapped to his face and I swallowed hard, reaching up with my hands to rub my face and nod.

"Yeah, fine," I managed, taking a few deep breaths. "I was just… I was thinking."

"Care to share?" he asked casually as he took a step towards his car.

"No," I snorted, dropping my hands and slowly following him. "Do you mind giving me a ride?"

"Would I have offered if I didn't?"

"I don't know. Would you have?" I shot back, raising an eyebrow at his retreating back.

He threw his keys up in the air before catching them and looking over his shoulder at me, smirking and shaking his head.

"Not a chance, Bella. Now get in the car."

I listened as the locks flipped before we even reached it and pursed my lips. Damn expensive, nice car with its automatic locks, windows and fancy remote. Probably cost him more than my entire life was even worth.

Yet another reason why being anything more than the girl he took pity on and went for coffee with was completely absurd.

"Do you remember how to get there?"

He nodded before pulling open the driver's side door and sinking down into the seat. I pursed my lips and huffed, grabbing the door handle and plopping myself into the seat, setting my purse in my lap. I pulled my door closed, staring straight ahead at our building as he started the car and pulled out of his parking space.

"So are you all caught up on your hours?"

I nodded, looking down and fidgeting with my purse strap.

"Yeah. Today was the last day that I needed to stay late."

"So you won't be staying late tomorrow night," he mused quietly.

"No. But Tanya will probably leave right on time to get to her dinner party. You'll have nothing to worry about."

"You said that we were doing something tomorrow night, though," he stated lightly, tapping his fingertips against the steering wheel as he pulled into traffic and started in the direction of the coffee house.

I spared a glance over at him, one eyebrow raised before I went back to tugging on my purse strap.

"Did you _want_ to meet all her friends?"

"Fuck no."

"I was your excuse, Edward," I said quietly, sighing and slapping my hands on my purse to keep them still. "And really, we don't need to go for coffee. I know that you're tired and that it's been a rough day…"

"How many more times am I going to have to tell you that I want to go?" he sighed, clearly frustrated.

I bit my bottom lip and went back to playing with my purse strap, awkwardly shifting in the leather seat.

_Good job, Bella. Frustrate him so that he __**never**__ wants to talk to you again._

"Sorry," I said softly.

He hummed in response and I kept my eyes on my lap, my bottom lip in between my teeth and my heart beating rapidly in my chest.

We rode the rest of the way in silence and I berated myself the whole time, warding off pointless tears at the thought of yet _another_ rejection and chasing yet _another_ guy away from me.

Well, fuck, I had perfected it at this point. Why should I feel so damn surprised that it had only taken three days this time?

I quickly pushed out of the door as soon as he stopped and waited at the front of the car with my head down as he walked up next to me, shoving his keys into his jacket pocket. I followed behind him as we walked into the shop and stood behind him in line, swallowing hard and taking deep breaths in an attempt to steady… everything about me. I'd need to order and I couldn't be on the verge of tears when I did it.

"What do you want?" he asked gruffly, turning to me.

"I can get it," I all but whispered, stuffing my shaking hand in my purse and searching for my wallet.

"I said I'd get it today, Bella. Just tell me what you want."

"Carmel coffee, cream and three sugars," I managed, swallowing hard and slowly pushing my purse onto my shoulder.

"Go find a table," he grumbled and I watched his feet as he turned his back on me.

I sniffled and looked up a little through my hair, weaving in between the people that never cared enough to look up before I found an empty table in the back in a corner. I shrugged my purse off my shoulder and set it on the table, pulling my coat off and hanging it on the back of the chair before climbing into it and resting my hands in my lap. I twisted my fingers together, biting down hard on my bottom lip again as it trembled.

Why was I such an _idiot_ all the damn time? How did I always _do_ this?

_Failure_.

I slapped a hand over my mouth when I felt the sob building up in the back of my throat and forced myself to take deep, even breaths even as I felt a few tears trail down my cheeks and stop at my hand.

God, I just wanted to go home. I never should've reminded him that we had plans tonight. I should've just gone home and waited for the phone to ring like I always did. I wouldn't have had the chance to piss anyone else off if I'd done just that.

I jumped, whimpering at an embarrassingly loud level when the chair in front of me scraped against the stone floor. I quickly tried to subtly wipe the tears off my cheeks before lifting my head slightly and staring at the coffee cup I hadn't realized Edward had put there.

"Thank you," I said, humiliated at the way my voice shook and broke.

"Sure. Owed it to you."

I immediately looked down at my lap again, my bottom lip back between my teeth. He was just here to pay what he thought was a debt to me. He wasn't here because he wanted to be.

Who in their right mind would actually want to be here with _me_ anyway?

"Have you talked to Jake at all today?"

I shook my head, twisting my fingers around each other.

"He hasn't called you since you saw him yesterday? At all?"

I shook my head again, releasing my bottom lip from my teeth and sucking in a shaky breath.

"Hey, Bella… are you okay?" he asked, his voice quiet and closer as he leaned in.

"Fine," I choked out, my breath hitching in my chest.

Fuck. Perfect. No hiding from _that_. Now he'd just think that I was this pathetic blob who burst into tears at every little thing that he did – or, in this case, didn't – say.

I should've just fucking gone _home_.

"Hey, what happened? What's wrong?"

"I didn't mean to…" I took another deep breath and twisted my fingers in different directions, swallowing hard. "I didn't mean to frustrate you or upset you. I just… I don't want you to do anything with me if you really don't want to. I'm sorry."

"Bella, will you look at me?" he asked, his voice soft.

I huffed out a breath and reached up to wipe underneath my eyes, looking up and directly at the end of his nose.

"It's been a really long day."

"I know and I'm sorry! I didn't mean to…"

"I'm a moody bastard, Bella. It didn't even have much to do with you. _I'm_ sorry."

"It's okay," I mumbled, feeling like a complete ass.

If I hadn't scared him away before, I most definitely had now. What man sticks around after a girl sits across a table from him doing her best not to make a fool out of herself while crying?

"Are you going to break up with me again?"

I focused in on his face instead of just his nose and saw a smirk on his lips. I snorted – it came out more as a watery sniffle than anything – and knuckled away the tears under my eyes, nodding.

"Yes. We're over. Completely done. I can't stand the sight of you any longer."

He threw his head back and laughed loudly, garnering the attention of, oh, everyone. My cheeks burned, but I laughed with him, sniffling a little as I leaned forward and rested my elbows on the table.

I liked his laugh. It was deep and only slightly obnoxious but there was no doubt that he meant it. He wasn't laughing out of pity or out of sarcasm – it was easy and natural.

"I see how it is," he started when he calmed down, "you use me for coffee and then you're done with me."

I nodded, picking up my coffee and sipping from it.

"I _am_ only using you, after all."

"And I am not opposed to it," he answered easily, smiling and resting his elbows on the table as well.

I forced myself to stay where I was even as my muscles tensed and my heart started beating fast again.

I don't know why I always had this reaction when it came to most men. I'd never been abused in my entire life but the minute a man I didn't know well got too close to me, I was tense and nervous. I didn't understand it, it made no fucking sense and I hated it.

"Good," I managed, nodding and looking down at my cup.

"So what's the plan for tomorrow?"

I sighed heavily and shook my head, sucking my bottom lip back into my mouth as I stared at the white rim of the coffee cup.

"Edward, really…"

"Bella, I mean it." I looked up when his voice changed and met his eyes, swallowing hard. "I like hanging out with you."

He does?

"You do?"

He smiled softly and I think my heart skipped a beat.

Well, fuck. That couldn't be natural. What the hell was that shit all about? That had _never_ happened before. And I never wanted it to happen again. Shit like that wasn't supposed to happen. Not to me; not anymore.

"Yes, I really do."

"Oh," I said quietly, looking back down at my cup and gnawing on my bottom lip again.

"So? Tomorrow?"

"Uhm, I don't…" I shrugged and sucked in a deep breath, shaking my head. "It doesn't matter, I guess. Won't you have work to get done, though?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, sighing heavily. "And I can never concentrate at my apartment."

"How come?"

I looked up at him in enough time to see him shrug his shoulders and purse his lips.

"Too many distractions, I guess. Any suggestions?"

"Well," I cleared my throat and swallowed hard, shifting in my seat and wrapping my hands around my cup, "we could stay at the office? I could, uhm, I could run across the street and get something from Jared's? We could hang out there until you're finished?"

If my heart pounded any louder or harder against my chest, it was going to be sitting in the middle of the table in a matter of seconds.

"Do you really want to spend more time at the office than you have to?"

"No." I swallowed hard again, shaking my head and lifting my cup to my lips. "But you're hell bent on hanging out with me, so…"

"Oh, you know you like it."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"User," he accused, smirking at me as he lifted his cup to his lips.

"Loser."

"Ah!" He sat up straight and placed his hand over his heart again; mimicking the position he'd been in when I said something about Tanya earlier. "That is positively insulting, Bella." Then he relaxed into his seat, tilting his head at me. "What's your last name, anyway?"

"Swan," I said quietly, swallowing the immediate flush of rage I felt building up in the back of my throat. "I'm hoping to change that soon."

"Oh." He slumped his shoulders, leaning on the table heavily and looking down at his coffee cup. "You're engaged?"

I blinked at him, my coffee cup suspended halfway to my mouth.

"'Scuse me?" I managed, slowly lowering the cup back to the table before I either crushed it or dropped it.

"You're hoping to change it soon. Meaning that you're…"

"No," I said quickly and maybe a little too harshly when his wide eyes snapped to mine. "I'm not."

_And you never will be._

"I didn't mean to upset you," he said quietly when I continued to stare at him.

I didn't even really see him anymore at that point. Flashes of the dreams I'd kept locked away in a chest inside my heart were threatening, the chains rattling and the chest rocking back and forth. Demanding my attention.

"Excuse me," I said, my voice carefully detached as I slid almost bonelessly off the seat and started in the direction of the bathrooms.

I calmly walked into the single bathroom and locked the door, leaning against it and staring at the porcelain sink across from me.

_His smile. The weight of his hand in mine. His lips on my forehead. His head in my lap on the couch. His voice._

Oh, God, his voice.

I placed one hand on my heart, taking deep, heaving breaths as I leaned forward and stared down at the ugly white tile of the bathroom floor.

_The weight of his body on top of mine. The way his arms fit perfectly around me. The way I'd __**felt**__ with him._

I missed feeling whole. I had felt so empty and so completely broken for so long that I didn't think I could even try to remember what it felt like to feel whole again.

And oh how it fucking _hurt_.

I stumbled over to the sink and gripped onto the edges of it tightly, breathing heavily before flicking on the cold water and staring down at it as it swirled around the drain. Prying my other hand off the side, I brought my hands underneath the water and leaned down, splashing it on my face.

I groped for the paper towels and flicked off the water, still taking deep breaths as I dried my face and stood up straight, avoiding the mirror.

It was definitely time to call it quits for the day.

I smoothed down my shirt, threw out the paper towel and turned on my heel, unlocking the door and pulling it open.

Edward stood there, my purse slung over his forearm, his coat on, our coffees in his hands and my coat draped over his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

I smiled humorlessly at him and nodded.

"I'm fine."

"I didn't mean to…"

"I know."

I grabbed my coat from his shoulder without touching him and slid my arms through it before grabbing my purse and coffee. I followed him out of the coffee shop, my head down and a lump in my throat as we wordlessly walked to his car.

The ride back to the office passed in silence. I stared out the window, watching the familiar scenery pass by in a blur with my hands firmly gripping the coffee cup. I only looked up when I felt the car stop moving to see that we were sitting next to my car in the parking lot.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said quietly, not moving as I stared out at the trees lining the parking lot.

"So am I."

"Don't be."

"I didn't mean to bring up…"

"You didn't know. It's not your fault."

"Will you tell me one day?" he asked softly.

I clenched my jaw and blinked slowly.

"I still don't trust you."

"When you do?"

"How do you know that I will?"

"Wishful thinking, I guess."

"If that day comes," I started softly, turning slightly toward him in the seat and keeping my eyes on the gear shift in between us, "then yes, I'll tell you. Until then, no."

I watched from the corner of my eye as he nodded.

"Do you trust me?"

"Not really, no."

"Still even," I said softly, sparing a glance at him and smiling shakily.

"Still even," he echoed, tapping his fingertips against the steering wheel.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll be here."

I pushed out of the car and dug my keys out of my purse, unlocking my door and sliding into the seat. Plopping my coffee cup into the holder at my feet, I waited until he drove away before I grabbed my cell phone and turned it on, sticking my keys in the ignition. I pulled my cigarettes and lighter out as I waited, quickly lighting one before throwing both the pack and the lighter into the passenger seat.

I dialed in Jake's number, taking a drag from the cigarette and tapping my toes anxiously against the floorboards.

He needed to be free and he needed to be home. I'd done my best with dealing on my own since Jean had entered his life, but there were always times like these… when the memories crawled up on me and shattered the broken pieces of my heart and I just _needed_ him to make it better.

I just needed him to talk to me for a few minutes and I'd be okay again.

"Hello?" he answered breathlessly.

I cringed and took another drag from my cigarette, blowing the smoke out through my nose as I reached down and flicked the ashes into the ashtray.

"Hey. Are you busy?"

"Bella?"

I rolled my eyes and huffed, swallowing hard. Did he not recognize my voice anymore? He'd just talked to me yesterday, for Christ's sake.

"Yes."

"Well, I'm kinda…"

"Jesus Christ, Bella. We're fucking busy," I heard Jean snap in the background.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, grounding the toes of my feet into the grey mats beneath me.

"Jean!" Jake hissed.

"Well, we are! Fuck, Jake, what the hell did you even answer the phone for?"

"Would you _shut up_?" he hissed.

"Nevermind, Jake," I mumbled, taking another drag from the cigarette and flicking it into the ashtray again.

"No, Bella, it's fine. What's…?"

"Are you _serious_ right now?" Jean screeched. "I'm fucking naked, Jake!"

That was entirely too much information. And with her shrieking like a god damn banshee in the background, it was painfully obvious that I wasn't going to get a word in edgewise.

"I'll just talk to you later," I grumbled, slowly shaking my head and taking a deep breath.

"No, Bella, it's…"

"I can't _believe_ you right now! She's just gonna piss you off!"

My heart twitched painfully in my chest and I bit my bottom lip, my fingertips digging into the sides of my phone.

Was that really all I did when I called? Piss him off? It was obvious that I pissed _her_ off anytime I was around either of them, but I hadn't realized that he'd shared in that.

"I need to go," I whispered, snapping the phone shut and throwing it into the passenger seat as well.

I felt numb. I was aware that I was crying again and I was aware that my cigarette was smoldering in between my fingers. I heard my cell phone start to ring, but ignored it as I stared at the trees in front of me again.

Everyone important – everyone who said that they'd stick around – always leaves. No one, aside from my mother and my brother, had ever stuck around like they said they would.

No one ever would.

I snubbed out the half-smoked cigarette and twisted the key, my car groaning to life as I pulled my seat belt across my lap and pulled out of my parking space. I made my way to my brother's house on the other side of town and stiffly climbed out of the car, jiggling my keys in my hands as I walked up the driveway to his front door.

I literally recoiled when I saw his girlfriend's car hiding behind his completely huge and unnecessary Jeep parked in the driveway, stopping in my tracks and thinking twice about going any further.

Rosalie and I had never seen eye-to-eye. She made my brother happy and I'd tried to like her, but she put no effort into it what-so-ever. She constantly looked down her nose at me and treated me as if I was the scum of the earth rather than her boyfriend's sister.

She never did it around Emmett, though, and I never had the heart to tell him that his precious Rosie could be a massive righteous bitch when she was alone with me.

And after everything that had happened today, I _really_ didn't want to deal with any more bullshit.

Fuck, I just wanted someone to talk to.

I reached up with one hand and fisted it in my hair, staring at her license plate and taking a few deep breaths.

Maybe I'd call in sick tomorrow. Do some self-healing of my own and spend the entire fucking day on my couch, watching every single fucking depressing movie I could get my hands on and crying my eyes out over every little thing that struck a chord in me.

"Bella?"

I jumped and screamed, dropping my hand from my hair and looking up to find Emmett standing on the front step, dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a tight-fitting black t-shirt. His brown eyes stared into mine and I swallowed hard, taking a tentative step forward.

"Are you busy?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"Bella," he said softly, the door slamming shut as he walked off the step and over to me, his large frame immediately swallowing my smaller one as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I don't want to interrupt anything," I managed against his chest.

"You're not and anyway, you come first. Come inside."

"Are you sure?"

"Bella…"

"I've interrupted enough today," I mumbled, looking up at him as he stood up straight, "I can't take much more, Em."

He pushed hair back from my forehead and tilted his head at me.

"So it was a really bad day, huh?"

I nodded, swallowing hard and pressing my lips together.

"_Really_ bad day."

He slung an arm around my shoulders and led me up to the front door, keeping me tucked under his arm as he pulled open the screen door and ushered me inside. I toed off my shoes and nodded at Rosalie when I saw her sitting on the couch, her arms over her chest and her lips pressed into a tight line. I swallowed a sigh and looked up at Emmett.

"Wanna make some daiquiris?" he asked, squeezing me once before moving his arm from my shoulders. "We can hang out?"

"I actually need to get going," Rosalie said, standing up and brushing her hands off on her skin-tight, jean-clad thighs.

I slid my jacket from my shoulders, hung it up and slipped into the kitchen, nodding at her once again before disappearing and grabbing the mix and ice from the freezer. I set it on the counter and then grabbed the full bottle of vodka from the liquor cabinet in the pantry.

I hope he wasn't too attached to this or keeping it for any reason because I planned on drinking the majority of it tonight.

I grabbed the blender and stared at it, waiting to hear the front door close before I broke the ice out of the tray and dumped it into the glass canister. I heard Emmett's footsteps as he walked in behind me and listened as he pulled a chair out at the table.

He waited until I was finished blending and I felt his eyes on my back as I poured the thick liquid into two already chilled mugs from the freezer, chewing on my bottom lip as I turned around and joined him at the table.

"Start talking, Bells," he said quietly, holding the glass between his hands and looking at me.

I relaxed into the chair and kicked my legs out in front of me, wiggling my toes as I traced the handle of the mug in front of me with my pointer finger and launched into the whole story of what had happened to me today.

Emmett may have been two years younger than I was, but when it came to understanding me and listening to me without judging, he was the best at it. My chest felt lighter, my heart wasn't pounding painfully in my chest and for the first time all day, I was finally relaxed.

My little brother was my rock.

I closed my eyes briefly when I finished telling him about everything and leaned back in the chair, blowing out a deep breath. I could be myself here. I didn't have to pretend to be anyone else because Emmett didn't care if I wasn't perfect. He didn't care that I had more baggage than an entire airplane usually carried. All he cared about was that I survived each day and was still able to give him a piece of his wretched train set every Christmas or birthday.

And I wouldn't change that for the world.


	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**Ah, you all make my heart very, very happy. Thank you so very much for reviewing and reading and pimping this story out. I have no words for how amazing I think all of you truly are.**

**Much love to my two amazing betas; Angie and Amanda. You know how much I love, appreciate and adore you girls. And if you don't, well you damn well should. :)  
**

**I want to put up a slight warning that is going to encompass most of this story: You **_**are**_** going to get frustrated with Bella and you **_**are**_** going to want to bash her head into the nearest hard surface numerous times throughout. She is stubborn and over-sensitive and has the tendency to be highly annoying at times, but trust me when I tell you that there is a reason for all of it.**

**Some Stay news, as well. It has been nominated for another award at the Twilight All Human Fanfiction Awards. The link will be in my profile for those that want to vote for it – or the rest of the completely awesome stories nominated – so be sure to go over there and check it out.**

**There's also a forum for Pieces up over at Twilighted if you want to go on over there! It's been rather barren lately.**

**Okay, I'm done. Enjoy!**

~*~

***Edward***

I pulled into the parking lot of the office the next morning, setting my lips in a straight line as I saw Bella leaning against the trunk of her car with her eyes staring down at her feet and a coffee cup in her hands.

I hadn't been sure what to say to her after the whole coffee shop incident and had honestly been dreading having to go into work. I'd even given some serious thought into calling out and giving myself an entire day to myself before I had to face the crazy mess that had been Bella Swan yesterday afternoon.

But I figured that Carlisle probably wouldn't appreciate having me call out on my fourth day of work so I'd sucked it up, gotten ready for work and had been giving myself a pep talk on any way possible to get out of this impromptu dinner she'd suggested yesterday before everything had gone to hell.

I liked hanging out with the Bella that had saved me from Tanya and yelled at her printer; not the Bella that had frozen me out upon the mention of what I thought was clearly an engagement question.

It made sense, damn it. Just because she didn't have a ring on her finger didn't mean a damn thing. Maybe they couldn't afford it or she had some kind of fiercely independent side to her that meant she didn't want a ring unless it was a wedding ring.

I hadn't expected the slight pang of jealousy and disappointment that had surged through my stomach, but I hadn't expected her to get all frigid and dash off into the bathroom, either.

I didn't want the drama.

Fuck if I didn't still want to know what had happened to her, though. There had to be something obviously going on to get that kind of a reaction from her after a seemingly innocent, simple question.

Sighing heavily, I pulled into a parking spot and hastily shoved the car into _park_ before running my hands through my hair, grabbing my keys and briefcase and shoving my way out of the car.

I looked over at her and saw that she was biting her bottom lip as she looked in my direction, one of her feet digging into the pavement below her as she stepped away from her car and waited for me.

Sighing heavily and fighting the urge to roll my eyes at the both of us, I squared my shoulders and stopped in front of her.

I must enjoy this kind of torture to keep going back for more. She'd give me a glimpse of her issues, run away from me and then expect everything to be okay again if she just bought me a cup of coffee.

I wish I knew why the fuck it mattered to me to know all about this so damn much.

She stuck her hand out, holding the coffee out to me and still gnawing on her bottom lip as she stared at my chin.

"I want to," she started, stuffing her hands in her jacket pockets once I cautiously took the cup from her and shaking her head slightly, "I want to apologize for yesterday."

"You don't…"

"My father left us when I was three and Emmett was one," she blurted out quickly, her eyes immediately back on the ground. "He said that he didn't want to be a father anymore and left it all on my mom's shoulders. He doesn't remember Emmett's birthday and he only shows up when we do something that makes him look good. Neither of us wants much to do with him. I've been saving up the money to change my last name and soon enough, I'll be able to." She huffed out a deep breath and I stood incredibly still, gaping at the top of her head. "It was an overreaction on my part last night and… I'm sorry."

I continued to gape at the top of her head, slowly shaking my head side to side and trying to get my tongue to cooperate with me so that I could actually respond to her.

Of all the things that she could've said to me, that was not one of the things that I'd _ever_ been expecting to hear.

Once again, I felt like an ass for even thinking any of those things about her. She had a damn good reason for shutting me out last night and I had no right to think anything of what I had been.

She finally looked up at me when I failed to say anything and I saw her face twist and watched her cringe, shaking her hands out of her pockets and wrapping her arms around her chest protectively.

"So… I'm sorry. I'll… uhm… I'll see you inside."

She shook her head and turned on her heel, mumbling to herself as she started to walk to the door.

"Bella," I blurted out, quickly catching up to her and stepping into stride with her. "It's okay."

"You don't need to be nice to me anymore," she grumbled. "I get it."

"But I want to be nice to you."

"Why?" she sighed, abruptly coming to a stop and reaching up to rub her fingertips on her forehead. "I'm not worth your time, Edward."

"Don't you think that's something I need to decide?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow at her.

"I'm nothing like you think I am."

"I like that."

"What?"

"Why would I want to talk to someone who is the exact same as anyone else in the entire world? It gets boring hearing the same shit out of people's mouths all the time, Bella and you've been one of the few that I've met in the past few days that have kept my interest."

"There are at least three other people in that office that you could talk to if you really wanted to," she stated quietly, pointing over her shoulder.

"Well, I don't want to," I said stubbornly, jutting my chin out and looking down at her. "I like going to get coffee with you."

She snorted and crossed her arms over her chest again, shaking her head.

"When I don't freak out over easy questions, right?"

"Everyone has a past, Bella," I said quietly, shifting on my feet and tapping my fingertips against the cup.

"Even you?"

I nodded, sighing quietly and lifting the cup to my lips. This time, I was the one avoiding her eyes.

"Even me."

"Still even," she said quietly.

I merely nodded and sipped off the coffee again, clenching my teeth together as I looked back down at her.

"Did you… uhm." She cleared her throat and tapped her toes on the pavement. "Did you still want to do dinner tonight?"

"If you want to," I said quietly, nodding.

"If _you_ want to."

I smirked and rolled my eyes, taking a chance and turning slightly to nudge my elbow against hers.

"You buying?"

I almost fell over in shock when she elbowed me gently in the ribs, but managed to not trip over my own two feet as we began walking towards the door again.

"As long as you spring for tomorrow's dinner then yeah, I'll buy tonight."

Tomorrow? She was making plans with me for tomorrow after work?

I felt like scratching my head, turning to stare at her and asking her what the fuck happened to the jumpy, scared girl that I'd met on my first day here and had been trying to crack since she'd first saved me from Tanya.

Because this girl – the one who was actually freely having a little physical contact with me and making plans for tomorrow – was _nothing_ like her.

"Or… you know, if you have plans…" she mumbled.

Ah, there she was.

"No, that's fine. Tomorrow, I'll buy dinner."

We reached the door and I quickly balanced my coffee cup and briefcase in the same hand, pulling it open for her and watching as she looked up at me, smiled, and walked in ahead of me.

I blinked at her back as she shrugged out of her coat, slowly walking in behind her and setting my briefcase and coffee cup on the floor at my feet to do the same.

Now I was just back to being _really fucking confused_. If I thought I was the moody one before, I had nothing on Bella.

"Good morning, guys!" Alice chirped from her perch behind the front desk when the door slammed shut behind me.

"Morning, Alice!" Bella chirped back, hanging up her coat and shouldering her purse before walking through the door.

I openly stared at her as she appeared behind the desk, slowly hanging up my coat before bending down to grab my briefcase and coffee.

"Morning, Alice," I finally managed, shaking my head to clear it a little.

Alice shrugged at me and smiled. I huffed quietly and made my way through the side door, walking down the hallway and into the supply room. I set my briefcase down before walking back out, nearly colliding with Carlisle.

"Edward!" he exclaimed brightly, shoving a basket of what I assumed were more oatmeal raisin cookies into my hands. "They're going to be moving the rest of the furniture into your office later today."

"Great. Thanks," I smiled, eyeing the basket. "Your wife really didn't have to do this."

"She wanted to. Now, I don't know if the girls have told you yet, but we have an office Christmas party every year at the house on Christmas Eve. I hope you'll come." He tilted his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows. "Unless you're going back to Chicago for the holidays, of course."

"No," I said quickly, shaking my head. "I'll be here."

"Well, okay then!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands. "Alice will give you all the specifics. She goes all out on this."

"Alice does? At your house?"

I think I missed some very important information along the way. Why in God's name would Alice – the girl that worked for him – put together an entire Christmas party at his house?

Carlisle just smiled and shrugged easily.

"She's dating my son, Jasper. She's like a part of the family and she loves the holidays. It works out well for everyone that way."

"All right," I said slowly, nodding.

He hadn't been kidding about that family stuff.

"Great! We'll get everything all figured out for everyone when it gets a little closer to the time."

"That would be good," I nodded, chuckling a little.

He laughed loudly and clapped me on the back before heading into the bathroom. I shook my head again and started back to the front office, wondering yet again what I'd gotten myself in to when I decided that I wanted to work here.

I stopped just outside the office door when I heard loud laughter, immediately picking Bella's out of the bunch. I'd only heard it that one time at the coffee shop, but I was positive in saying that I'd recognize it anywhere. It was so carefree and so happy; the complete opposite of what she'd been the past few days that I've known her. I liked hearing it; knowing that she wasn't always so detached and scared all the time. She _could_ laugh and enjoy herself.

"And then he points at me, says _'Bella, you're my bestest friend'_ before falling onto the floor, hitting his head on the edge of his train table and he was _out_," Bella squeaked.

Jake?

I pushed through the door to see both Alice and Angela – who had seemed to appear out of thin air all within the two minutes it took me to walk back this way – bent over in their chairs, gasping out laughter.

"He is _not_ going to live that down," Alice gasped, sitting up straight and pointing at Bella. "Hey, Edward."

"Hey," I chuckled, shaking my head at the three of them. "Do I want to know?"

"My brother was quite smashed last night," Bella said proudly, looking up at me and nodding.

"He didn't have a concussion or anything, did he?" Angela asked, still gasping for air as she wiped a few tears from her cheeks.

"You've seen Emmett, Ang," Bella laughed, looking back at her and shaking her head. "Do you really think something like the edge of a table is going to hurt his thick head?"

She nodded, tilting her head from side to side before running her hands through her hair and taking a deep breath. Her eyes zeroed in on the basket in my hands and I watched her lick her lips.

"What do you have there, Edward?"

I smirked and held up the basket to her.

"Carlisle's wife apparently felt the need to make me some more oatmeal raisin cookies."

"Really?" Alice asked, her eyes attached to the wicker basket as well.

I laughed and walked in between Angela and Alice, setting the basket down and stepping back as they practically pounced on it. Bella laughed and I looked back at her, smirking as she shook her head. I walked over to her and leaned on her side of the counter, crossing my ankles and watching as the other two grabbed as many cookies as possible in their hands, eyeing each other.

"I hope you didn't want any of those."

"Nah," I shook my head, laughing. "I'm good."

"Good. Because to them, those cookies are better than gold."

"Better than clothes!" Alice called out through a mouthful.

"Almost better than sex," Angela moaned, dropping her head back onto her shoulders as she chewed.

"Well, then I don't know what kind of sex you're having lately, but even as good as these are, they don't come _close_ to sex," Alice drawled.

"Oh, good Lord," Bella mumbled, laughing and shaking her head as she reached up to tap her fingertips against her forehead.

"I'm having great sex, thank you very much," Angela stated, picking her head back up and narrowing her eyes at Alice. "But there are just some things that top it sometimes."

"Maybe you need some pointers then."

"I don't need any damn pointers! I'm very well aware of the logistics, Alice!"

"If you think cookies are better than sex, then you obviously don't, honey." Alice shook her head sympathetically, clucking her tongue. "We'll talk."

"No, we won't! My sex life is fine!"

"Do you want a muffin?" Bella laughed, looking up at me.

I agreed, shaking my head at Alice and Angela as they kept arguing and pushed myself off the counter, waiting for Bella to stand up and walk ahead of me.

"Is the coffee okay?" she asked as we walked into the small blue and white kitchen.

"Oh, yeah. It's perfect. Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said softly, nodding as she plucked a muffin out of the white box in the middle of the round table.

"Are they always like that?"

Are _you_ always like that around them?

She laughed and nodded, picking the top of the muffin apart and popping a piece into her mouth.

"You'll get used to them. It takes a while."

I smirked and nodded, raising my coffee to my lips and watching her over the rim. She was fidgeting nervously with the paper around the muffin and only looking up at me when she had to, but at least she seemed a lot more relaxed than she usually was when we were alone together. And that was probably the biggest accomplishment I could even hope for today.

~*~

"Hey, Edward?"

I looked up from the file on my desk – yes, my actual _desk_ – to see Alice standing in the doorway, her purse slung over her shoulder and her jacket on.

The infamous Esme had shown up about an hour before office hours closed with a herd of men carrying furniture in through the lobby and into the door that had been mainly closed since I'd arrived. Thankfully, there hadn't been any patients and I hadn't been able to figure out if that was on purpose or not.

Either way, I didn't care. I had an actual office and I wouldn't have to deal with that fucking copier for anything more than its purpose. No more sore elbows for me. I had an office with a beautiful mahogany desk, one of the most comfortable chairs my ass had ever had the privilege of sitting in, an entire wall of bookshelves that I needed to fill immediately so that it didn't look so bare and a cream colored carpet that I could sleep on comfortably if I needed to.

I'd had to reign in the incredible urge I felt at hugging Esme to within an inch of her life before she and Carlisle left for the day. I'd had to stop myself from giving in to the need to plaster myself against the desk and stay there for the rest of the night, too.

"Yeah?"

Alice bit her bottom lip briefly before stepping in completely and closing the door behind her.

Okay, so this was clearly not a mere social call it seems.

"Are you interested in Bella?"

My eyes widened and the pen in my hand fell to the floor.

"Excuse me?"

She merely raised an eyebrow at me and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You heard me."

"I like hanging out with her," I managed, clearing my throat. "Why?"

"Is it more than that?"

"I just met her!"

_I just met __**you**__ so what's with the third degree already?_

"She's been through a lot, Edward."

I nodded, licking my lips and taking a deep breath.

"She told me about her father."

Her eyes widened and she dropped her arms, staring at me in disbelief.

"She did?" she asked, her voice monotone and the complete opposite of the shock on her face.

I nodded, reaching down to grab my pen.

"Yes, this morning."

"Oh."

"Can I ask why it's a big deal?" I asked, threading the pen through my fingers as I leaned back in my chair.

Alice blinked and shook her head, taking a deep breath.

"Please be patient with her," she said quietly, her eyes pleading with me. "She needs time, but she's so worth it."

"Alice, I'm not interested in her that way, okay? We're just hanging out."

"I mean it." She pointed at me and seemed to ignore everything I just said. "She deserves to be happy. Just because I don't know your story doesn't mean I can't see how much you need someone like Bella."

"Alice, I already told you…"

"And I already told _you_," she countered softly. "Be patient and you won't regret it."

With that, she turned on her heel, flung open the door and left me wanting to smash my face against the fucking wall.

I don't _want_ a relationship. Not with Bella, not with _anyone_. I wanted to be free and single and I didn't want to have to answer to anyone else.

_Then why are you always so lonely when you go home at night?_

I growled at the voice in my head and slapped the pen on my desk, glaring at the door that Alice had left open and reaching up to tangle my hands in my hair.

Was it written somewhere that just because I took an interest in talking to someone of the opposite sex that I immediately had to be looking to date them? I couldn't just want to get to know them and be friends with them? Why did there always have to be an ulterior motive?

"Hey, you all right?"

I focused on the person standing in the doorway when I heard Bella's voice and shot her a tentative smile, nodding and sitting up straight. She'd been so free with me today and I sure as hell didn't want her thinking that I was pissed off at her. That had happened yesterday and the overall outcome really wasn't something I wanted to revisit.

"So? What do you think?" I asked, leaning back in the chair and spreading my arms at my sides. "Pretty fucking nice, huh?"

She laughed and nodded, walking in and setting a menu on the desk before sitting in one of the chairs across from me.

"Esme never does anything half-assed. Decide what you want," she stated, nodding towards the bright green paper in front of me. "I'll go get it."

"Don't they deliver or something?"

"And what am I gonna do until they get here? Stare at you?" she laughed, raising an eyebrow and leaning back in the chair to cross her arms over her chest. "That won't be much fun."

"Ha, ha," I drawled, smirking at her and snatching the menu. "You're just full of it today, aren't you?"

"I had a pretty good night last night," she nodded, stretching her arms out in front of her and rubbing her palms on her thighs.

"Why's that?" I asked absently, perusing the menu choices.

"Hung out with my brother. He always makes me feel better."

"You two are close?"

"We have to be."

I folded my bottom lip into my mouth and nodded, looking up at her over the edge of the paper to see that she was staring at her knees.

"And your mom? Are you close with her, too?"

She nodded, tapping her fingertips against her kneecaps and I looked back at the menu, not wanting to chance pushing her back into her shell.

"They're my best friends. The only ones that have ever stuck around for me."

"Well, that's always nice," I nodded, trying to decide between the chicken parmigiana and a steak.

"What about you? Are you close to your parents?"

"No," I snapped, glaring up at her. "I'm not."

The innocent and slightly relaxed look on her face immediately disappeared but at that moment, I couldn't bring myself to feel bad or care much.

"I'll have the chicken parmigiana," I nearly growled, all but throwing the menu back at her. "Thank you."

She quickly grabbed the menu from where it landed on the edge of my desk and ran out. I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes, reaching up to tangle my hands in my hair. I listened as the main door slammed a few minutes later, echoing around the empty office before I opened my eyes and stared blankly at the files on my desk.

I had been close to my mother at one time. My father hadn't been around much for me to develop any kind of emotional ties – aside from obligation. They were one of the reasons that I was even in this town to begin with. I came here to escape them and all that being a Masen had entailed.

So, no, my parents and I were _not_ close. We were not the typical American family and I did _not_ want anything to do with them. I didn't want to talk about them, I didn't want to think about them and I sure as hell didn't want to be linked to them more than I was already bound to.

I continued to stare at the files, the spark of anger and resentment waning only slightly before I heard the door slam again. I looked down at my watch, blinking when I saw that it was already an hour after the office had closed.

It felt like Bella had just left.

Bella. Shit.

I looked up when I heard her footsteps just outside my office door a few minutes later. She walked in, her head down and a black plastic to-go container in her hands.

The anger was gone and guilt was quickly taking its place, gnawing on the edges of my stomach and creeping up my throat as I watched her slowly cross the room to me.

"Here," she said quietly, her voice shaking as she placed it on the edge of my desk, plastic wrapped utensils on the top.

"Thanks," I said softly, hoping that she'd look up at me.

_Fucked this up nice and well, didn't you?_

She nodded and turned on her heel, quickly walking to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I, uhm… I have some stuff I forgot to do. I'll eat out there."

"Wait, Bella…"

"You need to work."

She darted out of the room before I could say anything else and I slammed my wrists on the desk in total frustration.

She was _finally_ opening up and laughing around me, openly talking to me and I have to go and let my stupid fucking parents help ruin _that_, too. They were in a completely different state and they could _still_ manage to fuck things up for me.

Fucking perfect.

Resisting the urge to put a hole through one of the walls or the top of this gorgeous, brand new desk I was sitting at with my fists, I stood up and took a few deep breaths before walking out and down the hallway. The door was open and I could see Bella sitting at her space, picking at her bottom lip with one hand and the other tapping a fork against the unopened to-go container that matched the one she'd set on my desk. Her eyes were focused on something in front of her and I swallowed hard at seeing that lost and heartbroken look back on her face.

It had been gone every time I'd seen her throughout the day and with a few innocent questions and harshly spoken answers – completely reversing what had happened between us yesterday at the coffee shop – she was back to being the scared little rabbit I'd met four days ago.

"You should be working," she said quietly as I walked in and stood awkwardly in the doorway.

"You should be, too."

"I'm not getting paid to be here," she countered, her eyes still fixed on whatever it was in front of her.

Ouch.

"Bella…"

"You owe me no apologies or explanations," she said quickly, her eyes sliding closed and the fork clattering to the counter as she dropped it and placed both hands in her lap. "Please don't feel like you do."

"You just asked me a simple question."

"Yes, well, I know better than anyone what a simple question can do to you. I'm sorry for prying."

"But you _weren't_," I sighed, slightly exasperated that she wasn't even giving me the chance to explain.

"Are we still even?" she asked softly, her eyes opening and sliding over to me, looking down at the floor near my feet.

I shifted awkwardly and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Well… yeah, but you…"

"Then yes, I was prying. And I'm sorry for it." She nodded and leaned forward, grabbing her container and carefully pulling off the top. "I'll be out here if you need anything from me. I hope your dinner is good."

This wasn't how this night was supposed to go. We were supposed to be eating in the same room and I'd hoped beyond all measure that she'd laugh with me, stay relaxed and start to enjoy my company.

"My father wasn't home much," I started, swallowing hard. "He's a doctor, too and he wasn't home-"

"Just because I told you about my father this morning doesn't mean that you have to return the favor," she interrupted, grabbing her fork and stabbing at a carrot. "I'm not asking you for anything, Edward. I never will."

I wanted to pull my hair out.

"_Fine_," I finally snapped, throwing my hands in the air even as she flinched. "Just forget about the whole damn thing. Don't stay here for me if you don't fucking want to."

I turned around and was a step out the door when I heard her voice, soft and laced with that fucking painful tone I'd heard from her too many times before.

"I told you that you were wasting your time."

I reached up and rubbed my face, groaning softly into my hands and taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself down.

Maybe she was right. Maybe Tanya was right, too. Maybe they were both right and I was the asshole walking into a situation that I shouldn't have to deal with. Maybe I should've just gone to New York City like I was originally going to. Far enough away from absolutely everything that I was trying so hard to get away from and I wouldn't have to deal with any of this shit. Maybe I could still go there. Maybe I could go there, disappear into the crowds and forget everything about my former life and everything that I'd walked in to when I walked into this fucking office four damn days ago.

I dropped my hands and turned around when I heard a sharp _pop_ to see that she'd placed the plastic cover back onto her dinner and had her purse slung over her shoulder, her bottom lip caught tightly in between her teeth to the point where I was sure she was going to draw blood from it in a matter of seconds. She slid her chair underneath the counter and grabbed the container, her head down as she started in my direction.

"Bella," I said softly, guilt creeping up my spine.

She jumped and screamed a little, dropping the entire container on the floor. I watched as she reached up and covered her face with her hands, shaking her head and taking an audibly shaky deep breath. I swallowed hard and bent down, picking up the container and offering it back to her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her hands shaking as she dropped them to her sides. "I… I'll go and I'll leave you alone, okay? I won't… I won't ask you for anything that doesn't revolve around work, okay?" She grabbed the container from my hands and started to walk around me. I blocked her way and she flinched away from me. "Edward, please. I-I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean any harm. Just… I'm trying to go. Please let me go."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Why not? Everyone else does it just fine. Call Jake, he'll even give you some pointers." Her voice broke and I clenched my teeth together. "I've got an entire list of people you could talk to that have made it seem like a cake walk when they leave."

"Did it ever occur to you that I'm not like everyone else?" I asked softly, fighting the surprising urge I felt to brush her hair from her face. "Come and eat with me, Bella."

"You don't want me to."

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

"I _want_ you to come and sit with me. I _want_ to have dinner with you."

"You don't have to do this. Don't feel bad about this, okay? I made the mistake. I'm trying to make it right."

"If you're trying to make it right then you need to come and have dinner with me. That's the only way."

"You have work to do."

I shrugged one shoulder, leaning against the doorjamb and watching her cautiously as I made enough room in the doorway for her to leave if she really wanted to. It surprised me at how much I didn't want her to leave. I really did want her to stay – even after all of the shit we'd already been through in the past twenty minutes, I still wanted her to stay and keep me company.

"I'll get it done one way or another."

"I don't want to be more of a burden than I already am."

"If I promise to annoy the fuck out of you all day tomorrow, will you come and sit with me tonight?"

She looked up at me, raising an eyebrow.

"What?"

I raised my own eyebrow at her and shrugged, smirking.

"You seem to think you're bothering me right now, so if I promise to annoy you beyond words tomorrow during work, will you have dinner with me tonight?"

"That doesn't even…"

"I want to have dinner with you tonight, Bella," I said quietly, nodding once. "If you really want to go, I'll let you but I really want you to come and sit with me."

She shook her head and closed her eyes, reaching up with her free hand to rub her fingertips against her forehead.

"That doesn't make sense," she whispered, still shaking her head.

"Why?"

"You wanted me to… you said to forget… oh, I hate men."

I barked out a laugh and quickly covered my mouth with my hand as her head snapped up to mine, her eyes narrowed at me.

"You talk in circles!" she accused.

"So do you!"

She huffed and dropped her hand onto the container in her hands, pursing her lips at me.

"You really want me to stay?"

I dropped my hand to stuff it in my pocket and nodded.

"I really want you to stay. Gotta christen the new office, you know."

Her mouth dropped open and I laughed loudly, thankful that I was already leaning against the doorjamb or I probably would've fall on my ass.

"Ass," she mumbled, shaking her head and twisting her lips to the side.

"Come on," I laughed, motioning with my head to the hallway. "I'm hungry."

"I really am sorry," she said quietly, biting her bottom lip and looking down at her feet.

"Don't be," I said just as quietly, standing up straight. "Please."

She nodded and I turned around, looking over my shoulder as I started back to my office and watched as she followed a few steps behind me, her purse still over her shoulder and the container still gripped tightly in her hands. I looked straight ahead again, biting the inside of my cheek as I walked into my office again. I grabbed the container and placed it in the middle of my desk as I rounded it, watching as Bella awkwardly sat down in one of the chairs in front of me again. She slowly set her purse on the floor and the container on the very edge of the desk, her eyes cast down and her posture rigid.

_I_ did that to her this time. She was uncomfortable because of what _I'd_ done and said to her.

I swallowed hard and sat down, grabbing my plastic utensils before flicking open the top of the container and staring down at it.

"My mother didn't want me to become a doctor," I said quietly, taking a deep breath and looking up at her.

"You don't…"

"My father is a doctor and he was never home," I continued, shaking my head slightly. "I spent all my time with my mother and she gave free music lessons to anyone who wanted them. She taught me to play the piano and the guitar."

Bella looked up at me then, her eyes focused on my face as she placed her hands in her lap and leaned in.

"I resented my father almost as much as she did by the time I was graduating high school. I don't think that I've ever had a meaningful conversation with him in my entire life." I scoffed and reached up to run a hand through my hair. "I didn't want to be a doctor at first and when I made it to college, I was a music major. I was damn good at the piano and I enjoyed it. It was my outlet."

She was nodding at me, her lips pressed into a tight line.

"My roommate was taking courses to be a doctor and I finally asked him why he wanted to be one. I hadn't had the best example in my life and the thought of spending so much time away from my family when I finally had one and practically living at the hospital repulsed me." I smirked and shook my head, my hand automatically threading through my hair again. "But he told me that he wanted to save lives. He wanted to have that… pride at the end of the day when he went home and could say that he'd had a hand in saving someone's life. Keeping a family together and helping add on as many more years as they were supposed to have to their lives. And I just… got it."

I dropped my hand to the arm rest, shaking my head again.

"He still had time to go out with friends at the end of the day. He still went home during the holidays and he still had a _life_ outside of our studies. He worked hard and he busted his ass all the time, but he could still enjoy himself." I licked my lips and huffed out a breath. "And I realized that if Garrett could still have a life outside of everything, then why couldn't my father?"

"Edward, I'm so…"

"I'm not done," I said quietly, smiling softly at her.

She returned it weakly and nodded at me.

"I went with him to class one day out of pure curiosity. Just to see what it was all about and I spent the entire hour completely… enraptured with everything the professor was saying." I took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting my elbows on the desk. "I went and changed my major the minute I could. I called my mother that night, told her…" I absently scratched at my arm as I twisted my lips to the side. "She threatened to call and pull me out altogether and I told her that I'd do everything in my power to get back as soon as possible. She screamed and ranted and cried… called me a traitor; she brought up every little thing my father had ever done to us and my only response was that I wasn't him." I watched as she looked down at her lap. "She never forgave me for betraying her."

"But you didn't," Bella said quietly, shaking her head. "You followed your heart. You should _always_ follow your heart."

"My mother didn't see it that way."

"She should've supported you." I was surprised to hear the hint of anger in her voice and sat back in my chair, watching as she puffed out her cheeks. "That's what mothers are supposed to do. They're supposed to support you on everything that you want to do and it doesn't matter if it doesn't fit into their plans for you. Your happiness should mean everything to them."

"It sounds like your mother is a very amazing woman, Bella," I said softly.

She looked up at me and nodded.

"She is. She supports me the way that yours should've supported you. A mother should never say those things or make you feel bad about what _you_ want to do for the rest of your life. It's _your_ life and _you're_ going to be stuck in whatever decision you made back in college. You need to be _happy_ in what you're doing."

"I am now."

"It's something she should've supported you on. She should've been happy that you had that immediate passion for something that she didn't understand. You could've shown her differently; shown her that you're different than your father."

I nodded, impressed as I thought over her words. She was absolutely right. Her face was red, her eyes were narrowed at her legs; she looked pretty damn annoyed and she was pretty damn annoyed for something that _I_ had to go through. I'd heard of people being upset and pissed off about things that had happened to other people, but I'd never had anyone react this way to _me_.

I couldn't say that I hated it. I wasn't sure what to do with it, but I definitely didn't hate it.

"That wasn't right of her at all," she said softly, shaking her head and sighing. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that."

I smirked at her and shrugged, finally opening my wrapped utensils and pulling them out.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

I smiled as I cut into my chicken and speared it on the end of my fork, raising it in a mock toast to her.

"For listening."


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**Once again, you're all ten shades of amazing and I adore you more than I can possibly say. Thank you so very much for all the reviews and everyone that's telling everyone to read. Amazing. **

…**I need new words.**

**Anyway… I have blogs for both Stay and Pieces and those links are in my profile so if you'd like to follow them over there or what have you, be my guest.**

**Thanks to the beautiful, wonderful ladies that have beta'd for me or just read this beforehand in general; Angie, Amanda and Meg. I love all three of you unconditionally.**

**Oh, and if you're not reading Near You Always by ebalways or the one-shots by MrsAC **_**or**_** Breaking Bella by sixeightshuffle, I highly suggest that you do so now. They are amazing.**

**This chapter isn't as crazy emotional as the ones before, so I hope that you enjoy!**

~*~

***Bella***

"Bella?"

I looked up from picking tiny, balled up pieces of paper out of my hair to see Carlisle standing in the doorway, an eyebrow raised in my direction.

"Hi," I smiled sheepishly, immediately dropping my hands to my lap and trying to ignore the little piece of paper I could see hanging in my hair from the corner of my eye.

Fucking Edward and his god damned promises to annoy the shit out of me today. I had to give it to him – he kept his word and he was very fucking good at it. I wanted to strangle him a few hours ago when he started this shit.

He thought it was hilarious. I was tempted to choke him with his stethoscope.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure." I popped up out of my seat, flipping off Alice and Angela behind my back as they tried to unsuccessfully hold back their laughter. "Everything all right?"

"Just something I wanna talk to you about," he said easily, ushering me into his office ahead of him and closing the door behind us.

I quickly got comfortable, sliding my feet out of my heels and folding them beneath me as I sat down in one of the chairs that almost matched the ones in Edward's office. His were a dark red; Carlisle's were a forest green that matched the walls.

Carlisle turned the chair next to me and sat down facing me, clasping his hands in his lap and licking his lips.

"What's up?"

"How are you? I know we haven't really had much of a chance to sit down and talk. It's been hectic around here this week."

"I know and I'm fine," I said quietly, offering him a small smile and nodding.

He stared at me for a few moments before nodding and licking his lips again, sucking in a deep breath.

"Tanya came to me this morning," he started slowly and I sighed heavily, tilting my head and pulling one of my knees up to my chest. "She mentioned something about you and Edward being involved."

"You know she's out of her mind crazy, right?" I asked, leaning forward and resting my chin on my knee.

"Bella," he chastised, tilting his head and pursing his lips at me. "Tanya is a very good nurse…"

"Yes, she is," I agreed quickly, wrapping my arms around my leg, "but please, and I'm begging you right now, tell her to get some scrubs that fit?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I'll talk to her about it. Are you going to answer my question?"

"There's nothing going on between us, Carlisle."

"Is it true that you've been with him after work ever since he got here?"

"She was making him uncomfortable and he clearly didn't want to go anywhere with her. So I intervened. And we've only been out to coffee twice. We had dinner here last night."

"You stayed here… alone… with a man you barely know?"

"Yes."

"Bella," he said quietly, leaning forward on his elbows.

"Carlisle."

"I want to make sure you're okay. He didn't try anything with you, did he?"

I reached up and rubbed my forehead, closing my eyes tightly and shaking my head.

"No," I breathed out. "We just… we talked, Carlisle. That's all we do when we're together. We hang out, we talk…"

"Are you _sure_? Bella, you can tell me. He'll be gone in two seconds flat."

I smiled humorlessly and continued to shake my head. I could appreciate that he wanted to take care of me and watch over me and make sure that everything was all right, but did I really seem like I needed _that much_ protection from everyone? Edward was the first guy outside of Jake that I'd talked freely to and was able to actually laugh with and now Carlisle wanted to get rid of him for it.

It was absolutely amazing how fucked up my life could really be sometimes.

"I'm sure," I said quietly, looking over at him as I dropped my hand and opened my eyes. "Thank you."

He nodded but didn't move from his position, still watching me intently.

"Are you going to try therapy again?"

I ground my teeth together and sharply shook my head once, looking away from him and staring at one of his medical degrees hanging on the wall.

"Bella, I really think that it'd be good for you."

"I'm sure it would be," I agreed quietly, swallowing hard and forcing my jaw to relax. "But I can't. I cannot walk into that room and lay it all on the line for them to tell me that I need some heavy duty prescription drugs or should rightfully be in some sort of mental institution."

"Bella, you're not that bad. They won't even think…"

"They'll judge me," I said harshly, glaring over at him. "Everyone does."

"Bella…"

"It's been six years, Carlisle. I should be over it."

"You never get over something like this."

"I should be better," I spat, looking away from him again and bringing my other knee up to my chin.

"Everyone heals at their own pace."

"Six years?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at the back of his desk chair.

"If necessary."

I scoffed and closed my eyes again, shaking my head.

"I'm not ready," I whispered. "I thought I was but… I'm not."

"Okay," he said quietly and I felt his hand on my back, rubbing circles. "You can try another time, then."

I grunted in response and kept my eyes closed, breathing evenly as he kept rubbing my back.

He was only doing this because he cared about me. He – like my mother and Emmett – just wanted me to be okay again. I don't really remember a time when I _was_ okay, but I wanted to be that for them. They deserved that much and I wanted to be that for them someday.

I just didn't think that I could do it right _now_.

"Why don't you go get some air?" he suggested softly after a few minutes. "Take a walk, get some coffee… whatever you want to do."

I nodded and stood up, sliding my feet back into my shoes and smoothing down the non-existent wrinkles in my shirt.

"Do you want anything?"

He shook his head and stood up as well, quickly wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me into a hug. I sighed heavily and wrapped my arms around his trim waist, resting my cheek on his chest and closing my eyes again.

"I'm only trying to help, Bella."

"I know," I mumbled.

"Take as long as you want, all right?"

I nodded, knowing that if I was gone for more than fifteen minutes, it'd be a miracle. I needed a cigarette and maybe some more coffee; it would keep my mind occupied long enough so that I didn't have to _think_ about any of this shit anymore.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks."

He kissed the side of my head before releasing me and walking with me towards the door. I kept my head down as I walked down the hallway and into the front office, ignoring the looks I got from Alice and Angela as I grabbed my purse and slung it over my shoulder.

"Do you two want anything?" I asked quietly, tapping papers together in an effort to waste the time it would take for them to answer.

"Where are you going?" Alice asked, her voice quiet and cautious.

I bit my bottom lip and swallowed hard, knowing full well what that tone meant coming from her.

_She feels sorry for you. They all do. That's the only reason they try to make any effort at all to talk to you anymore. You just annoy all of them anyway._

"Jared's."

"No, thanks," Angela piped up, her voice almost matching Alice's.

I nodded and swallowed again, quickly walking out of the office and making my way into the lobby, sliding by children to grab my coat. I slung it over my arm before walking out of the building completely, my heart hammering against my chest as I took each step. I stopped at the corner of the road, dropping my purse to the ground and quickly sliding my coat over my shoulders before I bent down and grabbed my cigarettes and lighter. I slung my purse back over my shoulder and leaned back against the building as I lit it, taking a deep drag from it and closing my eyes once again.

The day had been going so damn well, too.

Edward had wasted no time in driving me insane as soon as we walked in. He held the creamer for my desperately needed coffee hostage in his office for twenty minutes, he jumped out of corners at me, he called the office from his cell phone, pretending to have a sick child and getting into it as far as making an appointment – with _himself_ – until he burst out laughing and hung up. The balled up pieces of paper had been his latest stunt; each time he'd walked into the front office, he'd dump an entire handful on my head before running into his office and locking the door so that I couldn't follow.

Now I understood why he wanted to be a pediatrician; he acted just like all the children he saw each day. He was driving me out of mind.

Sadly enough, I couldn't say that I hated it as much as I should've. It was nice to have fun without worrying about the consequences I'd have to deal with later on down the line.

But then… enter Carlisle with his heart of gold and questions that I didn't have the answers to.

Sighing heavily, I threw my finished cigarette into the street before crossing it and walking into the familiar red and brown dining room of Jared's Diner.

"Hey, Bella! Long time no see!" Embry Call exclaimed as he walked by me with a tray hoisted above his head.

"Hey, Embry," I smiled, stepping up to the counter to wait for him.

I loved this place and I hadn't realized how much I'd missed having lunch here. Embry and Quil – best friends since birth, it seemed – had taken over when Quil's uncle retired and this place had never been so busy. Everything was homemade – thanks to Quil's wife, Claire – and healthy and the two of them were pure entertainment. They fought like an old married couple and made sure that every table had laughed at one of them at least once during their meal. It was a very relaxed, calm and enjoyable environment that I hadn't visited nearly enough in the past week.

Embry finally made his way behind the counter, setting the tray at his feet and grinning at me as he wiped his hands on the front of his white apron. He reached for a coffee cup at his side, quickly turning to grab the carafe behind him.

"The usual, right?"

"Plus a black coffee, two sugars," I said without thinking, surprising myself.

I probably still had paper in my hair – confirmed when Embry reached across the counter and picked a few pieces out as he set my coffee down – and I was getting him _coffee_? What the hell was wrong with me?

…Aside from the obvious, of course.

"Do I want to know?" he asked, holding up the small piece of paper in between his fingers before throwing it over his shoulder and starting to fix Edward's coffee.

He grinned at me as he poured more than two spoonfuls of sugar into the black coffee when he turned to face me, snapping the to-go lid on top and pushing it over to me.

"Edward thinks he's funny," I grumbled, huffing as I pulled my wallet out of my purse.

"Ah, yes," he mused, reaching up and tapping his chin with his pointer finger. "He seems like a fun guy."

I rolled my eyes and smirked, throwing the money at him before replacing my wallet in my purse and grabbing the coffee cups.

"_Thanks_, Embry."

"No problem, Bella," he grinned, grabbing the tray from where he'd had it resting against the counter and turning to walk back towards the kitchen, yelling at Quil about there not being enough coffee out front.

I laughed and shook my head as I made my way out of the diner and back across the street. I took a deep breath before juggling both coffee cups and pushing through the door, once again stepping around children as I walked through the other door and made a beeline towards Edward's office. I could practically feel Alice and Angela's eyes on my back and merely stood up a little straighter, squaring my shoulders and taking another deep breath as I stood outside his door. I managed to tap my knuckles carefully against the distorted glass, able to see his blurry figure sitting at his desk.

"Come in!" he called cheerfully.

I pursed my lips and glared at the blurry edges of him. Sure, I could've easily juggled the cups in my hands again but with him just sitting there, undoubtedly thinking of another way to annoy me today, I was _not_ opening this door.

"I would if I could."

I watched as his blurry figure moved from his desk, carefully approaching the door. I snorted as he stood still on the other side, obviously eyeing me.

"Do you come in peace?"

"I'm not a freaking alien, Edward."

"What's in your hands?" he asked as he plastered himself up against the door.

I laughed loudly, biting my bottom lip as I heard footsteps behind me. I could clearly make out the tip of his nose and his fingertips against the glass and the thought of even _trying_ to hold back any type of laughter at that point was out of the question.

"Coffee," I managed, clearing my throat when I heard a very Tanya-like huff from behind me before her footsteps disappeared down the hallway.

"For me?"

I rolled my eyes and tilted my head, staring at his white fingertips against the glass.

"No. I bought it for Carlisle and just feel like leaving it with you to taunt you."

"Then why would I let you in?"

"Would you open the door?" I laughed, kicking it gently.

"Fine," he huffed dramatically, pulling open the door and eyeing me. "It's really coffee?"

I nodded, rolling my eyes again as I handed it to him.

"What else would it be?"

"Mud?" he shrugged, grinning at me before taking the cup from my hand.

"You are… absolutely absurd."

He nodded once at me before moving out of the way and using his free hand to invite me inside.

"How'd you get the privilege of going on a coffee run?" he asked as I tentatively took a step inside and let my purse fall from my shoulder, dangling around my elbow.

"I needed some air."

He seemed to freeze, slowly looking over at me.

"Just say the word, Bella, and I'll stop."

"It's not you." I smiled humorlessly for the second time within an hour and shook my head, shifting uneasily on my feet as I stood in the doorway. Not only was _I_ a paranoid wreck, but I seemed to have turned _him_ into one, too. "It's just… life."

He nodded, pulling back the plastic cover on his lid and lifting the cup to his lips.

"Still on for dinner tonight?" he asked as he rounded his desk and sat back in his chair.

"As long as you're still paying."

"That was the deal. And now I owe you a coffee, too."

I rolled my eyes and waved him off, wrapping both of my hands tightly around the cup and looking down at it.

"Don't worry about it."

"Edward? Your next appointment is here," Tanya sneered, suddenly appearing in the doorway, slapping a file against her palm as she glared at me. "Shouldn't you be _working_?"

Her scrubs consisted of Woody the Woodpecker today.

I had no words. My mouth moved, but no sound came out and all I really wanted to do was laugh my ass off. Where the hell would she even _find_ scrubs like those? The kids probably had no idea who the little red cartoon bird even was.

Edward coughed, obviously covering up a laugh as he stood up and walked over to me. I was too busy trying to form some sort of coherent thought about her scrubs and trying to figure out what to say to her without making it seem like harassment to notice that his hand was on my elbow.

"Thank you for the coffee, Bella," he managed, clearing his throat. "I'll see you tonight."

His thumb was rubbing up and down through my coat and by the time I realized that I should've flinched away from him and put ten feet of space between us, he was walking out of the office with Tanya quick on his heels. I blinked after him, swallowing hard and shaking my head. Wasn't gonna dwell on that right now; my mind was full and I refused to make it any worse.

I looked around his office, noticing that he'd already put some books on the shelves, a black iHome with a silver iPod was on the edge of his desk and there was even a rather large plant in the corner. There weren't any personal pictures of his family or anyone I could assume were friends framed anywhere in the office and I tilted my head slightly.

Was he completely alone out here? He had to have friends back in Chicago… maybe even a girlfriend of some sort that he still kept in contact with. He was a relatively gorgeous man and I couldn't imagine him not having _anyone_ in his life anymore.

Shrugging and sighing, I walked out, closing the door behind me as I made my way back to the front office. I set the coffee on the counter and dropped my purse to the floor, kicking it underneath and shrugging out of my coat.

"Everything okay, Bella?" Angela asked, her voice still cautious.

"Yes," I said quietly, turning to look at the both of them and smiling a little. "Everything's fine."

As I walked out of the office and back into the main lobby to hang up my coat, I realized that for once this entire week, everything really _was_ fine.

~*~

I jumped and looked up when I felt something hit the top of my head and my eyes narrowed when I saw Edward standing in the doorway, a cheeky grin on his face as he leaned against the doorjamb and crossed his arms over his chest.

"What do you want?" he asked, jerking his chin in my direction.

"I want you to stop throwing things at me," I laughed, picking up the blue pen cap from where it fell on my blotter and chucking it back at him.

"To _eat_, Bella," he sighed dramatically, easily catching the pen cap in his hands and throwing it up in the air. "What do you want to _eat_?"

"I'll go get it," I said easily, shrugging as I leaned my elbows on the counter. "Tell me what you want."

"You went yesterday. I'll go today."

"You also have work to do."

He shrugged and rolled his eyes, waving me off and standing up straight. He walked into the office and I swirled around in my chair, watching as he sat down in Alice's seat and continued to throw the pen cap up above him.

"It'll still be here when I get back." He caught the pen cap on its way down, raising an eyebrow at me and pursing his lips. "Will you be?"

"Do you not trust me or something?" I smirked.

He grinned and shook his head, throwing the pen cap up again.

"About as much as I trust Tanya."

My mouth dropped open and I reached behind me, grabbing the first thing my fingers wrapped around – that being the edge of my blotter – and reached over to smack him with it. He laughed, losing the pen cap and holding his hands up to shield his face as I continued to hit him.

"That was insulting!" I exclaimed, standing up and taking a step towards him. "I am _so_ much more trustworthy!" I reached out and grabbed one of his hands in my own, ignored the tingling sensation coursing up my arm as I pulled it away from his face and smacked the top of his head with the blotter. "She's a dirty ho!"

He laughed loudly, reaching up with his free hand to grab the other edge of the blotter. I dropped his hand and pulled, biting my bottom lip as he did the same.

"Say it!" I exclaimed, eyeing him as I continued to pull.

"Say what?" he laughed, pulling back and causing me to almost lose my balance.

I dug my heels into the carpet and pursed my lips at him, tugging on the edge of the blotter with all of my strength and only succeeding in making him lurch forward a little bit. Maybe I needed to start going to the gym if I was going to be forced into impromptu tug-of-war fights.

"That you trust me more than her!"

"But I don't trust her, either!"

"No one trusts her, dumb shit," I laughed, glaring at him as I continued to yank on the blotter.

"Bella," he laughed, yanking hard on his end of the blotter.

I squeaked out a scream as I lurched forward and let go of my end, my hands landing on his chest as I leaned over him. We amazingly didn't move and I didn't end up pushing us both on our asses as I could only thankfully assume that he had his heels dug into the carpet as well. Our foreheads were almost touching and our eyes were immediately connected. My heart began beating rapidly in my chest and I heard him swallow hard as he dropped the blotter to the floor.

"I don't tell anyone about my parents," he said quietly. "Not unless I have to."

"You didn't have to tell me."

His lips twitched into a small smirk before it disappeared and he nodded, his forehead bumping gently into mine as he did so.

"Exactly."

My eyes widened as it clicked and it was my turn to swallow hard.

"Oh."

"Yeah," he said slowly, huffing out a breath through his nose.

"Oh for fuck's sake, get a room!"

I jumped away from him when I heard Tanya's voice float in through the doorway and nervously wrapped one arm around my waist, tangling the other in my hair. I'd forgotten about her still being here; it had been so peaceful and quiet without her yesterday afternoon that it had been easy to forget that she still existed.

"Hello, Tanya," Edward said easily.

"I told Carlisle about this, you know," she sneered, glaring at the both of us. "He didn't approve."

"What?"

I looked over to see Edward's face pale and swallowed hard, torn between wanting to laugh hysterically and hide underneath the counter to avoid what was sure to be an interesting conversation.

"Edward," I said softly.

His frantic eyes snapped to mine and he reached up to run his hands through his hair. Tanya sniffed satisfactorily before stomping to wherever it is that she needed to go and I listened to hear a door slam.

"He's… she's… he's gonna fire us!" he squeaked.

"He's not going to fire us," I said softly, shaking my head and licking my bottom lip. "He asked me about it earlier and I told him that nothing was going on. It's fine. Our jobs are safe."

I couldn't stop the thoughts running through my head and swallowed hard, still shaking my head at him. Would being with me in that way really be such a horrible thing for him? I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes briefly, biting my bottom lip and reaching down to grab the blotter from the floor next to him.

Yes, it would be, because I didn't want it either. I didn't want anything with anyone.

I set the blotter back on the counter, my eyes landing on the picture and my left hand immediately going to my right wrist, rubbing against the tattoo there.

"So, uhm… what do you want to eat?"

"I can get it."

"Do we really need to go over all of this again?" he laughed quietly.

"I'm done for the day, Edward."

"Well, then we can both go," he decided. "And then we can both come back here and eat it."

I pursed my lips and snorted, shaking my head as I turned around to face him again. He was smirking at me, once again completely relaxed in Alice's chair with his hands in his lap and his feet resting on the bars of the chair.

"Doesn't that defeat the purpose?"

He shrugged easily before standing up and stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Well, you won't actually go _out_ to dinner with me so…" he trailed off, his smirk turning into a full-fledged grin as I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You have work to do!" I exclaimed, laughing incredulously at him.

"And I always manage to get it done, don't I?"

Yes, he did, and I never understood how. Between all the conversations we'd had in the past week and all the issues I'd had with everything about him, it was amazing that he still managed to get anything done at all.

"Besides, tomorrow's Saturday. I have the whole weekend to get it done."

"Just wait until Carlisle makes you start volunteering at the hospital on the weekends."

He merely raised an eyebrow at me, crossing his arms over his chest and tilting his head a little to the side.

"_Fine_! Let's go," I huffed.

He bounced from foot to foot excitedly before he swept his arms in front of him, motioning me to go first. I rolled my eyes and snorted at him, grabbing my purse from the floor before walking out of the office and down the hallway. I waited for him as he presumably grabbed his briefcase from his office, playing with my purse strap as he walked into the lobby and shrugged his coat on, still grinning at me. I rolled my eyes and snorted as he held the door open for me and we walked outside. I waited for him again as he ran to his car and dropped his briefcase in the back, nearly sprinting back and standing proudly next to me.

Bastard wasn't even breathing hard.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked as we started down the sidewalk.

"I may not answer it."

I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and hunched his shoulders against the cold.

"You seem close to Carlisle."

I waited for the question he wanted to ask and turned to face him as we reached the corner of the street, an eyebrow raised.

"And?"

"Why is that?"

I sucked in a deep breath and huffed it out, turning to look out across the street, my eyes landing on Jared's brick exterior.

"I started working here four years ago and I was a wreck," I started, looking up and down the street before crossing it and waiting for him to catch up to me. "I'd managed to royally screw up about three important appointments and came very close to having a panic attack when Carlisle asked me about them. I had to tell him everything then."

He pulled open the door to Jared's for me again and I waved at Quil to let him know that we were there before I walked over to a booth near the back and shrugged out of my jacket again. I sat down and waited for him to get situated before playing with my fingernails and sucking in a deep breath.

"He became a father figure to me," I said quietly. "He's been there for me and my brother – and my mother when necessary – since then."

"Huh," he nodded, tapping his fingertips against the polished brown tabletop. "That's really pretty cool of him."

"He's a pretty cool guy. So don't worry about our jobs." I cleared my throat and flattened my hands on my thighs. "I promise they're safe."

He nodded again.

"Has Tanya always been that way?"

I smirked and looked up at his shoulder, nodding.

"She doesn't like not getting her way. She's never really liked me."

"Why's that?"

I shrugged and laughed nervously, biting my bottom lip.

"I bring the worst out in people."

"I find that hard to believe," he scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"You don't know me well enough yet."

"I'm trying to."

My shoulders dropped and I leaned into the table, resting my chest against the edge of it and pursing my lips.

"_Why_?"

"You seem…"

"Hey, Bella! Twice in one day!" Embry grinned as he appeared at the end of our table.

Oh, he has the _worst_ timing ever. I'd been trying to figure out why Edward had been so damn interested in talking to me all damn week and when I'm finally getting an answer, we get interrupted.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Then he turned to Edward and his grin somehow managed to get a little wider. "Hey, Edward."

Edward laughed and nodded at him in greeting. I sat up straight and sighed quietly, shaking my head at the both of them.

"We just want food. After work; start of the weekend…" I shrugged at him, smiling. "And of course, I couldn't get enough of you the first time."

He threw his head back and laughed, hooking his thumbs into his apron pockets and rocking back on his heels.

"Naturally," he stated as he lifted his head and shrugged easily. "Your usual?"

I nodded, looking over at Edward to see that his eyebrows were pulled together and his lips were pursed in my direction.

"And for you, sir?" Embry asked, standing up straight and wiggling his hips a little.

I snorted at him and reached over to smack his side, rolling my eyes. He squealed in only the way that he could and jumped away from me, glaring at me before quickly turning his attention back to Edward.

"Uhm… whatever she's having," Edward nodded at him, clasping his hands together on the top of the table.

"Coffee for the both of you?"

"Yes," we said at the same time.

Embry looked between us with a raised eyebrow before nodding and turning on his heel, whistling to himself as he walked to another table. Edward reached over and grabbed the ketchup bottle, twirling it in his hands as he stared at it, his eyebrows still pulled together.

"You okay?" I asked tentatively, trying to figure out what I could've possibly done or said to make him upset.

"Yeah," he said slowly, staring hard at the ketchup bottle. "How long have you known him?"

"Four years. I met him when I started working for Carlisle."

He nodded, licking his lips.

"Why?" I asked just as slowly.

"I'm wondering how long it's going to take you to trust me, is all," he said quietly and I _had_ to be imagining the small bit of… _longing_ in his voice.

What was _that_ all about?

"Why is it so important?"

"I don't know."

I pursed my lips and nodded once, tapping my fingertips against my thighs as I watched him slowly twirl the ketchup bottle around in front of him.

"That clears things up."

His lips twitched into a smirk and he sighed heavily, purposefully pushing the bottle away from him and nodding.

"Doesn't it?"

I licked my lips and took a deep breath, placing my hands flat on the table and staring down at my fingernails, bracing myself.

_Don't do it, Bella. Don't give him anything he doesn't need to have._

His words kept ringing in my head – _"…wondering how long it's going to take you to trust me"_ – and the way his voice had sounded…

_He deserves __**something**_.

"Okay," I breathed, licking my lips again. "Everyone I get close to leaves." I swallowed hard and closed my eyes tightly, forcing even breaths in and out of my lungs. "Most people in my life don't stick around for long so I don't… I've stopped trusting most. I'm sure you will be no different."

My eyes snapped open when I felt his fingertips of one hand touching mine on the table, a shock flowing up my arm from the contact. I stared at our fingertips, pressed together on the brown tabletop and swallowed hard, pressing my lips together.

He had long fingers; probably perfect for playing the piano and guitar. His nails were short and surprisingly well kept. The veins crisscrossed against the back of his hand, standing out underneath his pale skin and disappearing at the wrist of his black sweater.

"I push everyone away," I said, my voice thick as I kept staring at our touching fingertips. "I don't mean to, but I guess I do. I can't… I'm not a good person, I'm not a good friend. You'll see that and you'll leave, too."

"You don't know that," he said softly and the tone of his voice – the caring and secure tone that I only heard from Carlisle, Emmett and my mother made me want to believe him.

But I wasn't delusional. I had my feet firmly planted on the ground and I _knew_ that he'd be no different than anyone else. He'd get annoyed with me, tired of me, and before I realized it, he'd be gone too.

"Yes, I do."

He placed his pointer fingertip on mine, slowly applying pressure before dragging it down and off. I bit my bottom lip and swallowed hard, watching as he repeated the motion.

"You're _real_," he said quietly. "You don't sugar coat anything and for the most part, you've been up front and honest with me. I'm not asking for anything more than that."

"I can't give you more than that. This is me, Edward. This is all I've got left."

"Well," he started slowly, still dragging his fingertip up and down my nail, "I guess it's good that I didn't know you before, huh? I can't expect anything else if I don't know any better, can I?"

My mouth opened and closed and I blinked at our fingertips, swallowing hard as I tried to find some way to dispute that. The electric sparks shooting from his fingertips into mine weren't unwelcomed and the way he kept stroking my fingernail was soothing more than anything. I didn't understand it, but I wasn't wholeheartedly opposed to it, either. And I didn't understand _that _either.

"I'm not good enough," I managed, clearing my throat. "I'm not a good friend for you."

"Is that what we are? Friends?"

"We shouldn't be."

"And if I wanted us to be?"

"You'll regret it."

"I doubt that."

"You don't know…"

"And neither do you," he interrupted softly, still stroking my fingernail.

"It's happened before."

"We can make it different."

"It won't work."

"Are you scared?"

_Terrified_.

My eyes shot up to his and all I saw there was understanding. I swallowed hard and slowly dragged my hand away from his, leaning back in the booth and licking my lips. My arm tingled a bit from the aftershocks and I sucked in a deep breath.

"I don't have any guy friends anymore." I looked away from him, watching a couple across the room. "Jake's it. I'm not _good_ at relationships with guys – friendly or otherwise."

"Then they didn't put enough effort into it."

I rolled my eyes and watched as the couple stood up over the table, their lips connecting over the napkin dispenser in the middle of the table, their hands holding tightly onto the edges of the table so that they didn't fall too far one way.

"It wasn't them," I said quietly, shaking my head.

"Bella, let me _try_."

I looked over at him again to see that he was completely serious. His lips weren't twitching into a poorly concealed mocking grin and his eyes weren't crinkling at the corners in an effort to hold in the laughter. He actually _meant_ that.

"I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm just asking to be your friend."

"I'll screw it up."

"I won't let you."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest and looking back to the couple. They were sitting down now, their hands clasped together across the table and stupid looks of adoration lining their faces.

_Morons._

"Bella, please let me try."

"Why is it so important to you?"

"Because I don't have many friends anymore either. And if we have to be alone, we should be alone together."

I looked back at him and raised an eyebrow, pursing my lips and watching as he grinned quickly at me, sitting up a little straighter on his side of the booth and tapping his fingertips against the tabletop.

"Agreed?" he asked brightly.

"There's something wrong with you," I grumbled.

"Yet, you keep hanging out with me."

"Not that you give me much of a choice in the matter," I smirked, pursing my lips at him.

"You're more than welcome to say no to me whenever you want," he stated, huffing and crossing his arms over his chest, pouting as he looked at the wall next to us.

I laughed at him and shook my head, watching as he grinned at the wall before turning to me again and letting his arms fall to his lap.

"But that's not what friends do, is it?" I asked quietly, sucking in a deep breath and flattening my hands on the tabletop again, watching as my fingertips turned white as I dug them into the surface.

"No," he said quietly and I looked up at him to see a very serene smile playing on his lips, "it's not."

I nodded once at him, taking another deep breath. I could do this. We could do this. He seemed damned and determined – for some reason that I don't think I'd ever fully understand – to be my friend. The worst that would happen was that I'd end up proving him right and he'd leave. And if I was already prepared for it, it wouldn't hurt nearly as badly as everyone before.


	8. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**I love all of you. Beyond words. Beyond… anything, really. You make writing this and posting it worth it and I can't thank you all enough for taking the time out to review and send me PM's and the like. We all know how I suck at replying to reviews, but I do have the Twilighted boards, my LiveJournal and my Twitter – all of which are linked in my profile (I have the same name on Twitter as I do here; crimsonmarie). So if you want to talk to me or some such thing, please add me through them.**

**Oh, and don't forget to vote for Stay – or any other story you're a fan of – at the Twilight All Human Fan Fiction Awards that are currently going on! The link for that is also on my profile.  
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**And, of course, thanks to my lovelies: Angie, Amanda and Meg. I love you girls so very much. :)**

**I'm done. Enjoy!**

~*~

***Edward***

I stared at my coffee machine, flicking the switch one more time. No bright red light indicating that it was on; no gurgling. Nothing was happening.

I blinked at it, flicking the switch off and then back on, narrowing my eyes at it when it just sat there quietly. I leaned to the right, staring at the outlet behind it to see that yes, it was plugged in.

It was just broken.

"Fucking piece of shit," I grumbled, hitting it once in hopes that might make it work.

Nothing.

Fucking clearance bullshit.

Grumbling to myself, I yanked on the cord and unplugged it, glaring at it once more before I stomped into the living room and grabbed my shoes from the end of the couch.

This was not how I wanted to spend my Saturday. I'd slept in until noon, had spent another hour in bed grinning at the damn ceiling for no fucking reason other than the fact that I'd been able to sleep in and do so without waking up fifteen times during the night and then had wanted my coffee. I'd taken a long ass shower and had gotten dressed before making my way into the kitchen, humming under my breath and tapping my fingertips against my thigh while I stared happily at the little black coffee maker sitting on the granite countertop. I'd wanted my coffee and then I'd wanted to spend the rest of the damn day with my ass in front of the television before I even thought about working on the files in my briefcase.

Was that really too much to ask for?

I shoved my foot into my shoe and glared at the bottom of the entertainment center in front of me as I tied the laces, standing up and grabbing my coat from the back of the armchair.

Yes, apparently, it was. Now I had to leave my little bubble of contentment to go get some damn coffee that I desperately needed before coming back and just generally being pissed off about my plans being ruined.

I locked the door behind me as I walked out, jiggling my keys in my hand as I ran down the three flights of stairs and pushed through the heavy glass door in the small lobby. I quickly found my car, got in, still grumbling about my stupid coffee machine as I pulled out of the parking lot, and started in the direction of the little coffee shop Bella had taken us to.

I tapped my fingertips against the steering wheel and twisted my lips to the side as her name popped into my head.

We were friends. At least, I was pretty sure that we were. Or we were getting there. One way or another, we were something more than coffee buddies. She was slowly starting to open up to me, I think.

Hell, I didn't fucking know.

I sighed in frustration and gripped the steering wheel tightly as I pulled into the parking lot and jammed the car into park once I found a space.

I knew that she and Carlisle were close and I knew the reason. Part of the reason. Her almost panic attack the day she screwed things up had to have more to do with her father leaving her and it was obvious that she'd left it out.

How could you have friendship without trust?

I growled and slammed my way out of the car, stomping my way up to the door of the coffee house and pushing through it. I kept my eyes on the counter and stood impatiently in line, tapping my toes on the grey runner beneath me and ignoring everyone else around me.

I wanted my coffee and I wanted to get out. I had a whole day of doing nothing ahead of me and I wanted to get back to it as soon as possible.

I was starting to trust her, damn it. I didn't tell _anyone_ about my parents – aside from Carlisle and that was only because it was pretty fucking unavoidable – and I'd told _her_. I'd told her about my parents and it wasn't just because she told me about her father. Yes, it was my way of apologizing for snapping at her, but it was because I was feeling more comfortable with her. I was learning to trust her and it had taken me fifteen minutes to convince her that we could even be _friends_.

Why was I even putting this much effort into her? Why was I so fucking determined to have her as my friend? She had what appeared to be a shit-ton of baggage and any normal fucking guy would turn the other way and run for the hills after the first day. Why was I the stupid fuck that wanted to know what caused all of that?

I took a step forward as the line moved up, huffing and standing up on my toes to see how much longer it would take to get a damn cup of coffee. Seriously, was someone ordering all of what was offered for coffee?

And what the hell was up with the damn shocks I felt each time I touched her bare skin? When I touched her fingertips yesterday, it was as if my arms were buzzing with electricity and as much as I'd initially wanted to, I hadn't been able to pull away from her. It wasn't wholly unpleasant and she hadn't pulled away from me as quickly as I thought she would've. I didn't know what it meant – if anything – but I was damn sure that I didn't like it. I didn't need this shit; I didn't come here for _this_.

I finally made it up to the counter and ordered the largest sized coffee cup they had, ignoring the way the barista batted her eyes and tried to start conversation while she took her sweet ass time pouring.

Any other day and I might've indulged her a little; maybe even given her my number and taken her out. It had been too long since I'd felt a woman beneath me and the blonde with the glass blue eyes would've been a perfect candidate. But today, I just wanted my damn coffee. And I wanted Bella out of my head.

If I couldn't have the latter, I definitely needed the former.

I tilted my head at the barista as she slowly dumped the sugar into the cup, running my tongue along my teeth.

Maybe the way to get Bella out of my head was wrapped up in this girl. Maybe she could help and maybe I could actually remember what it felt like to be a normal twenty-six year old man who had urges and acted on them without _thinking_ about so much shit.

The barista – Penny, her nametag proudly declared – slid the cup over to me and I reached in my back pocket for my wallet.

"So… Penny," I started, handing over my debit card.

"Yes?" she grinned, biting her bottom lip as she slid the card.

"What time do you - ?"

I heard a loud peal of extremely familiar laughter ring through the dismal crowd and turned in the right direction, my eyes immediately landing on Bella's flushed face in the corner by the door.

Fuck. Me.

"Yes, Edward?" Penny purred.

I looked back at her and shook my head, trying to clear it as I puffed out my cheeks and sighed.

"Close. What time do you close?" I finished lamely, grabbing both my card and coffee.

"Seven," she grumbled, her face falling as she sighed heavily.

"Right. Okay. Thanks."

I quickly stepped out of line and stood halfway between the counter and the door, nervously tapping my debit card against my thigh as I contemplated the chances of getting out of here without her seeing me.

She was laughing. Her entire face was lit up and her cheeks were flushed red as she threw something small at the man across from her. She was comfortable being near him in a way that she had yet to be with me and I immediately felt an irrational surge of something very fucking close to jealously shoot through my veins. My hand tightened around my coffee cup and I stopped tapping my card against my thigh in fear that I might give myself a bruise.

I wasn't sure what pissed me off more; being unjustifiably jealous of Bella being out with some other guy or the fact that she was clearly comfortable with him. From the glimpse I'd gotten of her friend Jake a few days ago, it was easy to tell that it wasn't the same guy. And she'd clearly said that she didn't have any other guy friends.

So what in the fuck was going on here? Had she lied to me? Great fucking way to start out a friendship.

Scowling at the back of the mountain sitting in front of her, I hastily shoved my debit card into my jacket pocket and reached up to run my hand through my hair.

Apparently, we weren't friends after all.

Fighting the urge to growl, I slowly started towards the door, my eyes narrowed at the stone floor and my free hand still tangled in my hair at the top of my head.

It was none of my business. Having to expend massive amounts of energy and apparently meaningless words to try being just her _friend_ wasn't worth it.

Fuck. I wonder if there were still any openings at the hospital in New York City.

"Oh, hey Edward!"

I dropped my hand and closed my eyes tightly, immediately stopped walking and turned to face her when I heard her voice.

That's what I get for coming to a place that she introduced me to. There was a very good chance that she would've been here but in my stupid need to get caffeine through my system, I hadn't been _thinking_ about that.

That's the last time I'll be making that mistake.

I opened my eyes and smiled tightly at her.

"Hey, Bella."

She grinned at me, easily leaning back in the seat and crossing her arms over her chest.

"How's it going?"

"Uhm… well…" I shrugged, looking over at the mountain of a man that was sitting in front of her. He didn't look all that thrilled. "It's going."

"Bad?" she asked, the grin immediately faltering as she sat up straight and dropped her hands in her lap.

Well, fuck, now she was concerned. Why couldn't I just have said _everything's fine_? Nope. Had to be an idiot and tell her how I actually _was_.

"No. My, uh… my coffee machine broke this morning," I laughed weakly, holding up the cup in my hand. "And I had a whole day planned of not leaving my apartment."

"Oh," she grinned again, placing her hands flat on her thighs. "Well, I'm sorry that it broke but glad that it got you out of the house for just a little while. Everyone needs to get out eventually."

"Yeah," I agreed slowly, nodding and shifting awkwardly as I shoved my free hand into my jacket pocket and began thumbing the edges of my debit card.

The mountain cleared his throat and I sucked in a deep breath before looking over at him. He had curly brown hair on the top of his head and everything about him was just _huge_ – his hands, his jaw, his entire body could've crushed mine with one simple step.

"Oh!" Bella exclaimed, sitting up straight and smiling brightly as she reached out to grab her cup in her hands. "Edward, this is my brother, Emmett. Emmett, this is Edward."

Her _brother_, Emmett. Not whatever I thought he was. My shoulders relaxed and I took a step forward, shook my hand out of my jacket pocket and held it out almost happily to the mountain sitting with her.

_Way to overreact, asshole._

"Nice to meet you," I nodded at him.

"Yeah, you too," he said slowly, grabbing my hand and squeezing as he shook it.

I grit my teeth together to hold back the wince and forced myself not to narrow my eyes at him. This man was very capable of killing me easily and I wasn't going to be the ass that provoked him. Plus, being killed in a coffeehouse is _not_ the way I ever wanted to go.

"Do you want to join us?" Bella asked as Emmett finally released my hand. "He's trying to get me to buy a motorcycle and I need someone else to help me vote no."

I quickly shoved my hand back in my pocket, flexing my fingers and raising an eyebrow at her.

"Bella, you will be _fine_," Emmett stated, smirking at her. "It's easier than a car."

"Em, I can't ride a damn bike!" she laughed, shaking her head. "What makes you think I can drive a motorcycle?"

"You can't ride a bike?" I asked incredulously, chuckling at her.

She looked up at me again, shaking her head as she bit her bottom lip and her cheeks turned pink.

"Really?"

"No!" she laughed, moving over a little on the bench seat running the length of the wall by the door.

She patted the now empty spot beside her almost absently before leaning back again. I sighed inwardly and slid in next to her, face-to-face with her extremely large and obviously curious and appraising brother.

_Should've kept walking, moron. You could've talked your way out of this somehow when you saw her on Monday._

"I have no balance on a bike," she explained, twisting her coffee cup around in her hands. "If you put me on a motorcycle, I will kill myself and probably three others."

"Three?" Emmett asked, raising an eyebrow at her as he lifted his cup of coffee.

"Yes, three. I don't need a motorcycle, Em."

"Where the hell did you get three from?"

She shrugged easily.

"Seems to be a good number."

"Four would just be too much? I asked, placing my coffee cup on the table in front of me and shrugging out of my jacket.

"And two wouldn't be enough?" Emmett piped in.

"Shut up!" she laughed, shaking her head. "It was the first number to come to me!"

"Random. Bella…"

"No! And that's my final answer!" she laughed, pointing at him.

"You're no fun!"

"I'm keeping the streets of Forks safe," she said innocently, lifting her own coffee and I saw the grin as she sipped from it.

"In that case, you shouldn't be driving, either!"

She snatched a yellow packet of Splenda from the black container next to her and chucked it at him. He laughed and caught it easily before throwing it back at her.

"You're gonna get us kicked out!" she exclaimed, setting her cup down on the table with a snap.

"You started it!"

"Logistics," she laughed, waving her hand at him as she plucked the packet from where it had landed in her lap and began twisting it in between her fingers.

"Why does she need a motorcycle?" I asked, looking over at Emmett.

"The shop has one too many and it's getting crowded. You want one?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Where do you work?"

"Yamaha in Port Angeles," he sighed dramatically, glaring at Bella when she snorted at him. "Why?"

"Maybe I'm interested in buying a motorcycle."

"Seriously?" Bella laughed, turning completely and looking over at me incredulously.

I shrugged, forcing myself to relax as I leaned back against the seat.

There was something about meeting Bella's brother that had me on edge. Aside from the fact that he could easily kill me with a flick of his wrist, it felt like I was under a microscope.

But she was relaxed and I _liked_ this side of Bella. I wasn't going to chance ruining the way she grinned at me. I liked her smile; I liked it a lot.

"Why not? I can ride a bike."

Her mouth dropped open and she reached over, shoving my shoulder roughly and laughing.

"Asshole!" she exclaimed.

I laughed and reached over, gently pinching her side and watching as she squirmed away from me, glaring at me before she stood up and placed her hands on her hips.

"I hate you both," she declared before sticking her nose in the air, slamming the Splenda packet on the table by her cup and stomping her way to the bathroom.

I watched as she did so, smirking and shaking my head as I leaned my elbows on the table, twining my fingers together.

I liked her like this; seeing her so free and easy-going and completely relaxed even with me sitting next to her. Her entire face lit up and she looked like a completely different person from the one I saw every day at the office. She wasn't guarded, she wasn't scared and she was the Bella I wanted to get to know better.

"So where are you from again?"

I was brought out of my little reverie when I heard Emmett's voice, only to realize that I'd been staring at Bella's ass as she walked away. And with the way Emmett's eyebrow was raised in my direction, he plainly knew it and didn't approve.

"Chicago," I said quickly, clearing my throat.

"Why'd you come here? They've gotta have better opportunities out there."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, reaching forward and grabbing my coffee cup in between both of my hands.

"It was time for me to leave."

"Why's that?"

I stared at him, drumming my fingertips against the sides of my coffee cup as I ran my tongue along my teeth.

"Unforeseen circumstances."

"So you ran away."

"I don't think that's any of your business."

He nodded, looking out of the window behind me.

"Don't fuck with her head."

"Maybe you should tell her the same."

He nodded again, his eyes meeting mine once more.

"She's my sister," he said simply. "She comes first."

I nodded at him, watching as he glanced back out the window and fisted his hand underneath his chin.

We sat in an awkward silence, both of us avoiding the other's gaze as we waited for Bella to return. She was the only one that kept any conversation going and I feared that if I said something else, I really would die in this damn coffeehouse.

"What'd I miss?"

We both jumped a little when Bella approached the table again, clapping her hands before plopping back into her seat and leaning back.

"Not too much," Emmett stated, straightening up in his chair and grinning at her. "Are you _sure_ about the bike, Bells?"

"I'm _positive_, damn it," she laughed, propping one knee up against the table and sticking her tongue out at him. "Ask him." She jerked her thumb in my direction and I smirked at her. "He seemed interested."

"If you want one, we can get that worked out," he nodded at me. "Come down to the shop when you have time."

I nodded back at him, lifting my cup to my lips again.

"Thanks."

"Sure." He looked down at his watch and sighed heavily, shaking his head and looking up at Bella. "I have to go. You know how Rose gets when I'm late…"

She nodded and forced a smile on her face, standing up as he did and wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. His arms wound around her shoulders and his head dipped down by her ear.

I looked away from them, pursing my lips as I looked over at the counter and caught the eye of Penny as she made another coffee for the lanky guy standing at the counter. She was probably a very nice girl that had little to no baggage. And if she did have baggage, God knows it couldn't be any worse than what Bella's has so far appeared to be.

So why in fuck was I rooted to this seat while Bella said goodbye to her brother, waiting almost anxiously to get her alone so that I could talk to her some more? There was something insanely wrong with me; there had to be. Normal, _sane_ people didn't try this hard at something that should just be natural to them.

Normal, _sane_ _men_ didn't give up a blonde that was clearly interested for a brunette that flinched away from them on a daily basis.

"It was nice to meet you, Edward."

I looked back to see that Emmett was shrugging his coat on over his shoulders and picking up what I presumed was his now empty coffee cup.

"Yeah, you too."

He nodded, waved at Bella and walked towards the door, chucking the cup in the garbage nearby before walking out.

"So you're serious about getting a motorcycle?"

I looked back at her and watched as she propped her knee back up on the table, placing her hands flat on her stomach as she leaned against the booth and looked over at me. She looked so damn relaxed and content that it was hard to remember why I'd wanted to avoid her in the first place.

"I really am," I smiled, leaning back as well and stretching my legs out in front of me.

"Any particular reason?"

I shrugged easily, reaching forward and grabbing my coffee cup.

"I'm reasoning it to be that I'm going through the rebellious phase that I never really had in my teens or in college."

"You're a little old for that, aren't you?"

I grinned when she smirked at me, threading her fingers together and tapping her thumbs on her stomach.

"Making up for lost time."

"Half-life crisis?"

"Sure, that sounds good."

She laughed and shook her head, rolling her head back and closing her eyes as she continued to tap her thumbs on her stomach. I watched her closely, idly sipping off my coffee.

It was then, sitting in the little coffee shop that started all of this, that I realized something vitally important. Bella was pretty fucking gorgeous.

Sure, her nose was a little big and her chin jutted out a little further than normal but it just made her Bella. And the Bella that was sitting next to me with her head thrown back and her eyes closed in what seemed to be complete contentment was the epitome of the glimpses I'd seen at work. _This_ was the girl I wanted to know and be around as often as possible.

"Will you take me for a ride?"

I watched as she lolled her head to the side, her eyes slowly opening to look at me as a small smile flitted on her face.

"Of course. Maybe I'll even teach you how to drive it."

She quirked an eyebrow at me even as the small smile on her face turned into a full-fledged, if not somewhat evil grin. She sat up straight, her hands falling to her lap as she pulled her leg onto the seat between us.

"Really?"

I swallowed hard, my heart working double time in my chest for reasons unbeknownst to me as I nodded and quickly sipped from my coffee again.

"Might have to teach you to ride a bike first, though, huh?"

She pursed her lips and tilted her head, laughing a little as she bit her bottom lip.

"You might regret that whole damn proposition in that case."

"You can't be _that_ bad."

"Edward, I almost broke Emmett's foot the last time he tried teaching me how to ride a bike. And not only," she started, holding up her pointer finger and wiggling a little in her spot, "are you offering to teach me to ride a simple bike, but also one that could cause some serious damage to the both of us?"

"Well, we could tackle the regular bike first and work up to the motorcycle." I shrugged easily, watching as she began chewing on her bottom lip again. "If you want."

She looked up at me through her lashes and my mouth went dry.

"It's your funeral."

"I think I'll be able to handle it," I managed, clearing my throat.

"Whatever you say," she sang, shrugging easily.

"You don't give me nearly enough credit."

"When I break something very important on your body, you will no doubt finally believe me."

"How can you be that dangerous on a bike?" I laughed.

"I don't know!" she laughed, throwing her hands in the air. "I just am. I've never been able to get the hang of it."

"We'll get you riding like a pro in no time." I sat up straight and puffed out my chest a little. "I'm a good teacher."

"Uh huh, sure."

"Hey!" I exclaimed, reaching over and smacking her knee gently. "You just wait!"

"Bring it, bub."

"_Bub_?" I asked, shaking my head and laughing.

"Yes, bub."

"Where did that come from?"

"I could've called you Bubba. Would you have preferred that?" she asked innocently, batting her eyes at me.

I swallowed hard and laughed nervously, shaking my head before clearing my throat again.

"So that you can make me sound like I should be a guy in prison? No, thanks."

"Then Bub it is."

I laughed and shook my head, sipping from my coffee again.

"Did you have any other plans today?"

She shook her head, playing with the hem of her jeans.

"I'm avoiding my apartment," she said quietly.

"Why?" I asked slowly, eyeing her warily.

"Jake's been trying to get a hold of me and I just…" She sighed heavily, shaking her head and looking down at her lap. "I don't want to deal with him right now."

"I thought you forgave him and that the two of you were all fine and dandy?"

"I did. And then I called him the other day. His girlfriend basically told me that all I do is piss him off."

My face fell as I stared at the top of her head, my coffee cup half lifted to my mouth.

"What?"

She looked up, avoiding my eyes as she looked over my shoulder and pursed her lips slightly.

"Yeah," she finally said slowly, nodding.

"You need better friends."

"Well… that's what I have you for, right?"

"Right," I nodded, licking my lips and smiling at her when she finally glanced at me.

Friends. Yes. That's all I wanted. I just wanted a friend out of all of this. I didn't come here for anything more. Bella and I were just going to be very good friends. I could get used to that.

I didn't want anything more than that. Not after all that I'd been through in Chicago; no. I was strictly looking for friendship with Bella and that was _all_. My heart wouldn't be able to take anything else.

"Were you sold on getting back to your place any time soon?" she asked suddenly.

"Uhm… no. Why?"

"Do you want to go see a movie with me or something? Hang out for a while?"

I watched her fidget nervously with the hem of her jeans, her bottom lip already caught in between her teeth as she looked over my shoulder again.

Huh. Must be some kind of genetic thing.

"I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to. I just figured…"

"What did you wanna see?"

Her eyes briefly met mine and the way her entire face lit up as she smiled only confirmed what I'd realized before.

Bella Swan was pretty fucking gorgeous when she was like this. And I wanted to see more of it.


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**You guys are incredible. You've gotten me to over five hundred reviews in seven chapters and I am **_**floored**_**. I adore every single one of you and once again believe that you all need to be featured in some kind of awesome museum.**

**This is a bit shorter than my previous chapters and trust me, it pains me just a little. But with the next one, we return with my regularly long chapters and all is well with the world. Hell, I may even update again before the weekend is through.**

**I'm fucking exhausted and I'm rambling. Please forgive me.**

**Thanks to my beautiful girls; Angie, Amanda and Meg. You know you rock my world.**

**Enjoy!**

~*~

***Bella***

I parked my car in the driveway of my mother's house and grabbed my purse, slinging it over my shoulder as I grabbed the keys out of the ignition and climbed out.

Since Emmett and I had both moved out, she'd insisted on having a weekly dinner so that we could still catch up with everything that had happened during the week and I loved it. My mother was everything to me; she held me up when I couldn't do it on my own and she always did everything she could to keep me as sane as possible. Without her, I wouldn't have made it back from where I was headed six years ago. She was my best friend and I love her more than anything.

And I wanted to tell her all about what I knew of Edward. Admittedly, it wasn't much, but I did know that we'd spent the entire day together and I hadn't broken down in tears and sobs over something incredibly menial. All-in-all, the day had been a success and I was still smiling over the whole damn thing. For once in longer than I could remember, I felt like a normal human being again. And fuck, I _loved_ it.

I hopped up onto the porch and pulled open the screen door, a bright smile on my face as I stepped into the kitchen and toed off my shoes. My mouth watered when the scent of pork chops filled my nose and I moaned, rolling my head on my shoulders and closing my eyes.

I missed her cooking. Heating things up in the microwave and eating it straight out of the plastic container it had come in just didn't have the same appeal as the homemade meals my mother always made.

"Mom!" I exclaimed, setting my purse on top of the dishwasher and shrugging out of my coat.

I didn't hear anything and smirked, shaking my head as I hung my coat up on the rack behind the door. Knowing her, she was probably off in the computer room, checking her email and delighting in sending me all of those damn chain letters she was so fond of. I hated them, but humored her and sent them out because she'd be the one to ask me why she hadn't gotten the friendship week one back yet.

"Mom! Hello?"

I walked through the kitchen and into the dining room, looking through the doorway of the computer room to see that it was empty. Licking my lips, I pressed them together and turned to walk into the living room.

"Mom? Where are...?"

I trailed off when I walked into the living room and saw Jake sitting on the couch, his hands clasped in front of him and his head hanging down. It was like my body completely shut down upon seeing him; I couldn't do anything but stare at him. He finally looked up at me, his eyes shining in the way I knew so well and his lips pursed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked quietly, wrapping my arms around my waist and looking away from him.

"You won't answer your phone. You're never home anymore," he scoffed, untangling his hands and reaching up to run one through his short hair. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Out."

"Are you avoiding me?"

"Why are you here?" I sighed.

I was in such a damn good mood, too. Why did he need to be here to ruin it all?

"Jean was just in a bad mood, Bella. She didn't mean it."

I nodded and licked my lips, looking at him briefly before looking down at my feet.

"Was it true?"

"No," he said slowly, quietly.

I rolled my eyes, curling my arms tighter around my waist and looking in his general direction. Yes, that sounded _completely_ convincing.

"Don't lie to me, Jake."

"Fine!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. "You do piss me off! You always think that I'm just gonna _be_ there and half the time, I can't be! My world doesn't revolve around you!"

I nodded, biting my bottom lip and sucking in a deep breath through my nose as I stared hard at the wall next to him.

I'd gotten used to not having Jake around ever since he started dating Jean. I'd tried my hardest to only call him when I needed to talk to someone and while it may have been a lot, I never really thought it was that much. I never really thought that I was such a pest to him.

"Bella… I didn't…"

"Go," I said quietly, meeting his eyes. "I won't be a problem to you anymore."

"Bella, come on…"

"I mean it. I'm done bothering you. I won't be in your life at all anymore." I held my hands up and shook my head, licking my lips. We didn't have a friendship anymore; I was an inconvenience that I never wanted to be and I refused to continue on that way. "Thanks for sticking around for as long as you have."

The numb feeling that I got every time I watched someone I loved walk away from me settled around me and I swallowed hard, clenching my teeth together even as a small part of me managed to feel like it was dying.

I was just one big walking fucking contradiction.

"That's not what I want! That's not what I meant!"

"There are only so many ways that you can phrase _Bella, you annoy the fuck out of me and I want nothing more to do with you_, Jake. I've got it loud and clear." I wrapped my arms around my waist again and looked back down at my feet. "You're officially free of me."

"That's not what I want!"

"Then what _do_ you want?" I sighed, reaching up and rubbing my fingertips against my forehead, squeezing my eyes shut tightly. "You know how I am and you chose to stick around for all this time anyway. I haven't changed and as it stands right now, I probably won't. If all I do is piss you off and you're hoping that it'll just go away sometime soon, then you really need to leave."

"Bells, you're my best friend…"

"No," I said softly, dropping my hand and opening my eyes to look at him. "You're _my_ best friend but I'm definitely not yours anymore. It hasn't been that way in a long time."

"What are you _talking_ about? Of course you're my best friend!"

"That's why you never want to hang out anymore, right? Or why when I do see you, you have to leave ten minutes after you arrive because you've got plans with Jean? She's probably waiting for you now, right?"

"That's not the…"

"Just go, Jake," I sighed, shaking my head again. "You've clearly chosen your side and I'm not it."

"You chose for me! I didn't choose anything!"

"Do you disagree with me?"

"Yes!"

I crossed my arms over my chest and tilted my head at him, sighing yet again.

"I just want you to get some help, Bella. You need to move on." He stood up and walked over to me, placing his hands on my arms. "I just want…"

"You think I don't _know_ that I need to move on? You think I don't _know that_?" I asked through my teeth, narrowing my eyes at him. "You think it's fun for me to be this way? For you to be the only one outside of my family that I can actually _trust_? You think I _like_ having to depend on you so much?"

"Bella…"

"Get out," I said lowly, meeting his eyes again.

"Bella, we just need to talk…"

"There's nothing more to talk about. Get out," I said again, swallowing hard. "I need to think."

"Will you call me?"

"I don't know." I looked down at my feet, shuffling them back and forth before taking a step backwards and licking my lips. "Maybe."

"I do love you, Bells."

I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head, listening as he walked around me and into the dining room, his heavy footsteps fading away when I heard the door open. I stayed still, waiting to hear it slam before I let my arms fall and looked up. I listened to hear his car start – and I wondered how in the hell I'd missed it when I pulled in – before I walked through the dining room and back into the kitchen to grab my purse. I watched through the window in the door as he pulled out of the driveway, grabbing my cigarettes and lighter as he drove off down the road. I threw my purse on the floor, grabbed my coat and yanked open the door, plopping down onto the front steps and quickly pulling a cigarette out of the pack. I lit it and threw the pack and lighter into my lap, shrugging my coat over my shoulders and leaning against the post of the railing, closing my eyes as I pulled in a drag.

I still felt numb. Acceptance – something that I'd had to get used to at a very early age – was something I'd just learned to deal with. I tried my best not to get attached to everyone, but it had been so hard with Jake. He wouldn't leave me alone in college; he called me constantly and always wanted me to hang out with him. Even when I said no, he would drive over to my place and forcibly drag me out with him no matter how much I screamed.

_He_ was the one that had wanted this friendship to begin with. And when everything was fine, when he was still my best friend and I could tell him everything without _ever_ feeling like I did now, Jean walks into his life and snatches it all away from us.

I rocked forward, resting my forehead on my wrist as my cigarette smoldered in my fingers and buried my free hand in my hair, forcing even breaths in through my mouth.

I had never _done_ anything to her. I'd never said one bad thing about her and I'd never been a horrid wretched bitch like I should've apparently rightfully been to her. I didn't understand why she didn't like me, I didn't understand why hanging out and talking to Jake on a daily basis had always been such a problem for her. I wasn't interested in him in that way anymore; he was my _friend_.

And she'd stolen him away, too.

I brought the cigarette back to my lips, closing my eyes to avoid the smoke as I sucked in another drag and blew it out harshly through my nose.

"You really should quit, you know."

I merely turned my head and opened my eyes to see my mother walking up from the other end of the house, a rather large stick gripped tightly in her hand as she stopped and leaned against it. Her short brown hair was out of sorts from the little amount of wind that was blowing through, her cheeks were red and her coat was zipped all the way up to her chin. I relaxed only slightly at the sight of her, slumping against the railing again.

"Yeah, well," I grumbled, turning away from her and sucking in another drag. "I should quit a lot of things."

"Jake seemed pretty upset when he showed up here."

I scoffed and closed my eyes again, resting my forehead back on my wrist.

"He was trying to kiss my ass and I was ignoring him. Of course he was upset," I grumbled. "His girlfriend attacks me and I'm in the wrong."

"What happened, baby?" she asked quietly.

I looked up when I heard her voice closer to me, watching as she dropped the stick by the stairs and sat down next to me, groaning when her knee popped.

"It sucks getting old."

I smiled half-heartedly at her and took one more drag from my cigarette, exhaling the smoke before throwing it into the driveway and leaning my head against her shoulder. She wrapped one arm around my shoulders and rested her head on mine.

"Jean said that all I did was piss him off," I said quietly. "And then he confirmed it again today."

"I don't like that girl," she quipped, running her fingers through my hair. "Just because she's fucking him on a regular basis doesn't mean that she has the right to dictate who he's allowed to talk to."

I laughed and shook my head, playing with the small hole in the knee of my jeans.

"I don't know if it's all her, ma. He did this when we were in college, too. Remember?"

She hummed and nodded, her fingers still threading through my hair.

"I was good enough for him then, when he couldn't brush me off as easily. Not anymore."

"Honey, he's a man. And he lets his dick lead him to wherever it has a nice home. It apparently has a _very_ nice home with Jean."

I snorted and buried my nose in her shoulder, shaking my head as she turned and wrapped both arms tightly around me.

"Are you still friends?"

I shrugged, breathing in the Moonlight Path scent that she doused herself in every morning.

"I told him I'd think about it."

"I think that's a good move." She began threading her fingers through my hair again and I closed my eyes, letting myself relax completely against her side. "Let him sweat it out a little more."

We sat in silence for a few minutes and I let the soothing motions of her fingers threading through my hair relax me completely.

"I miss _my_ Jake."

"I know you do."

"Do you think I'm a pain in the ass?"

She laughed and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, squeezing me tightly.

"Honey, I'm your mother. Of course I think you're a pain in the ass."

"Mom!"

"But I still love you unconditionally. And I'm sure that Jake loves you too. You're not the only one that needs to give some serious thought to all of this. Now that you've brought it to his attention," she kissed my head again before releasing me and grabbing the railing of the porch, "maybe he'll be able to get his priorities in order."

"What if I'm not a priority?" I asked, peering up at her as she stood up.

"Then you don't need him in your life, either, do you?" She dropped her hand on top of my head, ruffling my hair. "Come help me peel potatoes, Bells. Your brother will be here soon and you know how he is with his potatoes."

I rolled my eyes and smirked, sighing as I pulled myself up and turned around, following her back into the house and waiting for her to hang up her coat before I did mine.

I was terrified that she was right. If I wasn't a priority in Jake's life anymore… had I ever been? Had I ever been the friend to him that he was to me? Had I ever meant _anything_ to him? Or had I always been just like a side project to him; someone he wanted to see if he could _fix_?

As little as he was in my life anymore, it was hard for me to imagine not having him there at all. He was _Jake_ and he'd been my best friend; what was I going to do when he wasn't around anymore?

"How's work?" she asked nonchalantly as she walked over to the refrigerator and bent down to start pulling the insanely large potatoes out of the bottom drawer.

I grabbed both potato peelers out of the drawer by the sink and leaned against the faux wood kitchen counter, watching as she tucked the potatoes into her shirt before standing up.

"It's okay. Carlisle hired a new doctor. He started last Monday."

"Oh yeah? Is he nice?"

She dumped the potatoes into the sink and I handed her one of the peelers before grabbing a spud, leaning my hips against the counter and switching the faucet over to my side.

"He's very nice," I said quietly, nodding and forced to bite down on my bottom lip to stop the stupidly large and irrational grin from taking over.

"Mhmm," she hummed, waiting for me to finish rinsing off the potato before grabbing the faucet and yanking it over to her side. "Have you talked to him?"

"I've kind of been hanging out with him for most of the week." I began to gnaw on my bottom lip, taking extra care to place the peeler in the exact spot I wanted on the potato. "He wants to be my friend."

"And?"

"I don't quite know why."

"Best not to question some things, Bells. Is he cute?"

"Mom!"

"Well!" she exclaimed, laughing as she started rapidly peeling the skin from her own potato. I frowned as I looked down at the pathetically small strip I'd managed to peel off. She made it look so damn _easy_. "Is he?"

"Yeah," I managed around my teeth as I started gnawing on my bottom lip again. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Are you interested?"

"Why would I be interested?"

"Why _wouldn't_ you be?"

"Mom." I tilted my head over at her and she did the same back to me, one of her eyebrows raised in my direction. "No."

"Bella…"

"Please not today," I sighed, shaking my head and going back to my potato.

"All right," she sighed heavily. "Well, tell me about him, then. What's his name?"

I launched into everything that I'd wanted to tell her about the past week before I'd seen Jake sitting in my living room, getting a grand total of three potatoes peeled while she'd gotten the other six. She hummed and mumbled in all the places I figured she would've, huffing angrily when I told her the story about his parents and shaking her head in disgust.

"So he's out here by himself," I finished, leaning back as I watched her quickly dice up the potatoes and let them fall into the pot of water on the stove. "And it's been nice to hang out with someone who doesn't_ know _everything already."

"Are you going to tell him?"

I shrugged one shoulder, grabbing a wedge from her and popping it into my mouth before I hopped up onto the counter and let my heels hit the cabinet below me.

"I don't know."

"It sounds like he already trusts you."

I shrugged again, staring down at my knees as I gripped the edge of the counter tightly and swallowed.

"I don't know him enough."

"You will," she said confidently and I watched out of the corner of my eyes as she wiggled her hips a little at me. "You haven't told me about anyone else since you met Jake so I'm sure that you will."

I shrugged once more, uncomfortable as I leaned back against the wall and crossed my arms over my chest, watching as she grabbed another potato and started slicing that one up as well.

"We'll see."

"Go set the table." She reached up and hit my thigh with the back of her wrist, nodding towards the dining room. "Dinner will be ready soon."

I jumped down from the counter and walked over to the cabinet, grabbing three plates and pursing my lips.

"Is he bringing Rosalie?"

"Not that I know of. She had plans with Jasper, I think."

I breathed a silent sigh of relief as I closed the cabinet door and started towards the dining room.

I would never understand how Jasper, Carlisle and Esme were related to Rosalie at all. They were all the complete and total opposite of her; nice, friendly, outgoing and accepting of almost everyone they ever came into contact with. Jasper had his moods, but for the most part, he was always civil and nice towards me. Rosalie just outright hated me.

I sighed heavily as I set the plates on the blue placemats on the table, shaking my head.

What was another person on the list? Just because she was dating Emmett didn't automatically mean that she had to like me… and she most definitely didn't for reasons that I would never, ever understand.

Oh, what the hell. Who really _needed_ more friends? I had… Edward.

I blinked at the white and blue patterned plate that I'd just set down, tilting my head to the side as my hands slipped to my sides and slapped against my thighs.

Edward was my… friend. We were friends. We spent time together. We laughed. We joked. He annoyed the fuck out of me as if he was specifically put on this Earth to push my buttons. He _fought_ to be my friend. He _wanted_ to be my friend. I'd said it a few times to him, sure, but I'd never really believed it until just a few seconds ago.

I vaguely heard the door slam as Emmett walked into the house, shouting that the _King_ was finally home and demanding to be served. I listened for the tell-tale smack my mother would deliver to the back of his neck and smirked, shaking my head slowly as I continued to stare at the plate in front of me.

How did that happen? I never really wanted that to happen. Friends meant that I'd start to have some sort of emotional attachment to him and when he left, what would I do then? How would I deal with losing so many more people in such a short time? I couldn't do this; I couldn't be his friend. He couldn't be my friend. I wasn't good enough for him; he deserved to have better friends in his life. Alice and Angela; those two would be good friends for him. Not me, no. He was making a huge mistake in thinking that a friendship between the two of us could actually _work_.

I was a basket case. I was _not_ good for him; I wasn't good for _anyone _in any kind of way.

"Bells? Hey! Bella! Snap out of it!"

I blinked rapidly, shaking my head as I looked up at Emmett. He was snapping his fingers in my face and his other hand was firmly placed in the middle of my back.

"I can't do it," I shook my head at him, swallowing hard.

"Do what, Bells?" he asked softly, placing his other hand on my shoulder and turning me to face him.

"I can't be his friend." I swallowed hard again and stared at his shoulder. "He'll leave and I can't… it's not… Emmett, I can't _do it_."

"Bella? What's going on?" my mother asked, walking into the dining room with the plate of pork chops I'd smelled earlier.

"I can't be his friend. He won't… it's not… I can't…"

"Hey," she said forcefully, setting the plate down on the table with a loud snap.

I swallowed hard once more and watched as she walked over to us, shoving her way in between Emmett and me and framing my face in her hands.

"Edward?"

I nodded.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm not good enough for him," I squeaked.

"Bells," Emmett said softly, his arms outstretched towards the both of us.

My mother moved one hand from my face and held it up, warding him off before she placed it back on my cheek.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because I'm a nutcase!" I shrieked.

"I didn't raise a nutcase."

"Mom…"

"Listen to me," she said quietly, sliding her hands from my face to rest on my shoulders. "Not everyone is your father or Jake or James. They're not all going to leave you and they're not all going to hurt you. You don't know him that well so how do you know if he's going to be the same as the rest?"

Trust my mother to know immediately what was going on and what I was thinking.

"I'm not good enough," I managed weakly.

"Don't you _ever_ say that," she said quickly and forcefully, shaking me once. "You are the best thing that could happen to anyone. Don't put the blame on this guy for the mistakes those assholes have made in the past, you got me?"

I nodded once and she sighed heavily.

"I mean it, Isabella Marie. You give this one a chance."

"He seemed like an okay guy, Bells. I didn't immediately want to kill him," Emmett offered.

I looked over at him and snorted half-heartedly, shaking my head and sucking in a deep breath.

"Promise me you'll try, Bella. If it doesn't work out and I was wrong, well… you're more than welcome to blame me and you can take my car for an entire month." I snorted again, looking down at our feet. My car, while I loved it more than I should love something that wasn't human, was a piece of crap. And her brand new Hyundai Elantra had power windows. "For me, Bella?"

"Okay," I said quietly, nodding and looking back up at her. "I'll do my best."

She smiled brightly and leaned in to kiss both of my cheeks, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders and swaying side-to-side with me.

"Aw!" Emmett squealed, taking a step towards us and wrapping us both in his arms, squeezing tightly. "I love my girls!"

I snorted into my mom's shoulder and twisted my hand around, pinching his stomach and laughing as he yelped, jumped back and glared at me.

"That wasn't fair!" he whined, rubbing his stomach.

My mom laughed, kissing my cheek one more time before she let go of me, shaking her head as she walked back into the kitchen.

"You could easily crush one or both of us," I stated, raising an eyebrow at Emmett as he continued to glare at me.

"Blame Grandpa," he shrugged easily, grinning at me.

"You really thought he was okay?" I asked quietly, bringing one hand up to pull at my bottom lip.

"I really thought he was okay," he nodded, stepping back over to me and flinging an arm around my shoulders. "Even when he was staring at your ass as you walked away."

I dropped my hand and rolled my eyes, lightly smacking his stomach and shaking my head.

"I'm sure he wasn't staring at my ass."

"Whatever you say, Bells," he sang, shaking his head dramatically. "I know where he was looking and it was most definitely your ass. Take that for what you will. Now…" He moved his arm from my shoulders, clapping his hands and rubbing them together as he grinned evilly at me. "About that motorcycle…"

"Emmett!" I screeched, laughing and pushing on his arm.

"Come _on_! I could teach you!"

I raised an eyebrow at him and he laughed nervously, shrugging one shoulder and dropping his hands to his sides.

"Edward said he'd teach me to ride a bike and we could work up to the motorcycle," I said quietly, chewing on my bottom lip.

Emmett shook his head sadly, clucking his tongue and sighing heavily.

"I'll have to tell him to wear steel-toed shoes or something."

"I…" I stopped and shook my head, sighing and letting my shoulders slump forward. "It probably wouldn't be a bad idea."

He laughed loudly and pulled me back into his arms, hugging me tightly.

"You're gonna be fine with this guy, Bells. Maybe he'll be the one to change everything for you."

I sighed, wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my cheek against his chest.

"Maybe."

"If not, I'll kick his ass for you."

I laughed and squeezed him tightly, closing my eyes.

"Deal."

"All right!" my mother exclaimed, walking into the dining room with Emmett's precious potatoes. "Let's eat!"

Emmett quickly made his way out of my arms and into his spot at the head of the table, literally bouncing in his seat. I snorted and shook my head at him as I sat in the seat next to him, quickly grabbing the spoon he wanted and sticking my tongue out at him. He whined, I grinned and Mom shook her head at the both of us.

I loved Sundays.

~*~

**Edward will return next chapter. I promise. This *points* needed to be taken care of before it went any further so there you have it. Meet Renee. :) Hope you love her as much as I do.**


	10. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**Oh I so adore all of you. I have run out of words other than amazing to describe all of you. I know you're all getting annoyed with Bella, but hey, I already warned you and you're kind of supposed to. That's the way she is and it's gonna take her a while to act like a normal person.**

**On that note, I think you're all going to enjoy this chapter.**

**Moving on. Thanks to my betas; Angie, Amanda and Meg. You know I love you girls beyond what words can possibly say.**

**Enjoy!**

~*~

***Edward***

I stared out of the doorway of my office, tapping my pen against my blotter and mentally willing Bella to walk past.

It was nearing the end of the workday, I'd barely seen her much at all throughout the day and we'd never made any plans for tonight. It was insane the way the small bit of anxiety was crawling up my spine at the thought of losing this routine we'd gotten ourselves involved in. She could've changed her mind after hanging out with me on Saturday – maybe she didn't want to be friends with me after all.

I rolled my eyes at myself, dropping my pen and reaching up to run my hands through my hair. We were not in middle school and this was not a life or death situation. It would suck if she'd changed her mind, but it wouldn't be the end of my world. Life would go on and I'd survive without Bella Swan in mine if that's what she truly wanted.

I wouldn't fucking like it, but I'd deal with it.

Spending all day with her on Saturday was a much-needed relief. We'd seen a movie, we'd made fun of the horrid actors and their stiff emotions, we'd gotten into a popcorn fight and then we'd gone out to get some dinner, taking our sweet time and annoying the entire staff when we stayed long after closing.

I would've done it again in a heartbeat. I'd needed a day like that; something to keep my mind off of everything that had initially brought me here and just able to enjoy myself with someone who had broken down the walls long enough for me to see that she was probably one of the best people I'd ever known.

I didn't understand how _anyone_ had been able to walk away from that. There was something almost innocent and pure about her when she wasn't so guarded and on edge. And to be perfectly fucking honest, I found myself completely in love with the sound of her laugh or how her eyes would crinkle when she grinned at me.

I wanted to bash my head into the nearest wall of cement, but it was the truth. And as her friend, I should want to make her laugh and grin at me as often as possible.

Right? That's completely something that friends would do, isn't it?

_Get a fucking grip, Masen._

I nearly fell out of my chair when I felt something hit the top of my head and looked up to see Bella's grinning face in the corner of my doorway.

Maybe that mental willing thing worked…

"What are you…?"

She pointed at my desk and I looked down, confused until I saw the crumpled ball of paper sitting on my blotter.

"What is…?"

I looked up to see that she'd disappeared and huffed, shaking my head and rolling my eyes in a sad attempt to mask the smirk breaking its way onto my face as I grabbed it. I unfolded it and smoothed it down, still shaking my head as I recognized what passed as her handwriting scrawled across the empty appointment book page.

_Wanna go to Jared's tonight? Bring your work with you. I'll keep myself occupied._

She'd circled the five-thirty slot and had put a massive amount of arrows pointing to it. I shook my head and laughed, flipping the page over and taking up the entire space as I scrawled out a _yes_ before crumpling it up and walking to the doorway. I pressed myself against the wall next to it, watching carefully down the hallway that I assumed she'd disappeared down with the paper aimed and ready. I clamped my tongue in between my teeth when I heard a door open, bending my knees a little as I waited.

"What are you doing?"

I jumped and barely held back an extremely girly screech when Bella popped up around the wrong corner, grinning like a mad woman and rocking back and forth on her heels. I glared at her and turned, hanging out of the doorway and throwing the paper at her. She laughed, easily catching it and holding it behind her back.

"Aren't you at least going to read it?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

She shrugged, still rocking back and forth on her heels as she continued to grin at me.

"_What_ is wrong with you?" I laughed.

"You don't wanna know," she laughed lightly, her grin faltering a little as she stopped rocking and brought the ball of paper up in front of her. "I'm going to assume this is a positive answer."

"What are you, psychic?"

She smirked and shrugged one shoulder, throwing the paper back at me and grinning once again as I let it hit me in the forehead.

"Sometimes."

"I'll meet you in the office?" I asked, bending down to pick up the paper, throwing it back and forth between my hands.

"I'll be there."

I smiled and nodded, snatching the ball in mid-air. She nodded once and turned on her heel, walking back towards the front office and I tried _really_ hard not to look at her ass.

It didn't work.

She disappeared through the door and I sighed, shaking my head at myself as I stepped back into my office and closed the door behind me.

Friends. Friends, friends, friends. Friends did not stare at other friends' asses. Friends did not think other friends were _fucking gorgeous_. Friends had dinner and talked over coffee.

I didn't want anything more than friendship with Bella. We were making progress; it was slow and I still didn't fully understand much of anything about her, but we were getting there. I'd started to trust her against my better judgment and there was no going back now.

I walked over to my desk, pulling open one of the side drawers and chucking the paper ball into it before snapping it shut and sitting down in my chair, huffing slightly.

We could do this.

~*~

"What are you doing for Christmas?"

I looked up from the chart I was scribbling in to find Bella staring out the window we were seated next to, her hands covering the top of the bright orange coffee mug. Her book was spread open next to her, completely forgotten at this point.

True to her note, she'd brought a book with her and had spent most of our dinner reading it while I hurried to finish the work she'd forced me to bring. I wanted to talk; I wanted to see how the rest of her weekend went and make plans for tomorrow night. She insisted that I get some work done if we were leaving the office and had promised that she wouldn't distract me so that I could finish before the diner closed for the night.

"Uhm, I don't know," I shrugged, watching as she began chewing on her bottom lip.

"You're not going to see your parents, are you?"

"No." I shook my head and scoffed a little, raising one hand and running it through my hair. "Why?"

"You're going to spend Christmas alone?"

I shrugged, dropping my hand and grabbing a leftover fry from her plate, quickly shoving it in my mouth before she could hit me and scowl at me like she'd done before. I didn't get fries, damn it; I'd gotten coleslaw and no matter how they'd tried to fancy it up, it didn't work.

But she didn't. She just continued to stare out the window, the fingers of one hand slowly tapping against the mug beneath it while her top row of teeth raked over her bottom lip.

She'd been pretty quiet the entire afternoon and I hadn't seen her much during work except for our note exchange and a few things she needed to tell me about incoming patients, but I hadn't thought much of it. I was getting work done in between eating and she was reading as I did so. It was what we'd agreed to and I hadn't given it a second thought.

As she sat across from me with a line in the middle of her forehead and half the skin missing from her bottom lip, though, it finally kicked in that maybe something was wrong.

I tapped my pen against the file in front of me as I chewed slowly, watching her profile in the fading sunlight and kind of hating myself for the way I wanted to bolt out of this diner, ignoring whatever was wrong with her until it all blew over.

Friends didn't do that shit. Friends listened no matter how much they didn't want to.

"Why?"

"Isn't that depressing?"

She looked over at me and our eyes locked briefly before she looked down at the table.

"I don't know. It's the first Christmas that I'll be alone. I'll let you know when the day's over with."

She turned and I watched as she dug through her purse, mumbling something incoherent to herself before she finally pulled out her cell phone and slid it across the table to me.

"Give me your number."

Her voice shook when she said it and I watched as she chewed on her bottom lip again, her fingertips tapping against the tabletop nervously as her eyes darted between my chin and her cell phone.

"Is everything all right, Bella?" I asked slowly, setting the pen down and carefully picking up her phone.

"Uhm…" She shrugged and laughed nervously, licking her lips. "Can I…? I need another opinion."

"Okay, sure," I said easily, leaning back in my seat and pulling up her contact list.

"That day last week at the coffee house… when I freaked out?"

I smirked humorlessly and nodded, typing in _Dr. Edward _just for the hell of it.

"Well, I called Jake when I got in the car."

My eyes narrowed at the smaller screen in my hands. There wasn't much about this Jake character that I liked so far, and from the way this story seemed to be starting, I was sure I wouldn't like him even more.

"Okay," I said slowly as I typed in both my house and cell phone numbers.

"His girlfriend was there with him and I just wanted someone to talk to," she laughed nervously. "She said that I'd only piss him off like I usually do so I hung up on him."

I looked up at her once I'd finished entering my information and set her phone down on the table, sliding it back to her. I leaned forward and rested my arms on the edge of the table, watching as she nervously started tapping her fingertips against the table. She'd already told me some version of this on Saturday, but I wasn't about to interrupt her and tell her that.

She was finally _talking_ to me about something else; something that was bothering her and something that she'd asked for my help with. I wasn't going to be the dumb ass that made her rethink anything.

"I didn't pick up the phone when he called back and hadn't heard from him since." She took a deep breath and licked her lips, looking down at her almost empty plate of food. "On Sundays, my mom has this family dinner; it's been that way since me and Emmett moved out. When I showed up yesterday, he was there waiting for me."

She pushed her hair behind her hear and licked her lips again, huffing slightly before releasing her hair from behind her ear so that it fell in her face once more.

"He confirmed what she said and I told him that I wouldn't bother him anymore. He said he didn't want that but…" She looked up at me, biting her bottom lip. "I don't know what to do. He's been my best friend for four years and I just… I don't know."

"He's not worth your time, Bella," I said quietly, shaking my head. "It took him that long to come to you in the first place. He's not a friend; you deserve better."

"I don't know what to do without him. I feel like a part of me is just… gone."

I nodded, moving one hand and placing it palm up in between us on the table.

I knew how it felt to be missing a huge chunk of your heart and I wished that Bella didn't need to feel that way. It fucking sucked and of all the people in the world, Bella wasn't someone that should ever have to feel something like that.

She looked down at my hand and I watched her eyes widen. I swallowed hard and kept it there, mentally begging her to just… accept it. Even a brush of her fingertips would be welcome at this point – something, _anything_.

"We'll figure it out together, Bella," I said softly. "You're my friend and I'll help you figure it out."

"I'm not… you don't know…"

"So tell me."

Her eyes lurched back to mine, her lips slightly parted as her breathing picked up.

"You don't know what you're asking," she breathed.

"So tell me," I said again, keeping my eyes locked on hers and praying that she didn't look away.

"It hurts," she whispered.

"It's going to."

"I don't know if…"

"Trust me," I whispered back, sliding my hand closer to her.

"I barely know you."

I watched from the corner of my eye as she lifted one hand and rested her elbow on the table, pressing her lips together as she tapped each fingertip against her palm. Her tattoo poked out of her long-sleeve shirt as she did so and I fought the urge to ask her about it right this second.

"We're working on that, right?"

She bit her bottom lip and nodded slowly, her fingertips still tapping against her palm as she held eye contact with me.

"I'll try not to push and well, you're the only one I talk to outside of work so there's no threat of me running off with some other friends and not including you." I smiled when she snorted and finally stopped chewing off her bottom lip. "If you need me, you have my numbers."

"You're making a mistake with me."

"I don't think so."

"You can't know that for sure."

"You can't either."

"Edward, I'm not someone that you need in your life, okay? I'm not…"

"Bella, we've been over this. It's my decision who I want to spend my time with and I choose to spend my time with you. Please," I whispered again, raising my hand and placing it in front of her upraised one, "trust me."

"What if you start dating someone?"

"That won't happen."

"You can't know that."

"Yes, I can. I don't want to date anyone anymore, Bella. I'm done with all of that."

She tilted her head at me and I clenched my teeth together, swallowing hard.

I hadn't meant to say that. I didn't want to say that. That hadn't been a part of whatever plan that may have taken root in my brain a few minutes ago when we started this conversation.

"You've gotta trust me, too," she said quietly. "It's not a one way street."

I nodded stiffly, sucking in a deep breath.

"We're working on it."

She nodded and I watched out of the corner of my eye as she slowly placed her palm – flat and tense – against mine. The electrical current was immediate, shooting through my arm, up to my shoulders and into my neck. I took another deep breath before relaxing my fingers against her wrist, slowly running my middle finger up and down the underside. Her fingers slowly relaxed against my wrist and the additional sparks I felt when I had more contact with her had me feeling like every single nerve was alive and fighting.

I wasn't a hundred percent sure on what they were fighting _for_, but there was some definite activity there.

"Do you…?" I cleared my throat when my voice came out as more of a high-pitched squeak than anything. "Do you want to go get a drink?"

"Are you asking me out?"

"No."

"Yeah."

I squeezed my fingers around her wrist before she could pull away, causing her to stop her almost movement and keep her eyes centered on mine.

"I'm trying."

"I know."

"Say that you're going to try too. Please."

She nodded slowly and I was almost jolted out of my seat when she trailed her fingertips back and forth across my wrist.

"I'm going to try. I just don't want you to be disappointed when I fuck things up."

"You need to have some faith, Bella."

"You've got trust, Edward. Give me some time on the faith."

I nodded once and finally let go of her wrist, disappointed when the current died out and my nerve endings went back to merely… surviving. I quickly put the folders away and stuffed them into my briefcase, shrugging my coat on and standing up. I waited for her to get herself put back together, throwing her purse over her shoulder as she stood up.

"Gotta pay the bill," I mumbled, snatching the forgotten check from the corner of the table.

"I'll get it."

"Buy me a drink," I said easily, waving her off as I walked up to the counter and set my briefcase down by my feet.

"Are you driving?" she asked, coming up behind me as I fought to get my wallet out of my back pocket.

"If you want me to."

I triumphantly held up my wallet and quickly dug my debit card out, holding it between my teeth as I shoved my wallet back into my back pocket.

"As long as you don't mind."

I smirked over at her, pulling my debit card from my teeth and tapping it against the counter as we waited for either Embry or Quil to appear.

"I never offer if I mind."

She nodded, clasping one hand around her purse strap and licking her lips.

"Thank you."

I gently nudged her with my elbow and smiled softly at her, nodding.

"Thank _you_."

She smiled tentatively up at me, nodding once before Quil appeared behind the counter and snatched the check from my hands, humming to himself and bouncing along to the tune.

"Leaving so soon?" he asked cheerfully as he punched whatever it was that needed to be entered into the register.

"Yeah," I said lamely, handing him my card.

"See you tomorrow?"

"Yes," Bella said confidently, nodding at him. "We'll be here."

I smirked over at her and she stuck her tongue out at me, her hands twisting around her purse strap.

"Well, enjoy your night then, guys," Quil said, smiling brightly as he handed me my card and receipt.

"Thanks. We will," I said, smiling back at him before turning to Bella and motioning her to go first.

I stuffed everything into my coat pocket and snatched the handle of my briefcase, watching as she shook her head at me and smirked.

"Bye Quil!" she called out as she turned on her heel, waving over her head at him.

I followed her out and we quickly made it across the street.

"Are you sure you don't mind driving me?"

"Bella," I sighed dramatically, looking over at her as I dug my keys out of my coat pocket.

"I'm just making sure!"

She held her hands up in defense and smirked over at me.

"I don't mind. You have to tell me where to go, though."

"Naturally," she shrugged, stopping at the passenger side door and pulling on the handle.

She looked up at me and pursed her lips when it didn't open, looking pointedly back at the door handle. I tilted my head slightly at her, watching as she pulled on the handle one more time before huffing and looking back at me.

Fuck if she wasn't cute when she did that.

I sucked in a deep breath and walked over to her, gently brushing her hand from the handle as I unlocked the door. She raised an eyebrow at me and stepped back as I opened the door for her, clearly confused.

She stared at me for a few moments before ducking her head slightly, mumbling a _thank you_ and sliding into the seat. I closed the door when she was safely in and avoided her gaze as I rounded the car, nervously jiggling my keys in my hand.

I'd never opened a car door for any of the women in my life before. Why in the hell had I done it for her?

~*~

"Do you know," Bella slurred, pointing at me as she leaned against the bar, "how long it's been since I've gotten laid?"

I threw my head back and laughed, blindly reaching for my tumbler of Captain and Coke.

"Two thousand and _five_!" she screeched, grabbing what was left of her Long Island Iced Tea and downing it. "Three fucking years, Edward!"

I don't know how we got started on this conversation. I do know that Bella had had about four of those big ass glasses of straight alcohol and her inhibitions appeared to be at an all time low.

It had been slightly awkward when I climbed into the car after the door-opening incident and no matter what either of us had tried coming up with to smooth it over, not much was working. It was weird and I shouldn't have done it. But I _did_ do it and she probably thought I was an ass.

We'd sat in an awkward silence for the first fifteen minutes after we'd arrived at the bar before spotting an older woman – who didn't have any teeth in her head – making eyes at me from across the room. That had been all it took to get us talking again, it seemed, and the more Bella drank, the more she talked.

The woman talked a fucking _lot_. Especially when she was on her way to being completely hammered. She was amusing and I found that my cheeks had started hurting about half an hour ago from all the laughing I'd been doing around her. Not only did she talk a lot, but she was also fucking hilarious.

It was _good_ to laugh. It was nice and easy and Christ, it felt like I hadn't laughed for the past twenty-six years of my life.

"Well, was it worth it?" I asked, tipping my head back up and swirling my drink around in the glass.

"No!" she screeched again, throwing her free hand in air before slamming her empty glass on the bar and huffing at me. "Two minutes, Edward. I didn't even… I hadn't even _started_ and he was just _done_!"

I laughed again, shaking my head and placing my free hand on the edge of the bar.

"Is that even fucking possible? I mean… he had a _kid_, Edward. He obviously wasn't a virgin so what the fuck happened there?"

I leaned forward, my shoulders shaking as I rested my forehead on the bar and tried my best to keep breathing through the laughter.

"Seriously!" she shrieked, slapping my shoulder and pushing me slightly. "And it was on the floor of my apartment in _college_. Let me tell you," she slurred, poking my shoulder, "it was _not_ fucking comfortable. Literally. Fucking. Uncomfortable fucking!"

"You're going to kill me," I wheezed, sitting up straight and looking over at her.

"I'm serious!"

"So am I!" I laughed, shaking my head at her and reaching up to rub my eyes.

"Maybe he wasn't into me. Oh!" she exclaimed, grabbing my shoulder and digging her fingernails in as she stared by me. "That would explain _so much_."

"I doubt that was the reason," I rolled my eyes at her, shaking my head. "Obviously, if you got to the point of uncomfortable fucking, he was interested."

"Maybe he just wanted to get laid." She looked back at me and narrowed her eyes, pursing her lips. "When was your last time?"

"You're seriously asking me that."

She smiled brightly and nodded, shaking my shoulder and causing me to rock from side to side on the stool.

"Come on! I've shared, damn it! Tell me?" She batted her eyes at me and tilted her head to the side, still smiling brightly. "Come on, Edward, _please_? Was it good? Was she hot? Oh, I bet she was hot. You're hot. She'd be hot, too."

I snorted at her and shook my head, licking my lips.

"You really want to know?"

She nodded, wiggling in her seat and placing both hands in her lap. I sighed and turned to face her, running my hands through my hair before leaning against the bar and looking directly into her eyes.

She'd gotten a shit ton better with that the more she drank.

"It was up against my bedroom door at my apartment with my fiancée five months ago."

She slowly tilted her head to the side and I watched as her eyebrows pulled together.

"You're engaged?"

"Not anymore."

She tilted her head to the other side and licked her lips before pursing them.

"Happened?"

Whether it was the minimal amount of alcohol or the way she was looking at me with one of the most innocent expressions on her face – telling me that it was okay, that everything was fine with her – I wasn't sure. Either way, I found my mouth moving and the words spilling out before I could really give it too much more thought.

"I found her fucking my best friend the next night in our bed."

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open as her head fell forward, her hair falling over her shoulders.

"Seriously?"

I nodded once, licking my bottom lip and signaling the bartender for one more round for the both of us.

"Seriously."

She faced forward, her lips pursed once again as she rested her elbows on the bar and her chin in her hand, staring at the wall of liquor in front of her. I watched her, her tattoo catching my eye once again as she compulsively licked her lips. Well… what the hell. We were apparently on some kind of honesty kick at the moment; what better time to ask?

"Bella, what's…?" I started.

I was cut off when she slid off her stood, nudged herself between my legs and clumsily wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her chest firmly against mine and burying her nose in my shoulder. My eyes widened and I blinked slowly at the guy sitting down at the other end of the bar, my arms held up at her sides as I tried to _think_ straight through the suddenly muddled thoughts in my head.

"Uhm…"

"She was a stupid whore," she mumbled, tilting her head slightly so that her mouth was right by my ear.

I closed my eyes tightly and fisted my hands, swallowing hard. Christ, she couldn't just _do_ this shit to me.

"You didn't deserve that and if she could pass you up for second best, then she was a dumb fucking whore."

"Bella," I laughed nervously.

"I mean it, Edward." Her arms tightened around my neck and she rested her head on my chest, yawning. "Anyone would be lucky to be engaged to you. She didn't know what she had."

I exhaled loudly and opened my eyes to see that the guy I'd been blinking at before was blatantly staring at Bella's ass and licking his lips. I narrowed my eyes at him and wrapped my arms tightly around Bella's waist, quickly figuring out how dumb of a move that was as she shifted and pressed herself tighter against me. I swallowed hard and slowly leaned down to rest my forehead on her shoulder, the scent of her shampoo immediately invading my nose as I breathed in. One of her hands moved from my neck and she placed it on the back of my head, gently scratching my scalp.

Fuck, this felt good. _She_ felt good and damn it all to hell because I didn't want to fucking move. If she wanted to stay like this with me for the next couple of weeks or so, I'd be completely content with that.

"I don't know much about you, Edward," she mumbled, tilting her head so that her mouth was by my ear once again, "but I know that you didn't deserve that from her. She's a dirty ho."

I laughed weakly and nodded my head, reluctantly loosening my hold on her as she started to pull away. I almost fell off the damn stool when I felt her lips at the corner of my mouth, soft and feather-light before she backed away completely and grinned at me. The shocks that flowed through me nearly had me off the stool yet again and I gripped tightly onto the edge of the bar, gaping at her.

"Your hair is very soft," she stated, pointing at me before she hopped back onto her stool.

"Thank you," I managed, looking up as the bartender set our drinks down in front of us.

"You're welcome," she chirped, grabbing her glass and holding it up. "To friendship."

I sucked in a deep breath and nodded, tapping my glass against hers.

"To friendship. And I'm driving your ass home."

She laughed and waved me off, nodding as she sipped from her glass.

"How will I get to work tomorrow?"

"Assuming that you can get out of bed?" I laughed as she shrugged and nodded again. "I'll pick you up."

"Are _you_ okay to drive?"

She leaned forward and squinted her eyes at me, pursing her lips.

"This is only my third, Bella. I'm fine."

She nodded and leaned back, sipping from the glass. I shook my head at her, laughing as I waved the bartender over and asked for our tab.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She grinned at me before tilting her head back and all but emptying her glass. I laughed at her as she slammed it back on the bar and shivered in her seat, placing her hands in her lap and popping her lips.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did," she giggled.

She grabbed her glass once more, finishing off the small amount that was left and pushing it away from her.

I rolled my eyes and laughed again, pointing to her wrist as I once again handed over my debit card. I rested my elbow on the bar as the bartender disappeared and leaned my head against my wrist.

"Your tattoo."

"You know," she started, pointing at me. "You never actually _ask_ the question. You just state things and expect me to have the right answers."

"Okay," I laughed, shaking my head. "What's your tattoo of?"

"That's better. I will show you, but I won't tell you," she slurred, yanking up her shirtsleeve.

She shoved her arm in my face and I saw the tiny letters – 'MN' – in black with a small rose bud at the end, the stem wrapped around the bottom of them.

"What…?"

"Nope!" she exclaimed, dropping her arm on the bar and shaking her head.

Well, at least I knew what it was now. I may not know what it stood for or what it meant to her, but at least I knew what it _was_.

"All right…"

"I'm tired," she declared.

I smiled softly at her and signed the paper the bartender brought over to me, pushing away from the bar and standing up to shove my card and wallet in my back pocket. She tilted her head at me, stifling a yawn.

"You didn't finish your drink."

I shrugged and reached over to gently wrap my fingers around her wrist, tugging slightly.

"It's time to go, Bella."

"But you just…"

"Come on," I laughed, pulling a little harder on her wrist until she finally slid off the stool, lazily grabbed her purse from its resting place on the bar and stumbled over to me.

She fell against my side, one of her arms winding around my waist as she worked herself under my arm and shoved her purse on her shoulder. I licked my lips and shook my head, sighing quietly as I draped my arm over her shoulders and led her towards the front door. I found our coats in the mess they called a coat rack and helped Bella into hers before sliding mine over my shoulders.

"You gotta stay awake to give me directions to your place, Bella," I said as we walked outside.

"I'm awake," she mumbled, leaning heavily against me and nuzzling her cheek into my chest.

"Do you promise?"

"I _promise_."

"All right."

We reached my car and I grabbed my keys from my pocket, unlocking the doors and opening hers. She fell into the seat and grinned sleepily at me, resting her head back and stretching her arms out in front of her.

"I needed this," she slurred, dropping her hands into her lap. "Thank you for taking me."

I smiled and nodded, bending down and strapping the seat belt across her lap before standing back up.

"You're welcome, Bella."

I closed the door and rounded the front, shaking my head and laughing at her before I got in the car and looked over at her. She smiled lazily at me, raising her hand and pointing out the window.

"Onward, Edward! Hey." She sat up straight and grinned at me. "That worked. That rhymed! Oh, that's fun."

I laughed and shook my head at her, sticking the key in the ignition and starting the car.

"Tell me how to get to your place, drunkard."

She giggled and yelled out which direction I needed to turn in before she lunged for the radio and turned it up on full blast. The entire ride to her apartment complex was spent screaming at each other over the radio as she tried to find other words that rhymed with my name in between her directions.

I finally pulled up to her unit and looked over at her.

"Do you need my help?" I laughed as she just grinned at me.

"Probably," she nodded seriously before bursting out into giggles and fumbling with the seat belt. "Have you ever wondered how these things actually work?"

I laughed at her and easily shoved her hands out of the way, pressing down on the latch and catching it before it could snap back and hit her in the face. While she probably wouldn't be able to feel it right now, she'd sure as hell feel it tomorrow morning when she woke up.

"Thanks!" she squealed, grabbing it from me and slowly letting it retract.

"Welcome." I shook my head at her and turned off the car, grabbing my keys as I pushed open my door and rounded it once more to her side. I opened her door and grabbed her hand, trying my best to ignore the shocks that quickly made their way up my arm as I helped her stand up. "Will you give me your number so that I can call you tomorrow morning?"

She slumped against me once she was completely out of the car, slinging her purse on her shoulder and wrapping both of her arms around my waist as I closed the door.

"I will write it down for you when we get inside."

"Okay. Where are your keys, Bella?"

She let her purse slide down her arm and then handed it to me before quickly wrapping it back around my waist and humming. I shook my head and laughed softly, walking up the path to the apartment unit she'd pointed out as we'd pulled in. I stepped us up onto the small concrete ledge that led to her door and made sure she was still on her own two feet before I unzipped her purse and plunged my hand inside, closing my eyes as I dug around.

The last thing I wanted to find was a tampon or something.

I finally found her keys, opened my eyes and pulled them out triumphantly, absently draping one arm around her shoulders as I stuck the key in the lock and pushed the door open. She stumbled in ahead of me, flicking on lights as she went and I stood awkwardly in the doorway with her purse and keys in my hands.

"Come in!" she demanded from the depths of the apartment.

I cleared my throat and stuck her keys back into her purse before taking the step into her apartment and closing the door behind me. I set her purse on the back of the couch and stood in the entryway, slowly looking around what appeared to be the living room. Her furniture was cream colored and there were framed photographs hanging on the walls. I couldn't tell what they were from where I was standing and I felt a little awkward merely being in her place; exploring her artwork probably wouldn't make me feel any better.

I looked to my left as I heard her footsteps and she appeared, holding out a square piece of blue paper with a lopsided smirk on her face.

"Numbers," she stated, gently slapping it against my chest and snorting when it stuck to my shirt.

I laughed and plucked it off, playing with the adhesive on the back as I nodded at her.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning."

She nodded once, tilting her head at me again.

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me."

"Whatever." She waved me off before stepping up to me and wrapping her arms around my neck again. "Just say that I'm welcome."

I laughed nervously and swallowed hard, loosely wrapping my arms around her waist.

"You're welcome."

"That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"You have no idea."

"Ass."

"Mhmm," I mumbled, laughing. "See you tomorrow morning."

I stood up straight and let my arms fall to my sides as she trailed her hands from my neck and down my chest before dropping them to her sides. I clenched my teeth together and nodded awkwardly at her before I turned and grabbed the doorknob, stuffing the Post-It with her numbers into my other pocket.

"Hey Edward?"

"Yeah?"

I turned around and she pressed herself against me, her lips firmly against mine before I could do anything else.

"Uh," I managed.

Which was a really dumb idea because then she had my bottom lip in between hers, her tongue running slowly along it. I closed my eyes tightly and fisted my hands at my sides, mentally demanding myself to push her away. This wasn't what she wanted; this wasn't what _I_ wanted. She was drunk and she didn't really want this; I _know_ she didn't want this. Just because there were those fucking sparks setting off every single God damned nerve ending my body possessed didn't mean anything. Just because I'd never felt this way when someone merely kissed me before didn't mean that it was right. And just because my fingers were twitching with anticipation of touching any part of her once again didn't mean that either of us really wanted this.

She moved her lips from my bottom one, moving on to my top lip and placing her hands on my waist, curling her fingers into my jacket and yanking on it.

"Bella," I mumbled, placing my hands on her shoulders with every intention of pushing her away.

But then she worked her tongue into my mouth, running it along the underside of my top lip and I forgot why this was wrong. I trailed my hands down her arms, grabbed her elbows and pulled her even tighter against me as I kissed her back. The unexplainable electricity I felt whenever we made contact only intensified as our tongues met and tangled together. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and I pressed my lips more forcefully against hers, wrapping my arms completely around her waist and digging my hands into the jacket she still wore.

This wouldn't make anything better between us. We'd just started to talk and she'd just started to open up to me; doing this, kissing her and acting this way, would get us right back to square one. I didn't want that. That was the last thing that I ever wanted and I _never_ wanted to look into Bella's eyes to see that heartbroken look in them. I _never_ wanted to be the cause of it, either.

And this wouldn't help my case.

I placed my hands on her waist and slowly pushed her back, swallowing hard as she blinked at me.

"Go to bed," I managed, my voice squeaking out. "I'll call you tomorrow morning."

She blinked at me a few more times before smiling brightly and turning on her heel. I watched as she disappeared into a room off to the side, listening to the door click before I yanked open the front door, flipped the lock and all but ran out of the apartment, listening carefully for the slamming of the door behind me.

My breath was heaving out of my chest as I reached my car and I leaned against it, closing my eyes tightly and running my hands down my face.

_Oh, you're such a fucking idiot, Masen._


	11. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**We have reached a turning point of sorts with this chapter and a few of your questions may be answered within. If not, it's coming up soon, I promise.**

**I love you guys. Honestly, you make my day with all of your reviews and PM's and tweets and all of the support I've received for this story so far. You blow me away with all of it.**

**Some other news: Pieces is now posted up on Twilighted so those who prefer to read over there can now do so. So far, I only have the prelude up but I'm working on that. And thank you to all that voted for Stay in the Twilight All Human FanFiction Awards; it won third place for best romance so thank you very, very much! It's also nominated in the Moonlight Awards, so be sure to vote there as well if you'd like. :)**

**Thanks to my girls; Angie, Amanda, Meg and Tiffany. You're all ten shades of amazing and you know I adore you beyond words.**

**I'm issuing a slight Tissues Needed warning, but I guess it depends on everyone.**

**Now, enjoy!  
**

**

* * *

**_I'm a liar  
Yeah, I've given up my wings  
I'm a liar  
They were only wax and string_

_No, I don't miss you anymore  
No, I don't think of you  
It's such a game to seem adored  
No, I don't love you anymore_

_Liar - 8mm_

~*~

***Bella***

_Rain. Red flashes. Blue flashes. Disjointed voices over small speakers. Screaming. Arms tight around my waist. My heartbeat in my ears. My throat raw and my cheeks sticky._

_His blue car sticking out of the ditch. The front end completely crushed; wrapped around the telephone pole just beyond the ruined guardrail. Broken glass on the ground. Flares. Flashlight beams. Important people in bright yellow rain coats screaming at someone else, their arms over their heads as they ran._

_My arms held out. Someone still holding me back. Realizing that the screams were __**mine**__. A stretcher rolling by me, the white sheet covering the still body beneath. My heart shattering as I fell in the mud beneath me and dug my hands into it._

~*~

"No!" I screamed, sitting straight up in bed, my breath sobbing out of my chest as I gripped tightly onto my blankets.

I blinked, registering that my eyes were completely full of tears before I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my forehead against them. I surrendered the death grip I had on the blankets and wrapped my arms around my legs, squeezing my eyes shut tightly.

I got my breathing under control and worked on the shaking that had taken place of the tears, swallowing compulsively and digging my fingernails into my legs.

I was still dressed in my work clothes from yesterday and my shirt was sticking to me, making me aware that I was sweating to death and needed to get out of this fucking bed. Away from the dreams, away from the pain, away from the memories… away from everything that ripped through my brain as I slept.

I stumbled out of bed, blindly feeling my way out of my bedroom and stumbling into the bathroom. I didn't know what time it was, I didn't even know how long I might've been asleep. Everything was jumbled and fucked up and as I flicked on the lights in the bathroom, I wasted no time in peeling my sticky clothes off and almost drunkenly grabbing the knob to turn the water on.

I rubbed my temples as I waited for the water to warm up before I pulled on the lever for the shower and stepped in, closing the curtain behind me. I stood under the spray, not moving a muscle before my knees gave out on me and I fell to the floor, wrapping my arms around myself as sobs ripped out of my throat.

I hadn't _been_ there. I wasn't there and I should've been. I was supposed to be and I just _wasn't_.

I leaned forward and rested my forehead on the floor of the bathtub, choking out an _'I'm sorry'_ as the water beat down on my back.

~*~

An hour and a half later, I walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a fuzzy pink towel to hear my phone ringing. I walked into the kitchen and blankly stared at the microwave clock, blinking once when the green numbers informed me that it was half past six in the morning.

I needed to call Carlisle. There was no way that I was making it in to work today. I was drained, numb, and the last thing I'd be able to concentrate on was something like _work_.

The phone finally stopped ringing and I slowly turned to look at the base resting on the counter by my coffee pot, waiting for the message whoever was crazy enough to call me this early in the morning would leave.

_"Hey, Bella," _Edward's voice floated through the speakers and I furrowed my eyebrows, placing both hands firmly on the knot of my towel. _"Either you're really hung over and haven't made it out of bed yet or your head is in the toilet. Uhm… I'll call back in a few minutes, okay? Bye."_

Why was he calling me this early? How had he even gotten my number? I remember having drinks with him but that was about the extent of it. Did I drive home? Fuck, I hope not. I ran to the window and pushed back the curtain, staring at my empty parking spot and licking my lips.

I reached up and ran a hand through my wet hair, fisting it tightly and blowing out a deep breath.

Okay, I'd obviously had too much to drink while we were out. I hadn't gotten that drunk in a long damn time – probably since college – and it unnerved me that I didn't remember much past drinking at least the first two. Christ, I was such a lightweight.

I shook my head and dropped my hands, slowly padding back into my bedroom and over to my closet. I reached in, immediately able to find the robe I was looking for and slung it over my shoulders. I dropped the towel to the floor and stepped over it, grabbing a hair tie and throwing my already messy hair up into a ponytail. I knotted the tie around my waist and sluggishly walked into the living room, bending down in front of my entertainment center and pulling out my beaten copy of _Autumn In New York_. I stuck the disc into my DVD player once I'd turned it on before walking back to the kitchen and grabbing my phone.

I curled up on the couch, throwing the phone on the cushion next to me before reaching over to the lamp stand next to me and grabbing the remote. I wrapped my arms around the pillow and waited for the menu to pop up on the screen. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hit the _play_ button when I was able to, nuzzling my cheek into the pillow.

There was no reason to call Carlisle now if Edward was apparently only going to call back in a few minutes. I had no idea _why_ he was going to call back in the first place, but there was no point in going into another phone call when I'd hear the annoying _beep_ two seconds into my conversation.

Five minutes later, my phone rang again and I swallowed hard before pausing the movie and sitting up straight. I grabbed the phone and licked my lips, my hands shaking as I pressed down on the right button and brought it to my ear.

"Hello?"

My voice was hoarse and shaking and I swallowed hard again, closing my eyes tightly and forcing myself to breathe evenly.

"Hey. You sound like shit."

I rolled my eyes and huffed.

"Thanks."

"Are you ready? I'll be on my way in about ten minutes."

I furrowed my eyebrows at my knees and started picking at a random thread that was hanging off the robe.

"For what?"

"Work," he said slowly.

He was supposed to bring me to work today? Christ, when had that been decided? What the _fuck_ happened last night?

"I'm not gonna make it in today." I shook my head fiercely and bit my bottom lip. "I can't."

"That bad, huh?"

"You have no idea," I breathed, my chest constricting and a lump forming in my throat.

"Is… is everything all right? Do you need anything?"

_I need a lot of things. Nothing in which you can help me with._

"No, I'm fine. I need to call Carlisle," I said, clearing my throat and ripping the thread from the robe.

"How are you gonna get your car?"

"I'll have Emmett get me after he gets out of work or something." I cleared my throat again, pressing my lips together tightly. "Thank you, though."

"No problem. Bella, if you need anything…"

I closed my eyes tightly and sucked in a deep breath, nodding once before shaking my head and swallowing hard.

"Thanks. I'll talk to you later, Edward."

I didn't wait for a response before I jammed my finger down on the right button and held the phone out in front of me, breathing heavily and forcing myself to turn it back on and dial in Carlisle's cell phone number. He answered after the second ring and I opened my eyes, swallowing hard again.

"What's going on, Bella?" he answered brightly.

"I'm not gonna make it in to work today," I managed.

"What happened?" he asked, the change in his tone immediate.

"I had a dream and I just… I can't; I'm sorry, but I just can't today, Carlisle."

_Failure._

"All right. It's all right, Bella. It's not a big deal. Stay home and take care of yourself, all right? If you need anything, you know the number."

"Yeah, I know." I squeezed my eyes shut again and shook my head, licking my lips. "Thanks."

"I'll call you later today to see how you're doing. Call your mother if you have to."

_Big fucking __**failure**__._

"I will." I shook my head again. "Thank you."

"Take it easy today, Bella."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone on him and threw it on the floor, falling to my side again and curling up into a ball. I wrapped an arm around my legs and buried my face into the pillow, dry sobs pouring out of my mouth as I clutched onto myself and prayed that I could just somehow put myself back together this once.

I was tired of being broken; I was tired of hurting all the time. I was tired of being scared and I was tired of being so fucking worried about everything going on around me. I was tired of not knowing who I was anymore.

~*~

I spent the rest of the day wrapped up in the robe on my couch, watching as many depressing movies as I possibly could before I called Emmett at five-thirty. I needed to get my car and he was the only one that wouldn't ask me a million questions on the ride over there. He knew that I'd tell him if I wanted to talk about it and never pushed otherwise. He was the best younger brother in the world.

I got dressed in a pair of loose-fitting jeans and an over-sized dark blue t-shirt, finally letting my hair down to brush it and let it fall in my face. I grabbed a pair of socks, pulling them on before shoving my feet into my sneakers and walking into the living room. I grabbed my coat and purse before walking outside, locking and closing the door behind me. Emmett pulled up a few minutes later and I quietly climbed in his car, merely looking at him. He nodded, reached over and squeezed my arm before pulling out of the parking spot and starting in the direction of the office.

I rested my elbow on the door, leaning my forehead into my palm and closing my eyes as I attempted to relax.

We spent the ride in silence, Matchbox Twenty playing softly on the radio and my head in fifty different directions – mostly focused on the dream I'd had this morning.

I hadn't had a dream about that in such a long time that I'd been trying to figure out why it had come on last night. The alcohol had never had that type of effect on me before, but if that was the cause for it, I was _never_ drinking again.

We pulled into the parking lot a few minutes later and I immediately saw Edward's car parked next to mine. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at the clock on the dashboard.

It was nearing six; why was he here so late?

"Do you want me to wait?" Emmett's voice broke through my thoughts and I shook my head absently.

"No, I'm gonna go see what Edward's still doing here. Thanks, Em."

"Not a problem, Bells. I'll talk to you later."

I nodded and pushed my way out of the car, grabbing my purse from the floor before I shut the door and watched him drive out. I sucked in a deep breath, slowly turning on my heel to face the building before concentrating very hard on every step I took to the door. I slowly pushed through once I'd reached it, immediately hearing a beautiful singing voice. I quietly closed the door behind me and followed it, coming to a stop outside of Edward's office door.

I found him hunched over the files on his desk, a bag of Cheetos open next to his elbow and his iPod blaring Van Morrison. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the doorjamb, listening as he continued to sing.

"…and do my best to take good care of you," he sang, the pen in his hand still moving effortlessly across the page. "You'll be my queen… and I'll be your king… and I'll be your lover, too."

His voice was beautiful; deep and sensual, rough and unpracticed in all the right ways. I found my shoulders relaxing and the insane amount of thoughts in my head immediately quieting as I listened. I closed my eyes and let his voice wrap around me, making me able to forget about everything else that was going on in my life. Jake hadn't chosen Jean over me, I hadn't had that dream the night before, and I hadn't heard the disappointment in Carlisle's voice this morning when I called. Everything else failed to exist except for the way his voice rose and fell with each word and I _really_ couldn't fathom a better place for me to be right now.

The song faded out and with it, his voice. I opened my eyes and quietly cleared my throat, smirking at the way his head snapped up.

"You should be a singer," I started quietly, nodding once at him, "what are you doing in a doctor's office?"

"You heard me?"

I nodded, biting my bottom lip and thinking that maybe I'd crossed some sort of line with him. _Revelry_ by Kings of Leon started flowing through the speakers and he quickly reached over, slapping his hand against the front of the iHome and turning the volume down.

"You're really good."

He shifted in his seat and dropped the pen, his cheeks a little red as he reached up to thread his hands through his hair.

"Thanks. How are you feeling?" he asked quickly.

I shrugged one shoulder and shook my head a little.

"I've been worse, I guess."

"Hangover?"

"I kind of wish that it was."

"Wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head, looking down at my feet.

"Not really." I looked up again, trying my best to smile at him. "How was your day?"

He leaned back in his chair and placed his hands on the armrests, shrugging his shoulders.

"Tanya wouldn't leave me alone."

My eyes widened and I pressed my lips together.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't even…"

"Bella," he laughed lightly, shaking his head. "It's not your fault in any way. Came real close to telling her I was gay, though."

"You didn't!"

He nodded and laughed, leaning forward and completely turning off his iHome, resting his elbows on his desk and looking between me and one of the chairs in front of him. I licked my lips and pushed myself off the doorjamb, taking slow, measured steps as I walked completely into the office and fell unceremoniously into the chair he'd been looking at. I placed my purse in my lap and rested my hands on the top of it, resisting the urge to play with the straps nervously.

"It was sheer hell with her today," he started, shaking his head slowly. "She was at every corner I turned, asking me if I wanted a coffee or if there was anything that she could do for me." He huffed. "And she didn't mean anything professional, either! Alice and Angela are never going to let me live it down."

"Probably not," I agreed, laughing quietly and shaking my head. "They don't let go of much when they have something like that to use against you."

"Great," he grumbled, looking to the side and sighing heavily. "They'll be putting that on my tombstone, won't they?"

My breath caught in my throat and I forced myself to calm down, my hands tightening around my purse and my jaw aching as I clenched down on my teeth.

"I'll be here tomorrow," I managed, forcing myself to relax and tapping my fingertips against my purse.

"Good."

"What kind of scrubs was she wearing today?"

His eyes slid over to me and his lips twitched at the sides as he sat forward.

"Smurfs."

"Oh, Lord."

"Yeah," he said slowly, coughing to cover up a laugh. "Are you up for dinner or something?"

I swallowed hard and nodded slowly. I told my mom I'd try. I told Edward that I'd try. No matter what had happened earlier in the day and how crappy I still felt or how much my heart still hurt, I still had a life to live. I still had this friendship to work on and I couldn't take seeing any disappointment in anyone's eyes today. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Yeah, sure."

He eyed me, placed his hands on the desk and twisted his head to the side a little.

"Are you sure?"

I forced what I was _positive_ was a horrid attempt at a smile before standing up and slinging my purse over my shoulder again.

"I'm sure."

"You can say no."

"Edward, get up," I laughed half-heartedly, waving a hand at him. "Get your shit together and let's go."

"Are you _sure_?"

"Do you _want_ me to beat you with your blotter?"

He eyed me for a few more moments before he shook his head and bounced up out of his seat, snapping the files closed and grabbing his briefcase from where I assumed it was hiding underneath his desk. He crumpled the apparently empty bag of Cheetos and threw it away before rounding the desk and walking towards me.

I gasped and jumped back as I was bombarded with images that had to have happened last night. Feelings that I hadn't realized were there flooded up my throat and threatened to choke me, causing me to plop back down into the seat and gasp for breath.

I'd kissed him. And it hadn't felt wrong. I'd kissed him and while I'd been drunk, I could now clearly remember that I'd enjoyed it far more than I should've.

"Bella! Hey, Bella, what's going on? What's wrong? Bella, _talk to me_," I could hear Edward beg through the rush of blood in my ears.

Christ, how had I forgotten those _sparks_? I remembered them in complete detail now; the way they flowed from his lips and into mine, setting my entire body humming. Why had I felt like that? I wasn't supposed to feel like that anymore.

Most importantly, though, why in the fuck had I kissed him in the first place? I'd been plenty drunk in the past with other guys – most of them Emmett's friends, sure, but still – and had never once kissed any of them. I don't think I'd ever even _tried_ to kiss anyone while I was drunk before. It wasn't in my nature; it wasn't something that I took lightly.

Oh, my God, I'd ruined everything. We'd barely gotten started and already I'd ruined everything.

"Bella? Come on, Bella," he mumbled, suddenly in front of me on his knees with his hands resting tensely on mine. "What's going on?"

"I kissed you," I whispered, bringing one of my hands up to claw lightly at my throat. "Last night, I kissed you."

I looked up at him and he nodded slowly, licking his lips and digging his fingertips into my knees.

"Yes," he whispered back.

"I didn't… Edward, I…"

"And I kissed you back." He grabbed my hand and brought it away from my throat, my heart jumping in my chest as the jolt immediately raged through our hands. He rested my hand in my lap before moving his hands away and leaning back on his heels. "It's okay, Bella."

"But I don't want… and I don't want to lead you on or… Edward, I'm so—"

"You were drunk," he said quietly.

"That's no excuse!" I exclaimed, bringing my hand up to my mouth and chewing on my fingernails. "I never do that, Edward. Please don't think…"

"Bella, you need to calm down, okay?" His hands were back on my knees and I flinched. He immediately lifted his hands and held them up, sighing heavily and shaking his head. "It's okay. It happens."

"Not to me! I never do something like that!"

He was quiet, lowering his hands to his lap and all I could hear was my breathing as I attempted to calm down. It wasn't working.

"Well," he started slowly, licking his lips and taking a deep breath, "at least it was with me." I gaped at him and he smirked. It looked sad to me and that only confused me a little more. "If you'd kissed someone else that way, Bella, there's no way that you would've woken up alone."

I blinked at him and my mouth dropped open a little. Fuck, I was confused. While on some level, I understood that logic and was grateful that he'd pointed it out, on another level, I just felt… rejected in some weird way.

Was he that disgusted by me? Or was that some twisted way of complimenting me?

"Oh," I managed in a _whoosh_ of air.

"So don't… worry about it, okay? It's fine. We're fine."

I nodded and bit my bottom lip, swallowing hard.

"Are you _sure_ we're okay?" I asked softly.

He nodded and smiled at me, standing back up and grabbing his briefcase from the chair next to me.

"We're great. Come on." He jerked his head towards his office door. "I'm hungry."

I stood up slowly and followed him to the door, walking ahead of him as he motioned for me to do so.

"Jared's?" I asked as we walked into the lobby.

"Naturally."

I looked over at him and smiled when I saw the one on his face, my shoulders relaxing again as we reached the front door. He shrugged his coat on and set the alarm before we quickly hurried out, the door slamming shut behind us.

"Hey," I started, turning to him as we started in the direction of the parking lot. "Did Tanya leave early?"

It was a hell of a time to realize that she hadn't been practically perched on the edge of Edward's desk when I walked in, but I'd learned to block all thoughts of her out most of the time.

"She got quite annoyed with me when I wouldn't look at her," he said lightly, shrugging. "Mumbled something about me and you and stomped her way out of the building. Did you know she curses in Italian?"

I threw my head back and laughed, feeling a lot of the tension drain out of me as I did so.

"Only when she's really pissed off," I laughed, dragging my head back up to look at him.

He was smiling softly at me, jingling his keys in his free hand. I smiled back at him as my laughter abated and stuffed my hands in my pockets, looking down at my feet as we stopped on the edge of the parking lot. When I looked back up, he was still smiling at me.

"What?" I asked, shifting in my spot.

"Nothing." He shook his head, laughing to himself. "I'll be back."

I nodded and watched as he jogged the rest of the way to his car, throwing his briefcase into the back seat. I wrapped my arms tightly around my waist, licking my lips as he slammed the door closed and walked back to me.

I'd kissed him. I'd had my tongue in his mouth and his body pressed against mine. But none of it had felt _wrong_. I felt incredibly guilty, but it hadn't felt like something that I'd never want to do again.

I shook my head and closed my eyes.

_No, Bella. You __**don't**__ want to do it again. You __**can't**__. He's your __**friend**__ and he wouldn't want you to do it again._

"Ready?"

I opened my eyes and nodded, offering him a small smile as I turned.

"So, what else did I do last night?" I asked quietly as we walked along the sidewalk.

Might as well hear about it now while my day was shot to hell.

He laughed and stuck his hands in his jacket pockets as we started toward the corner of the street.

"You told me about the last time you had sex."

I felt my face heat up and immediately shook my hair in front of me, groaning. I wished with all of my being that there was some way for the earth to open up and swallow me whole; there was absolutely _no_ going back after _that_.

"And you showed me your tattoo." My heart dropped. "But you wouldn't tell me what it meant."

I huffed out a breath in relief.

"Will you ever?"

We reached the corner of the street and I looked up at him. His eyes were sincere and kind, not pushing or demanding. He wouldn't use it against me in the future when shit went to hell between us – because with me, things always did – and if I asked him to, he wouldn't tell anyone else.

I swallowed hard, my heart thumping loudly in my chest as I realized that I was starting to trust him. It had only been a week and I'd never trusted someone this quickly before; I didn't know how I felt about that.

Everything was out of sorts today and my head was too fucking scrambled to make sense of it all right now. I may regret all of this in the morning, but there was also a little part of me that _wanted_ him to know at least a part of it.

_You said you'd __**try**__, Bella. This is your chance._

"Why don't we get the food to go?" I finally asked quietly, licking my lips and bringing my hands in front of me to twist my fingers together.

"Why?" he asked slowly.

"I'm not going to tell you everything," I warned, my stomach clenching uncomfortably when he frowned, "but I'd rather not be in a crowded restaurant when I tell you part of it."

"Where'd you want to go?"

"My apartment?" I asked, quickly folding my bottom lip in between my teeth as I looked down at my feet. "It's not closer but it's… easier."

"Yeah, okay, that's fine."

I heard the disappointment laced in his voice and sucked in a deep breath, swallowing hard as I stepped up to the edge of the corner and looked both ways before jogging across the street. So much for not wanting to disappoint anyone today.

_You can't even be friends with someone the right way, can you? It's no wonder Jake chose Jean over you, is it?_

I bit my trembling bottom lip and heard his footsteps behind me, sucking in another deep breath and stepping up onto the sidewalk as I reached it. Everything just _hurt_ today and nothing was helping. I should've just gotten into my damn car and gone back to my apartment; I had a whole treasure trove of movies that I could've kept watching until I fell asleep.

I reached up and angrily knuckled away the tears filling my eyes, wrapping my arms tightly around my waist as we walked by the front glass window that led to Jared's front door.

"Hey, Bella…" Edward suddenly said, grabbing my elbow and pulling me to a stop.

I clenched my jaw together and kept my head down, my arms still tightly wrapped around my waist as I stood in front of him.

"Bella, you don't have to tell me."

I shrugged one shoulder, sniffing and shifting my weight on my feet.

"You want to know."

I bit down hard on my teeth when my voice shook and dug my fingertips into my sides.

"Not at the expense of hurting you."

"It always hurts," I said through my teeth. "And I just can't…" I shook my head, doing my best to relax my jaw. "I'm _trying_ and you're disappointed and I can't take that today."

"What? I'm not… where did you even get that from?"

"When you're a constant fuck up, you pick up on the signs real fucking quick. Let's just go," I mumbled, sniffing again before turning away from him and stalking into Jared's.

"Hey you two!" Embry called from the other side of the restaurant.

I looked up at him and forced a smile on my face, lifting one arm away from my waist and waving at him. I felt Edward step up beside me and swallowed hard, staring straight ahead at the chalkboard behind the front counter.

"We're not doing this," he mumbled into my ear.

"Doing what?"

"You're not telling me _anything_ if that's the only damn reason. We're not doing this," he hissed.

I stared at the chalkboard, grinding my teeth together as my eyes watered again. There was a sharp pain shooting from my throat down to my stomach and my breath hitched as I breathed out.

"Fine," I managed, turning on my heel and walking back out of the diner.

Maybe I'd take a vacation and run away from everything for a week or so. Get away from everyone in this fucking town and every little memory that haunted every fucking nook and cranny of this god damned place.

I looked up and down the street through blurry eyes before running across and jogging the rest of the way to my car. My hands shook as I grabbed my purse from my shoulder and unzipped it, digging around for my keys. My throat was aching from the sobs I wouldn't let sound through and no matter how hard I tried, my key wasn't going into the lock on the door.

I screamed in frustration when I dropped the whole key ring, staring down at it as tears trailed down my cheeks. I dropped my purse to the ground and stumbled back a few steps before collapsing on the pavement and reaching up to bury my hands in my hair. The sobs made their way out of my mouth and I pulled at my hair, wishing that it would all just _go away_.

I felt warm arms wrapping around me, pulling me against their chest and slowly rocking back and forth with me. I didn't have enough energy in me to care, much less flinch away from the electric pulse I felt as his chin brushed against my forehead when he shifted me into his lap like I normally would've.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered into my ear, one of his hands reaching up and resting on my cheek. "Bella, I'm sorry."

I leaned further into him, burying my face into his neck as I continued to wail and sob. He managed to get my hands out of my hair and I quickly grabbed onto his jacket, pressing myself against him as he continued to rock me.

"I miss him," I wailed. "I miss him so fucking much."

He didn't say anything and I wasn't entirely sure that he understood me to begin with, but he started threading one hand through my hair, small shushing noises making their way into my ear.

I don't know how long we sat that way, but when I looked up, the sky was dark, the street lights were on and my throat was on fire. My breath was still hitching in my chest and I couldn't control the embarrassing sniffles and snorts that were still making their way out. I felt weak and horrible and highly fucking embarrassed that Edward had to deal with all of that this early in our... whatever kind of relationship that we had. His hand was still threading through my hair and we were still rocking back and forth.

"I'm sorry," I rasped, uncurling my fingers from his shirt and wiping off my cheeks.

"Don't be," he said softly.

"I didn't mean to…"

"Bella, it's okay," he whispered, cradling my head in his hand and forcing me to look up at him. "Don't ever apologize for something like this."

"You didn't sign up for this," I rasped weakly, sniffling.

"Friends," was all he said to me, his thumb rubbing over my wet cheek. "It's what we do."

"I'm always screwing something up, Edward. I'll screw this up too."

With every pass of his thumb over my cheek, electricity shot through me and I still didn't know what to do with _that_, either. That couldn't be normal.

"Will you just let me be your friend, Bella?" he sighed, closing his eyes. "I'm a big boy; I can handle your shit."

"You'll regret it."

"Now I'm getting annoyed." His eyes shot open and he stared directly down into mine. "If you don't want to be friends, then tell me. Don't pull this shit with me anymore if it's pointless and meaningless to you."

I swallowed hard and shook my head quickly.

"That's not it," I managed weakly, sniffling. "I just want you to _know_ what you're getting into with me."

"You've warned me," he said, his voice monotone. "I'm still here."

Yes. He was. Meaning that he _wanted_ to be. Meaning that he probably liked hanging out with me on some level for reasons that I'd probably never completely understand.

When I wasn't a mess on the pavement after he'd just dealt with a long day of work. When I hadn't just spent an indeterminable amount of time in his arms and crying my heart out for a man that I'd never have back in _my_ arms. When he didn't understand any of it because I was too fucking terrified to tell him and re-live it all once more or have him use it against me somewhere down the line.

"I haven't been being a very good friend to you," I said softly, swallowing hard and shaking my head again.

He seemed to relax and I even watched a small smile flit across his face in the light of the street lamps.

"We're working on it." He dropped his hand from my hair and licked his lips. "You still hungry?"

"A little."

"Are you willing to try the dinner thing again?"

"Can we still go to my apartment?" I asked sheepishly, hiccupping. "I don't want to face any more people than I have to."

"Sure," he nodded. "And don't tell me anything tonight, okay?"

"Edward, you…"

"We have time," he said softly, his hand threading in through my hair again. "You can tell me when you're ready and I won't push you about it anymore."

"I _will_ tell you," I vowed, sniffling a little and nodding. "I promise."

"Not tonight. Promise me that."

"Will you tell me about you?"

He sucked in a deep breath and looked away from me, slowly licking his lips.

"Anything you want to know," he finally whispered. "All you have to do is ask, Bella."

I sat up in his lap and threw my arms around his neck, burying my nose in his chest and closing my eyes tightly. His arms slowly came around my waist, his hands splayed out on my back as he rested his chin on the top of my head.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Anytime," he whispered back.

I sat back, swallowed hard and quickly leaned in to peck his cheek before scrambling off of his lap and standing up. I grabbed my purse and keys from the ground, turning around to find that he'd stood up as well.

"What do you want? I'll go get it," he offered, clearing his throat and wiping his palms on his pants.

"I can…"

"You're not looking so good right now, Bella."

I gaped at him and only relaxed when I watched his lips twist into a smirk. I narrowed my eyes at him and took the necessary step back to him, smacking his arm and pursing my lips at him.

"Ass."

"Relax," he said softly, nodding towards my car. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Just say that I want my usual." I unzipped my purse and began digging around for my wallet, looking up when his hands covered mine. "Edward…"

"You can get it tomorrow. I've got it tonight."

I looked up at him and sighed, biting my bottom lip and nodding. He moved his hands from my purse, trailing it down the back of my hand and squeezing my wrist gently. I watched him turn around and start back in the direction of the diner, huffing slightly and gnawing on my lip.

He'd offered up the key to everything about him; he'd given it over to me and all I had to do was turn it to have him answer any kind of question I asked. He trusted me and was letting me in.

As I stood in the dimly lit parking lot, empty aside from our two cars, watching his shadow disappear around the edge of the building, I vowed to do the same for him. It was time and if he willingly suffered through _that_, he deserved it more than anyone else ever had before.

We were officially friends and it was time that we started acting like it.


	12. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**I'm kind of in love with this chapter – as well as the next one – so I can only hope that you all feel the same way as well when you're done reading. More turning points and the like.**

**Ah, you are all my favorite people in the whole world. I love your reviews and PM's and everything. I've said it a million times and I'll keep saying it because I adore you all just that much.**

**My girls are amazing and I love them. Angie, Amanda, Meg and Tiffany, you girls own me and I love you.**

**Now, enjoy!**

~*~

***Edward***

"Favorite color?"

I barely looked up from the chart I was looking at as I passed her in the hallway, smirking.

"Green. Yours?"

"Orange!" she called out.

I laughed softly as I pushed through the heavy door to my patients' room.

We'd been throwing questions out at each other all morning. It had started last night when we went back to her apartment to eat. She hadn't asked about my past – either she didn't remember what I'd told her that night at the bar or she didn't want to push just yet – and I hadn't asked about hers, as promised. I felt guilty enough as it was and every time I thought about the way she clung to me while she cried, my heart clenched and my stomach tightened. I'd pushed a little then and she'd ended up in hysterics – I had no desire to do that to her again. So we stuck to safe topics as we ate and I got to hear her laugh again.

The kiss wasn't brought up and as much as her reaction to finally remembering it had bothered the fuck out of me – for reasons that I still hadn't quite figured out yet – I wasn't pushing _that_ either. Yes, it royally sucked that she seemed to regret it and had immediately started apologizing for it because fuck it all if it wasn't something that I wouldn't mind happening again. But this was Bella and when the right time came, I'd push. I'd push hard and I'd get the answers we both deserved to have.

Her favorite movie was The Nightmare Before Christmas, her favorite band was – for now – Secondhand Serenade, she'd rather be cold than hot and her favorite holiday was Christmas. And now, I'd just learned that her favorite color was orange.

We were getting there and I was enjoying every damn minute of it so far.

"Good afternoon, Krissy," I smiled at the small blonde girl sitting anxiously on the end of the table. "What can I do to help?"

"She's got this kind of hacking cough," her mother explained from the chair next to her daughter. "She's had it for about a week and I just wanted to make sure it's nothing to be worried about."

"All right," I said easily, setting the char down before going to the sink and washing my hands. "Let's see what's going on."

I dried my hands and threw the paper towel into the garbage next to me before stepping over to Krissy and smiling brightly at her. She giggled, kicked her feet and hid her face in her shoulder. Her mother laughed and shook her head, sighing heavily.

"I'm gonna have my hands full when she gets older," she mumbled.

I laughed and nodded at her.

"Okay sweetheart," I started softly, waiting for her to straighten up. "Can you say _ah_ for me?"

Twenty minutes later, I'd given Krissy's mom a prescription for the cough medicine she'd need and grabbed her file, wishing them both a nice day before walking out of the room and towards my office.

"Favorite meal?"

I smirked at her as she stepped in front of me with a coffee mug.

"Meatloaf. You?"

She handed the mug to me and bit her bottom lip, casting her eyes to the ceiling as she thought.

"Breaded chicken breast. Mm," she hummed, licking her lips and rendering me almost speechless. "Now I'm hungry."

"Save it for dinner." I reached out and gently hit her shoulder with the file. "Thanks for the coffee."

"No problem."

She reached forward and pinched my stomach, her eyes lit up as she turned and hurried back to the front office. My eyes were once again on her ass before she disappeared and I shook my head at myself.

"She's just gonna destroy you."

Tanya's voice startled me and I whipped around to find her standing behind me, dressed in her Looney Toons scrubs. I raised an eyebrow at her as she crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her chin. I grabbed her elbow and pulled her into my office, closing the door behind me and stepping around her to stand behind my desk. I set the coffee cup down and opened the file to give my hands something to do. I needed as much space as possible between us.

"What do you have against her?"

"She's a needy, whiny, pathetic person that doesn't usually have enough common sense to come in out of the rain."

"Maybe she likes the rain; you ever think of that?"

"She killed him, you know."

I froze, the file falling to my desk as my eyes narrowed in her direction.

"What?"

"She may not have been with him that night, but she killed him."

"You don't know what you're talking about," I mumbled, rolling my eyes and waving her off.

"Neither do you. How well do you _really_ know her, Edward, after only being here for less than two weeks? She sucks people into her bullshit and destroys them."

"And you apparently know her better than I do, right?"

"I've known her longer."

I swallowed the irrational anger and need to protect her, fisting my hands at my sides.

"That doesn't mean that you _know_ her. Is she perfect? No. But she's apparently a better person than you are."

"She's already started." She shook her head almost sympathetically. "You're going to be nothing more than another poor soul on her list, Edward. I hope you enjoy that."

With that, she turned on her heel and pulled open the door, storming out of my office. I stared at the doorway, licking my bottom lip and taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself down and forget about any of that conversation. When that didn't work, I walked out from behind the desk and down the hallway, standing in front of Carlisle's closed office door. Bouncing on the balls of my feet briefly, I raised my hand and knocked.

"Come in!" he exclaimed cheerfully.

I pushed through the door and closed it behind me, walking up behind one of the chairs and placing my hands on the back of it. He smiled up at me, folding his hands on the desk in front of him.

"What can I do for you, Edward?"

"Do you know that Tanya thinks Bella killed _him_?" I asked, tapping my fingertips against the leather. "I don't know who _he_ is, but I'm pretty sure that's not true."

The smile fell from his face and he sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping forward as he reached up and ran a hand through his hair.

"Have a seat, Edward."

I huffed and did as I was told, leaning back and tapping my fingertips impatiently against the wooden arm rests.

"She hasn't told you."

"She was going to. I told her not to."

He raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed, shaking my head and leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees and clasp my hands together in front of me.

"I'd pushed enough yesterday. I wasn't going to do it again."

He nodded, sighing. "You saw her yesterday."

"She had to pick up her car, saw that I was still here and came inside to see why. We were going to get dinner until I pushed a little."

"Yesterday was a bad day to push."

"Yeah, I figured that out."

"Keep doing it."

I blinked at him, leaned back, opened and closed my mouth in an attempt to find something to say to that.

"What?" I managed.

He smirked at me and nodded.

"If she was going to tell you despite having the kind of morning that she did, then you're doing something right. Whatever you're doing with her, keep doing it, Edward."

"I have a headache," I mumbled, reaching up and rubbing my temples.

"You're gonna have a lot of them if you keep hanging around Bella. You're gonna have a lot of aggravation and you're gonna wonder if any of what you're going through with her is worth it."

"Is it?" I groaned.

"I love her so yes, it is worth it to me. If you don't think you can handle it, please," he sighed and I looked up at him, "don't just use her."

"Carlisle, I would _never_ do that," I said quietly, shaking my head. "I'm not that person."

He nodded once and sat back in his seat, pressing his fingertips together and watching me over the point he created.

"Okay. Then please take some time and think about what you're getting yourself in to. I don't want to see either of you hurt."

I nodded, shaking my head slightly before taking a deep breath.

"Thanks, I guess."

"I'll talk to Tanya," he nodded again, leaning forward once more and grabbing a pen from its wire holder on his desk. "Thank you for making me aware of it."

I nodded and stood up, running my hands through my hair.

"Carlisle, I care about her," I blurted out quickly. "She's my friend and I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to be hurt in the process because I don't want to hurt like that ever again but she's…" I sighed heavily and raised my arms up before dropping them limply to my sides. "She's not like anyone I know."

"She's one of a kind," he nodded, smirking at me. "I just hope that you both have the patience for each other."

"We'll find out. Thank you, Carlisle."

"You're welcome, Edward."

I nodded again and walked to the door, pulling it open and stopping short as I saw Bella standing there.

"Favorite board game?" she chirped, bouncing on her heels.

"Chutes and Ladders. Yours?"

"Monopoly. Did you drink your coffee?"

"I haven't gotten that far yet."

"Get to it!" she exclaimed, reaching up and tugging on the collar of my shirt. "We have a night ahead of us."

"Do we?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

She nodded enthusiastically and dropped her hand.

"Why's that?"

"I'm making you dinner."

I raised my other eyebrow at her.

"Don't give me that look!" she laughed, slapping my chest and narrowing one eye at me. "I can follow directions."

"Tell that to Esme's kitchen," Carlisle called from behind me.

"That was _one time_ and it was Emmett's fault!"

"I think I'm scared," I mumbled.

"You should be," Carlisle quipped.

"You're not helping!" Bella exclaimed, hopping up on her toes and glaring at Carlisle.

He laughed loudly and I turned to look at him, a little scared when I saw that his damn shoulders were shaking because he was laughing so hard.

"Maybe I'll make dinner," I laughed nervously as I turned back to her.

"No." She looked back at me and smiled brightly, shaking her head. "Alice just gave me this great recipe that I'm sure you're gonna really like. We just have to stop at the store after work."

"I guess that means I'm driving again, huh?"

"If that's okay?"

I smiled and absently reached up, brushing hair off her forehead and watching as she grinned at me.

"That's fine," I said softly.

"But wait," she tilted her head and pursed her lips, "that doesn't make sense. Because then I'll have to leave to drop you off here. You can just follow me."

I laughed and shook my head, pushing hair behind her ear.

"Okay." _She's worth it, Edward. _"Whatever you want, Bella."

"You are _so_ gonna regret that," Carlisle snorted.

"Shut up!" Bella laughed, once again up on her toes as she glared at him over my shoulder. "I'll tell Esme what _really_ happened to the car if you don't."

"Touché."

"I win!" she declared before turning around and bouncing back down the hallway.

I laughed after her and shook my head, turning to look at Carlisle. He tilted his head back and I nodded, smirking before I started back towards my office.

Yes. She was worth it.

~*~

"Tell me something."

She looked up at me, her fork suspended over the black and white plate in her hand as she folded one of her legs underneath her and slowly chewed.

We were sitting on the floor of her living room facing each other and continuing with our questioning that we'd been at for the past day and a half. She really couldn't cook much that didn't come with either detailed instructions or from a box, she loved the way the snow looked but hated driving in it and would much rather spend the entire day in her pajamas than to get dressed in a pair of jeans.

She may have claimed that she couldn't cook very well and she may have deceived me with saying that Alice had given her a new recipe to try, but I couldn't say that I hated it. She'd finally broken down in the middle of the spice aisle of the supermarket when I asked her for the _thousandth_ time what she was making for the night and told me that she wanted to thank me for being there for her yesterday. After numerous attempts at telling her that it wasn't necessary, I'd finally given up when she merely walked away from me each time and had promised that I'd cook for her someday. She waved me off and I followed her around the damn supermarket looking something like a lost puppy until she declared that she'd gotten everything she needed.

And then she'd banished me from hovering around her in the kitchen when we got back here, too. I'd been forced to stay on the other side of the doorway and reduced to sighing heavily and wincing each time she burned herself… which she did often.

"I've been telling you shit for long enough," she laughed, stabbing a piece of the meatloaf. "What more could you possibly want to know?"

"Anything," I grinned, shrugging and balancing my plate on my knees. "Whatever you want."

She stabbed another piece of meatloaf and shoved it into her mouth, slowly chewing as she eyed me. She finally set her plate down on the floor and swallowed, folding her other leg underneath her and taking a deep breath. She licked her lips and then held out her arm, pulling her sleeve up and showing me her tattoo again.

I stopped breathing.

"Mike Newton," she said softly.

I grabbed my plate and set it on the floor by hers, placing my hands in my lap and watching her carefully.

"Boyfriend?" I asked softly when she failed to say anything else.

She nodded, pressing her lips together and lowering her arm to her lap.

"Car crash," she whispered, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. "Six years ago."

"Okay," I said softly, reaching out and placing my hands on her arms.

She closed her eyes tightly before dropping her head onto her knees and I sighed quietly, rubbing my hands up and down her arms. I wouldn't feel bad about this; I hadn't asked her directly about it. She'd told me out of her own free will.

I watched as she clenched her hands into fists and the pit of my stomach tightened. I continued to rub her arms and wracked my brain in an attempt to find something to say to her that would make her laugh. We'd been doing so well this afternoon and everything had just been so fucking… _normal_. She was the Bella I liked being around and I didn't want her to revert back to the girl I saw upon first arriving.

"My fiancée's name was Lauren," I blurted out, swallowing hard. All right, maybe it wasn't going to make her laugh – and if it did, I needed to seriously rethink the whole _friend_ status we were working on – but it was better than watching her close in on herself. "My best friend's was Tyler. The three of us grew up together and when we were fifteen, Lauren and I started dating. Tyler was all for it; happy for us and supportive." I watched as she raised her head, resting her chin on her knees and relaxing her hands. "We had our rough patches, of course, and we stuck Tyler in the middle of it. That wasn't right," I mumbled, shaking my head.

I swallowed hard again. This was the first time I was talking about it since it happened and I'd been able to almost forget about how much it hurt for a while. It was always there, but when I didn't think about it, it didn't matter.

I kept rubbing her arms, staring down at my lap and doing my best to keep my breathing normal even as my heart tried to escape from my chest.

"We always made up, Lauren and I, and things would go back to normal. We all graduated high school together, went to the same college. They supported me and helped me through when things went to shit with my parents. Lauren and I got an apartment together and naturally, Tyler got one in the same building. We still spent all of our time together when we could and he helped me pick out the ring."

Bella's hands grabbed mine and she linked our fingers together, her thumbs making slow, soothing circles on the back of my hands. I squeezed hers tightly and took a deep breath, shaking my head once.

"I proposed to her in March of this year and we were thrown into a completely different relationship almost immediately. She spent a massive amount of time planning the wedding that wouldn't be taking place for another year and I tried to help when I could but I was working at the hospital a lot, trying to get my foot in the right doors and I wasn't there as much as I should've been. Tyler filled in for me and went to appointments that I wasn't able to make at the time."

Bella moved her legs from her chest, crossing them in front of her and holding my hands tightly in her lap, her thumbs still circling.

"We had a huge blow up fight one night about me never being home and never helping her with anything and I ended up storming out and crashing in the on-call room at the hospital. I'd had time to think about it and went home after my shift to apologize to her. Roses and all that," I laughed weakly.

"Door sex," Bella stated.

I smirked and nodded, looking up at her briefly before looking down at our hands. Well, she might not have remembered kissing me right away, but she definitely remembered _that_.

"We talked and I thought that everything was okay again. I woke up the next morning and everything seemed to be all right with us so I didn't think much of it. I got out of the hospital early and decided that I'd come home to surprise her. It never hurts to bring her some more roses, right?"

She squeezed my hands and I huffed out a breath.

"I tried calling Tyler to see if he could keep her out of the apartment for a while; give me some time to set things up and do the whole fairytale _I love you _thing. I couldn't get a hold of him, but didn't think anything of it. He had classes and he'd been seeing this other girl for a while so I just figured that he was out with her. I called Lauren to see where she was, but she didn't answer either." I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head. "I didn't think anything then, either. I should've, but I didn't."

"You couldn't have known."

I nodded and opened my eyes again, staring directly at our hands.

"So I went home and I was confused as all hell when I saw both of their cars in the lot. But I still didn't _think_," I laughed sarcastically. "I walked into the apartment and it just _hit_ me. I could hear them and…" I shook my head and latched even tighter onto Bella's hands when she squeezed again. "She wasn't even sorry," I breathed.

Bella shook her hands out of mine and I barely contained the small and feminine whimper that almost made its way out of my mouth at the loss of the one piece of contact I actually _needed_ right now. I'd been comforting her for the past two days; couldn't she at least _try_ to do the same for me?

But then she was against me, straddling my lap as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and tangled one hand in my hair. I didn't hesitate this time and wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, holding her to me as I buried my face in her hair and breathed deeply.

I didn't want to analyze the way she felt when she was against me like this. I didn't want to think about the way my heart was beating out of my chest because of her; she was something real and solid and right at this moment, I needed that. I needed _her_.

"She said it was my fault that I wasn't ever home and that I treated her as a thing that was easily discarded instead of a fiancée. I never…" I swallowed hard and ground my teeth together. "I loved her. I would never treat her that way."

"She was making an excuse to make herself feel better," she whispered into my ear, her hand threading through my hair.

"I was with her for _eleven_ _years_," I whispered into her neck, squeezing my eyes tightly. "And she slept with my best friend."

"Didn't he feel bad about it?"

"I don't know. I didn't really give him a chance to say anything. Almost broke his jaw, though."

She snorted and I smirked half-heartedly, flattening my hands on her back and keeping her pressed up against me.

"What's this _almost_ crap? You should've shattered it."

I laughed and fisted my hands in her shirt, breathing deeply and trying to shove everything I'd just pulled out back into the recesses of my mind. I didn't want to think about this anymore; I didn't want to talk about it and I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I'd told her what had happened and that was it; I was done with it.

But there was no way that I was letting her go. I needed this more than I'd realized.

"Yeah, I guess I should've."

"There's no guessing, Edward. You ever see him again and you shatter the fucker, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

She nodded, her hand threading through my hair again as she dropped her nose to my neck.

"She's a stupid ho," she whispered.

I laughed half-heartedly and nodded, huffing slightly. I could hear those same words in her slurred voice and smirked softly against her shoulder.

"I don't know how anyone could do something like that to you; to anyone. You didn't deserve that."

I nuzzled my nose into her neck, concentrating on breathing evenly as she continued to run her hand through my hair.

"I could've done better by her," I whispered.

"You will _not_ do that," she demanded, gently pulling on my hair.

I groaned and lifted my head to look at her, raising an eyebrow at the slightly angry expression on her face.

"Yes, you made mistakes, but she's the one that chose to be a coward and not talk to you about any of it. Just because she didn't have the balls to end things the right way – or to talk to you and try to work things out – does _not_ mean that you deserved any of that. And your best friend," she scoffed and rolled her eyes, moving her hands from my hair to frame my face, "was a low-life bastard that was just as cowardly as she was."

I blinked at her.

"You…"

"I'm serious, Edward. Just don't…" She sighed heavily and shook her head. "Don't think you deserved that to happen to you."

"You're very protective," I observed.

She tilted her head from side to side and nodded, smiling softly.

"Of the important people in my life."

"I'm important huh?"

She nodded, shrugging.

"When the hell did that happen?" I asked, smirking at her.

She laughed and shrugged again, dropping her hands from my face to rest them on my shoulders.

"I don't know. It just kind of did."

"Do you think…?" I cleared my throat and rested my hands on her waist, licking my lips. "Do you think you deserved what happened to you?"

Her smile faltered and she swallowed hard, looking away from me.

"We're not talking about me," she said softly.

"Bella…"

"Please don't."

"Because if you do, then you really need to listen to yourself, all right? It sucks and you didn't tell me everything and that's okay," I said quickly when she shifted in my lap, "but it wasn't your fault, either."

"I should've been there," she said fiercely, shaking her head and causing her hair to fall in her face. "And I wasn't."

"Everything happens for a reason."

"That's bullshit. It happens to _me_ and there are never any reasons for any of it."

She tried moving from me but I kept my grip tightly on her waist and pulled her back against me, wrapping my arms tightly around her waist as she struggled.

"Let me go."

"No."

"Edward, let me…"

"_No_," I whispered fiercely into her ear.

"We were talking about _you_."

"And now we're done talking about me. Thank you for being there for me and saying what you did but now it's your turn."

"I'm tired of talking about me. Edward, please don't," she whispered, begging as her head fell against my shoulder.

I sighed heavily and turned, keeping her firmly in my arms as I leaned back against the couch and pressed my hands on her back again.

"Then just stay here with me," I whispered, rubbing my hands in circles on her back.

She kept her head buried in my neck as we shifted until I was comfortable, clinging to each other as if the other held the secret to life and we'd just figured it out.

"I'm sorry she did that to you," she whispered after a few moments of silence. "You deserve better."

I lightly trailed my hand over her hair, resting my chin on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry you lost him," I whispered back.

She tightened her hold on my neck and I moved my hand from her hair, tightening my hold around her waist and closing my eyes again.

She didn't say that it was okay and I didn't either. It wasn't okay that this had happened to us and it wasn't okay that we were still broken because of all of it. But at least now I wasn't alone and I wouldn't let her be that way, either. Whatever we were doing with each other was working and just because I hadn't known her for more than two weeks didn't mean shit to me.

"I'll tell you soon," she mumbled.

"No rush."

"You deserve to know."

"I can wait."

"You shouldn't have to."

"Bella," I said quietly, pulling back from her and waiting for her eyes to meet mine. "I'm not going anywhere."

She bit her bottom lip and nodded once before plunging her face back into my neck. I sighed quietly and began rubbing her back, my chin back on her shoulder.

"I'm trying," she whispered weakly. "I know it's frustrating to wait, but I'm really trying, Edward."

I turned my head and leaned back, brushing my lips over her temple and welcoming the rush of sparks I felt.

"I know," I whispered. "Thank you."

One of her hands trailed back into my hair and my chin quickly reclaimed its spot on her shoulder. We sat there in a comfortable silence for at least a few hours until she groaned and said her hips hurt. I laughed until I realized that I couldn't feel my ass and then she laughed at me.

I helped her pick up the plates and was allowed into the kitchen to help her put away the leftovers, finding menial things to tease her about and watch her face light up as she laughed.

"I should go," I sighed, snapping the top onto the plastic container and setting it in her refrigerator.

She hummed and nodded, shrugging.

"I'll walk you out."

I nodded and turned on my heel, walking out of the kitchen and grabbing my coat from where I'd draped it over the back of her couch. I faced the door and took a deep breath, quickly turning around and grabbing her in my arms. She squeaked in surprise and laughed, her arms quickly wrapping around my shoulders as she tucked her head underneath my chin.

"Thank you for tonight, Bella," I said softly.

"Any time, Edward. And thank you for… just… thank you."

I smiled and tilted my head down, pressing my lips against the top of her head and lingering. She was comfort and warmth and friendship and everything I never thought I needed all wrapped up in one person.

"You're welcome, Bella."


	13. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**So far, this is my second favorite chapter and once again, I hope you all enjoy it just as much as I do. It's a bit emotional at some parts, but the part after it makes up for it. I think, anyway.**

**And *sighs* once again, you are all beyond words and I love you dearly. Pieces is almost caught up on Twilighted, so if you feel like reading over there, be my guest. It's up to chapter 10 (or will be anyway) so, we're getting there!**

**Thanks to my lovelies: Angie, Amanda, Meg and Tiffany, who already pre-read and tell me whether or not something sucks or doesn't make sense. I love you all beyond measure and thank you so much for putting up with my crazy ass.**

**Enjoy!**

~*~

***Bella***

I raised an eyebrow at my computer screen when I heard a whispered argument taking place behind me. Alice and Angela had been acting strange and shooting curious looks at me all damn morning and it was getting to the point where they were driving me insane. I'd done my best to ignore it for the most part, but now it was getting impossible.

"_You_ do it!" I heard Angela hiss.

I pursed my lips at the screen and sighed heavily, turning around in my chair and staring at the both of them. They quickly sat up straight and shot me identical grins.

"On with it," I stated, waving one hand at them.

"We're going out to dinner tonight after work," Alice started, still grinning at me. "All of us. And we were wondering if you wanted to come."

"We'll ask Edward, too," Angela piped up, peeking over Alice's shoulder.

Alice elbowed her and I raised an eyebrow at them.

"Who's all of us?" I asked slowly.

"Me, Jasper, Ang, Ben, Emmett and Rose. And you and Edward, of course, if you guys want to come."

"Carlisle and Esme?"

"They've got plans, I guess," Angela shrugged, still smiling brightly at me. "He told us to have fun tonight."

I eyed her.

"Where?"

"Olive Garden in Port Angeles."

"Why?"

Alice shrugged and tilted her head to the side, smiling innocently at me.

"Just because."

I sighed and shook my head at her.

"Yeah, okay. Right after work?"

"Six-thirty!" she chirped, clapping her hands. "You'll have plenty of time to go home and get changed."

I looked down at my dress pants and sighed, waving her off and turning back to my computer.

"Yeah, okay, fine. I'll be there."

"I'll go ask Edward!" Angela declared, out of her seat and prancing towards the door before I could say anything.

I blinked after her, my hands poised over the keyboard of the computer as I listened to her hasty footsteps in the hallway.

Fuck, I was confused.

"Are you two dating?" Alice asked bluntly once the door swung firmly closed.

I slowly turned back to face her and blinked. I think I had entered some alternate dimension without me realizing it before now.

"What?"

"Well, are you? You've gotten very close very fast."

Shit, she was observant.

"We're friends," I managed, still blinking at her.

"You aren't attracted to him at all?"

"Alice, have you seen him lately? He's gorgeous."

"That didn't answer my question."

"What does it matter?" I sighed, reaching up and running my hand through my hair. "We're friends and that's all."

"I don't believe you!" she chirped. "I think you wanna hump him."

"Oh good Christ," I mumbled, slapping my hand on my forehead and turning back around. "I'm done with this conversation."

"You _do_!"

"I do not!"

"You're lying!"

"No, I'm leaving," I laughed incredulously, shaking my head as I stood up.

"Bella!" she whined.

"I need coffee!"

Angela pranced her way back into the office with a poorly contained grin.

"He's in!"

"What the hell is up with you two?" I asked, sighing heavily and placing my hands on my hips.

"Not a thing, dear Bella," Angela smiled, reaching up to pat my head. "We're just excited to have the two of you joining us."

"Uh huh," I mumbled, eyeing them. "I will kill you if there is another motive, got it?"

I pointed at the both of them and narrowed my eyes as Alice pressed her lips together and Angela placed a hand over her mouth.

"Promise!" they both sang at the same time.

I huffed and walked out of the office, mumbling that they had some severe mental issues before walking into the kitchen. I found Edward staring at the coffee maker, one of his hands tangled in his hair and his eyes wide.

"You okay?" I asked slowly, edging into the doorway.

His eyes snapped to mine and I leaned back.

"Please tell me you're going to this dinner thing tonight," he pleaded, dropping his hand.

"Yes, I'm going. Why? What did she do to you?"

"Questions," he whispered. "Lots of questions in a very short amount of time."

I laughed and walked over to him, reaching up and rubbing his back with one hand and grabbing a coffee mug from one of the cabinets with the other.

"You'll get used to them in time."

"Christ, I hope so," he groaned, lazily draping an arm around my shoulders and leaning heavily against me. "She's like a one-woman wrecking crew!"

I laughed and leaned against him as well, concentrating very hard as I grabbed the carafe and poured. With my luck, he'd find a way to distract me and I'd end up spilling the entire thing all over the counter.

"Is that for me?" he asked, leaning his head against the top of mine.

"No," I said slowly, smirking. "You can get your own damn coffee."

"But it tastes so much better when you make it for me," he whined.

"I don't do anything differently than you do."

"Sure you do. You stir it in a different direction."

I blinked at the coffee mug on the counter before I set the carafe down next to it and backed away from him slightly.

"_What_?"

"You stir clockwise," he said simply as he stood up straight, "and I stir counter-clockwise. It's better the way you do it."

"So why don't you stir clockwise?"

He sighed dramatically and shook his head as if I was asking him the dumbest question I could possibly think of.

"Because that's what _you_ do and I like it when _you_ do it."

"You are officially a pain in my ass," I grumbled, moving from him completely to step forward and open the cabinet again.

I grabbed another coffee cup and snapped it on the counter, sliding a glance over my shoulder at him as I grabbed the carafe one more time. He was grinning like an idiot and I'm sure if he wanted to, he probably would've been hopping from foot-to-foot like a little boy at the sight of his first bike.

And while there was a part of me that wanted to feel awkward and worried about the way we were acting with each other right now – sickeningly cute and comfortable with each other like we'd known the other for years instead of days – I didn't have it in me. For once in a very long time, I didn't feel pressured or uptight with another guy in the same room; I just felt like me.

The me I used to be, anyway. I missed that part of me and if Edward was bringing it back, I didn't want to question it. I was tired of second guessing and questioning and if anything, Edward had proved that he wanted to stick around. He wanted to be a part of my life and he wanted me to be a part of his. I may not have understood exactly _why_ he'd fought so hard for someone so broken, but at this point, I refused to question it anymore.

I had someone to turn to and I was the person he could lean on when he needed me.

I smirked to myself and stood up a little straighter as I poured the coffee into the second mug.

Someone needed _me_. I couldn't say that about everyone in my life and it was nice to know that I could be someone else's support system when he needed me to be.

"And you," he leaned in and quickly kissed my cheek, sending shockwaves through me and causing my hand to falter a little, "are officially my goddess."

"Well," I said, huffing out a breath and puffing out my cheeks, "you'd better start treating me like one."

My heart was thundering in my chest and I quickly set the carafe back on the coffee machine, grabbing the sugar bowl and swallowing hard.

"Anything you want."

_Kiss me_.

I dropped the sugar bowl onto the counter and pressed my lips together, sucking in a deep breath as I blinked at the two mugs sitting in front of me.

That wasn't right. That shouldn't have even been a passing thought in my mind. Where the hell did that come from?

"You all right, Bella?"

"Fine," I squeaked, clearing my throat as I quickly pulled out the drawer and grabbed a spoon. "Just uhm… it's heavy, you know?"

"Mhmm," he hummed, stepping behind me and placing his hands on my shoulders.

I jumped, blowing out another deep breath as I dug the spoon into the sugar and dumped two heaving scoops into his coffee cup.

"Calm," he whispered, suddenly right down by my ear. He started rubbing my shoulders and I closed my eyes, fighting to breathe evenly as I tried to concentrate on his hands. "You're all right with me."

I forced myself to relax and nodded quickly, swallowing hard again as I opened my eyes and slowly stirred his coffee.

"See?" he asked softly, his hands rubbing my upper arms. "Clockwise."

I snorted and rolled my eyes, shaking my head and elbowing him gently.

"Ass."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me against him and squeezing me gently.

"You'll learn to like it."

"That's what you think."

He laughed and squeezed me again before he released me. I sucked in a deep breath, set the spoon on the counter and turned, handing him his coffee and shaking my head at him.

"You really are a pain in my ass."

He grinned before lifting the mug to his lips and sipping from it. He moaned, closing his eyes as he swallowed. My mouth went dry and I blinked slowly at him before turning and quickly picking the spoon up again.

_You're losing it, Bella. Something like that should not have you getting all hot and bothered. You shouldn't be feeling like that anymore. Your time has passed._

"And you really are my goddess," he said quietly, kissing my cheek again before walking towards the open doorway. "I'll pick you up at your place tonight? We can ride together?"

"Yeah, that's fine," I said, clearing my throat and drying off the spoon before plunging it back into the sugar bowl.

"Bella?"

I slowly looked over at him to see that he was staring intently at me, his fingertips tapping against the coffee mug.

"You're okay with me."

I nodded, chewing on my bottom lip as I dumped sugar into my mug and absently started to stir it.

"Yeah."

I watched his jaw twitch as he clenched his teeth together before he nodded once and ducked out of the kitchen, the carefree attitude he'd had when I made his coffee completely gone.

_Your fault. Fucking relax, Bella, and maybe you wouldn't destroy everyone who wanted to get close to you._

I put the sugar bowl away and walked to the refrigerator, yanking it open and grabbing the caramel creamer I adored.

_He told you __**everything**__ and you can't even get through the smallest details. You're not being fair to him. You're not being the friend he needs._

I slapped the creamer bottle onto the counter once I'd poured it into my coffee and stirred it again, staring down at the light brown liquid as I chewed on my bottom lip.

_You promised everyone that matters that you'd try and you won't even let yourself do that._

I grabbed the creamer bottle from the counter and stalked the few steps back to the refrigerator, all but throwing the bottle inside and slamming the door closed. Growling at myself, I grabbed my coffee mug as I stormed out of the kitchen and down the hallway, loudly knocking on his closed office door and tapping my toes.

"Come in!"

I pushed through the door, letting it slam closed behind me to find that he was leaning over his desk in much the same way as when I walked in on him singing a few days ago. He slowly sat back in his chair, clearly not amused or even the least bit interested as he looked up at me.

I didn't give myself time to think about it or try deciphering it as I snapped the mug down on the edge of his desk and slapped my hands palm down in front of him.

"I know and I'm scared," I said, my voice stronger than I thought was capable. "You scare me, Edward, and I don't know what to do about it. You're not… normal for still wanting to be around me after everything I've already put you through and I don't know what to do. Guys don't stick around me for this long because of how I am and you are and I don't know why. I don't know why and I don't know what to do with it."

I swallowed hard, looking directly into his eyes and seeing absolutely nothing. There was no emotion; no understanding, no revelation, just _nothing_. I retreated, slowly picking my hands up from his desk and reaching over for my mug.

"So," I said softly, wrapping my hands around my mug and looking down into it. "I know. And I'm sorry for…" I huffed out a breath and laughed humorlessly, shaking my head and biting my bottom lip. "Being me, I guess."

He didn't say anything and I nodded once, turning on my heel and walking back towards the door. I pulled it open and walked out, quietly closing it behind me before walking down the hallway and back into the front office.

_That's what you get, Bella._

"Bella!" Alice chirped, turning to me and grinning. "I was thinking that we could all go out for drinks afterwards. You in?"

I shrugged one shoulder and offered her the best smile I could manage before nodding.

"Yeah," I said softly, swallowing hard. "That's fine."

"Are you okay?" Angela asked, leaning back in her chair and looking over at me.

_Numb. Just… numb._

"I'm fine. Just tired. It's been a long couple of days."

I sat back down in my chair and pushed my coffee off to the side, suddenly completely uninterested in it.

"It'll get better tonight. I'm sure of it."

I smirked humorlessly at the screen and nodded, pulling up the report I needed to finish and placing my hands on the keyboard.

"Yeah, maybe."

~*~

I didn't see him for the rest of the day. He'd either memorized the appointment book very well or had suffered through Tanya and all of her absolute insanity to avoid talking to me again.

It hurt, but I couldn't blame him. Half the time, _I_ didn't want to be around me, either. He had the option to ignore me; I didn't. And if I'd had to be on the other end of my spiel from earlier in the day, I'd probably do everything in my power to avoid me, too.

I shut down my computer and grabbed my purse from underneath my desk, slinging it over my shoulder as I silently followed Alice and Angela out of the office and into the lobby. I waved at them as we reached the parking lot and had to search around in my purse for my car keys, stealing glances at Edward's Volvo from its spot next to mine.

His fancy, upscale car next to my beat up, nearly dead piece of crap only managed to emphasize that he was better without me. He was clearly out of my league and even trying to be friends with him obviously wasn't going to ever work. I wasn't good enough for him and he'd obviously finally realized it.

I sighed and swallowed hard, shaking my head as I unlocked the door and fell into the seat.

"You're such a fucking idiot, Bella," I grumbled to myself, jamming the key into the ignition and pulling my seatbelt across my lap. "Can't even give a little with the one guy in the world who wants to know something about you. Hell, why would he when you _talk_ to yourself?"

I growled in frustration and slammed the car in gear, pulling out of my parking spot. I made it to my apartment and stalked my way up to the door, unlocking it and slamming it behind me.

He probably wasn't even going to dinner anymore. And if he was, he probably wasn't picking me up anymore.

"He's not the ass, Bella, _you are_."

I stormed into my bedroom and grabbed a pair of panties before stomping my way into the bathroom and starting the shower. Hell, the day couldn't get any worse so why not go to dinner with everyone who would just stare at me and make me uncomfortable anyway? Emmett would know something was wrong and would want to get it out of me, Rosalie would just glare at me for the entire night and the rest of them would probably just be uncomfortable in the entire situation. Why was I even going? There was absolutely no point in going because I'd just make everyone uncomfortable like I always did.

"Big fucking ass," I mumbled, sniffing when I felt the tears coming before hopping into the shower.

Half an hour later, I climbed out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me, still sniffling like an idiot as I padded out of the steamy bathroom and into my bedroom. If anything, showers were the best places to cry and moan over the shit I should've done as opposed to the shit that I had done instead.

Everything was wiped clean once I was out. My heart was heavy in my chest, the numb feeling was back in the pit of my stomach and I was the same person I'd been a week and a half ago. The person I'd been before Edward showed up and the only people I had in my life were my brother, my mother, Carlisle and Jake – when he was allowed.

Everything was normal for my life again.

I grabbed a pair of jeans that Alice might approve of and a long sleeved green sweater before walking back into the bathroom and dropping them onto the toilet seat. I got dressed and threw the towel over the curtain rod, fluffing my hair and running my fingers through it before I grabbed the blow dryer. Just as I put my finger on the switch to turn it on, I heard a knock on the door and sighed heavily.

Maybe it was Jake and maybe he wanted to make amends or realized that I was completely wrong and _he_ didn't want to be in my life anymore either. Maybe it was just the day where I pushed every single person in my life away from me. Maybe I'd be better at the bottom of the fucking ocean.

Running my hands through my hair one more time and deeming it styled enough to answer the door, I sighed and grabbed the doorknob as I reached it. I yanked it open and blinked at Edward standing on the front step, nervously playing with his keys.

"What are you doing here?" I asked softly, swallowing hard and gripping the doorknob tightly.

"I'm supposed to be picking you up," he answered just as softly, shrugging one shoulder.

"Edward," I sighed, reaching up and fisting my hand in my wet hair. "What are you _doing_ here? You avoided me for the rest of the day and you… I didn't figure that you were… what do you want?"

"Can I come in?"

I dropped my hand from my hair and sighed heavily, slumping against the side of the door and looking up at him.

"Why?"

"So that I can tell you that you scare me, too."

I blinked at him and looked into his eyes, swallowing hard before finally moving out of the way and letting him in. I closed the door behind him and stepped away from him, crossing my arms over my chest and looking down at my feet.

"I don't have friends anymore, Bella. My friends cheated on me and the last I heard, they were engaged and she was pregnant. So I don't have friends; I don't have anyone to talk to or joke around with or to have coffee with. I _wanted_ that when I first came here. I didn't _have_ anyone and then you…" I looked up when he sighed heavily and saw that one of his hands was in his hair. "With your eyes and your broken heart and your inability to trust anyone and I don't know why I can't stay away from you. I don't know why and I spent the rest of the day trying to figure it out. I wasn't able to think of anything other than figuring that maybe I shouldn't because I hated not seeing you for the rest of the day. It didn't feel right. So yes, there is the possibility that I'll get hurt again and there is the possibility that I'll lose everything in the process but I can't stay away from you." He looked up at me again and dropped his hand, letting it slap against his thigh. "You make me feel how I don't want to feel anymore and it scares me."

"So… I don't… what are you…? Edward, I'm not forcing you to stay. If you don't want to, then don't."

"You aren't listening to me, Bella. I _can't_ stay away. I've tried not to care and that didn't work, either. I'm stuck with you."

"Is this supposed to make me feel better?" I asked, swallowing hard when my voice shook. "Because hearing you say that you want to stay away and that you don't want to care and that you're _stuck_ with me like some kind of curse or sickness really isn't making me feel all that great right now."

"That's not what I…"

"Just go," I said quietly, shaking my head and swallowing hard. "I won't bother you anymore."

"Bella, that's not what I…"

"Edward, I don't want to be the problem in your new life, okay? You're starting over here and you don't need me around to make it worse."

"You're taking this all wrong!"

"Then make it right because I'm not sure what the hell you mean!" I exclaimed, dropping my arms and sucking in a deep breath. "What do you want from me?"

"I don't know!"

"That clears things up," I mumbled, scoffing.

He took a step closer to me and I swallowed hard, forcing myself to stay exactly where I was. Even if this was his way of subtly saying that I was dragging him into something he didn't want to be in, I needed to hear him say it. I needed that definite answer before he left just like everyone else before him and I'd be damned if I was going to back down when I _needed_ this.

"You confuse the fuck out of me, Bella. And I just… I want to… there's…" He grabbed the sides of my face in his hands and my eyes widened. "I want to do this _all the time_," he whispered before his lips were on mine.

I stood completely still, my eyes wide and my arms limp at my sides as his lips slid over mine gently. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and my eyes slid closed as my hands clenched into fists at my sides. Sparks, fireworks… everything I never thought I was capable of feeling again was just _there_. My heart was in my throat and everything I thought I knew before shifted, skewing my reality and making it something completely different.

"Tell me to stop and I will," he whispered, his lips brushing over mine before he kissed me again.

I lifted my hands and placed them on his upper arms, not entirely sure what I was going to do or what I was supposed to do. I hadn't had to worry about this for a long ass time; this was new and it didn't feel like it shouldn't be happening.

"Tell me," he whispered, working his bottom lip in between mine and gently touching the tip of his tongue against my top lip.

I dug my fingernails into his arm, taking a slow step into him and tentatively moving my lips over his. More sparks, more fireworks; brighter, more fierce. I dragged my hands up his arms and up his neck, threading my fingers through his hair and pulling his mouth more firmly against mine. He breathed out a small laugh against my mouth before he dropped his hands and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me tight against him and working his tongue in between my lips. I touched the tip of my tongue to his and gasped when the sparks intensified, causing him to open his mouth to mine and run his tongue completely over mine. I untangled my fingers from his hair, wrapping my arms around his neck and reveling in the way his arms tightened around my waist.

None of this felt wrong. It didn't feel like I should step away or like I should run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. It was different, it was something _real_ and I wasn't opposed to it the way I should've been.

I didn't understand any of it at all.

One of his arms moved from my waist and his hand was on my cheek as he pulled away from me, gently kissing my top lip a few times before resting his forehead against mine. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at him, seeing that his eyes were still closed tightly.

"Please don't tell me that was a mistake," he whispered, his voice sounding almost weak. "Please."

"I don't want you to feel like you're stuck with me. Like you couldn't get away from me if you really wanted to."

"I don't want to. That didn't come out the way it was supposed to," he whispered, chuckling sadly and shaking his head. "I don't think I could walk away from you even if I wanted to."

"Do you want to?"

"No," he whispered, rubbing his thumb over my cheek. "I want you to trust me, Bella. I want you to have faith in me and I want you to count on me with everything you hold close to you."

"Edward," I whispered, shifting on my feet. "What are… what is this? What are we doing?"

"What do you want, Bella?" he whispered, finally opening his eyes.

"I don't know."

He seemed to search my eyes before leaning up and pressing his lips against my forehead, his breath hot against the top of my head as he moved his hand from my cheek and threaded it into the still wet hair at the nape of my neck.

"Then I don't know, either."

"This is all happening so fast," I whispered, closing my eyes.

I felt his lips purse against my forehead again before he nodded.

"For me, too," he whispered back, shifting slightly and resting his chin on the top of my head.

"There's so much to," I swallowed hard and buried my nose into his chest, "think about and… I don't know what's… my head is…"

"Hey, it's okay." He untangled his hand from my hair and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, keeping me firmly pressed against him. "We have time. Just please… don't say there's nothing there, Bella." He squeezed me tightly. "Please."

I shook my head and moved my arms down a little to clutch onto his jacket, my hands curling into the material as I concentrated on breathing once more.

"You're safe with me," he whispered.

I nodded and tilted my head up, resting my cheek against his neck as I breathed out, "So are you."

~*~

"Did they make reservations?" Edward asked as we pulled up to the restaurant.

"I have no idea." I looked over at him as he shifted the car into park and smiled slightly when he looked at me. "I'm sure Alice managed to get us a pretty good table no matter what, though."

"She seems rather persuasive."

"You have no idea."

He laughed and nodded, grabbing the keys from the ignition and pushing open his door.

He'd waited for me to finish getting ready, sitting patiently in my living room while I dried my hair and did my best to calm my shaking hands and pounding heart. I didn't know what was going on; I didn't know what anything meant when it concerned Edward anymore. The lines were just starting to form on our relationship and then all of this happens. My head was in sixty different directions and my heart wasn't helping me at _all_. It seemed completely content with Edward around and I didn't know _why_. Everything was so out of order and I felt like I was going to explode.

I'd walked out of the bathroom prepared to tell him that I wasn't sure I wanted this, forcing deep breaths into my lungs and demanding that I stay firm. We could be friends, but nothing more could come of it. I wasn't capable of more; he'd just get hurt and I didn't want to hurt him anymore than he already had been.

But then he'd looked at me and everything slid back to where I hadn't realized it should've been. My heart calmed down, I stopped shaking and everything I wanted to say had been forgotten. I hadn't been sure whether to enjoy it or question it and the minute he'd stood up and held out his hand to me, I stopped caring.

I was scared; fucking _terrified_. But knowing that I wasn't alone in that somehow made it easier to deal with.

"So, there's a whole bunch of people in there, right?"

I nodded and pushed open my door as well, sighing heavily as I unbuckled my seat belt and stepped out of the car, reaching back in to grab my purse. He popped up on the other side of the car and we both slammed the doors at the same time, turning and staring up at the cream-colored side of the restaurant.

"Yes."

"And this is just a dinner for the hell of it?"

We met at the front of the car, nervously looking at the front entrance.

"Supposedly."

"It's a dinner to feel me out," he said, looking over at me, "isn't it?"

"Probably." I swallowed hard and reached over to grab his hand in mine, squeezing it tightly. "I'm apologizing in advance."

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

But he squeezed my hand, sighed heavily and pulled me along with him as we took the few steps to the front door. He pushed through the glass door, letting go of my hand and allowing me to walk in ahead of him. The brunette behind the hostess podium looked up and smiled brightly, her eyes focused intently on Edward.

Yeah, well, that wasn't something I should've been surprised about.

"Welcome to Olive Garden. How can I help you?"

"We're meeting…"

"Bella! Edward!"

We both looked over to find the whole lot of them seated at the bar. I smiled at the oblivious hostess and rolled my eyes when she ignored me, walking in front of Edward and over to the small corner that had been deemed the bar. The guys all had glasses of beer already, while Alice and Angela were stealing sips from Jasper's and Ben's. Rosalie sat next to Emmett, her legs crossed, her nose in the air and her peach sangria held up in front of her with a completely disgusted look on her face. I sighed heavily and took the final step towards them, pasting as much of a genuine smile on my face as I could while my heart ran rampant in my chest. I felt Edward place his hand on the small of my back and relaxed minutely, shooting him a small smile over my shoulder. He grinned at me and moved his hand up to rub in between my shoulder blades.

"Hey guys," I greeted, sucking in a deep breath.

"Bells!" Emmett exclaimed, sliding off his chair and immediately wrapping his arms around me.

I laughed and hugged him back tightly, briefly burying my face in his chest before I caught sight of Rosalie and backed away from him. She rolled her eyes and sipped her drink, tapping her long manicured fingernails against the glass.

So it was going to be one of _those_ nights.

"Hey, Edward," Emmett greeted, nodding his head and keeping one arm around my waist. "Still thinking about that bike?"

"Give it _up_, Em," Jasper laughed, casually leaning back against the bar and shaking his head as he slung an arm around Alice's shoulders.

"Seriously, dude," Ben piped in. "You'll have to actually do some work tomorrow."

"I _am_ working!"

"Ben, Jazz, this is Edward," Angela interrupted, laughing and shaking her head as she rested one hand on Ben's shoulder. "Edward, this is my husband, Ben."

"And my _future_ husband, Jasper!" Alice exclaimed proudly, stepping up on her toes to kiss his cheek.

I laughed when Jasper rolled his eyes but he smirked down at Alice, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"And _this_," Emmett started, quickly moving from me to stand beside Rosalie and hold his arms out as if she were some prized treasure, "is my girlfriend, Rosie."

I held my breath, watching as she looked Edward up and down before nodding coolly at him and sipping from her drink again. Emmett's arms fell, his hands slapping against his thighs as he sighed and leaned his elbows behind him on the bar.

I didn't understand why he stayed with her. More than that, I didn't understand why she'd even come tonight if she was clearly going to be in a bitchy mood.

"Nice to meet all of you," Edward said quietly, nodding his head.

"Is our table ready?" I blurted, chewing nervously on my bottom lip and looking over at Alice.

"Yes," she said quickly, turning and grabbing her purse from the bar. "We were just waiting on you."

"As always," Rosalie mumbled before gracefully standing up and waiting for Emmett.

He smiled sadly at me and shook his head once before grabbing his glass and wrapping his free arm around her waist. I knew it was pretty bad – or he just really wanted to get laid when they got home – when he failed to say anything to her.

I looked down at my feet and turned, letting everyone else go ahead of me before looking up. I barely bit back a screech when I saw Edward waiting for me with his shoulders hunched slightly and a nervous smile gracing his lips.

"She's a bitch," he stated, pointing over his shoulder.

I immediately relaxed and laughed, nodding as I stepped up to his side. He grinned and pushed my hair over my shoulder before slinging his arm around me.

"Off to the lion's den," he mumbled, quickly kissing my temple before leading me in the direction everyone else had taken.

Yes, it was the lion's den, but with him at my side, it suddenly didn't seem that bad anymore.


	14. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**So, a little more of Bella is finally revealed in this chapter. And yeah, it's a bit of another emotional rollercoaster so once again, I apologize. But really, this shouldn't be anything new to you guys, should it? :)**

**Speaking of, I adore you guys like you wouldn't believe. You're ten kinds of awesome and I **_**love**_** you all unconditionally. Your reviews make my heart sing. And me. And no one but my twin (MrsAC – go read **_**Falling Slowly**_**; it's amazing!) really likes to hear me sing, but I don't care. I adore you all.**

**My girls are the best; Angie, Amanda (TheSpoiltOne – go read _The Training School_ if you haven't already!), Meg, and Tiffany (sixeightshuffle – _Breaking Bella_ is on hiatus but really, it's an amazing story and you should all be reading that if you're not, too). I *heart* each of you.**

**I apologize for it being a little late but I actually had a life this week; it was very exciting. And speaking of, I have a friend flying in on Wednesday and staying until next Tuesday. I highly doubt that I'll have time to write during her stay so the next chapter might be a little late. Okay, so it might be a lot late, but it will be here!  
**

**Now, enjoy!**

~*~

***Edward***

"So, Edward."

I looked up to see Emmett smirking at me from across the table, leaning back comfortably in his chair. Jasper and Ben were sitting in similar positions and I fought to stay where I was, in sudden fear for my life.

The girls had gotten up to use the bathroom – because God knows they can't go by themselves – and I was now at the mercy of everyone in Bella's life that I never wanted to face alone. And they all looked like they'd been waiting for this opportunity since we walked in tonight.

I wanted to crawl underneath the table and hide. I wonder if Bella would mind if I joined her in the bathroom. I mean, it's not like they're out in the open, right? They have stalls in there. I could just hide under the sinks or something…

"Yeah?" I finally managed, swallowing hard and reaching for my glass of beer.

"How are you liking Forks so far?"

I eyed him as I placed the glass up to my lips, swallowing a mouthful before setting it back down and swallowing.

"I'm getting used to it. It's a lot different."

"How do you like working at the office?" Ben asked, tapping his wedding ring against the edge of the table.

"I like it a lot. Great people."

"Aside from Tanya," Jasper stated, raising an eyebrow at me.

I cringed and they laughed.

Progress?

"Yes, well, there's always one."

"Why'd you pick pediatrics?" Emmett asked, leaning forward and grabbing his beer glass.

"I like kids," I shrugged, picking up my glass again.

"Do you have any?"

I choked on the mouthful of beer I'd just taken and shook my head frantically, swallowing roughly before hacking up one of my lungs.

"Whoa, easy buddy," Jasper mumbled, slapping my back awkwardly.

"Would you like some water, sir?" our waiter asked, appearing at my side with a jug of iced water.

I nodded, my breathing slowly returning to normal as my coughing fit stopped. I grabbed the glass once it was full and rubbed my eyes clear of the tears that had accumulated, swallowing as much water as possible as quickly as I could.

"No," I finally croaked out, shaking my head and clearing my throat as I set the water glass down.

"Do you want them?"

"Eventually."

Third degree much? Fuck me. I knew they were going to do something close to this, but asking about kids right off the bat hadn't even seemed like an option in my mind.

"All right, let's just get this out of the way," he said, holding his hands up and placing his palms down on the table. "You seem like a pretty decent guy, but I don't know you that well yet. What are your intentions with my sister?"

"Emmett," Ben groaned, reaching over the empty seat next to him and slapping his arm. "Don't start this shit."

Yes, listen to the wise one at your left.

"I wanna know." Emmett barely spared him a glance before his eyes were back on me and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "You gonna leave her in two months?"

"Not unless she tells me to," I said quickly.

"What do you want from her?"

I met his eyes and stared back at him, tapping my fingertips against the tabletop. I could understand the need to want to protect his sister – especially since the responsibility of watching out for her had probably been passed down to him when their father left – but this was getting a bit ridiculous.

"We haven't figured that out yet." I sat up a little straighter in my seat and squared my shoulders. "It's between her and me."

He sat back again, lifting his chin as he kept eye contact with me.

"All right," he finally grumbled.

I looked up when I saw Rosalie walking up behind Emmett and quickly found Bella following behind Angela and Alice with her head down. I kept my eyes on her as she sat down in the seat next to me, her hair in her face, her posture stiff and I could practically see her curling into herself. I looked over at Alice and Angela to find them glaring non-too-subtly at Rosalie as she sat down and wordlessly grabbed her drink.

I tried getting Bella's attention throughout the whole rest of the strained meal but she barely looked over at me. When she did, she offered me one of the most pathetic smiles I'd ever seen from her and shook her head slightly at me, sighing and toying with her food. She'd taken maybe three bites of the whole meal before asking the waiter to wrap it up and sitting back quietly while the rest of us ate.

Conversation throughout the rest of the dinner was uncomfortable and awkward no matter how many times someone tried cracking jokes or telling some sort of amusing story. We finished eating, declined desert and paid our respective amounts before standing up, slinging our coats on and heading towards the door.

All I wanted to do was find out what had happened in the bathroom. She wasn't exactly doing cartwheels before she went there to begin with, but she hadn't been completely detached and quiet, either.

"Do you need a ride home, Bells?" Emmett asked as we stood in a small circle outside the door.

I raised an eyebrow at him and bit my tongue to keep back the retort that immediately found its way there.

"No," she said quickly, shaking her head and looking up at him. "I rode with Edward. See you Sunday."

He stepped up to her and hugged her, mumbling something into her ear as her arms wrapped around him awkwardly due to the Styrofoam carry-out box she held in her hands. I looked over him to see Rosalie standing off to the side, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes up in the air as she shook her head.

What the _hell_ was her problem?

I looked back as Bella stepped back from him, quickly kissing his cheek and smiling softly at him. We said goodbye to everyone, telling them that we'd see them tomorrow before everyone went in their separate directions to get to their cars. Bella grabbed my elbow as I started towards the driver's side and pulled me back, her eyes once again giving away everything I never wanted to see when I looked back at her.

"Take a walk with me?" she begged quietly.

"Yeah, sure," I said softly, nodding. "Let's put that in the car, though, okay?"

She looked down at her hands as if she were surprised to see the box in her hands before she nodded and looked back up at me. I took it from her and unlocked the car, quickly opening the door and throwing it on the seat. I slammed the door shut and locked it again before walking back to her side. She grabbed my hand, twisting her fingers with mine before slowly pulling me away from the parking lot and onto the side of the street.

"What's going on, Bella?" I asked softly, rubbing my thumb over the back of her hand.

She huffed out a breath and shook her hair out of her face. I waited patiently as she stared straight ahead of us, our footsteps echoing on the nearly empty sidewalk as she periodically squeezed my hand tightly.

"Do you want to know why Tanya hates me so much?" she finally asked.

"Only if you want to tell me."

She rolled her head over on her shoulder and raised an eyebrow at me. I smirked and squeezed her hand.

"Yes, I want to know."

She held her head up and pressed her lips together as we kept walking, her hand still squeezing mine periodically. She was quiet for a few more moments and I waited patiently, my thumb still circling the back of her hand as we continued to walk.

"I don't have much luck with men," she finally started, blowing out a breath. "I was dating this guy – Josh – before I even met Mike and he was the sweetest guy I'd ever known." She snorted out a quiet laugh and I smirked, pulling her in front of me as we passed someone else on the street. She quickly stepped next to me when she could, her eyes focused on her shoes as we walked. "We were freshmen and he'd just gotten an after school job as a stock boy at Wal-Mart because his parents told him that he needed to start saving if he wanted a car. He wasn't there a week before he fell off a ladder."

My breath caught in my throat and I looked over at her, my eyes wide and my hand squeezing hers tightly.

"Was he-?"

"He fell into a coma," she said quietly, looking straight ahead and shaking her head. "He died a few weeks later."

"Bella, I'm…"

"Tanya was his sister." She looked over at me, her eyes impossibly sad and her hand clutching onto mine tightly. "She hasn't forgiven me for falling so hard for Mike and grieving so much for him when I lost Josh first. I miss him all the time," she whispered, shaking her head and looking ahead again. "But it was just different with him for some reason. I don't understand it and I'll never forget him or stop loving him, but…" She shook her head again. "She doesn't understand why Mike's initials are on my wrist as opposed to Josh's."

"They were different," I whispered.

She nodded and looked over at me again, licking her lips.

"It doesn't mean that I didn't care about him or love him. It just means that it was different."

"She… you… twice?"

I wasn't even going to pretend to know how she dealt with all of that and still managed to come out the way she had. She wasn't perfect and she was broken in a lot of ways, but she'd been put through one of the most painful experiences anyone could possibly experience _twice_ and she was still… here, surviving and trying to live her life the only way she knew how now.

She nodded again, pulling me to a stop and stepping in front of me. She shook her hand out of mine and reached up to place her hands on my chest, her fingers quickly playing with the fabric of my jacket.

"I am terrified, Edward," she whispered, looking up at me. "I can't go through it again."

I placed my hands on her waist and leaned down to rest my forehead against hers.

"I won't get on any ladders. I'm a very safe driver. You have nothing to worry about," I whispered, shaking my head.

"You don't know that. Things just happen, Edward, and you can't control them."

"And none of it was your fault."

She huffed out a breath and met my eyes, her hands moving from my jacket to wrap around my neck.

"I'm not good for you," she said quietly, shaking her head. "I'll hurt you no matter how much I don't want to – and Edward, I _don't_. I'll aggravate you and push you away and drive you insane to the point where you probably will leave me and I won't blame you at all."

"Bella…"

"I'm an emotional wreck, Edward."

"I know that."

She huffed out a laugh and shook her head again, biting her bottom lip.

"What happened in the bathroom, Bella?" I asked softly. "What brought this on?"

"Rosalie hates me," she laughed sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "I don't quite know why she hates me so much, but she does. She told me everything that I just told you and I just want you to _know_ what you're getting in to with me. I just want to be honest with you."

"You have been," I whispered. "You've laid it all on the line quite early."

"I don't want to lie to anyone; to you. You don't deserve any more of that."

"Thank you."

"And I'm not sure that I'm ready for this."

"So we'll take it slow." I rubbed my thumbs over her stomach. "We don't have to rush into anything."

"I'm not what you should want. You deserve better."

"You've heard about Lauren. You're Heaven compared to her."

She sighed, closing her eyes and biting her bottom lip again.

"Why?" she whispered.

"I don't know."

She smirked and slowly opened her eyes again.

"No ladders."

"No ladders," I smiled, shaking my head. "And no accidents."

"I won't cheat."

I shifted, leaning up and kissing her forehead. I kept my lips pressed there as I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her against me, slowly closing my eyes.

"I trust you," I whispered, snapping my eyes shut.

She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling back from me to bury her face into my chest. My heart was beating double-time and I was sure that she could either feel it or hear it. I swallowed hard and rested my chin on the top of her head, flattening my hands on her back.

"I'm getting there."

I dropped my head to her shoulder and bit back a sigh.

"You make me feel again, too, Edward," she whispered, her hands threading into my hair. "I'm trying to be a better person; I'm trying to be who everyone in my life deserves…"

"Be you, Bella," I interrupted. "Just be you."

"I don't know who that is anymore."

My heart broke a little and I pulled her against me even tighter, slowly rubbing my hands up and down her back as I buried my nose in her neck.

"Then be who you _want_ to be. Don't let anyone else influence you in anything." I gently kissed her neck, smiling to myself when she didn't flinch away from me. "I kind of like who I've been hanging around the past few weeks."

"That's because you're crazy, too," she said simply.

I laughed and squeezed her once before backing away, keeping my arms around her waist as I looked down at her.

"Kept you around all this time, didn't I?"

"I never said I was smart."

I smiled and reached up, pushing hair behind her ear before placing my hand on her cheek and rubbing my thumb over her chin.

"Come to Christmas at my house," she blurted, breathing out a shaky breath.

I raised an eyebrow at her, watching as my thumb brushed her bottom lip.

"What?"

"You can't spend Christmas alone." She shook her head slightly. "Spend it with me and my family."

"I'm perfectly okay with being by myself, Bella."

"I'm not."

"Oh no?"

She shook her head again and I watched as she tilted her head down, pressing a small kiss against the pad of my thumb. I swallowed hard, my heart working overtime at the contact and the sparks that had dimmed only slightly with our conversation, surging full force through me.

"No."

"Will your family mind?"

I cleared my throat when my voice came out sounding hoarse and continued to brush my thumb against her chin, transfixed with the way her skin felt and hoping that she'd find it in her to do it again.

"No, they won't mind. In fact, my mom would probably be very upset with me for not inviting you if she knew you'd be alone."

"Wouldn't want to upset your mom."

"You really don't. She can be ferocious."

I laughed weakly and finally met her eyes.

"Will you come?" she asked softly, curling her fists into my hair.

"Yes."

She smiled brightly and I choked out a laugh, licking my lips and shaking my head slightly at her.

"You're quite persuasive."

"When I want to be." I watched her smile falter as she pressed her lips together and I tilted my head at her. "And I want to…"

She stood up on her toes and I closed my eyes when I felt her lips gently press against mine once. I dropped my hand to her waist and wrapped my arms around her, swallowing hard and licking my bottom lip. She moved one hand from my hair and placed it on my neck, stepping up and pressing her lips against mine again. I slid my top lip in between hers, pulling her even tighter against me and trailing my tongue along her bottom lip.

"You're really very good at that," she whispered as she stepped down from me.

I laughed and kissed her once more.

"You're not so bad at it, either."

She rolled her eyes and chuckled, untangling her hands from my hair and resting them on my shoulders.

"Come on. I'll take you home," I said softly, grabbing one of her hands from my shoulder and holding on to it.

"Ready to get rid of me already, are you?" she asked as we started back towards the restaurant.

I looked over at her and smirked, shaking my head and freeing my hand from hers to wrap it around her shoulders and pull her against my side.

"Was there something else you wanted to do tonight? Sky-diving? Bungee jumping?"

"I'm scared of you being on a ladder and you want to jump off of a bridge?"

I laughed and leaned down, kissing the top of her head and squeezing her shoulders.

"I have an idea if you're up for it." She looked up at me with a mischievous grin and I raised an eyebrow. "Wanna drive to the supermarket real quick?"

"Why?"

"It's a surprise."

"Yeah, sure, all right," I agreed, shrugging and leading her back into the parking lot.

She laughed lightly and stood up on her toes to kiss my cheek before wrapping her arms around my waist and squeezing me tightly. I smiled and squeezed her back before we made it to the car. I opened the door for her and waited for her to get comfortable before closing it and rounding the hood to my side. I climbed into the seat and pulled out of the parking lot, enjoying the comfortable silence we were wrapped in until I pulled up to the nearly empty supermarket.

"You really aren't going to tell me what we're doing?"

She grinned over at me, shaking her head and placing her take-out box on the floorboards. She grabbed her purse and pushed open the car door, her bottom lip in between her teeth as she stepped out. I sighed heavily, my eyes on her ass as she walked to the front of the car before I got out and walked up next to her.

"I'll pay," she grinned at me before grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the entrance.

I laughed and quickly pressed the button on my keys to lock the doors before following her into the warm supermarket. I grinned at the back of her head and stepped behind her as we walked towards the frozen foods, letting go of her hand only to wrap my arms around her waist and laugh as she shrieked.

"Edward!" she laughed, grabbing onto my hands and hobbling along with me.

"Yes, Bella?" I asked innocently, resting my chin on her shoulder.

"There are people here!"

"I'd hope so. Otherwise I'm sure they'd be losing a lot of business."

"What is this?" she laughed, tapping her fingertips against my hands.

"Those are my hands."

"What are they doing here?"

"They wanted to be close to you."

"Hm," she hummed, sliding her hands down to rest on my wrists.

"Is that okay?" I asked softly, still walking awkwardly with her.

She tilted her head slightly to rest against the side of my face and I smiled.

"It's fine."

"All right then."

She stopped us in front of the bakery freezer and I raised an eyebrow at the sheet cakes, cheesecakes and small deserts on the shelf.

"Pick one," she stated, grabbing what looked to be strawberry shortcake mashed in a plastic container.

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

She slapped at my hands with her free one and I laughed, standing up straight and walking up to her side. I perused my choices, pursing my lips before finally grabbing the one that was supposed to be chocolate éclair.

"Do these actually taste any good?" I asked, lifting it up and staring in at the contents.

"You have no idea." She grabbed my wrist and started to pull me away from the freezer. "Now we need spoons!"

I laughed and let her pull me, following her down the right aisle and watching as she grabbed an entire pack of plastic spoons from the shelf.

"Do you plan on doing this often?" I asked as we started in the direction of the check out.

"They don't sell them separately, Edward," she stated, looking back at me as if _I_ were the one not making sense.

"Right," I coughed, covering up a laugh as I followed her up to the cashier.

I set my chocolate éclair thing on the conveyor belt and stood behind her as she paid, grabbing the bag once we'd gotten the receipt from the extremely bored cashier. She grabbed my hand again, pulling me back out of the building and towards the car.

"Are we going anywhere?"

"No."

She hopped next to the passenger side door and grinned at me as I pulled the keys out of my pocket. I laughed and walked up next to her, placing one hand on her cheek and leaning down to gently touch my lips to hers.

"I like you like this," I whispered as I pulled away from her.

She merely smiled at me and reached up to trace my jaw with her fingertips. She stepped up and kissed me again before nodding once. I unlocked the doors and grabbed the handle before she could, backing up and pulling it open before letting her climb in and closing it. I quickly rounded the car once more and got in on my side, sticking my key in the ignition and looking over at her as she began rummaging through the bag.

"You don't mind us eating in here, do you?"

"Not at all."

"Good." She pulled out our desserts and handed mine to me before grabbing the box of spoons and ripping open the top. "You'll love these, I promise. Instant stress relievers."

I laughed and nodded, pulling off the label holding the top and bottom together before grabbing the spoon she offered me. I watched as she hacked into the label with her thumbnail, quickly popping off the top and digging her spoon into the whipped cream on the top. I watched as she shoved it into her mouth, her eyes closing and her tongue coming out to lick her lips.

My mouth went dry and I think my jaw unhinged itself when it fell to my lap. Then she made it ten times worse when she moaned loudly, throwing her head back against the seat.

"So good," she moaned, lifting her head and looking over at me. "How's yours?"

"Uh…"

She raised an eyebrow at me and I quickly looked down at the container in my hand, finding that I was clutching it tighter than I should've been and the spoon in my other hand was one twitch away from being snapped in half.

"Did… was… me?" she questioned softly.

I swallowed hard and looked up at her, nodding and nervously licking my lips.

"You."

"Sorry."

I breathed out a laugh and shook my head.

"Don't be. Good Christ, don't be sorry."

She offered me a nervous smile before looking down at the container in her hands, slowly stabbing at it with her spoon and quietly shoving another bite into her mouth. I huffed and set mine in the cup holder between the seats, throwing the spoon to the floor before I reached over and grabbed her face in my hands. Her wide eyes snapped to mine and I rested my forehead against hers.

"Don't be sorry," I breathed.

"I don't want you to get the wrong idea."

"It's not like I'm gonna jump you right here, right now, Bella."

"I know," she said softly, looking down.

"I just want to do this… a lot," I whispered before tilting her head back and capturing her lips with mine again.

She hopefully dropped her spoon and reached up with one hand to place it on my chest, her fingers curling into my shirt as she immediately responded to me. I smiled and opened my mouth against hers, running the tip of my tongue on her bottom lip. I plunged my hands into her hair when her tongue snaked out to meet mine, sparks exploding through my body almost immediately.

We jumped apart when we heard a tinny, annoying ringtone sound throughout the mostly quiet car and I sighed, immediately recognizing it as mine. I kissed the corner of her mouth quickly before reaching over her and pulling open the glove box.

"Sorry," I mumbled, kissing her once more before I hit the right button on my phone and pressed it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Edward."

I froze and closed my eyes, slowly leaning back in my seat and shaking my head.

"Yes?"

_Hang up the phone, Edward. Hang up the fucking phone. Or hell, get a new god damned phone number like you should've in the first fucking place, dipshit._

"It's about time that you answered your phone," my mother's clipped voice continued to ring through my ears and I grit my teeth, immediately feeling every inch of me tense. "Why have you been ignoring me? I've been worried sick about you!"

"Right," I managed through my teeth. "What do you want?"

"I want to know when you're going to stop this foolishness and come home."

"I _am_ home."

She scoffed and I tightened my hand around the phone, reaching out and quickly grabbing onto the bottom of the steering wheel with my other.

"I can have you enrolled back in college within a few weeks, Edward."

"I've already finished college, mother. I'm not going anywhere."

"You've already ruined your relationship with Lauren!" she exclaimed and I unwound my fingers from the steering wheel to quickly punch the center of it. The horn sounded briefly, but I barely heard it over the rush in my ears. "What more proof could you possibly need to know that I was right?"

"Does it matter to you at all that I'm happy now?"

"You can't possibly be happy. You've ruined your life, Edward, and you've ruined mine in the process! Just come home so that we can figure it all out and make it right."

"There's nothing to figure out!" I shouted, pounding the side of my fist against the top of the steering wheel. "I'm not changing anything!"

"You've broken my heart, Edward! Don't you care about that?"

"Well, you fucking shattered mine!"

I ripped the phone away from my ear and jammed my thumb down on the _end_ button, my breath heaving in my chest as I stared at the brightly lit screen. I quickly turned it off, still staring at the now-dark screen as I worked on letting go of it.

"Edward?" Bella asked softly.

"Five minutes," I breathed, leaning my head back and closing my eyes again as I dropped the phone to the center console. "Give me five minutes."

She was quiet and I listened as the shopping bag rustled while she presumably got another spoon. I worked on getting my breathing under control, forcing my mother's voice out of my head and trying to relax.

"Turn the radio on," she said quietly after we'd sat in silence for a while.

"Bella… please."

"Your five minutes are up. Turn the radio on."

"Give me five more," I said between my teeth.

Could she not plainly see that I wasn't in the mood for whatever she had planned right now? I needed to calm down and I couldn't do it with her yapping about turning the radio on.

She dropped it and I went back to breathing through my nose until I heard my keys rattle in the ignition. My eyes popped open as the seatbelt bell dinged and the radio came to life.

"Bella," I warned, slowly looking over at her.

"Get out of the car."

Her voice was shaking and she wasn't looking at me as she played with the radio stations.

"What?"

"Get out of the car."

"Why?"

"You trust me, right?"

Unfortunately.

"Yes."

"Then get out of the car," she said once more, her voice still shaking and her gaze still centered on the radio as she continued to fidget with the knobs.

I huffed and grumbled at her before almost violently shoving open the car door and climbing out. I left the door open, watching her carefully as she leaned more comfortably on the center console and bit her bottom lip.

"Now what?" I exclaimed, throwing my arms at my sides.

She held up one finger and I noticed that not only was her voice shaking, but her hands were, too.

_Great job, Edward. Scare the shit out of her, why don't you?_

I watched her, crossing my arms over my chest until I heard an intro to some song that I don't think I'd ever heard before start to blare through the speakers. I dropped my arms as she climbed out of the car, both of our doors open as she walked towards me.

"Will you dance with me?" she asked quietly as she came to a stop in front of me.

"Seriously?"

She nodded and cautiously stepped up to me, slowly grabbing my hands and placing one on her waist.

"We're in a parking lot."

I folded my other hand around hers and pulled her to me, not missing the way she was still shaking or the way she seemed to be compulsively swallowing.

Because of _me_.

"Of a supermarket," she confirmed, shooting me a timid smile.

"Why…?"

"Why not?" She stepped into me and draped her other arm over my shoulder. "What have we got to lose?"

I sighed heavily and started moving in slow circles with her, shaking my head.

_"This time all I want is you, there is no one else, who can take your place."_

"Close your eyes," she said softly, her hand still shaking as she pressed it against my cheek.

"I don't…"

"Edward," she whispered, tilting her head to the side.

I huffed and did as she asked, licking my lips and shaking my head once.

_"This time you burned me with the way, you see past all the lies, you take it all away."_

"What is the point of…?"

"Can you _not_ talk for five damn minutes?" she asked, a slight tremor in her voice.

"I tried that and you…"

"Edward, just shut up," she sighed.

_"I've seen it all and it's never enough. It keeps leaving me needing you. Take me away, take me away, I've got nothing left to say, just take me away."_

"Just listen, okay?" she whispered, stepping in closer to me.

I sucked in a deep breath and did my best to calm the whirlwind in my head, concentrating on the words coming from my speakers and the slow circles we were making.

In a parking lot. After I just had a fight with my mother. Who just told me everything that I already knew and completely ruined the entire night for me.

_"I try to make my way to you, but still I feel so lost. I don't know what to say, what else to do."_

"Bella, I'm sorry," I whispered, opening my eyes and stepping back from her, reaching up and running both of my hands through my hair. "I… this isn't working."

She forced a smile on her face and nodded, crossing her arms over her chest and taking a step back.

"Okay." She shrugged and nodded again. "Let's just… go, okay?"

I nodded and dropped my hands from my hair, watching as she turned and walked back to her side of the car. I kept watching as she crawled back into her side and quickly turned the radio off, closing the door and pulling the seatbelt across her lap. I sighed heavily and got back into my side, slamming the door and hastily grabbing the seatbelt to strap it across me. I looked over at her as I turned the key completely and saw that she was staring down at her lap, her hands pressed together in between her knees.

_Thanks, mom. You sure know how to fuck up what had the potential to be one hell of a good night, don't you?_

I shifted the car into gear and pulled out of the parking space, starting in the direction of her apartment complex. The entire ride was spent in silence and my heart fell even further in my chest when I looked over to find that she was staring out her window. I pulled up next to her car and turned the key in the ignition, staring at her front door and nervously chewing on my top lip.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

She jumped, looking around and blinking as if I'd just woken her up. Hell, maybe I had.

"What? Why?" she asked, clearing her throat and looking over in my general direction.

"For… all of tonight."

"Nothing was your fault."

"It's my fault you're looking at me like that. Or, rather, not looking at me like that."

She sighed and finally looked up at me. I tilted my head at her and reached over, placing my hand on her cheek. She flinched and I closed my eyes, dropping my hand back to my lap.

"I scared you," I whispered.

"I'm not… I don't like… yes."

"Bella, I'm so…"

I stopped when I heard her open the door and squeezed my eyes tightly together, shaking my head and leaning forward to rest my head on the steering wheel when she slammed the door closed.

_Fuck_.

I jumped when my door opened a few seconds later and looked up to find Bella bending down on the ground next to me. She sat up a little, resting her knees on the side of the car and reaching up to thread her hands through my hair.

"I don't like yelling. I'm not a confrontational person. When there's something important that I want to say, I write it in a long ass letter and wait for whomever to come and talk to me about it. So yes, you did scare me," she said softly, resting her hands at the back of my neck.

"I'm-"

"But I understand," she whispered, leaning up even more to rest her forehead against mine. "I just tried to make you feel a little better." A pathetic smile flitted across her face before it was gone. "I wanted to do something."

People left _this_? They left this beautiful woman with a heart of gold because they were too lazy to take the time to really get to know her or stick around when things got a little tough?

_Idiots._

"You're doing it now."

"Come inside," she said softly, her thumbs rubbing along the back of my neck. "We can watch a movie or just sit there and stare at each other if you want."

I choked out a laugh and slowly leaned in, touching my lips to hers and smiling slightly when she immediately kissed me back.

"It's what we should've done in the first place," I mumbled.

"Live and learn." She shrugged and stood up, holding out her hand to me. "Next time, we'll think of some excuse."

I reached over and grabbed her things from the floor, quickly grabbing my half-melted chocolate éclair from the cup holder and my keys before I climbed out of the car and stood next to her.

"Come with me tomorrow to get a new phone?" I asked as she took her purse from me and began rummaging through it.

"Of course," she said absently, pulling out her keys and holding them up triumphantly. "Hey, at least Tanya wasn't there."

I slammed the door with my elbow and smirked at the back of her head as she walked up to her door.

"Very true," I said quietly, following her and waiting as she opened the door.

I closed the door behind me with my elbow as we made it inside and followed her into the kitchen, setting everything in my arms down on the counter next to the refrigerator before turning to her and wrapping her in my arms.

There were a thousand and one things that I wanted to say to her; tell her how fucking amazing I really think she is, tell her that everyone that had left her up until this point was a god damned moron, tell her that it was very possible that she'd make me believe in everything I never thought I'd ever find or want ever again.

Instead, I buried my nose into her hair and gently kissed her neck, pulling her tightly against me and closing my eyes when she wrapped her arms around my shoulders.

"Thank you," I managed.

"I didn't do anything."

"Trust me," I laughed, kissing her neck one more time before standing up straight and looking down at her, "you've done more than I have a right to accept."

She tilted her head back and brought one hand to my cheek, slowly running her pointer finger down the bridge of my nose and smiling softly.

"Trust _me_," she started, resting her pointer finger on the tip of my nose, "you deserve it."

I reached up and grabbed her hand, quickly pressing my lips against her palm before placing it on my chest and holding onto her wrist.

"Thank you," I whispered, leaning down and resting my forehead against hers.

"Anytime," she whispered back, her eyes sliding closed. "Get your dessert; we can watch a movie."

I smiled softly and tilted my head, gently kissing her top lip before crushing her to me once more and burying my nose in her neck. Her arms moved from my shoulders, slipping underneath my arms and wrapping around my waist as she rested her cheek against my chest again.

She was probably the most broken person I'd ever known, but she was also the only person I could possibly think of that would make me dance with her – even if it was only for a few seconds – in a parking lot while she was so scared because I'd risen my voice just so that I might calm down. She was strong and brave and everything I never would've imagined I needed in my life.

And I wasn't going to let her go.

~*~

**Song used for this chapter was _Take Me Away_ by Lifehouse. :) Thanks to Ady for recommending the use of one of their songs for this. It's much appreciated, doll!**


	15. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**Okay, this is a bit shorter than previous chapters, and I'm sorry about that but it was slightly necessary. The next chapter is quite emotionally charged so... yeah. Hah.**

**Thanks again to everyone who reviews and has put this story on alert or their favorites; you all make my life. Seriously.**

**Once again, my girls never cease to amaze me; Angie, Amanda, Meg and Tiffany… you girls are amazing.**

**Okay, enjoy!**

~*~

***Bella***

"Why does he stay with her?"

I looked up from my computer screen to see Alice stomping her way into the office, her hands on her hips and her lips pursed as she slammed her purse down on her side of the counter.

"Who?" I asked slowly, turning in my chair and watching as she continued to slam things around.

"Emmett! Rosalie had no right! She doesn't even know what she's talking about!" she ranted, plopping down into her chair and huffing at me. "She obviously knows _nothing_ about you!"

"That or she's teamed up with Jean." I tilted my head at her and shrugged my shoulders. "She's right, Alice."

"_No_, she's _not_!"

I sighed and nodded, waving a hand at her as I turned back around.

"Okay then."

"Bella, you can't honestly believe all of that stuff! She's just a bitch!"

"You do realize that she'll be your sister-in-law one day, don't you?"

"Jasper has already given me full permission to put her in her place if I need to."

She nodded proudly at me and I sighed, shaking my head.

"Yes, well, she's a bitch that _knows_, Alice. She has no sympathy for anyone but herself, Emmett and occasionally her family and I don't quite understand why he stays with her. But he does and she apparently makes him happy so I'll bite my tongue for _him_."

"What if he marries her? What are you gonna do then?"

"Have a very sore tongue."

"Bella," she sighed, exasperated.

"I'm not going to piss Emmett off, Alice."

"Don't you think he'd like that you stood up for yourself?"

"To his girlfriend? No, I don't. Drop it." I turned and looked over at her. "Please?"

She glared at me and shook her head, sighing heavily before nodding and reaching out to turn on her own computer.

"Fine. One of these days, Bella, you're really gonna need to strengthen that backbone of yours."

"I have one? I wasn't aware."

"Ha, ha, smart ass," she grumbled. "Go make me some coffee, bitch. Angela's coming in late today and we're gonna be swamped until she gets here."

I raised an eyebrow at her and watched as she grinned sheepishly at me, bringing one hand up to wiggle her fingers at me.

"I love you?"

"Mhmm," I hummed, smirking at her and shaking my head before I stood up and made my way towards the door.

"Hey, Bella?"

I turned and looked over at her, raising an eyebrow.

"You and Edward?"

"What about us?" I asked quietly.

"I can see it."

"See what?"

She smiled and nodded once before turning and facing her computer again.

"I see it."

"You're making no sense, Alice."

"I will. Go get some coffee. We're all going to need it today. They're both booked from open to close."

I sighed heavily and shook my head again, reaching up to run my hand through my hair as I walked out of the office and down to the kitchen. I was fucking confused about pretty much everything that had to do with Edward and what we were trying to pull off. Hell, I didn't _know_ what we were trying to do. Everything was so confusing and the way I felt with him was just… it wasn't like anything I'd ever been involved with before and I didn't know what to do about it.

I liked him. I liked being with him and talking to him and to be perfectly fucking honest with myself, I _really_ liked kissing him. He was fucking good at that. In general, I just liked being around him and I was finding that it was getting easier and easier to let go and be myself with him. Yes, there were still times when I wanted to retreat and hide inside the shell that had kept me from being too severely hurt for three years now, but for the most part, it was nice to open up to someone again. It was just nice to have someone _there _again.

I made the coffee and fixed myself a cup, leaning back against the counter with my hands wrapped around the mug to stare at the refrigerator. We had about half an hour until we were officially open; I had plenty of time to relax and think.

I had desperately wanted to bring him some peace of mind somehow last night after he had gotten that call from his mother and it really hadn't worked at all. And his yelling…

I swallowed hard and shook my head, sighing heavily.

My parents had gotten into some massive fights when they were still together. I may have been young when they divorced, but that was the one thing that always stuck with me. Every time I heard a man raise his voice in anger, my heart started beating faster and every inch of me started to shake. I don't know why this happened; as far as I knew, my father had never once hit my mother. I couldn't stop it and even though I knew he'd never do anything to hurt me, just the way he'd sounded had me on edge.

So I'd tried to distract both of us and that didn't work either. I was surprised at the end of the night when he'd apologized and had then taken me up on my offer to come inside. I was even _more _surprised when he stayed until midnight watching stupid chick-flicks with me. But he'd left with a tired smile on his face and a quick kiss to my lips so maybe I'd done something right in trying to calm him down after all.

"Hiding in here already?"

I looked over my shoulder to see Edward standing in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest and a smirk on his lips.

"That obvious, huh?"

"Nah. I was just guessing." He pushed himself off the doorjamb and walked over to me. "I smelled coffee. And Alice said that you were in here, so…"

I laughed and moved out of the way, watching as he grabbed a mug from the cabinet and held it out to me. I rolled my eyes and set my own mug down, grabbing his and eyeing him.

"You're pathetic."

He grinned brightly and shrugged.

"It's your fault for stirring in a different direction."

I laughed at him and shook my head, grabbing the carafe and pouring the dark liquid into his mug.

"Sure it is."

"I'm gonna make you dinner tonight," he stated, leaning against the counter next to me.

"Why?" I asked slowly, looking over at him as I set the carafe back on the burner and grabbed the sugar bowl.

"Why's there have to be a reason?"

"I thought we were going to get you a new phone number?"

"Yeah. After that."

"Why?" I asked again just as slowly.

I watched him fidget out of the corner of my eye as I dumped the sugar into his cup, smirking to myself as I stirred. He was nervous; this was new. It was rather nice to see him squirm. I didn't know _why_ he was nervous, but I was kind of enjoying every minute of it.

"Why do you wanna know?"

I eyed him, setting the spoon down on the counter and sliding his mug over to him, slowly looking up at him.

"I'm not above spitting in this," I stated, holding onto the rim tightly.

"To thank you," he finally gave in, sighing dramatically and grabbing the handle of the mug with his pointer finger.

"For _what_?"

"Bella," he stated, tilting his head to the side and pursing his lips at me.

"I didn't do anything!" I laughed, relinquishing my hold on his mug when he placed his hand on mine.

He linked our fingers together instead of grabbing the mug, bringing the back of my hand to his lips.

"You did a lot," he whispered. "Let me make you dinner."

I swallowed hard, licking my lips as I met his eyes.

"You've got a really full day today, Edward…"

"And being with you when it's over will make it worth it all. It's just dinner, Bella."

I shook my hand from his and placed it on his cheek, rubbing my thumb on the bridge of his nose. He closed his eyes and leaned in to me, sighing softly.

"Okay," I agreed quietly, nodding once. "Dinner it is."

He leaned in a little more, gently brushing his lips over mine.

"Thank you."

"Anytime."

"Hey! Lovebirds!"

We jumped apart at Alice's voice in the doorway and I sighed, shaking my head and looking up at Edward to find him doing the same.

"Yes?" I asked, glaring at her.

"Tanya just walked in. I suggest you move it. And where the hell is my coffee, woman?"

I innocently pointed to the coffee machine and grinned at her.

"You keep her in check. She's snippy today," she said to Edward, wagging a finger at him as she walked into the room completely.

"I'll do my best." He winked at me as he grabbed his coffee and walked out. "See you later!"

It was absolutely ridiculous the way my heart stuttered at a stupid fucking _wink_.

"I see it," Alice sang quietly as she grabbed the mug kept on the counter specifically for her and her short ass.

I chewed on my bottom lip, grabbing my coffee mug and wrapping my hands around it again as I stared at the empty doorway.

"There's nothing to see," I said softly, shaking my head. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bella." She grabbed my wrist and I looked over at her, tilting my head to the side. "Don't do that to him."

My stomach twisted and I swallowed hard, blinking at her.

"I'm not…"

"Bella."

"Alice, you don't know…"

"I don't know the situation," she said, shaking her head and turning back to her coffee, "but I know what I see when I look at the two of you. And if you have any feelings for him at all, do _not_ say that you don't."

"Alice, we're just…"

"Bella, you're more than that and you'd do good to finally admit it." She finished mixing her coffee, turning to me and placing one hand on my arm. "He'd want you to move on, Bella. He wouldn't want you to be alone for the rest of your life."

I sucked in a deep breath and swallowed hard, holding her stare as she quirked an eyebrow at me.

"He wouldn't," she said softly, squeezing my arm, "and you know it."

"Yeah," I whispered, nodding. "I know."

"So maybe you should start living again, huh?"

I huffed out a breath, puffing out my cheeks as I twisted my lips to the side.

"It's hard," I breathed.

She laughed and nodded, squeezing my arm again.

"Yeah, it is. But that can sometimes be the best part about all of it. Nothing worth it ever comes easy, Bella."

I sighed and nodded, smiling at her.

"Yeah."

"Now!" she exclaimed, moving her hand from my arm and flinging it up in the air. "What are you doing this weekend?"

"I don't know," I laughed, shrugging and following her as we walked out of the kitchen.

"Well, you now have plans. I have to go Christmas shopping for Jasper and you're coming."

I groaned as we walked into the front office and she laughed, setting her mug down onto her desk and plopping into her seat.

"You're getting something for Edward, aren't you?" she asked, her voice low as she looked over at the doorway.

I chewed on my bottom lip as I sat down in my seat and turned to face her, shrugging.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"You will need my expertise! It's settled. You're coming with me and we're gonna find something amazing for our men."

I felt my face heat up and rolled my eyes, turning back to my computer and setting my mug down.

"He's not…"

"Maybe not yet," she sang. "But he will be."

"You're impossible."

"And delusional," Tanya stated, striding into the office and standing next to me with her arms crossed. "He'll get tired of you."

"And immediately run to you, won't he?" I asked, turning and looking over at her.

"If he was smart, he would."

She crossed her arms over her chest, Yogi Bear grinning at me from her chest as he tip-toed away with a picnic basket in his hand. While I would rather chew my tongue off than to have him run to her if and when that ever happened, she had a point. He should run while he had the chance and I'd never stop him.

"Good morning, girls!" We all looked up when Carlisle walked in the front door, grinning at us. "It's snowing!"

I immediately grinned and stood up, pushing by Tanya and walking into the front lobby. I hopped over to the window on the side of the room and rested my hands on the sill, biting my bottom lip as I watched the white fluffy flakes fall, immediately melting against the ground. I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. Something about the snow just made me relax and gave me the patience I'd needed twenty seconds ago.

Tanya failed to exist, Alice calling Edward my _man_ didn't matter, and I wasn't worried about what may or may not happen between the two of us anytime in the near future.

_Everything will be fine._

~*~

The office had been closed for a half an hour and I'd been sitting in a chair in the lobby, staring out the window and watching the snow for probably twenty minutes. Everyone but Edward, Tanya and myself was gone for the day and I couldn't be any fucking happier about it. The entire office had been absolute madness the minute office hours had started and it hadn't slowed down until they ended. Alice had said they were both booked, but I hadn't truly believed it until I'd seen it right in front of my face.

I couldn't even imagine how Edward felt after a day like this. Even Carlisle, who never seemed to be actually tired after a day of work, had dragged himself out of the office with a half-hearted wave and a mumbled '_see you tomorrow_'. So, I decided that I'd give Edward a little time to collect himself before I went to bug him and had happily turned a chair around to stare out at the snow that had continued to fall all day.

I heard the door leading to the hallway open and waited, listening for the telltale huff that would indicate that it was Tanya come to annoy the fuck out me a little more today. She'd mostly left me alone for the day, choosing to get her snide comments in as she was walking by the front office. I did my best to ignore her, slamming my fingers on the keyboard to keep myself in check and listening as Alice and Angela made fun of her and mimicked her. They kept the stress and irrational urge to find her and strangle her with her insane scrubs at bay.

I sucked in a deep, quiet breath when I heard footsteps behind me and nearly jumped out of my chair when I felt hands on my shoulders.

"Can I ask what you're doing?" Edward asked softly, leaning down and gently pressing his lips against my temple.

I relaxed and smiled, leaning into him and sighing.

"It's snowing," I said simply, reaching up and grabbing his hands from my shoulders.

"That it is." He leaned forward as I pulled his arms in front of me, linking our fingers together. "You really like the snow, huh?"

"Well," I started, sliding my palm against his and up by his fingers before sliding it back down again, "it's like everything is starting over. I know that spring is supposed to be all about rebirth and new life, but I always thought that winter meant something close to that, too."

"Why's that?" he whispered, resting his chin on my shoulder as he slid his fingertips over my palm.

"It's freezing everything, covering it and making it _clean_ for spring. Everything's quiet and pristine and waiting to start over again."

"I never really thought of it that way."

I slid my fingers in between his again before sliding my palm up and over his, watching as he curled his fingers briefly over mine on the way back down.

"I always have this resolution, I guess," I continued. "When winter ends, I tell myself that I'll start over, too. That I'll try to be a better person."

"Bella," he said softly, turning his head and pressing his lips right underneath my ear.

I closed my eyes, leaning my head back on his shoulder as I continued sliding my hands underneath his.

"I've tried every year and I'm always still the same person when winter comes around again. I'm still…" I sighed. "I'm still me."

"What's so wrong with that?" he whispered, trailing his lips down the side of my neck.

I bit my bottom lip, trailing my fingertips over his palm and down his wrist before flattening my palm against his again.

"I'm gonna be better for you," I whispered. "I'm not gonna wait until winter is over to start being who I want to be again. I'm _going to be_ better for you."

"You _are_ better for me, Bella." He trailed his lips back up my neck, placing a soft kiss against my jaw. "If you aren't who you want to be, then change for you but don't do it for me. I _like_ who you are."

"Without the crazy freak outs, right?"

"I'll even take those."

I opened my eyes, watching as our hands continued to slide against each other's, our fingers tangling briefly before I slid my hand back down to his wrist.

"You deserve better," I whispered, making circles on his palms with my pointer fingers.

"Please stop saying that," he begged softly, trailing his lips down my jaw and leaning over me. "I _mean_ it when I say that you _are_, Bella."

"I don't wanna screw this up." I swallowed hard, closing my eyes again as he kissed along my jaw. "And I don't wanna be scared anymore."

"I said we'd go slowly, Bella," he whispered, sliding his hands underneath mine and linking our fingers together. "I'm not ever going to push you into something that you don't want to do."

"I don't want you to have to worry about something like that."

He laughed and shook his head, wrapping our arms around me and breathing out a sigh against my cheek.

"You are absolutely impossible."

I laughed weakly and looked down at my lap, chewing on my bottom lip as I squeezed his hands.

"And I wouldn't have you any other way. Believe that, okay, Bella? You keep me on my toes, you keep life interesting."

"I drive you insane."

"All a part of your charm." He kissed my cheek, squeezing his arms around my shoulders. "If you want to change for you, that's fine. But don't change for me and don't change too much, okay? I really do like who you are, Bella."

I moved my hands from his, turning around in the seat and reaching up to grab his face in between my hands, pulling his lips down to mine.

"I'm gonna be good for you, Edward," I whispered as I pulled away from him. "That's what I want."

He sighed and rested his forehead on mine.

"Then I'll do what I can to help. If you want me to."

I nodded, watching as he licked his lips. "Okay."

"You ready to go?"

"Yeah."

He kissed me one more time before standing up straight. I turned around in the seat, standing up and turning the chair in the right direction before following him towards the door.

"I'll be back," he said softly as we stood next to the front office's door.

I nodded, watching as he walked to his office before pushing through I walked through the door. I jumped when I saw Tanya sitting in my seat, her eyes narrowed and her arms over her chest.

"You are absolutely amazing," she stated, shaking her head. "Gonna forget about Mike the way you forgot about Josh?"

I swallowed hard, the calm I'd managed to achieve while talking to Edward and watching the snow immediately disappearing as my heart started beating painfully against my ribs.

"You know nothing," I said, my voice shaking as I fisted my hands at my sides. "I will _always_ love both of them."

"It shows," she scoffed. "You aren't worth anyone's valuable time. I hope he breaks you."

"You can't break something that's already shattered, Tanya."

"Oh, yeah, play that card again, Bella. Is that how you got Edward to fall for you? The damsel in distress?"

"You know _nothing_," I whispered, shaking my head.

"I hope you enjoy breaking someone else. You're really fucking good at it." She stood up, shaking her hair over her shoulder. "Josh would be so fucking pissed off at you. I don't know what the fuck he ever saw in you in the first place."

I felt my eyes fill as she walked by me, slamming the door behind her as she walked into the hallway. I sucked in a deep breath, uncurling my hands and walking to my chair. Resting a hand against the back, I leaned down and grabbed my purse, standing up straight and sniffling as my eyes landed on the picture of Mike and me.

"You ready?"

I jumped and blinked a few times before turning to face Edward.

"Y-yeah."

He dropped his briefcase and was standing in front of me, cupping my face in his hands before I could move.

"What?" he asked softly.

"Let's just get out of here, okay?" I begged, my voice shaking even worse as I looked at him. "Please?"

"You'll tell me?" I nodded, closing my eyes as he leaned in and kissed my forehead. "Come on."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led me back towards the door, bending down to pick up his briefcase before we grabbed our coats and walked out of the building. I shivered as the freezing wind hit my face and leaned against him a little more as we walked towards his car. He opened the door for me and waited as I climbed in before closing it. I set my purse on the floor and strapped the seatbelt over my lap, staring down at my lap as he climbed in on his side and quickly started the car.

"All right, Bella. Out with it," he said softly, turning the heat up as far as it would go.

"Tanya saw us," I said softly, clasping my hands tightly in my lap and huffing out a breath.

"Okay," he said slowly when I failed to continue. "She suspected anyway so… that's not anything new, right?"

"I'm just gonna break you," I choked out, leaning forward as much as the seatbelt would allow and burying my face in my hands. "I broke _them_; I _killed them_ and I can't do that to you."

"Hey, hey, Bella, no. _No_," he said forcefully, pulling gently on my arms. "Stop this right now. You did _not_ break them or kill them."

The tears spilled forth and a broken sob sounded through my mouth as I curled up against the side of the door, shaking my head. I vaguely heard him open his car door and only brought my legs up to my chest, burying my face in my knees and wrapping my arms tightly around them. I jumped, screaming through a sob when my door opened and I felt his hands on my shoulders, keeping me in place.

"Edward, no," I managed, curling up tighter as he reached over me and unhooked my seatbelt.

He managed to uncurl me long enough to get the seatbelt from around me before I felt his arms around me, cradling me briefly against his chest as he lifted me from the car. I grabbed onto his shoulders for fear of being dropped, whimpering against his chest as he sat down in the passenger seat and placed me on his lap. I flinched as he slammed the door closed and briefly wondered how he managed to reach down and move the seat back before both of his arms were around me.

"You couldn't control any of that," he whispered into my ear, one of his hands threading through my hair. "None of it was your fault; you didn't break or kill anyone, Bella."

I slumped against him, burying my face in his chest and curling my fingers into his shirt as he continued to run his fingers through my hair.

"It wasn't your fault, Bella. You have to know that it wasn't your fault," he whispered, cupping the back of my head with his other hand.

"I should've been there," I said weakly, shaking my head. "For both of them."

"Did you ever think that if you were, maybe you wouldn't be here either?"

"That's not-"

"If you were, maybe you wouldn't be _here_ right now. Maybe I wouldn't be holding you in my arms. Maybe Emmett would've lost his sister and your mother would've lost her daughter. Yes, it sucks that you lost them, but maybe we all would've lost _you_."

"It doesn't…"

"Don't you _dare_ say that it doesn't matter," he all but snarled out.

I flinched and tried moving away from him, pulling back and reaching behind me for the door handle. He grabbed my hand, forcing his fingers in between mine as he grabbed my chin with his other hand and forced me to look at him. I swallowed hard as I met his gaze, his eyes dark and his nostrils flared.

"It _does_ fucking matter; _you matter_, Bella. You matter to me, you matter to your family, you matter to Carlisle, Alice and Angela… _you matter_."

"Edward…"

"If you weren't here, I'd never know that I could feel like this, Bella. I'd never know that every time I kissed you or touched you that there could be sparks. I'd never know that someone as good and as pure as you could even exist. So yes, it _does_ matter and don't you _dare_ fucking tell me that it doesn't."

My eyes blurred and I blinked at him, feeling tears fall down my cheeks as I stared at him.

"You _matter_, Bella," he said hoarsely, his voice cracking.

Guilt crashed onto my shoulders and I shook my hand from his, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck and burying my head in his chest. His arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly to him and resting his chin on the top of my head.

I don't know how long we sat there, waiting until my sniffles and sobs and pathetic whimpers finally calmed down. I looked up at him when they did, immediately finding his eyes and reaching up with one hand to place it on his cheek.

"I'm sorry."

"Tell me that you matter," he whispered, leaning into my hand.

"Edward…"

"Say it, Bella."

"I matter."

"Mean it." I huffed at him and he quirked an eyebrow at me. "I have no problem in sleeping here."

I sucked in a deep breath and licked my lips, closing my eyes briefly before opening them again and looking directly into his eyes.

"I _matter_."

"You do. You matter a whole hell of a lot to a lot of fucking people." He grabbed my hand from his cheek, placing it over his heart. "You matter a whole hell of a lot to _me_."

I splayed my fingers out on his chest, feeling his heartbeat under my hand.

"You mean a lot to me, too," I whispered. "Scares the fuck out of me."

He laughed breathlessly and nodded, sliding his hand over mine.

"I ruined our plans for dinner."

"No you didn't. You didn't ruin anything."

"Your phone number?"

"Can wait another day. It's been off for the whole day anyway."

I laughed softly and bit my bottom lip, nodding.

"Thank you."

He pressed his hand more firmly against mine as he leaned in and kissed me softly, pulling away slightly and looking up at me quickly before leaning in to kiss me again.

"You ready to eat?" he asked softly as he backed away.

I nodded, smiling tentatively at him and turning my hand over to tangle my fingers with his.

"Yes."

He kissed me once more before untangling our hands and reaching to push open the door. I climbed off his lap and waited for him to stand up before plopping back into the seat and once again grabbing the seatbelt to pull across me. I sucked in a deep breath as he closed the door and rounded the hood, swallowing hard as I watched him.

"Did you want me to follow you?"

"I'll just drop you off back here," he said easily, pulling the seatbelt across his lap. "Not a big deal."

"Are you sure?"

He shifted the car into gear, grinning over at me and nodding.

"Positive."

I relaxed back into the seat and nodded, sighing and closing my eyes. I opened them again when I felt his hand wrapped around mine, squeezing gently.

"Safe," he said softly, pulling out of the parking lot and starting in the opposite direction of my apartment.

"Safe," I agreed, turning my hand over and linking our fingers.

I _did_ feel safe. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel alone and I didn't feel like I had to conquer everything completely on my own. I'd missed feeling like this and I owed it all to Edward.


	16. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**Once again, this chapter is a bit shorter, but I make up for it with the next one. I promise you that. All of your questions concerning Bella are finally answered in this chapter, by the way. Well, maybe not **_**all**_** of them, but the majority of them. I suppose it's emotional, but that depends on everyone, I guess haha. So, I guess I'll say you might need tissues? It's emotional, up and down and all over the place, so… yes. Fair warning.**

**Seriously, all of you are fucking amazing. I adore you so damn much. This is up to over a thousand reviews already and that completely blows my mind. I really can't tell you how much I appreciate all of you sticking through me with this; it means the world to me.**

**To my lovelies: Angie, Amanda, Meg and Tiffany. You girls own my soul; seriously. (It's the Grey's Anatomy I've been watching, please excuse the excessive use of the word **_**seriously**_**)**

**Okay, now… enjoy!**

~*~

***Edward***

I put the last dish into the dishwasher and snapped the door shut, grabbing the two glasses of wine sitting on the counter and walking into the living room.

The meal I'd had in mind to make for the night hadn't happened. I really didn't feel like cooking and Bella said that we didn't have to do this at all; instead suggesting that I take her home.

I'd refused, naturally, and we'd stopped at a small Italian restaurant that I hadn't really paid any attention to before. We got it to go and I'd stopped on the way home to get a bottle of wine before finally making it back to my apartment with a promise to cook for her one day soon.

It had been very amusing to watch Bella standing in the doorway, her jaw down to her feet as she looked around. The apartment building – from what I understood – had been built only a few years ago and everything was apparently top of the line. I hadn't cared when signing the lease; I just needed to get the fuck out of Chicago and this place had an open apartment available immediately.

Regardless, Bella had made us sit in front of the fireplace as we ate and at a loss of things to talk about, I'd started in with the questioning again. I'd learned that she'd always wanted to travel, but was too afraid to do it on her own and that her hero was obviously her mother. They were unimportant questions, but every little thing she said kept me interested. I wanted to know everything that she was willing to answer for me and then some.

I walked back into the living room, finding that Bella was still sitting on the couch – her half-lidded eyes staring at the empty fireplace and her chin propped up on her hand.

"You awake?" I asked softly, sitting next to her and handing her one of the glasses.

"I won't be after this," she murmured, smiling shyly at me as she took the glass from me and placed it in her lap. "Wine is my kryptonite."

I threw an arm over the back of the couch, bringing my glass up to my lips and smiling to myself as she moved over and rested against me.

"You can stay, if you want," I suggested softly, dropping my arm around her shoulders.

She looked up at me, one of her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed. "What?"

"You don't have to," I said easily, playing with her hair. "It was just a suggestion."

"Are you trying to get me into bed, Mr. Masen?"

I grinned at her, shrugging easily.

"Is it working?"

She laughed and shook her head, resting her cheek on my chest as she lifted the glass to her lips. I smirked and continued to play with her hair, sipping from my glass as we sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"I'll stay on the couch," she said quietly, dropping one of her hands to my knee.

My heart soared and I bit the inside of my lip, quickly raising the glass to my mouth again to hide the smirk that desperately wanted to make an appearance.

"No," I finally said, shaking my head and resting the glass on my leg. "If you want, you can stay with me. If you don't, I'll take the couch."

"I'm not kicking you out of your bed."

"And you're not staying on the couch."

She huffed and looked up at me.

"Edward."

"Bella," I grinned, completely unable to hide it anymore.

She was thinking about staying with me. All night. In my apartment. _With me_.

"Why are you impossible?"

"Why are _you_?" I laughed. "I want you comfortable."

"And it's _your_ place!"

"Then stay with me," I said easily, shrugging. "No funny business unless you start it." I wiggled my eyebrows at her and she laughed, shaking her head. "I promise."

She leaned up, gently touching her lips to mine.

"Safe," she whispered as she leaned back

"Very much so."

"Thank you for today."

"You would've done the same for me." I rubbed her shoulder, leaning my head against the back of the couch. "Do you ever think of telling Carlisle about what she says to you?"

"Yes," she said quietly, shaking her head and resting her cheek against my chest again.

"And?"

"Edward, it's…" She huffed. "Complicated."

"I'm sure he'd do something, you know."

"I don't want him to."

"Why?"

"He was her brother. She has every right-"

"Bella," I warned, squeezing her shoulder.

"No one will lose their job because of me. Yes, she's a bitch, but she's got her own set of problems, too. I understand."

I sighed heavily and leaned down to kiss the back of her head.

"You have a heart of gold, Bella," I whispered into her hair.

"No, I'm just a fucking doormat."

I smirked and shook my head, leaning forward to place my glass on the coffee table and wrap my arms around her completely.

"So am I," I sighed. "Guess we're perfect for each other, huh?"

She hummed and I smiled when I heard her trying to stifle a yawn.

"Ready for bed?"

"What am I gonna wear?"

I rolled my eyes, pressing my lips against the side of her head.

"I have some things you can sleep in. Come on."

I kissed the side of her head again and took the glass from her hand, waiting for her to stand up before I did. I grabbed my own mostly full glass and walked into the kitchen, listening as I heard her footsteps behind me.

"I kinda love your place, you know," she yawned. "It's really pretty."

I laughed as I dumped the wine down the sink, setting the glasses off to the side before turning and walking over to her. She placed her hands on my chest and tilted her head up, her eyes still half-closed.

"You're free to come here anytime you want."

She smiled sleepily at me and I brushed hair from her forehead.

"Come on, sleepy," I laughed, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the kitchen.

"You're sure that you don't mind?"

"I'm gonna get a sign that says _positive_ and flash it at you every time you ask me that."

"I just want to make sure!"

I stopped in the middle of the hallway and grabbed her face in my hands, leaning down and kissing her softly.

"I'm positive," I whispered.

"Okay," she whispered back, nodding and lazily licking her lips.

I smiled and kissed her once more before dropping my hands from her face and grabbing one of hers, leading her into my bedroom.

"Damn," she mumbled. "Here I am, worried I'm gonna roll over and push you out of the bed and you have a king size? Christ, Edward, you gotta tell me these things."

I laughed and squeezed her hand before I let go, walking over to my dresser and yanking open the top drawer.

"You never asked."

"Of course not."

I smirked and pulled out a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt; both of which would be entirely too big on her, but would work for the night. I walked back over to her and handed them to her before grabbing my own pajamas from the end of my bed and kissing her forehead.

"I'll be back," I said softly.

"Edward…"

"I'm just going down the hall," I said, smirking at her as I stepped away. "It's not a big deal and to be perfectly honest with you, I kinda have to pee."

She snorted and shook her head at me, rolling her eyes as she waved me off. I smirked and walked out of the room, closing the door behind me. I walked into the bathroom and did everything I needed to do before grabbing my clothes and walking back into the hallway. I dumped my clothes into the clothesbasket and walked up to my bedroom door, knocking softly and waiting for her to grant me permission to my bedroom.

"I'm good!" she called.

I smirked and pushed open the door, seeing her sitting at the head of the bed with her knees up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. And seeing her dressed in my clothes made the night that much better.

"Comfy?"

She nodded, smiling up at me and watching as I walked to the other side of the bed. I pulled the blankets down and raised an eyebrow at her.

"You gonna sleep on top of the covers?"

"If you want me to."

"Bella," I sighed dramatically, leaning down and placing my hands on the mattress. She bounced a little at the force and pulled her lips in between her teeth, hiding a smirk. "Get in the bed, woman."

She uncurled herself and leaned over, placing her hands on my cheeks and leaning in to kiss me softly.

"I wanna tell you something," she whispered as she pulled away.

"What's that?"

She brushed her nose against mine before kissing me again.

"We should get in bed first."

"Yes ma'am."

She laughed and shook her head, moving from me and crawling underneath the covers as I did the same. I turned on my side and propped my head up on my elbow, watching as she stared up at the ceiling. Her bottom lip was back in between her teeth and her hands were nervously tapping out a disjointed rhythm on her stomach.

"Bella," I said softly, reaching over and grabbing one of her hands.

She quickly linked our fingers, squeezing tightly and taking a deep breath.

"There was a party," she started softly, huffing out a deep breath. "Mike wanted to go and I didn't. We got into a really big fight over it; he said that I never wanted to do anything fun and I said that he never took anything seriously. He stormed out, yelling that he was tired of my shit and didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore."

She sucked in a deep breath and I circled my thumb on the back of her hand, swallowing hard.

"Why didn't you want to go?" I asked softly when she failed to continue.

"I've never been a big partier." A small smile flitted across her face and she shook her head. "I wasn't in the mood to go try to talk to people I normally couldn't stand on a daily basis." She rolled her head to face me, her eyes far away. "Forks isn't that big; you knew everyone at the parties. They were all his friends and while I didn't mind them, seeing them more than I had to never appealed to me. And I had to work in the morning.

"I was pissed off when he left and spent the rest of the night bitching to my mom. She said that he was just being a man and that we'd work everything out in the morning; I shouldn't worry about it. So I went to bed, still really pissed off, and had this… horrifying dream," she whispered, snapping her eyes shut and shaking her head.

I swallowed hard again, watching as her breathing started to get heavier and her hand tightened around mine.

"I saw his car in a ditch, the front end completely crumpled and… sirens and an ambulance and I was on the side of the road, screaming. Someone was holding me back and it was _Mike_ on the covered stretcher; I just knew it. I woke up shaking my head and praying that that would never happen." She rolled onto her side, closer to me and buried her head in my chest. My arms immediately went around her, holding her to me. "I went to work and hadn't heard from him but I didn't think anything of it. I mean, I figured that we were both still pretty pissed off about the fight from the night before and talking wasn't our top priority right then." She huffed out a shuddering breath and buried her nose into my throat. "I got home from work and his parents were waiting for me. My dream hadn't been just a dream."

"Bella," I whispered, reaching up and cupping the back of her head.

"He fell asleep at the wheel," she squeaked out, one of her hands fisting into my shirt. "He'd had too much to drink, probably smoked a little too much and fell asleep at the wheel. Hit a telephone pole…

"They didn't call me before because everything had happened so fast and I just wasn't a top priority," she choked, finally wrapping her arms around my waist and molding her body to mine. "His lungs collapsed and they couldn't do anything more for him. Too many internal injuries and too much damage."

"Sweetheart," I whispered, burying my nose into her neck and smoothing my hand over her hair.

"He had never gotten that bad at parties before. But he'd never been pissed off when he went to them, either. He died because _I_ pissed him off and he had too much of everything. He was always so careful and… it was my fault," she choked out on a sob, clinging to me. "If I had just gone with him like he wanted me to, maybe he wouldn't have done so much shit. Or maybe I would've been there to drive him home…"

"Or maybe he would've taken you with him," I whispered, "and we've been over this already."

"If I had just gone with him instead of being an uptight pain in the ass, maybe he would still be here."

I closed my eyes tightly at her words, immediately thinking that if he were still here, we wouldn't be the way we are right now. She wouldn't be with me and I'd never know what it was like to feel something again. Maybe it was selfish and God knows I wanted her to stop hurting almost as much as I wanted to stop hurting, but she'd been the _one good thing_ to come out of everything that I'd been through with my parents. If he were still here with her, I never would've had the chance to know someone like her.

"You can't live in things you could've or should've done, Bella."

"His family blames me, too," she whispered into my neck, sniffling. "They moved to North Carolina a month after the funeral and I haven't talked to them since. I've tried… but they've never…"

"I'm sure that's not true. They can't blame you for anything…"

"His mother told me before they moved."

I think I flinched against her and held her to me tighter, throwing one of my legs over hers and pulling her completely against me.

"It _wasn't_, Bella. Please believe me when I say that," I begged, dragging my hand through her hair and swallowing hard. "You couldn't have controlled that."

"I should've…"

"He shouldn't have been driving," I interrupted. "I'm sure he knew how fucked up he was and he chose to get behind the wheel regardless. If you want to be mad at anyone, be mad at him, Bella."

She shook her head quickly and I listened to the shuddered breath she sighed out, sniffling.

"I can't be mad at someone who isn't here to make it right."

"Yes, you can. You can be as pissed off and as angry at him as you want to be because it was his fault that he's not here anymore. It's his fault that he isn't with you anymore." I swallowed hard once again as I said that and wrapped my other arm around her once more. "So be pissed off, Bella, be mad and get angry."

She was quiet, the silent room filled with her small sniffles.

"I feel guilty being with you," she whispered and my heart stuttered in my chest before it started aching.

_As if hearing that you still wanted him here – in a world where __**this**__ would never happen between us – wasn't bad enough, you have to go and add that to the pain, don't you?_

"But I don't ever want it to stop. I know that a very big part of me still wishes Mike were here with me, but I'd never want to lose you. And I just… I feel like I'm being torn in two different directions all the time and…" She pulled away only slightly and looked up at me, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy. "I… I hurt you."

I just stared at her. What was I supposed to say? I didn't want to lie to her. Fuck, I just wanted her to go to sleep at this point. Why the hell wasn't she yawning anymore? That's all she'd been doing when we were out in the living room and now that we were actually in bed, not one damn yawn. Plenty of tears, but not one fucking yawn.

I watched her eyes fill again, silently watching as tears poured over her cheeks before she tried rolling away from me.

"Bella," I said, my voice hoarse as I tightened my arms around her.

"I hurt everyone I care about," she started, her voice thick and shaking as she placed her hands on my arms and tried pushing me away from her. "I'm so scared of being in a relationship with someone else because I'll do nothing but hurt them or push them away or get them killed. Edward, I can't do that to you. I can't hurt you like that."

"You don't hurt your mother or Emmett. You care about them, don't you?"

"They're stuck with me!" she exclaimed, still trying to pry my arms from her waist. "You're not and I don't want you to be if you're just going to end up hurt. Please, Edward, let me go."

"You think I don't hurt people, too?" I asked, yanking her back to me and pressing my forehead against hers so that I could look into her eyes. "You think that Lauren just woke up one day and realized that Tyler was better for her? You think I didn't push her away or hurt her with all the times I missed an appointment we had for our _wedding_? You are not the only one scared of history repeating itself, Bella."

I watched as more tears fell from her eyes before her arms wrapped around my neck and her lips were on mine. I didn't think – I didn't _want_ to, not after what we'd just talked about – and immediately kissed her back. Her mouth opened under mine, her tongue dancing across my bottom lip and I did the same, smoothing my tongue against hers.

I didn't understand what was going on. Either I'd just dreamt our entire conversation about her feeling guilty or we were both out of our fucking minds. I had it on good authority to think the latter was more than likely the reason but as she scraped her teeth along my lip, I stopped caring.

She'd told me everything. In the past two days, she'd told me everything I'd ever wanted to know upon first meeting her and had opened up to me in the way I never thought she would. Hell, I never thought I'd be kissing her and loving every fucking second of it either, but here we were.

She whimpered quietly, pushing herself against me completely. Her hips rolled against mine and I breathed out a small moan, my hips automatically responding and pushing against hers.

_Fuck_ that felt good.

She moaned softly, tightening her arms around my neck and slowly rolling onto her back. I groaned in protest, quite content with our current position and quickly untangled my arms from around her waist, anchoring my hands on either side of her. I moved in between her legs, moaning as she brought her legs up and squeezed my hips, slowly dragging hers over mine again. I felt her hands in my hair, pressing my lips more forcefully against hers and continuing to torture me with her hips.

"Fuck," I breathed, pulling away from her. "Wait…"

"Please," she whispered, shifting up a little and kissing my throat.

"We can't… You're…"

"Feeling something," she interrupted me. "You're making me feel again, Edward."

Hell, I'm sure she _was_ feeling something. God knows _I_ couldn't ignore it and she wasn't helping. Well, okay, maybe she was helping a little _too _much.

"Bella," I groaned.

"I want to feel all of you," she whispered, nipping at my Adam's apple.

Good fucking _Christ_, this girl was trying to kill me.

"This won't make anything better," I managed, closing my eyes tightly. "You're emotional and…"

She fell back against the mattress and her arms slowly dropped from my neck. I opened my eyes to find her looking away from me, her bottom lip caught in between her teeth and her arms protectively crossed over her chest.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be…"

"I'm tired," she whispered again, closing her eyes.

"I don't want you to regret it." She nodded and I watched a tear travel down the side of her face. "Bella, please…"

I wasn't sure whether to be completely fucking frustrated or feel like a total and utter asshole for making her feel even worse.

"It's fine, Edward." She looked up at me again, her eyes watery and the saddest smile I'd ever seen on anyone plastered on her face. "I won't… that won't happen ever again, okay?"

"Bella, that's not what…"

"I get it, Edward." She reached up with one hand and gently touched my cheek with her fingertips, her lips quivering. "Let's just go to sleep."

"What do you think you get?"

"You don't want me." She shrugged one shoulder and a tear rolled down her cheek again. "It's okay."

I stared hard down at her and she dropped her hand, crossing it over her chest and looking away from me again.

Was she seriously in the same bed with me anymore? Fuck, couldn't she _feel me_? If she thought that this was me not wanting her then I was probably going to scare the shit out of her when the time came.

"You're out of your fucking mind," I managed.

"Tell me something I don't know," she grumbled, reaching up and wiping off her cheeks with her wrist.

I leaned down and kissed her neck, moving one hand and slowly trailing it up her arm.

"I _do_ want you." I rocked my hips against hers again and was rewarded with a sharp intake of breath. I continued to trail my hand up, reaching her neck and gently pressing my fingertips against her cheek. "_All_ of you." I brushed my lips over her jaw line, planting small kisses against her cheek and finally her lips. "And I want it all while I'm _with you_."

"What?" she breathed out, one of her hands reaching up and resting against my chest.

I sucked in a deep breath and kissed her again, cupping her cheek and running my thumb over her jaw.

I wasn't sure when I decided this. I wasn't sure of anything anymore. The entire reason for moving here in the first place was completely shot to hell and it was all because of this insecure, broken, frustrating, gorgeous woman I was lying on top of that actually thought I didn't even _want her_.

"I want to be with you, Bella," I breathed out, shaking my head. "I don't want to just be friends that occasionally kiss and touch and spend nights together. I want the labels; I want the whole package. I want it with _you_."

She puffed out her cheeks and blew out a deep breath, reaching up with both hands to run them repeatedly through my hair.

"You really do?"

I nodded, smirking down at her. She licked her lips and briefly closed her eyes, huffing out another breath.

"Your first day at the office? When I came in late?"

I raised an eyebrow at her and nodded once. What the hell did this have to do with anything?

"I tried to go to therapy that morning," she whispered, her hands still threading through my hair. "But I couldn't make myself go in. I sat in the office and listened as she called my name but I just couldn't make myself get up and follow her. I had plenty of reasons to go; my family, Carlisle, Alice and Angela…" She shook her head. "I guess I just didn't have you."

"Go for you," I whispered, gently dropping my forehead onto hers. "Go because you want to."

"I want to be better for you. It's something that I want and something that we both deserve."

I sighed and pursed my lips at her, dragging my thumb over her bottom lip.

"I want to be with you, too," she whispered and my heart started beating erratically against my ribs. "And to do that, I need to go to therapy."

"You mean it?"

She nodded and I tilted my head, gently pressing my lips against hers.

"Come with me?" she asked. "Just… sit in the waiting room and wait for me? It's… easier knowing that I have someone there with me. Pushing me in if need be."

"Anything," I whispered. "Anything you need me for and I'm there, Bella."

"You so might regret that," she laughed softly.

"I might," I agreed, grinning at her as she pursed her lips at me. "But it'll be worth it in the end."

"Oh, I really hope you mean that."

"Just… live in the now with me, okay?" I whispered, leaning down to kiss her again. "Let yourself go, Bella. I like that side of you; I miss it when it's gone."

"I'm really gonna try."

"That's all I ask."

She nodded and huffed out another breath.

"We're doing this," she breathed.

I nodded and couldn't contain the smile on my face as I brushed the end of my nose against hers.

"Yes. We are."

She hummed and pulled herself up to me, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck and burying her face in my chest. I rolled us onto our sides and pulled her close to me again, tangling my hands in the bottom of her hair and resting my lips against her forehead.

"I won't let you regret it, Edward," she whispered into my ear. "Thank you for taking a chance with me."

I closed my eyes and squeezed her tightly, not letting her go very far as I reached behind me and turned off the lamp on my bedside table.

"Stop thanking me," I whispered as I rolled back to her. "You don't need to."

"Not many people…"

"Haven't we figured out by now that I'm not like other people?" I chuckled quietly and kissed her forehead. "Just be with me, okay?"

She nodded and nuzzled her nose into my chest, her arms tightening around me as she sighed. Good to know that she was tired _now_.

"I like that idea," she mumbled.

"Good night, Bella."

"Night."

It hadn't been a great night. In fact, if I ever had to deal with a night like this one again, I might just hang myself. I had never been so emotionally exhausted before I'd met Bella – not even when my life was falling apart – and my heart had never gone from being so torn apart for someone else to feeling so fucking… full in the time span of ten minutes.

I sighed quietly and kissed her forehead again before shifting and getting comfortable with her. She fit here; she felt natural against me this way and while it scared the shit out of me, there was a part of me that never wanted to give it up.

"Ah, Bella," I whispered once her breathing had evened out and she was completely relaxed against me. "What am I gonna do with you?"

She snorted and shifted in my arms, moving her arms from my neck and pulling them between us, curling into me. I laughed quietly and absently trailed my hands down her hair.

"Love me," she breathed.

I swallowed hard and closed my eyes.

"I'm gonna try."

I tilted my head and buried my nose into her hair, tightening my arms around her and doing my best to drift off to sleep.


	17. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**I promised I'd make it up to you guys with this chapter and here it is; 11,000+ words with a lemon thrown in. So… NSFW. :) Lots of emotions, but that's nothing new, right? Do I even need to say that anymore? Haha.**

**I highly suggest listening to **_**Yours to Hold**_** by Skillet and **_**Breathe You In **_**by Thousand Foot Krutch while reading.**

**You guys are awesome, amazing, gorgeous and every other adjective that I could think of if I weren't so damn tired. I love you all unconditionally. I'd also like to thank whoever nominated me for the Best Author award at the Sparkle Awards; that makes me all warm and fuzzy so **_**thank you**_** so very much. Be sure to get your nominations in for your favorite stories before it ends!**

**My girls; Angie, Amanda, Meg and Tiffany, you're my rocks. You keep my head above water when I can't and there aren't any ways I can tell you how much I love you.**

**Okay, I'm finished. Enjoy!**

~*~

***Bella***

I rocked back and forth on my heels, standing outside Carlisle's office once we'd ushered the last patient out the door and twisting my hands around behind my back. Edward stood down the hallway, poking his head out of his office door and raising an eyebrow at me.

I wanted to tell Carlisle what had happened during the night. I didn't want him to hear it from anyone else if it came to that; he deserved to hear it from me. We hadn't told anyone else yet – even though they might've suspected something when the dumbass came back from lunch with a damn rose and handed it to me in front of them – because I'd wanted to tell Carlisle first. I didn't know what his rules of inter-office dating were and I didn't want either of us to lose our jobs over something that we could clearly keep under wraps during business hours.

And just because I spent the entire day procrastinating and dealing with Edward's eyebrow-raises and pursed lips each time he walked by me didn't mean anything. I was nervous as all fuck and he wasn't helping.

Carlisle was like my _father_. Edward was the new boy in town, the boy that he knew practically nothing about who was dating one of his _"daughters." _I know that he'd never shoot anyone or threaten to – Christ, he'd let Emmett into the house without hesitation for the traditional _meet the parents _dinner when he first started dating Rosalie – but I'd never had to worry about this shit before. By the time I started working here, I'd stopped dating completely. I was scared and mentally exhausted and the last thing I needed was a _man_ in my life.

And then fucking Edward Masen waltzes into the god damned office and my life is blown apart. Granted, it was four years later, but the effect was still the same.

"Bella," Edward hissed.

I looked over at him and glared. "What?"

He blew me a kiss and I rolled my eyes, barely able to contain the stupid grin that wanted to find a home on my lips before I raised my hand and finally knocked on the glass.

He may have shaken my world up and confused the fuck out of me, but he was more than worth it. He was still with me after what I'd told him the night before and I couldn't ask for more than that.

"I'll be here!" he hissed.

I waved at him, shooing him into his office as I heard Carlisle call out for me to walk in. I took a deep breath and grabbed the doorknob, pushing my way into his office and quickly closing the door behind me. He was sitting at his desk, his reading glasses perched on the end of his nose as he stared down at what was probably some article about a new piece of medical equipment that intrigued him.

"Hey, Bella," he said cheerfully, hardly looking up from the pages in his hands. "How is everything?"

_Loaded, Carlisle. You and your loaded questions._

"Good," I chirped, walking over to one of the chairs in front of him and toeing off my shoes. I plopped into the seat and brought my knees up to my chest. "How are you?"

"Very well, thanks. What can I do for you?"

_You can never just do small talk, can you Carlisle? Always have to get to the heart of the matter, don't you?_

"Oh, you know," I mumbled, twisting my lips to the side. "Just… haven't had a chance to talk to you and just… checking in."

"Mhmm," he mumbled, flipping the pages. "Well, Esme is already writing things down for the Christmas Eve party. She and Alice are especially excited about it this year."

"Oh yeah?" I asked absently, reaching down and picking at a random thread on my sock. "Why's that?"

"I don't know." He shrugged and hummed, leaning forward and resting one elbow on his desk as he leaned in to the papers. "You know how they get."

"Yep."

I licked my lips, watching as he pushed his glasses back up on his nose, staring in silence and watching as they started to slide back to the end of his nose again.

_Do it, Bella. Do it. It's like ripping off a band-aid. He's slightly distracted so he might not even react. That could be good. No reaction is a good reaction. Right?_

"I'm dating Edward," I blurted out, leaning forward and burying my nose in my knees.

I watched him over them, his eyes slowly lifting to mine. He stared at me in silence for a few minutes and I began to shift nervously, biting the inside of my cheek and stabbing at my pinky toe with my thumb nail.

"One more time," he finally requested, his voice even.

Word vomit. There was no other way to explain what came out of my mouth next. I'd always been very good at it, but this was an extreme.

"I spent the night with him," I blurted again, widening my eyes when he widened his. "Not like that! I just… we slept and I told him about Mike and I hurt him and then we kind of had this weird moment where he said the right thing and I kind of attacked him…" My face heated up and I buried it back into my knees. "…but he said that he wanted more with me and he wanted to wait and he wanted to be with me even with everything I've already put him through and I told him about not being able to go to therapy and he said that he'd come with me when I asked him to because I want to try again, Carlisle, and I want to be good for him. I want to be good for everyone, but really, he deserves someone _really_ good and he asked me to do it for me and I want to." I sucked in a deep breath, fully realizing that I was rambling. "But he wants to be with me and I wanna be with him and it's fucking scary but I want to. And I haven't really _wanted_ to since Mike and I'm terrified but I wanna try and…" I swallowed hard and looked up at him sheepishly. "…and we're together as of last night."

He blinked at me and I popped my lips, huffing.

"He brought me a rose today after lunch," I offered quietly.

"You…" He finally set the papers down on the desk and grabbed his glasses from his face, placing those on top of the paper as well. "You're dating Edward."

I nodded, wrapping my arms tightly around my legs.

"You're okay with that?"

"I'm fucking terrified but… he is, too. So…"

He sat back in his chair and tapped his fingertips against the desk, nodding to the thoughts I'm sure he had running through his mind.

"You really want this?"

I nodded again. "I really do."

I still hadn't been able to figure out when I decided that I did, but I had. Edward was the only one outside of my family that had stuck around throughout the breakdowns and freak-outs and my crazy ass dating history without turning tail and running the other way like he should've. He'd stuck by my side through everything and even though the rational part of my mind was extremely fucking small, it had screamed at me to get over myself and _be with him_; give him what he wants because the both of us deserved someone good in our lives.

I wasn't so sure that he deserved me, but that's what the therapy would be for, right? And if they had to put me on pills and tell me what I was already quite aware of, I'd do it for him.

_**No**__, you'll do it for the both of you because you __**need**__ this._

I watched as Carlisle rose from his chair and walked over to me, pulling me up and crushing me against his chest in a hug.

"I'm so fucking proud of you, Bella," he whispered into my ear. "And so happy for you."

I grinned and wrapped my arms tightly around his waist, bouncing on my toes a little as I buried my face in his chest.

"Okay," he stated a few moments later, backing away from me. "Have you told your mother?"

I bit my bottom lip and shook my head.

"It just happened last night. I wanted to tell you first and let you know before anyone else. The whole working together thing," I mumbled when I saw his eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

He nodded and pursed his lips, walking to the door and yanking it open. I stared at him as he disappeared out of it, confused and somewhat afraid. He hadn't changed his mind about this, has he? I sat back down, turning to watch the doorway as I chewed on my bottom lip and slipped my feet back into my shoes.

He showed up a few seconds later with Edward in tow and I attempted a small smile when I saw the terrified look on his face.

"Have a seat, Edward," Carlisle said easily, stepping out of the way and closing the door before walking behind his desk.

They both sat down and I slowly faced forward, forcing my hands to stay in my lap. I wanted to grab onto Edward for dear life and tell Carlisle that whatever this was all about, I was _not_ leaving without this man at my side.

"I wanted to go over this with the both of you," he started, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his desk. "I have no problem with you dating as long as it doesn't interfere with your work during the day. Stay professional while you're here and everything should continue to run smoothly." We both nodded almost frantically and I watched Carlisle grin. "As long as you both understand that this is still your place of business and don't maul each other in plain sight, there shouldn't be a problem." He turned his gaze to Edward and I swallowed hard, almost squinting at him. "I expect to see you at Sunday dinner. We're having a joint one this week."

I groaned and leaned forward to bury my face in my hands.

"Is mom aware of this?" I mumbled, shaking my head.

"She will be," he stated excitedly. "Is that okay with you, Edward?"

"Uh-huh."

I turned my head and looked over at him, dropping my hands back to my lap. He looked beyond terrified at this point.

"Good! Now, I'm very happy for the both of you, but get out of my office. I want to go home."

We both stood up and turned towards the door.

"Oh, Bella?"

We both stopped and I turned around again, raising an eyebrow.

"Do you need the number?"

Without thinking, I reached over and grabbed Edward's hand, squeezing as I shook my head.

"Still got it."

"Good."

I nodded once at him and turned once more, walking out of the office and quickly coming face-to-face with an over-excited Alice. Who was supposed to have left twenty minutes ago with Angela hot on her heels as they continued talking about… hell, I don't even remember what they were talking about. I'd been too busy trying to figure out an easy way to tell Carlisle about Edward and I to have paid as much attention to my co-workers as I clearly should've.

"You're going with Jasper, Ben and Emmett tomorrow!" she chirped, pointing at Edward.

"What?" he deadpanned, his hand tightening around mine.

"The girls," she motioned between her and me, "are going Christmas shopping. The guys are all hanging out while we do it. You are now included in that and there is absolutely no arguing."

"How did you…?" I started, shaking my head and blinking at her.

"I told you I saw it," she grinned, reaching up to tap the side of her head. "Meet me at Emmett's at eleven!"

She pranced off and I blinked after her, shaking my head. Maybe I wasn't the only crazy one around here…

Edward tugged on my hand, pulling me down to his office, slamming the door behind us and immediately wrapping his arms around me. I smiled, burying my nose into his chest and wrapping my arms around his waist.

"I guess I'm meeting your mom?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"You don't have to," I said quickly, shaking my head. "Carlisle is just… he's…"

"He's like your father and you don't go against what your girlfriend's father says to you."

I was insanely glad that my face was buried into his chest because the way I felt it burn and the smile I felt on my face when he said _girlfriend _was probably beyond comical.

"You were gonna have to meet her on Christmas anyway, you know."

He grunted and held me tighter, burying his face in my hair and splaying his hands on my back.

"I hadn't really thought about it that way, I guess. And what's this about me hanging out with your _brother_ tomorrow?"

"That was all Alice. I'm just as confused as you are."

"Did you know that you were going shopping with her?"

"Well, yeah, but I just figured that I'd see you after or something. I didn't think she'd stick you with… oh my God," I breathed, reality finally hitting me square in the face and I clung to him.

"What? What happened?"

"You're hanging out with Emmett… meaning that Rose will be with us," I gulped, burying my nose into his chest and doing my absolute best to crawl underneath his skin.

"Maybe she'll… uhm… ignore you?"

I snorted and shook my head, sighing heavily and turning my head to press a small kiss against his throat.

"I'm not thinking about it right now."

He hummed quietly and leaned back, quickly capturing my top lip in between his.

"Maybe I can distract you?" he whispered before kissing me again.

"Please," I breathed out, tightening my hands into fists around his waist and sucking his bottom lip into my mouth.

"How's this working?" he mumbled, his tongue snaking out and touching my top lip.

I hummed and opened my mouth completely to his, slipping my tongue inside and holding him even tighter.

"Stay with me tonight?" he whispered as he pulled away.

"We have…"

"We both apparently have to be at your brother's tomorrow morning at eleven. I'm making this easier for both of us," he smiled, his thumbs rubbing over my back.

"Are you…?"

He kissed me and I hummed again, the question completely forgotten the moment his lips touched mine.

"Okay," I mumbled as he backed away.

He grinned at me.

"Come with me to get my number changed? And then I'll make you dinner for real this time?"

"'Kay."

He laughed and kissed me once more before he let me go.

"Go get your stuff. I'll be there in a minute."

"Don't you have charts? Or paperwork? Something?" I asked, shaking my head once and managing to break out of my daze for a minute.

"Weekend," he chirped, walking around his desk and plopping his briefcase on the top. "Go on."

I turned around, the daze quickly returning before I made my way back to the front office to get my things. Once again, Tanya was in my chair, glaring at me as I walked in.

"You're ridiculous," she snarled.

I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders, slightly tipping my head to the side. I wasn't going to let her get to me this time. I'd spent way too much time in a very, _very_ dark place and I was finally starting to see little pinpoints of light; I _refused_ to let her ruin it this early on.

"I loved Josh and I loved Mike. That'll never change no matter who I'm with. Now, I'd really appreciate it if you'd go fuck yourself," I said, chipper.

I moved around her, internally snorting at her open mouth as I grabbed my things and shut down the computer. I grabbed the rose Edward had given me earlier in the day and twisted it in between my fingers as I stood up straight.

"Have a nice night, Tanya."

I slung my purse over my shoulder, walked down to the kitchen and quickly grabbed a random vase that was ten times bigger than the rose. I filled it with water, smirking and humming to myself as I set the rose in and placed the whole vase on top of the microwave. That finished, I walked down to Edward's office, a spring in my step and a smile on my face. I burst through the door, hopping from foot to foot with anticipation as the door slammed shut behind me. He was halfway in between the door and his desk, one of his eyebrows quirked at me.

"You all right?" he asked slowly.

"I told her off!" I squealed, actually clapping my hands and giggling like Alice does when she's excited about something.

"Who?"

"Tanya!"

He grinned again and stepped up to me, leaning in and gently kissing the end of my nose.

"'Bout damn time, woman."

I reached forward and pinched his stomach, laughing as he dropped his briefcase and grabbed me around the waist. He pulled me against his chest, his arms tight around me as he kissed all over my face. I squealed but had absolutely no desire to pull away from him, tilting my face up to his and grinning as his lips finally landed on mine again. He laughed, dropping his forehead to mine.

"Hungry?"

"Starving."

"Well then get moving!" he laughed, kissing me again before letting me go and reaching down to grab his briefcase again. "We have things to do!"

I grinned, grabbing his free hand and lacing our fingers together, proudly walking out of his office with him.

This was what happy felt like. I'd forgotten how it could be and with my hand caught in Edward's as we walked into the lobby, I never wanted to forget it again.

~*~

"Where'd you get these pictures from? They're amazing."

I stopped shoving things into my over night bag and swallowed hard, closing my eyes and shaking my head before taking a deep breath and walking out of my bedroom with the bag clutched in my hands. I walked into the living room, nervously zipping the bag and biting the inside of my cheek to find Edward standing next to my television, staring at the two framed photographs hanging on the wall.

I'd asked him to stop at my apartment so that I could get some clothes and other necessities that I'd need for spending the night with him again. I hadn't questioned why it was so easy to say yes to that with him; I didn't care. I was done caring and I was doing my best to ignore all the second thoughts that were floating around in my head; the ones that would destroy me and everything I was trying to rebuild after being so far gone for so long.

"I took them," I said quietly, slinging the bag over my shoulder.

He turned to face me, his new phone still clutched in his hand like it had been ever since we walked out of the store twenty minutes ago with one of his eyebrows raised at me.

He'd been glued to the damn thing. He'd intended to just get a new number, but the minute his eyes landed on the newest version of the Blackberry, he'd gotten this stupid look on his face and just _had_ to have it. We spent almost an hour in the store as it was; he'd gotten roped into a _riveting_ conversation with the sales guy and I'd walked around the store at least fifty damn times waiting for him. He'd even exchanged numbers with the guy and I spent half the time I was walking around trying to determine if _Brian_ was trying to get into my boyfriend's pants. The other half of the time, I was silently swooning over even being able to use the term _boyfriend_ in relation to myself.

This was completely new territory and I was equal parts ecstatic and terrified about all of it.

"You took them?"

I nodded, shifting uneasily under his gaze and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Yeah."

"When…? I… how?"

"That's what I went to school for."

"Bella…" He turned back to the two photos and I bit my lip. "These are really good! Why are you not doing this for a living?"

"Those are the only two prints that I took over the entire ten-month course that were any good. I failed my final portfolio review the first time. I'm not meant to be a photographer, Edward."

"I find that really hard to believe. Have you _looked_ at these lately? They're… Bella, this one is amazing," he gushed, turning again and pointing to the one of Jake's back as he stood on a rock overlooking the ocean.

"Jake was better than I was," I sighed, shaking my head. I wasn't lying, either. The mechanic that had accidentally enrolled into a photography class was ten times better than the aspiring photographer he'd befriended. "And I found out that I just… I don't want to do it. That's not what I want to do."

He turned back to me, shaking his head.

"Bella… these are amazing. I mean that."

"Well, thank you," I mumbled, looking down at my feet.

He tipped my chin up, leaning down and kissing me gently.

"I mean it. And I want to see this portfolio of yours one day, too."

"Why?" I groaned, pouting.

He smiled and rubbed his thumb over my bottom lip.

"Because I live to prove you wrong."

"Well, in that case," I said slowly, leaning down a little and kissing his thumb as he made another pass over my lip, "I want to hear you play something. I've heard you sing and now I want to hear you play."

"I have no problem with that," he grinned. "I know I'm a good musician."

I laughed and rolled my eyes, reaching forward and pinching his stomach lightly.

"Ass."

"And yet," he started, flinging an arm around my shoulders and leading me towards my door, "you're still dating me."

I grinned and leaned against him, resting my head against his chest.

"What the hell is _wrong_ with me?"

"Hey!" he whined, squeezing my shoulders tightly. "That wasn't fair!"

I laughed and stopped him, leaning up and gently kissing him.

"You know I didn't mean it."

He grinned and nodded, kissing me again.

"Come on. I'm hungry."

I followed him out of the apartment, locking the door behind us and closing it, letting him grab my hand and lead me to the car. He opened my door and I grinned to myself, throwing my bag over the seat before climbing in and letting him close the door.

We drove to his apartment in a comfortable silence, the radio playing softly in the background. I followed him inside once we climbed out, nodding to him as he suggested I put my bag in the bedroom, absently flipping the lights on as I went. I threw my bag and purse into the corner by the bed, toeing off my shoes and stretching before I walked into the kitchen.

He already had his shirt sleeves pulled up to his elbows, shaking a bag with what I assumed contained a chicken breast and some bread crumbs. I grinned, pressing my lips together and wrapping my arms around myself as I quietly walked in behind him.

Apparently it had taken me a lot longer to put my things away than I'd thought. That, or he moved at the speed of light.

"What are you making?"

"Breaded chicken breast," he said simply, looking behind him and smiling brightly at me. "What else would I make?"

I let out something that sounded close to a squeak before I stepped up to him, placed my hands on his shoulders and kissed him quickly.

"You're unreal, you know?"

"That's a good thing, right?"

I nodded and stepped down, crossing my arms over my chest as I walked next to him and leaned back against the counter, watching as he carelessly tossed the bag between his hands.

"I'm assuming you're a good cook," I started, tilting my head to the side.

"My mother taught me that, too," he said quietly, nodding once at me before dropping the bag to the counter and untying the loose knot in the top.

I bit the inside of my cheek, watching as he grabbed the chicken from the bag and placed it in a glass pan resting on the stove next to him.

"There's some wine in the cabinet next to the fridge if you want it," he offered, looking over at me as he grabbed another piece of chicken and dumped it into a bowl of something white.

"Only if you have one, too."

"Naturally."

I smiled and pushed off from the counter, quickly finding the bottle and staring at the cabinets surrounding me.

"Glasses?"

He nodded to one of the cabinets next to him and I quickly made my way over to them, standing on my toes to grab two wine glasses. I worked the cork out of the top of the bottle and poured, setting his glass of wine safely away from his elbows before hopping up onto a clean space of the counter and watching him.

"Can I ask you a question?"

I took a deep breath, biting back the immediate response I usually gave him and nodded as I lifted the glass to my lips and took a sip.

"Your photography."

I raised an eyebrow, smirking as I wiggled a little on the counter and set the glass in between my legs.

"You really need to learn to start _asking_ things, Edward. I can't read minds."

He huffed out a laugh and looked over at me, one of his eyes narrowed playfully at me as he stuffed the chicken into the bag and loosely knotted the top.

"Why did you study that if you didn't like it?"

"It wasn't that I didn't like it. I do like it."

"So why aren't you doing it?"

"I'm not meant for it."

"How'd you come to that conclusion?"

I took a deep breath and huffed it out.

"Mike wanted me to do it," I said quietly. "He said that I had the mind and the eye for it. I did it for him."

"Did you _want_ to do it after he…?"

"No," I said quickly, shaking my head. "But he wanted me to, so I did."

"What did you want to do?"

I leaned back against the wall behind me, resting my head against it and looking up at the ceiling as I absently ran my tongue along my bottom lip.

"I wanted to write," I said quietly. "I've been writing my entire life. My mother always said that it was what I should've done."

"Do you still write?"

"I haven't in a long time." I looked over at him and leaned forward, grabbing my wine glass and sipping from it. "Nothing like I used to, anyway. I have a journal that I write to Mike in. When our anniversary comes around or when I just miss him a lot… I write to him."

"Did he ever see anything that you wrote?"

I nodded again.

"He loved my writing," I smiled softly, looking down at the glass in my hands. "I'd write him letters when I was at work; when I got bored or something. I'd pour my heart and soul into these long letters and I'd hand them to him when I saw him next. I was always so nervous." I laughed, shaking my head and leaning back against the wall again. "I always thought that I would scare him away when he read how I felt about him; things that I couldn't bring myself to say to him face-to-face. But he never did. He always told me that my words to him were… amazing. They made him feel closer to me."

"But he still wanted you to go into photography?"

I sighed and nodded, shrugging as I once again leaned forward.

"Yep. So… that's what I did."

"You're not using it, though."

"I struggled the entire ten months that I was there. Jake had to help me through everything; he even _did_ a couple of assignments for me." I sucked in a deep breath and lifted the glass to my lips again. "I wasn't cut out to be a photographer."

"But…"

"I got a second chance to pass it," I sighed out, setting the glass between my legs again and running the tip of my pointer finger around the rim. "And I did. But I could've done better. I should've passed the first time." I looked over at him and shook my head. "I don't regret going and getting my degree because I met Jake. And I might be really pissed off at him right now, but he was the one good thing that came out of that time."

"I think you should do it on the side," he said quickly, setting the bag back onto the counter and untying the knot once more. "I meant it when I said that I loved those pictures, Bella. They were _great_ and you should do something with it."

I shrugged one shoulder, still tracing the rim of the glass with my fingertip.

"Maybe."

We sat in silence and I listened as he made two more pieces of chicken before he washed off his hands and covered the pan with tinfoil before sticking it in the oven. I watched as he cleaned up the mess he'd made of the counter, placing dishes into the dishwasher and throwing the bag of bread crumbs into the garbage. He grabbed his glass of wine when he was finished and walked over to me, working himself between my legs. He set the glass down at my side and placed his hands on either side of me, waiting patiently for me to meet his eyes.

"I'm not gonna pressure you into it or anything, Bella."

"I know."

"It's just that you _have_ the knowledge to do something like that. And if you want to write, I'll support you on that, too." He smirked and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against mine. "If you want to stay in the front office of the practice for the rest of your life, I'll be the first to give you my blessings. I just think that maybe you should try again."

"I love Carlisle and everyone else, but I don't want to be there for the rest of my life," I smirked, shaking my head slightly. "I just haven't decided _what_ I want to do yet."

"Can I read something that you've written?"

"Uhm," I mumbled, twisting my lips to the side. "I'm not… I haven't written… I haven't written anything in a while…"

"Would you show it to me if you had?" he asked softly.

I swallowed hard and sucked in another deep breath, staring into his eyes and feeling my heart fall a little when he merely nodded and stepped back from me. He grabbed his glass and lifted it to his lips, staring at the oven as he sipped. I looked down at my lap, crossing my hands over my glass and pressing my lips together.

_Gotta ruin everything, don't you, Bella?_

"Edward, I'm…"

"Don't apologize, Bella," he said quickly, shaking his head. "Please stop apologizing."

I nodded, grabbing the glass and jumping down from the counter. I walked by him, holding the glass to my chest as I started out of the kitchen.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to get something."

"Bella…"

"I'll be right back," I grumbled, shaking my head and walking out of the kitchen.

I walked into his bedroom and set my glass on the end table, grabbing my purse from the corner I'd thrown it in and pulling out my wallet. I yanked open the back, bypassing the measly amount of cash I had there and grabbed the worn out pieces of scratch paper I'd had in there for six years. I stood up straight, closed my eyes briefly, held the paper up to my lips and shook my head. I opened my eyes and grabbed my glass before turning and quickly walking back into the kitchen. He was leaning against the counter I'd been sitting on, his glass sitting off to the side and his head down. He looked up when he heard me and I walked over to him, standing in front of him and holding the folded paper up in between us.

"I wrote this to him the morning of the party. I was working at a small portrait studio at the time and it was quiet. I was thinking of him and everything that I wanted him to know, so I wrote this to him."

His eyes flicked from mine to the paper in between us.

"I was going to save it for his birthday; put it in his card. He got into the accident six days before his birthday and I never got the chance to give it to him." I swallowed hard and palmed the paper, pressing my hand against his chest and waiting for him to look at me. "This was the last thing I wrote that didn't involve work or a grocery list. This is all that I can offer you."

"I didn't…"

"Take it," I whispered, sliding my hand down his chest, keeping the paper pressed against him with my fingertips. "Read it."

He quickly placed his hand over it as my hand slid away from him and I stepped back, wrapping my free arm around my waist and pressing the glass to my lips as I stared down at the floor.

"Bella, I don't…"

"It's all I have, Edward," I whispered, shaking my head and dragging the edge of the glass back and forth on my bottom lip. "I can't offer you anything else."

"That's not what I…"

"Would you just read it already?" I snapped, looking up at him quickly before turning on my heel and walking into the living room.

I plopped down on the couch, setting the glass haphazardly on the coffee table and leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees. I buried my hands in my hair and closed my eyes tightly, sucking in even breaths through my mouth. The letter I'd just given Edward to read was the last thing I wrote; one of the most personal things that I could ever remember writing to anyone. His birthday had been coming up and I had this entire elaborate night planned. Dinner out, a surprise party with all of our friends when we got back to his house and then I'd give him the card and letter when we finally made it to bed pending he wasn't too hammered to read it. It was everything I'd felt for him, everything that he'd made me feel all written down.

I hadn't read it since I'd put it in my wallet. I don't know why I kept it there; there was no logical reason to keep it so close to me when I knew that I'd never be able to read it without having a small breakdown.

But Edward wanted to read something that I'd written. I'd seen the look of disappointment and defeat in his eyes when I didn't answer him; it was the only thing I could think of. He already knew everything anyway; why not add this to the monstrous pile of issues we had between us?

I blew out a breath and ran my hands through my hair, reaching forward and grabbing my glass again. I downed the rest of it, making a face at the coffee table as I set the glass back down and swallowed, coughing.

I really didn't even _like_ wine. I was only drinking it because he'd offered it.

I felt naked. No one had read that; not my mother, not Emmett, not Carlisle… no one. It was like a safety net; something that I could just _know _was there so that I could torture myself to make everything a little worse when my world was spinning out of control. I could hold it and turn it over in my hand as many damn times as I wanted to without reading. It was enough to know that it was there; that there was a piece of my feelings and Mike all wrapped together in those four pages I'd folded and crushed behind the pathetic amount of cash I carried. It was the last thing I wrote that had any meaning at all and Edward was reading it. He was _reading it_.

I leaned forward and dug my hands into my hair again, still trying to breathe evenly as I waited for him to finish reading. I felt it the minute he walked into the living room and I tensed, pressing my lips together and doing my best not to move as he sat down on the couch next to me. I heard the papers rustling and chanced a look over as he set them on the coffee table. My handwriting jumped out at me, words like _happy birthday, love, you make me, _and _changes_ taunting me, crashing down on my shoulders and making my heart twinge in my chest.

We sat in silence for a few moments. I kept staring at the letter sitting just within my reach and was hyper-aware of Edward sitting still and silent next to me.

"You should be a writer," he said softly, his voice hoarse.

I looked over at him, my eyes wide as I watched him rub his fingertips underneath his eyes before he pressed his thumbs against his lips and stared down at his shoes.

"Forget everything anyone has ever told you about photography or being stuffed in an office all damn day, Bella. You need to be a writer."

He looked over at me and I swallowed hard, licking my lips before dropping my arms and sitting up straight.

"I can't imagine – after reading just that – why Mike would've wanted you to be a photographer. If he'd read all of what you'd ever written him, I don't understand. And I'm sorry if you didn't want me to read it." He nodded towards the note, wiping his palms on his thighs before looking over at me again. "I'm sorry if I pushed."

"You… I…" I blinked at him, shaking my head. "It wasn't…"

He placed his hand in between us, his palm facing up and I looked down at it.

"I would buy every single photograph you took and sold. I will watch you in awe as you type away on the keyboard at work because God knows I can't type to save my life." I laughed a little, shaking my head and looking up at him. He smirked at me and held his hand up. I didn't hesitate any longer and placed my hand in his, linking our fingers. "But I would stalk you while you toured for your book and be at every single damn signing that I could get to."

"All of that over a letter?" I choked out, laughing a little and shaking my head at him.

He turned completely towards me, reached up with his free hand to brush hair from my forehead as he nodded.

"Yes."

"You can't…"

"You're a woman of many talents," he said softly, moving in closer to me and resting his forehead on mine. "Your photographs are amazing and your office skills are great." I laughed and rolled my eyes, shaking my head slightly. "But your writing is perfect."

"You can't really think…"

"Oh, but I do," he said quickly, squeezing my hand and placing his other on my knee. "Thank you for trusting me with that."

I huffed out a breath and reached up to place my other hand on his neck, leaning in and kissing him softly.

"I'm doing my best," I whispered as I backed away from him.

"That's all I'd ever ask from you." He squeezed my knee and gently kissed me again. "What do you say to some music?"

I smirked and nodded at him.

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Why don't you go put that away?" He motioned with his chin towards the letter on the coffee table. "I'll get everything set up in here."

I nodded again and stood up, quickly snatching the letter and folding it back up into the small square as I walked into his bedroom. I placed it back into my wallet, pursing my lips as I stuffed it back into my purse and stood back up to walk into the living room. I stopped at the entrance when I saw Edward sitting in the armchair in the corner, an acoustic guitar in his lap as he absently strummed a few chords, tuning it.

"You're gonna play for me?" I asked softly, slowly walking in and standing in front of him.

He looked up and smiled at me, nodding.

"What would you like to hear?"

I immediately dropped to the floor, crossing my legs in front of me and resting back on my hands, smiling up at him.

"Anything you want."

He nodded, catching his tongue between his teeth as he looked back down at the guitar and continued to tune it. I watched his hands, tilting my head to the side and watching as he expertly twisted knobs and strummed before he seemed to think it was finished.

"I see you standing there, but you're so far away," he started singing and immediately, I was relaxed. "Starving for your attention, you don't even know my name. You're going through so much, but I know that I could be the one to hold you."

The song sounded familiar enough, but I couldn't place it. And with his voice wrapping around me, I closed my eyes and realized that I really didn't care. He might've been a really great doctor, but the obvious musical talent that he possessed was even better. I could easily get lost in his voice, listening to him sing or play the guitar for as long as he was willing to sit there and do it for me.

"Every single day, I find it hard to say, I could be yours to hold. You will see someday, that all along the way, I was yours to hold. I was yours to hold."

I opened my eyes to find him staring back at me, his hands smoothly moving along the strings of the guitar as his eyes locked with mine. My breath got caught in my throat and I tilted my head down slightly, still keeping my eyes connected with his.

"I see you walking by, your hair always hiding your face. I wonder why you've been hurting, I wish I had some way to say. You're going through so much, don't you know that I could be the one to hold you?"

He launched into the chorus and I felt goose bumps cover my arms and legs as I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees.

"I'm stretching but you're just out of reach. You should know I'm ready when you're ready for me. And I'm waiting for the right time, for the day I catch your eye, to let you know that I'm yours to hold."

He sang the chorus again and I wiggled a little on the floor, licking my bottom lip and scraping my teeth against it, tilting my head when he missed a few chords and words.

I know that he hadn't written it or anything, but the way he kept looking at me and the way he sounded completely sincere about every single word had me glued to the floor, my heart beating rapidly in my chest and every inch of me alert. I chose to ignore the little voice in the back of my mind telling me that any good musician would make it seem like he meant them and instead focused on the way his mouth formed each syllable.

I realized with a sharp intake of breath that I _wanted_ him.

And I hadn't wanted anyone since James. I couldn't figure out if that was supposed to terrify me or placate me because _that_ had just ended in pure disaster. I didn't want this to turn out like that; this was so much _more_ than that and Edward was nothing like James was.

_It won't end like that. You know it won't end like that because you __**know**__ that everything is different with Edward. You __**know**__ that he's more and you __**know**__ that it won't end that way._

"I'm stretching but you're just out of reach. I'm ready when you're ready for me," he sang as he played the last notes and slapped his hand against the strings.

We stared at each other and I watched as he slowly moved the guitar from his lap, resting it against the side of the chair and resting his hands on the arm rests.

"Bella," he said softly, slightly tipping his head down.

"Edward," I replied just as softly, tilting my head back and raising an eyebrow at him.

"Are you still hungry?" he asked, his tongue coming out to lick his bottom lip.

I shook my head, my ability to speak suddenly gone.

He slowly slid down from the chair, resting on his knees in front of me. I leaned back on my hands again and he leaned forward, anchoring his hands below mine on the floor. His fingers brushed over the back of my hands and my breathing picked up as he leaned in and kissed me softly. We kept our eyes open and locked together as he kissed me again, his tongue running over my bottom lip. I opened my mouth under his, quickly twisting our tongues together before I sucked his top lip into my mouth.

This was different and I knew it. I was very much aware of where this was going to lead and I could only hope that he didn't stop us this time. I understood his reasoning for last night after I'd really taken the time to think about it a little more, but I wouldn't be able to understand tonight. Tonight was _different_ and I could only pray that he knew it, too.

He broke away from me briefly, his lips hovering over mine.

"Tell me to stop and I will," he whispered.

I leaned forward and he leaned away until his back was pressed against the chair and I sat up on my knees until I hovered over him. I raised my hands and threaded them into his hair, scratching my nails over his scalp.

"Don't," I whispered before I kissed him again.

His arms were around my waist, his hands splayed out on my back as he pulled me closer to him and kissed me with more force. His hands trailed down my back and stopped at the hem of my work shirt, tugging slightly before he worked them underneath and pressed his hands on my back. The sparks and fireworks were back, his touch leaving trails of fire as he moved them in circles and then in a straight line up and down. I moaned softly into his mouth, moving my hands from his hair to place them on each side of his face. I mimicked the trail of his hands with my thumbs on his cheeks, moving in closer to him and pressing my chest against his.

"Tell me you're sure," he breathed, pulling back to move to my neck. "I won't push you on this, Bella. Tell me you really want this."

My hands made their way back into his hair as my head fell back, trailing down the back of his neck and fisting into the shoulders of his shirt.

"I really want this," I managed, pulling up.

He groaned into my skin, moving from my neck. I tipped my head back up and quickly pulled his shirt off, meeting his eyes as he trailed his hands from my back to my stomach. I threw his shirt on the couch, biting my bottom lip as his hands made their way up, brushing over my breasts as he lifted my shirt. I held my arms up and let him pull it off, shaking my hair out of my face and dropping my hands to his shoulders as he threw my shirt to join his. I ran my hands down his chest, my eyes landing on a tattoo directly over his heart.

"You have one, too," I whispered, oddly marveled by this fact as I traced the lines of the triquetra.

"Yeah," he breathed out, his hands resting on my waist briefly before he splayed them on my stomach.

His fingertips slid under the wires of my bra and I sucked in a deep breath.

"What's it for?" I managed as he traced the undersides of my breasts.

"Lauren, Tyler and I got matching ones after our high school graduation. We called ourselves the Charmed Ones because ours was the only friendship that had lasted throughout all four years and all the bullshit."

I looked up at him, my fingertips still tracing the edges as he continued to drag his fingertips on my ribs. He had that look in his eyes again – the forlorn and broken look I'd seen when he was telling me what had happened between all of them. I leaned forward, keeping my eyes locked with his as I pressed my lips to the center of his tattoo. He shivered and moved his hands to my back, quickly unclasping my bra. I sat back and pulled it from my arms, throwing it to the side and leaning in to kiss him. He palmed my breasts, gently squeezing my nipples between his thumb and forefinger. I hummed against his mouth, arching my chest into his hands.

"Up," he breathed, trailing his mouth across my cheek and along my jaw. "Bedroom."

I stood up, using his shoulders as support and found that my entire body was shaking.

Was I scared? Yes. My last sexual encounter had not been all that stellar and I was afraid of disappointing Edward. I wasn't sure who was at fault the last time – even though I had a sneaking suspicion that it was probably me – and I didn't want to ruin what had started out to be _really fucking good_. I wanted to be good in all the right ways, but had little to no sexual knowledge and every inch of me was just… well, scared.

He stood up and his arms immediately wound around my waist, pulling me against him. His mouth was halfway to mine when he froze, his hands splayed out on my back once again.

"You're shaking," he whispered, his voice concerned and worried and every other adjective that I did not deserve.

I merely nodded and swallowed hard, placing my hands on his shoulders.

"Bella, we don't have to…"

"I want to," I said quickly, shaking my head once. "I don't want you to be upset if I…"

"Stop," he said, his eyes narrowing at me. "Don't even _think_ it."

"But I haven't… I don't know…"

He crushed his mouth to mine, his tongue insistently darting into my mouth as he pulled me tightly against him. I reveled in the sparks shooting through me, delighted in the fireworks I saw behind my eyes.

"Do you _feel_ that?" he whispered gruffly, pulling back from me.

Once again, I could only nod.

"You will _not_ upset me." He grabbed one of my hands and placed it on the front of his pants. My mouth dropped open a little as I felt him. "_You_ did that to me."

"Oh," I breathed.

He chuckled a little and placed both of his hands on my cheeks. I kept one hand on his pants and the other on his shoulder, looking up at him as he tilted my head up.

"I'm with _you_, Bella," he whispered, "and that's really all that – holy fuck."

I twisted my lips to the side at the reaction I got when I curled my fingers around him as much as I could and dragged my hand up.

"You were saying?" I asked quietly, flattening my hand against him and sliding it back down.

"You don't really expect me to remember when you're doing that, do you?" he breathed, his eyes fluttering closed and his head rolling back onto his shoulders.

"Try."

I swallowed hard, slid my hand back up and stood up on my toes to press my lips against the hollow of his throat. He dragged his hands down to my shoulders, rubbing small circles into my skin.

"I can't," he managed, his voice breaking as he shook his head. "I need… Bella, this is your last chance to say no."

I slid my tongue along his collarbone and despite the way my hands were still slightly shaking, I managed to unsnap the button of his pants. He breathed out a moan and tightened his hands around my shoulders, gently pushing me back before crushing his lips against mine.

"I have to turn the oven off," he breathed against my lips. "Go wait for me."

I nodded, kissing him once more before I turned from him and made my way towards his bedroom. My bottom lip was in my mouth and my arms were over my bare chest as I walked in, staring at his bed. I kept my eyes on the pillows at the head of the bed as I reached down and pulled off my socks.

It was normal to be nervous, wasn't it? Being with someone else for the first time in three years; that was completely something to be nervous about, wasn't it? And feeling this way for someone new so quickly after meeting them… that meant that something was _right_ about the whole thing, didn't it? I don't rush into things; I take my sweet ass time making decisions and with Edward, all the rules had been changed.

I heard his footsteps behind me and then his arms were around my waist as he pulled me close to him. I leaned my head against his shoulder, reaching one arm up and tangling my hand in his hair. He pressed his lips against my shoulder, slowly swaying side to side with me as his hands trailed up my stomach and stopped at my breasts. I hummed, looking down and watching as his hands cupped them, his thumbs rubbing over my nipples. I tightened my hand in his hair before turning completely and grabbing his face in my hands, crashing my lips against his.

"Oh yeah?" he mumbled, laughing a little.

"Mhmm," I mumbled back, pressing my chest completely against his and doing my best not to trip over anything as he walked us towards his bed.

My legs hit the side of it and I didn't have time to realize what was going on until he had already bent down and scooped me into his arms.

"What are you…?"

He grinned at me and slid onto the bed with me still in his arms before he set me down in the middle and crawled on top of me.

"I'm treating you right, Bella," he whispered, placing one hand on my cheek and rubbing his thumb over my chin. "You'd better get used to it."

My eyes involuntarily watered and I grabbed his face again, bringing his lips to mine and kissing him slowly, reveling in the sparks and everything else that he made me feel. One of his hands was on my stomach, slowly making its way down to my work pants and I merely lifted my hips once he'd gotten the button open and the zipper down.

There was no more thinking about whether or not this was right or wrong or completely insane. The man who was currently running his hands up and down my calves and kissing me like I'd be the last person to ever do so didn't deserve to be second guessed or pushed away. He was either going to be the one to save me or he'd end up killing me in the end, but right now – as I moved my hands down his back and yanked on the belt loops of his work pants – I felt the way I'd been longing to feel again for the past six years. I didn't want that to change and if Edward could bring that back to me, then I wasn't going to keep questioning it.

"I'm not on birth control," I breathed as he kissed down to my neck. "I was tested the last time I slept with someone and I'm clean."

He laughed into my skin, his hands roaming my stomach and teasing my breasts.

"I was tested before Carlisle hired me and the only person I'd ever been with was Lauren." He leaned back, anchoring his hands on either side of my head. "And now, you."

"I just wanted you to know. And if you don't have…"

"I have condoms," he reassured me, nodding and smirking at me.

I raised an eyebrow at him and he grinned, shrugging innocently.

"Wishful thinking?"

"Hopeful," he corrected, leaning down again and kissing me softly.

He helped me in dragging his pants down, briefly moving from me as he kicked them off.

"Please be sure," he whispered, his fingertips tapping against my stomach as he trailed one hand down.

"Now who needs the sign?" I breathed out on a laugh.

He playfully narrowed an eye at me before leaning down and pressing his lips to the center of my chest. I pressed my lips together, keeping eye contact with him as he moved his hands to my sides and continued his kisses down my stomach. I reached up, my limbs ten times heavier than normal and tangled my fingers in his hair.

"Safe," he whispered as he hooked his fingers into my panties.

I nodded frantically, lifting my hips once in anticipation. He chuckled softly and kissed his way back up, slowly pulling my panties down and off.

As soon as they were off my feet, the nerves started to kick in and I wanted nothing more than to hurl myself off a cliff to get rid of them. This was _not_ the time to be wondering if I'd be good enough for him; if I'd wake up to his disappointed face staring down at me and his lips – his perfect lips – forming the word _goodbye_.

"It's been a really…" I started, swallowing hard as he pulled away from me.

"I will never hurt you that way, Bella," he whispered, placing a line of soft kisses against my forehead. "You say stop at any time and I will."

"I'm just…"

"I know." He kissed me softly and I trailed my hands down his sides. "Safe."

_Oh my God, I could love you._

My heart stuttered in my chest and with that one terrifying thought, I kissed him harder and grabbed onto his boxers, yanking them down. He breathed out something between a moan and a breathy laugh as he kicked them off as well. One of his hands trailed up my leg and stopped at my hip, his thumb making lazy circles on my skin. He slowly moved his hand over, resting it on my stomach with his fingers splayed out.

"Trust me?" he breathed, pulling away from me.

_If I trusted you much more, I'd be crawling inside of you, sweetheart._

I merely nodded, biting my bottom lip and sucking in a deep breath as he slid his hand even further down, his thumb pressing into me. I moaned, twisting my hips underneath him as he slowly dragged his thumb up and down my clit.

"Oh," I whimpered, my hands clutching onto his shoulders as he twisted his hand and slid a finger inside of me.

It had been _so long_ that the slightest movement, the lightest touch of his fingers had me nearing the edge already. I would've been embarrassed if I could really think about anything else that didn't involve the way he was making me feel. My hips moved against his hand and my eyes were screwed tightly together as kept up his movements.

"Edward."

"Yes, Bella." His voice was hoarse and rough, only pushing me even closer to that peak I was so reaching for. "Feel me."

He curled his finger and I was lost; my hips jerking against his hand and my fingernails digging into his shoulders so hard that I barely registered that I might've drawn blood at some point. I cried out, my back arched off the bed and my toes curled tightly.

I fell back into the mattress and he moved his hand from me, stroking my hip. I kept my eyes closed and retracted my hands from his shoulders, dropping them to my chest as I tried catching my breath.

"Okay?" he asked, his voice still rough and raw.

I opened my eyes and met his, staring back at him for a few moments before I sat up and launched myself at him. He caught me, his arms immediately wrapping tightly around my waist and his mouth hot and urgent against mine. His hands roamed my back, briefly curling into the ends of my hair before he curled his hands over my shoulders and pushed me onto my back again. He broke away from me, resting his forehead against mine as he reached over to the bedside table and fumbled with the drawer.

"Safe," I whispered, pulling my legs up and placing them on either side of him.

I watched as his tongue darted out of his mouth, wetting his bottom lip before he pulled away from me and sat back a little. I watched as he ripped open the little gold wrapper, throwing it off to the side. I sat up on my elbows, watching as he rolled it on to himself as my breathing picked up and my heartbeat got louder in my ears. He leaned over me when he was done, his forehead back on mine and his breath washing over my face as he situated himself in between my legs again.

"You'll tell me," he managed.

I nodded, placing my hands on his neck and slowly raising my hips to his. He kissed me again and slowly began pushing into me. I made some kind of noise that didn't sound remotely similar to human and he stopped, his entire body stilling.

"Don't," I begged, wrapping my legs around his waist.

My breath caught as he went in a little deeper and I moaned softly, digging my nails into the back of his neck. He moaned against my mouth and thrust all the way into me. I threw my head back, the sensation of being completely full and pretty damn _whole_ for the very first time overwhelming and more than welcome.

"Bella," he whimpered, his forehead falling to my heaving chest.

I shifted my hips against his, every one of my nerve endings alive, sparking and shouting from the damn rooftops that this was _everything_. This was life, this was living, this was _being_ and everything in between that I'd never wanted to find before.

I lowered my hips and he met me halfway when I shifted up again; tingling, sparks and my entire body was just completely _alive_. He buried his nose in my neck, his breathing labored as he found our rhythm.

"Oh my God," I moaned, moving my hands from his neck to slap them on the mattress.

We moved slowly, our moans, pants and whimpers bouncing off the walls of his bedroom. His breath was hot against my neck and when he slid his hands up the mattress to find mine, I squeezed them as tightly as I could. We had the most amazing connection I'd ever felt, but I wanted _more_. I didn't want to let him go and I never wanted him further from me than he had to be.

"Bella," he groaned out, his hips moving faster against mine.

I turned my head, seeking out his lips as I matched the movements of his hips with mine. He pulled away from me, panting and squeezing my hands tightly. A knot formed in the pit of my stomach and I cried out, twisting my hips against his as the tension released and I tightened my legs around his hips. My mind filled with Edward and I opened my eyes in enough time to see him throw his head back, his mouth falling open as his body stilled above me. I kept moving my hips against his until he let go of my hands and fell forward on his elbows. His head rolled forward, his ear resting against my cheek as he slowly slid his hands underneath me and kept me close to him as he rolled onto his side. I lazily wrapped my arms around his shoulders, my legs still wrapped around his hips as I buried my nose into his chest. He placed one of his hands on the back of my head and pressed his lips to my neck as he shifted and pulled out of me.

"Mm," I mumbled in disagreement, tightening my hold on his shoulders.

He laughed, his voice husky as he shifted away from me slightly. I moved my legs from around him, kissing his collarbone once before I rolled away from him and stretched, curling my fingers a few times before flattening them against the solid headboard behind me. A few of my muscles protested at the movement and I smiled in satisfaction about it. I might be walking funny tomorrow, but it was most definitely more than worth it.

"Do that a few more times," he mumbled, rolling over to me a few seconds later and burying his face in my neck, "and we won't be making it out of this bed in time to meet everyone tomorrow."

I shivered, smiling sleepily as I pulled my arms down and placed one on his cheek.

"You okay?" he whispered, his voice once again laced with concern.

He shifted next to me and I looked over at him as he propped his head up with his elbow, placing his other hand on my stomach.

"I'm feeling pretty damn good," I grinned, grabbing his hand in mine and tangling our fingers together. "You?"

He grinned and leaned down to kiss me, curling his fingers tightly over mine.

"Feeling pretty damn good, too," he whispered, throwing one of his legs over mine and pulling me in even closer to him. "Tired, but really, really…" He sighed and kissed my forehead. "Really, really happy."

I bit my bottom lip to keep from grinning like the idiot I was sure I really was and burrowed into him, nuzzling my nose into his chest.

"Me too," I whispered, squeezing his hand and yawning.

We laid there until I was almost asleep; Edward nudged me and said that we needed to get underneath the covers and I might've mumbled something in response before I obliged and crawled into warmth. He had me pulled up against him almost as soon as he was situated and I smiled, curling up against him and doing my best to tell myself that I needed to remember this feeling for the rest of my life.

I never wanted to lose this feeling because I never remembered feeling this way before. And I didn't ever want it to end.

~*~

I was in the deserted hallways of my high school, the lights off and every single classroom empty when I checked in to it. My voice wasn't working; every time I tried to say something or call out to see if anyone was around, nothing ever came out of my mouth. I wasn't scared; just annoyed.

I'd graduated high school already. Why the hell was I back here when no one else was? How did I even _get_ here? I don't remember driving my car or riding with anyone. And what the hell had happened to my voice? It was perfectly fine a few minutes ago.

I looked down to see that I was wearing an old sweatshirt that I'd bought a long time ago. It was ten times bigger than I was, hanging almost to my knees. Why was I wearing this? I hadn't worn this sweatshirt in _years_. In fact, I don't even think that I owned it anymore. I thought mom sold it in a garage sale a few years ago…

I crossed my arms over my chest, huffing and turning in a slow circle. The boring brown lockers loomed over me and the dismal light shining in through the very few windows at the end of each hallway illuminated small spots on the floor.

Huffing again, I walked to the end of the hallway and slid down the wall once I reached it, crossing my arms on my knees and staring at the other end.

I don't know how long I sat there until I heard footsteps on the stairs and I scrambled to my feet, hooking my thumbs into my faded jean pockets and waiting anxiously for whoever it was to show themselves. A familiar blonde head of hair popped up over the iron railing and my breath _whooshed_ out of my lungs as his shining blue eyes met mine.

He stopped at the top of the stairs, a bright smile on his face as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

"Mike," I whimpered.

I fell to my knees, my hands falling limply to my sides on the faded and worn brown linoleum on the floor beneath me.

"Hi, baby girl."


	18. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**I adore you all so damn much. Seriously, you all make my fucking day. I've gone two weeks without a day off and not much sleep because of it and still, all the alerts and reviews and favorites have kept me all sorts of excited.**

**In warning, this chapter will probably have you tearing your hair out at times but a few things do happen that you've all been waiting for so hopefully that makes up for everything else haha.**

**And since I keep forgetting – because I have the memory of a goldfish – there is an interview I did with the Secret Twilight Garden blog so feel free to go check that out. Oh, and to Cullen Boys Anonymous for rec'ing Stay this past Friday… that made me all sorts of giddy and excited. And of course, to everyone else who has been pimping me out to friends and such; I love you all dearly.**

**To my girls, who I couldn't do any of this without, Angie, Amanda, Meg, and Tiffany. You girls make my life.**

**I'm done; enjoy!**

~*~

***Edward***

I slowly opened my eyes the next morning, not even attempting to fight off the insane grin I felt that spread across my face as I stretched and yawned.

I had never felt anything like that with Lauren. It had always just been sex that I'd mistaken for this amazing experience. She was my first; I hadn't realized that there could be something _more_ with someone else because I never thought there _would be _anyone else. And now that there was, well… I was more than fucking happy about it. I lowered my arms, sliding one hand over the mattress next to me, confused when I found nothing but cold sheets.

"Bella?" I mumbled, turning my head to look around the empty room.

I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face before crawling out of bed and grabbing my work pants from the floor. I pulled them up over my hips, reaching up and running my hands through my hair as I lazily walked out of the bedroom and wandered into the kitchen. I found her standing at the kitchen counter, a cup of coffee in her hands as she stared at the sink. She was dressed in a pair of my pajama pants and my shirt, her hands tapping absently against the mug as she chewed on her bottom lip.

"You got the coffee machine to work?"

Her head snapped in my direction and the smile fell from my face. For someone who claimed that she was happy last night, she did _not_ look that way now. My heart fell in my chest as I stepped all the way into the kitchen, suddenly completely unsure of how to act or what to say.

"There's a reset button on the bottom," she said quietly. "I hope you don't mind."

I swallowed the fear flowing through my veins and walked up to her, taking the mug out of her hands and placing it on the counter behind her. I slowly put my hands on her hips and pulled her close to me, keeping my eyes on hers the entire time.

"No, I don't mind." I leaned down, keeping my eyes open as I gently pressed my lips to hers. "You okay?"

She nodded, sucking in a deep breath.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm just… I'm thinking, is all."

"About what?"

She huffed out a breath and kissed me again.

"We should get some breakfast," she said quietly as she stepped back. "Why don't you go take a shower and I can, uhm… I can make some eggs?"

I eyed her, quirking an eyebrow at her. She was back to avoiding questions and my heart fell a little further.

"Or you can take a shower _with_ me and we can go to Jared's when we're done," I said softly, rubbing circles into her hips with my thumbs.

"I don't think…"

"You regret it, don't you?" I asked, closing my eyes and shaking my head. "You… it wasn't… why didn't you just stop me?"

"What? Edward, _no_," she said forcefully and I felt her hands on my cheeks. "It has nothing to do with last night, all right?"

"What else could it be, Bella? You said that you were okay when we went to sleep and I wake up to find you skittish and freaked out this morning!"

I opened my eyes and shook my head, looking away from her and crossing my arms over my chest.

"No, Edward, stop… Edward!" She grabbed my face in her hands again and I clenched my jaw when she forced me to look at her. "I _do not_ regret last night."

"Then what happened between then and now?"

She sucked in a deep breath and pressed her lips together before moving her hands from my face and trailing them down to rest on my chest.

"I dreamed about Mike last night," she whispered, biting her bottom lip.

If she'd punched me in the stomach, I would've been able to handle that better. But hearing that she'd dreamed about her dead boyfriend the night after we made love, the night that I'd felt something with someone else that I never thought even existed…

It really fucking hurt.

"I see."

I looked away from her, shaking my head and running my tongue along my teeth.

"Wait, please," she pleaded, one of her hands back on my cheek and guiding my eyes back to hers. "Don't shut me out."

"What are you thinking about?" I asked evenly.

"He knew about you," she blurted out. "He… we were in our old high school and at first, there was no one there and I couldn't talk. He showed up and we… he told me that it wasn't my fault and that he loved me. He said that I needed to give you a real chance and that we were good for each other and… I just… it's a lot to take in at once. I was just thinking…"

"So as long as he's okay with it, you are, too?"

Her eyes widened and she quickly shook her head.

"No! No, it's not like that at all! I just… he never talks to me in dreams. We never have a conversation like that and it's… Edward, please," she whispered, both of her hands on my cheeks. "I didn't ask for this."

She looked like she was on the verge of tears and I sighed, relenting enough to wrap my arms around her shoulders and pull her against me. I rested my chin against the side of her head and stared down at the floor, cupping the back of her head in one of my hands. She buried her nose in my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist and clinging to me.

"You're mad," she whispered.

"No."

"You're not happy."

"No, I'm not." I sighed heavily as her arms tightened around my waist and leaned down to kiss the side of her head. "I'm going to take a shower."

She immediately stepped back from me, her head down as she nodded and crossed her arms over her chest. I huffed out a breath and shook my head before walking out of the kitchen and into the bathroom.

I stood under the spray of the shower for about twenty minutes, not able to pinpoint exactly what I was feeling or what I should do about anything. I'd been expecting maybe round two or at least a few minutes where she was just lying in my arms when we woke up this morning. I _had not_ expected to hear that she'd dreamed about her dead boyfriend during the night, waking up to find that I was alone and she was _thinking_.

I stepped out of the shower a while later and draped a towel around my waist before walking into my bedroom. I noticed that all of her things were missing from the corner they'd been in before and that the clothes she'd been wearing were neatly folded on the edge of the still-rumpled bed.

I ran my hand down my face and reached over, slamming the door shut and getting dressed. I ran my hands through my hair, fluffing it slightly and generally not giving a damn about how I looked. I was going to be stuck with her brother and her friends all day – the _last_ thing I wanted to do now – and I just didn't care enough about how I looked.

I walked out of the bedroom and found her sitting curled up on the end of the couch in the living room, tears drying on her face as she stared blankly at the fireplace.

"You're not going to take a shower?"

She shook her head, slowly sitting up and wiping off her cheeks with the sleeve of her sweater.

"And you're not staying tonight?"

"Do you want me to?" she asked softly, her voice rough.

"I won't know how else to get to your mom's place for dinner, will I?"

I watched her bite down on her trembling bottom lip before she shook her head and sucked in a deep breath.

"I guess not. You don't have to come anymore if you don't want to, Edward."

"Carlisle is expecting me."

"Carlisle will understand that I fucked it up." She looked over at me, her eyes full of tears. "It's what I do, remember?"

She stood up and rubbed her eyes with her thumbs, keeping her gaze away from me before crossing her arms over her stomach and squaring her shoulders.

"If you don't want to come today, that's fine, too. Everyone will understand."

"No," I said softly. "I'll go."

"I can call Alice and have her pick me up here. It's not a big deal."

"We need to go," I said quietly. "Or we'll be late."

She nodded and walked by me to stand at the front door, pulling her coat on and grabbing her purse from the pile of her things by the door. I followed her, pulling my sneakers on and grabbing my coat before opening the door for her. I grabbed my keys and locked the door behind me, following her out to the car and unlocking it. She pulled open her door before I even had a chance and I sighed, running a hand through my wet hair as I walked to my side of the car and climbed in.

We spent the ride to her brother's house in silence except for when she needed to give me directions. I pulled into the driveway, immediately recognizing Alice's bright yellow Porsche and I grabbed Bella's arm before she could escape.

"I've got more than enough to deal with right now," she said quietly, looking down at my hand. "If you still want to be mad at me and argue with me after the day is over then you're more than welcome to, but please, not right now."

"It's not…"

"Please," she begged in a whisper, looking up at me. "I can't take much more right now."

I nodded and moved my hand, watching as she quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and bolted from the car, slamming the door. I sighed heavily and unbuckled my own seatbelt, climbing out of the car and hesitantly taking her hand when she offered it to me. She wordlessly led me towards the front door, yanking back the screen door and pushing through the heavy oak door. Loud voices raised in laughter immediately greeted us as we walked down a short hallway, through the living room into the kitchen.

"Bells!" Emmett exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. "There you are!"

She let go of my hand and walked over to him, hugging him quickly and tightly before standing up straight and walking directly to the coffee machine. I watched as she quickly got into a conversation with Angela, leaning back against the counter once her coffee was fixed the way she liked it.

I felt completely disconnected from her, almost like a part of me was suddenly missing and as I stood off to the side, watching everyone else interact with each other like one big extended family, I wanted nothing more than to bolt. Alice was sitting in Jasper's lap, her head thrown back so that she could look at Angela and Bella while they stood behind her. Rosalie was sitting at the kitchen table, her hands splayed out on the top in front of her as she admired her nails and seemed to ignore everyone else. Everyone was completely in sync – or at least semi-comfortable with each other – and I most definitely was _not_.

Fifteen minutes and a half-hearted kiss from Bella later, the girls were all leaving in Emmett's Jeep – driven by Rosalie – and I was alone with three very curious men staring at me.

"What do we have planned?" I asked, shifting awkwardly under their stares and shrugging out of my coat.

"How are you with cars?" Emmett asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I'm all right with them, I guess. Why?"

"How about motorcycles?" Ben asked, standing up from his spot at the kitchen table to make himself another cup of coffee.

"I know nothing about them."

"Perfect!" Emmett boomed, standing up and downing the rest of his coffee. "I can teach you how to fix it the right way."

"Your way is not the right way," Jasper commented, pointing at him as he stood up and shoved his chair underneath the table.

"I've been fixing them since I was fifteen years old!"

"How many of them have blown up as soon as they left the lot?" Ben countered.

"Kept them coming back, didn't it? And not _all_ of them blew up when they left the lot, thank you. Just half of them and I didn't work on most of them!"

"Good Christ," Jasper sighed, shaking his head. "You're gonna need some coffee."

I laughed nervously and draped my jacket over the back of one of the chairs at the table. I got a cup of coffee and followed them out into the garage, surveying the mess of bike parts, bike skeletons and tools scattered all around what was big enough to be a two-car garage.

"This," Emmett started proudly, walking over to the only whole bike in the entire garage with his arms spread out in front of him, "is my baby. First one I ever fixed on my own."

"We're all amazed that it still runs," Ben snorted, shaking his head as he walked over to the bench and grabbed a few tools.

"Shut it," he snapped, scowling at him.

I laughed and shook my head, raising the cup to my lips and venturing over to the bench where Ben was standing to lean against it.

"So, uh," Emmett started as he sat down on a footstool and looked up at me, "would you mind telling me what's going on with you and my sister _now_?"

I licked my lips and sighed heavily, tapping my fingertips against the mug.

"We're together."

He nodded, taking the screwdriver that Ben offered him and turning towards his bike.

"When did that happen?"

"The night before last."

"And you'll be at dinner tomorrow night, right?" Jasper asked, sitting in one of the bar chairs that were randomly spread around the garage.

"Well that explains everything," Emmett stated, turning to look at me again and waving the screwdriver at me. "We haven't had a huge dinner like that in a while."

"Renee's breaking out the nice china for you," Ben laughed, nudging me with his elbow. "She's been calling all morning asking what all of us would like to eat."

"Oh Christ," I mumbled, sighing heavily.

"It'll be fine," Emmett stated, shrugging. "Our family is pretty normal. Don't go around mom when she's got a rolling pin, though."

Jasper threw his head back and laughed, absently twirling around in the chair.

"Why?" I asked slowly.

"She smacked James over the head with it when he first showed up," Ben laughed, shaking his head. "Asshole deserved it, too."

"Who's James?" I asked, raising my mug to my lips.

Emmett raised an eyebrow at me and the garage got eerily quiet as they all looked at each other uneasily.

"She hasn't told you about him?"

I shook my head, unease settling in the pit of my stomach as I stood up straight.

"You'll have to ask her," Emmett stated, pursing his lips and turning back to the bike.

I nodded, pursing my lips and sighing heavily as I set the mug behind me on the bench. Silence shrouded the garage and I kept staring at my feet as Emmett went back to work on his bike.

"So you still interested in buying a bike?" Ben finally asked.

"Yeah," I said quickly, nodding and looking over at him. "When the weather's better, I'll give it some serious thought."

"You can buy it now and we can spend the rest of the time teaching you how to ride one," Emmett suggested.

"It's not much harder than riding a regular bike, Emmett," Jasper stated, still twirling in the chair and staring up at the ceiling.

"You have to get a license and all that for it, too. Register the bike… take the course so that you can actually _get_ the license… that'll take a while."

"You just want my money."

"Yep!" Emmett chirped, turning to look at me and grinning. "I am not too proud to deny that."

I laughed and shook my head at him, sighing.

"So are you gonna show me how to fix this thing or are we just going to stand here and watch you break something?"

"There it is!" Jasper exclaimed, pointing at me as he stopped twirling.

"And you're officially in the group, dude," Ben laughed, slapping my shoulder.

"I'll let that one slide!" Emmett exclaimed, pointing at me with the screwdriver that he hadn't used yet. "Any more and this will be up your ass sideways."

"Noted," I smirked, walking up next to him and crouching down on the floor. "Now show me."

I wasn't relaxed; in fact, I was pretty damn nervous to be around all of these guys that loved Bella unconditionally but so far, they hadn't threatened me with anything pertaining to her and they'd given me coffee. It wasn't as good as it usually is when Bella makes it for me, but it was coffee and Jasper was right in saying that I'd need it. And if it kept my mind off of what I needed to deal with tonight with Bella, then I was all for helping Emmett break shit.

~*~

"You'll have to get a Suzuki, dude, it's the best," Emmett stated, wiping his hands on a rag as we all walked back into the house.

We'd spent the entire day in the garage and had traded coffee in for beers when it hit one-thirty. I was more relaxed and came to find out that I really did like Emmett. He still scared me at times – like when he was wielding a wrench dangerously close to my fingers and was known to take skin off _other people's_ fingers – but for the most part, I found myself really enjoying hanging out with all of them. They were easy to talk to and they kept me occupied with something other than all the questions I had swimming around in my head.

They argued more than they got anything accomplished and the only thing I really got to see how to fix properly was replacing a gasket of some sort. The rest of the afternoon, they ragged on each other about anything and everything but somehow we were still covered in grease and dirt from one of the many bikes Emmett had taken apart and tried to put back together again before getting annoying and moving on.

"I'll come in on Monday," I stated, plopping into a seat at the table and leaning back. "Take a look around."

"How's Bella feel about you getting a bike?" Ben asked as he pulled open the refrigerator door and grabbed another round of beers for us. "Angela hated the idea of me getting one for personal use."

"Ah, knowing Bells, she'll love the idea," Emmett laughed, sitting down next to me after throwing the rag on the counter by the sink.

"I told her I'd teach her how to ride it," I shrugged, accepting the beer from Ben with a nod.

"You are a very brave man," Jasper stated, tipping his unopened bottle at me as he leaned back against the sink. "The girl is a disaster on wheels. I don't know how the hell she got her license."

"You'd be good to keep that in mind," Emmett laughed, snatching the beer from Ben's hand and twisting the top off. "You might be in the emergency room for a broken bone."

"I won't let anything happen to her."

"Not her. You."

I laughed nervously and twisted the cap off the bottle, twisting it around in my fingers as I raised the bottle to my lips.

"Everything going okay with you two?"

I looked over at Emmett, immediately seeing that he was being completely serious and maybe even a little curious. He was leaning on the table, peeling back the label on his beer bottle and staring intently at me.

"Few bumps," I said honestly, tapping my fingertips against the bottle. "Nothing I can't handle."

"She's not easy to deal with a lot of the time," he acknowledged, nodding somberly at me. "God knows she's got a way of getting underneath your skin and driving you up the fucking wall but she doesn't do it on purpose. She takes the world on her shoulders and forgets how to roll it off. Has this habit of stressing herself out beyond belief."

He lifted the bottle to his lips, tipping his head back and staring absently up at the ceiling. Ben and Jasper were quiet the whole time, both of them seeming to find something infinitely interesting about the table and the floor as they stared down at them.

"She needs help, Edward, and she hasn't been able to do it for herself."

"I told her I'd go with her."

He slowly looked over at me and nodded once before leaning back in his seat and sliding the bottle in between his hands on the table.

"All right, then."

The four of us jumped when we heard a car pull into the driveway before laughing nervously and shifting in our spots.

"You guys sticking around for dinner? We were going to order pizza," Ben stated, sitting up straighter in his chair and leaning back.

"That's up to Bella, but I'm all—"

_"Rosalie, I suggest that you—"_

_"What? What do you suggest, Alice? I coddle her like everyone else?"_

_"Fuck you!"_

My shoulders tensed when I heard Bella's voice and we all looked at each other slowly, none of us moving from our spots like we probably should've. Doors slammed from the Jeep and we didn't hear anything for a few seconds.

_"What the hell do these guys even __**see**__ in you, anyway? Huh? I don't fucking get it because you're nothing but pathetic from where I'm standing!"_

_"Because you're just fucking __**perfect**__, aren't you Rosalie? Think no one can be any fucking better than you, is that it?"_

_"It's better than being a fucking lunatic!"_

I jumped out of my chair and took off towards the front door, hearing footsteps behind me as I yanked it open and jumped onto the front step to see Alice and Angela standing in between a furious Bella and Rosalie.

"You go through _half_ of what I've gone through and try not being fucked in the head!" Bella shouted, her hands balled into fists at her sides.

"That's your excuse for every fucking thing, isn't it? Why the hell don't you just go to therapy?"

"You think I haven't fucking _tried_? It's not as damn easy as it looks, you stupid bitch!"

"Okay," I mumbled, jumping off the step and quickly walking over to them.

The look of relief on Alice's face would've been amusing had I not seen the tears trailing down Bella's red cheeks or the way her entire body was shaking.

"Why the hell not? Scared of that, too? Is there anything in the world you _aren't_ afraid of?"

"Rose!" Emmett bellowed, right behind me.

"Bella, come on," I said quietly, wrapping an arm around her waist and starting to pull her back.

"Imagine if it was Emmett!" she continued to yell, her voice catching in her throat as she stumbled over her feet. "If it was Emmett falling off a ladder or getting into a car accident! How the fuck would you react?"

"I'd go to therapy and get my head out of my ass! I'd grow the fuck up because that's what you're _supposed to fucking do_!"

"Enough!" Emmett shouted.

Bella let a sob escape her lips before she hooked one arm around my neck and placed her other hand on the arm I had around her waist, her head falling against my shoulder.

"Easy, Bella, hang on," I mumbled, pulling her against my side.

"I can't do this anymore," she sobbed, shaking her head. "I can't…"

I stopped and quickly pulled her into my arms as we reached my car, far enough away from everyone else. She buried her face in my chest, her hands resting on my chest before she fisted them in my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her tightly, doing my best to protect her as she sobbed into my shirt, her body rocking and shaking.

Everything I'd been worrying about this morning had disappeared from my mind. None of it mattered anymore; not when Bella seemed to be falling apart in my arms.

I looked over to see Emmett and Rosalie in an obviously heated argument while Angela and Alice stood in the middle of the driveway, Ben and Jasper standing in front of them and trying to get the full story. At least, that's all I could really assume because fuck knows I wanted the whole goddamn thing and I imagined they did, too.

"I'm sorry," Bella wailed, lifting her head to look up at me. "I'm sorry about this morning and I'm sorry about… I'm sorry about everything that I've done to you up until this point. Edward, I'm so sorry."

"Stop it, Bella," I said softly, shaking my head and reaching up to cup her face in my hands. "None of that matters right now, okay?"

"Yes, it does! It _does_! Edward, I can't hurt you. I _can't_."

"You didn't. Bella, it's okay," I whispered, attempting to wipe the never-ending tears from her cheeks. "It's okay."

"No, it's not," she cried, shaking her head before burying her face back into my shirt. "You deserve better."

"Stop this," I whispered, my arms tight around her shoulders and my lips right by her ear. "We've been over this."

She wrapped her arms tightly around my waist, pressing herself against me and keeping her face buried in my shirt.

"This is what I fucking mean!" Rosalie screeched. "She won't break if you just tell her like it is!"

Bella's sobs got louder and she seemed to try burrowing in closer to me, her feet shuffling on the ground beneath us as her arms tightened around me. I barely heard Emmett's voice raised in anger, feeling Bella's shaking get a little worse against me.

"Shh, it's okay, Bella, you're safe," I whispered into her ear, slowly starting to rock from side to side with her. "You're safe with me."

"You're… ugh!" Rosalie screeched again.

I looked over at her, glaring at her as she stomped her way to Emmett's Jeep, grabbed a massive amount of packages from the very back and stalked her way to her own car. She yanked open the door, throwing her things in the back and falling into the driver's seat. She slammed the door closed and peeled out of the driveway once the car was started, taking off down the road. I looked over at Emmett to see he had his arms crossed over the top of his head, his eyes closed and his jaw tense. I felt Bella relax a little in my arms, her cries starting to calm.

"Bella?"

I focused in on Angela standing next to us, her bottom lip caught in between her teeth as she looked up at me and offered me a small smile. Emmett was making his way over to us, shaking his head.

"Bella, why don't we go inside for a minute, okay?" she asked softly, reaching out and placing a hand on her back.

Bella shook her head, her arms tightening even more around my waist.

"I'll be right there, okay?" I whispered, reaching up and running a hand down her hair. "Then we'll go or we'll do whatever you want, all right?"

She held on for a few moments longer before she nodded and moved her arms from my waist, keeping her head turned from everyone as she wiped off her face. I threaded one hand through her hair, leaning over to look at her. She avoided my eyes, sucking in deep breaths as she shook her head.

"Bella," I whispered, cupping her cheek in my hand and making her look at me.

Her lips trembled and she quickly bit down on her bottom one, shaking her head and forcing in another breath.

"I'm sorry," she squeaked out, still shaking her head.

"There's nothing to apologize for." I leaned in and kissed her forehead, relaxing slightly when she reached up to place her hand on mine. "Go inside."

She wrapped her hand around mine, squeezing tightly before she turned towards Angela and they started towards the house. I walked behind them, coming to a stop by Ben's side as the girls disappeared into the house, Alice and Angela flanking Bella's sides as the door snapped shut behind them.

"What happened?" Emmett asked, his voice lethally low as he began to pace up and down the driveway.

"Apparently she's been doing this," Jasper drawled, rocking back and forth on his heels. "Putting Bella down and not thinking twice about it."

"Why didn't Bella _say_ anything?" he hissed, kicking at the tire of his Jeep.

"She didn't want to upset you," Ben chimed in. "She knew Rosalie made you happy and she didn't want to ruin it for you."

"Fucking Christ!"

"What did she say today?" I asked, sticking my hands in my pockets and shivering a little.

Now that the excitement was over with, I realized that I'd left my jacket inside and it was fucking _cold_ out.

"That was the most of it." Jasper stuck his chin towards the front end of the Jeep. "Bella was quiet most of the day, from what Alice said, and she finally told them why on the way home. Rosalie tore into her."

"How did I not _see_ this shit?"

"Bella would cut off her left arm if it meant you were happy," Ben stated, crossing his arms over his chest. "You wouldn't have seen it because she didn't want you to."

"Jesus fucking Christ," he grumbled, walking through us and into the house, the screen door slamming shut behind him as he pushed through the oak door.

I looked at Ben and Jasper and they sighed, shrugging.

"I didn't think Bella would let it get this far," Jasper finally said, shaking his head. "I thought she'd stick up for herself by now."

"Your sister is a bitch, Jasper," I said bluntly.

He pursed his lips but nodded, his shoulders slumping in defeat before he grabbed the screen door and walked into the house without another word.

"You all right, man?"

I nodded, forcing a smile on my face.

"Just another day," I sighed before following the path Jasper had taken and walking into the house.

I found Bella wrapped in Emmett's arms, her face buried in his chest. She wasn't crying anymore and he had his chin resting on the top of her head, his eyes closed and his lips moving in a whispered conversation I'm sure we weren't meant to be a part of. I hung back by the entrance, watching as Ben and Jasper joined their significant others, leading them out of the room and into another part of the house I hadn't seen yet. I stepped back into the hallway and crossed my arms over my chest, leaning against the wall behind me and closing my eyes.

I don't know how long I stood there, lost in the silence of my mind before I heard footsteps approaching me. I opened my eyes, looking up to find Bella standing at the entrance of the hallway, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt as she watched me. Her eyes were puffy, red and still shining with more tears as her gaze darted from me to the wall to the floor and back again.

"If you don't wanna be with me anymore, it's okay," she squeaked, her breath hitching on almost every word. "I'll understand."

"Do you still wanna be with me?" I asked softly, slowly dropping my arms to my sides and watching her.

"Yes," she squeaked again, her lips trembling as she nodded and sucked in a shaky breath. "But if you don't, no one would blame you."

"Bella," I whispered, pushing off the wall and walking over to her.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me tightly, burying my nose into her hair as she clutched onto me, her nose in my chest.

"I don't wanna hurt you anymore, Edward."

"Stop thinking like this, Bella. Stop saying these things."

"I want you to be happy."

"I want the same for you," I whispered, tangling my hands in her hair. "And we'll make that happen, we'll do it together."

She buried her head further in my chest, her sniffles muffled by my shirt and her arms tight around my waist.

"I'll call Monday morning," she mumbled. "Will you still go with me?"

"I told you that I would."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

We stood there for a few minutes longer before I heard footsteps and looked up to see Angela standing at the entrance of the hallway. She offered me a meek smile and nodded at Bella, mouthing the word _"Staying?"_ I rubbed my hands over Bella's back, turning back to rest my chin on the top of her head.

"Do you wanna stay? Pizza was mentioned."

"No," she mumbled, shaking her head. "I just wanna be alone."

I swallowed hard and looked over at Angela. She nodded and flashed a thumbs-up sign to me before disappearing around the corner.

"I'll take you home," I said softly, pulling back from her slightly.

"No!" she exclaimed, her arms tightening around me and pulling me back to her. "Alone with you, Edward, please." She looked up at me, unshed tears still lining her eyes. "I… we have to talk."

Fear shot down my spine and I nodded, running a hand down her hair.

"We'll go back to my place, okay?"

She nodded, sniffling and stepping back from me, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.

"Okay."

She grabbed my hand in hers and we wordlessly walked down the hallway, joining everyone back in the kitchen. We said goodbye to everyone and I pulled on my coat, waiting by the doorway as Emmett pulled Bella into another hug. She nodded at something he'd whispered into her ear, kissed his cheek and backed away from him before we said goodbye and made it outside. I followed Bella to Emmett's Jeep and grabbed all of the bags she pointed out that were hers, hefting them over my head and walking over to my car. She walked to her side of the car and I set her bags in the back before climbing in and looking over at her. She settled back against the seat, resting her head back and closing her eyes. I started the car and sighed quietly, pulling my seatbelt over my lap before backing out of the driveway and starting in the direction of my apartment.

I parked in my space once we got there, the entire ride spent in silence. She slowly climbed out and I did the same, meeting her at the front of the car. She grabbed my hand, her thumb immediately making slow circles on the back as we walked to the door. I unlocked it and let her walk ahead of me, watching as she toed off her shoes before I walked in and did the same. I closed the door behind us and stood with her, watching her carefully.

Her face was completely blank and it scared the shit out of me. In the time I'd known her, she'd never been completely blank before. Her face always gave away her emotions and to see _nothing_ on her face was unnerving.

"Can I take a shower?" she finally asked, her voice rough.

"Of course."

She untangled her hand from mine and I watched as she shrugged out of her coat, draping it over her arm as she walked into the bedroom. I slowly shrugged out of mine before hanging it up on the coat rack by the door and running my hands through my hair.

She wanted to talk. She wanted to talk and we'd already established that we both still wanted to be with each other so there was no reason for me to be nervous about anything. Yes, it had been a hell of a day and the only thing I really wanted to do was crawl in my bed with her and pretend that the rest of the world didn't exist until tomorrow night when we had to go to her mom's for dinner.

Sighing and running my hands down my face, I walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch, snatching the remote from the coffee table and hitting the button.

An hour later, I was losing my mind. She hadn't come back out into the living room yet and everything that she could possibly need to talk about with me was running rampant through my mind. I quickly pushed down on the button, turning off the television and standing up. I walked to the bathroom and found that the door was open and everything was eerily quiet. I grumbled and walked into my bedroom, my heart stopping its sudden rampant beat as I saw her lying on her side on the bed, dressed in the pajamas she'd been wearing this morning.

I scrubbed my face roughly with my hands, sighing quietly and swallowing hard. I walked to my closet, quietly sliding the door open and grabbing an extra blanket from the top shelf. I shook it out and walked over to her, draping it over her still form before reaching out and brushing wet hair from her forehead. I leaned down and gently kissed her temple, briefly closing my eyes before I stood up straight and turned to walk out.

She needed to sleep more than we needed to talk and I wasn't going to push it.

"Edward?" I heard her mumble sleepily.

"It's okay. Get some sleep."

"I'm sorry you're dating such a basket case."

I pursed my lips and walked to the other side of the bed, slowly climbing in next to her and laying down. I propped my head in my hand, reaching over and threading my fingers through her hair.

"You shouldn't insult my girlfriend like that. I'm kinda fond of her."

She stared up at me and I kept my hand in her hair, gently scratching the back of her head.

"Yeah?"

"Bella, you know I care about you," I whispered. "Don't you?"

She huffed out a breath and nodded slowly.

"I'm just… I'm a mess."

"I'm not much better," I admitted, smirking sadly.

"Rosalie was right. I need to grow up."

"Do _not_ listen to her," I said fiercely. "She's a bitch and you've… Bella, I don't know how you've done it. If I was in your position, I don't know what I'd be like right now."

"I'm going to be better," she whispered, pulling one arm out of the blanket and resting her hand on my arm. "I want to be better because seeing that look on your face this morning…"

She closed her eyes and shook her head, sucking in a deep breath.

"Tell me what he said. In your dream," I whispered, moving my hand from her hair to grab her hand and link our fingers together.

"Edward…"

"Please."

She opened her eyes again and I dropped my head to the pillow, offering her as much of an encouraging smile as I could. She blew out a deep breath and I squeezed her hand.

"He said that he loved me and that nothing was my fault. He said that his mom was hurting and lashed out at me because I was closest. And then he said that you," her voice broke and she shook her hand out of mine to place it over my heart, "were the best thing for me. But if I keep pushing, you'd walk and I don't want that." She shook her head and looked up at me. "I don't want to watch you walk away from me, too."

Huh. That's a lot to hear from someone you've been hurting over for six years.

_And you got pissed at her for it. Asshole._

"So I'm going to be better because I can't do this anymore. I feel too much for you to watch you leave, too."

I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her against me and closing my eyes tightly. She draped the blanket over me and curled up against me, the top of her head underneath my chin and her free arm draped over my waist.

"I'm gonna try harder, too," I whispered, tilting my head and pressing my lips against the top of her head. "You keep saying that you don't deserve me, but I'm not that great, Bella."

"You're great for me."

I sighed and reached up, tilting her chin up and looking down at her. She looked innocent in so many ways as she blinked sleepily and relaxed against me.

"I _will_ be," I whispered, nodding and cupping her cheek in my hand. "We both deserve that, don't you think?"

"I don't know if I…"

"You'd better work on this self esteem thing," I stated quietly, smirking at her. "You deserve as much as you give."

She sighed slightly and pursed her lips, twisting them to the side before nodding once.

"I'll try."

I leaned down and rested my forehead against hers, leaning forward and kissing her softly.

"So will I."

She nodded and brushed her nose against mine before kissing me again. She pulled back slightly and I rubbed my thumb over her cheek before I dragged my hand back into her hair.

"Don't let me go anytime soon, okay?" she whispered. "I…" She huffed out a breath and I opened my eyes to see that hers were closed and she had her lips pressed together. "I need you tonight."

I wordlessly pulled her back against me, throwing one of my legs over hers and burying my face in her neck as she wrapped one of her legs around my other one. I tightened my arms around her and she did the same, nuzzling her nose into my chest and sighing softly.

"You can't let go either, 'kay?" I whispered, swallowing hard and snapping my eyes shut.

"Promise."

If today had shown me anything, it was that I needed Bella as much as she seemed to need me. She needed stability as much as I did and if that meant that we both needed to go into therapy, then it was something that we'd do together. She said that she didn't want to watch me walk away and I didn't _want_ to walk away but the minute comparisons to Lauren had to stop and I had to indirectly stop blaming Bella for the things that had happened in my past the same way that she needed to realize that I wasn't Josh or Mike. Or James; whatever the hell _he_ did to her.

"I need you too, Bella," I whispered into her ear, squeezing her once.

She merely tightened her arms around my waist, burrowing closer to me and humming against my chest. I smirked nervously before wrapping myself completely around her and burying my nose into her hair.

We could do this.


	19. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**It hasn't even been a week yet, I know, but I figured that I'd post anyway because my weekend is pretty well packed and I'm not sure if I'll really get the chance to post when I want to.**

**Once again, you guys own me. I love you all beyond words. And while Bella annoyed the shit out of more than half of you, I'm hoping that she won't in this chapter. Some much needed relaxation and fluff was in high order and here you have it.**

**I always want to give a big thank you to the Random Acts of Rob blog for mentioning both Stay **_**and**_** Pieces. That makes me all sorts of happy, so thanks a ton!**

**Again, my girls rock my world and I love all of you more than words can say; Angie, Amanda, Meg and Tiffany. I don't know what I'd do without all of you.**

**Now, enjoy!**

~*~

***Bella***

My eyes fluttered open the next morning and landed on the skin of Edward's neck, his even breaths hot against the top of my head. His arms were still wrapped around me, our legs were still tangled together and I was completely content. I smiled softly, leaning back a little and watching as he continued to sleep.

He looked completely relaxed, the lines on his forehead gone from the day before and his lips slightly pursed. I slowly slid my arm from around his waist, placing my hand over his heart and closing my eyes as I concentrated on his heartbeat, steady and strong underneath my palm.

He was _real_. He was the one that I was with and he was the one that I should've been thinking about all day yesterday; not Mike. I loved Mike, I always would and there was a very big part of me that had never wanted to wake up from that dream, but he wasn't here anymore. He wasn't around and I couldn't do anything to change that. But Edward was. Edward was here, he was real and he, for some unfathomable reason, wanted me.

It was hard as fuck to think about letting go of Mike. I'd held on to him for so long, he'd been the one person I could always talk to – even after his death, through the journal I used to write to him in – when I needed it and he'd been the one constant thing in my life. But he wasn't there and it was exhausting holding on to a ghost.

I knew that there was a part of me that would never be able to give him up, much in the same fashion that I'd never been able to give Josh up no matter what Tanya thought. Mike had helped me with that and now, maybe Edward could help me with this. Maybe he could be the one to save me.

I swallowed hard and blew out a slow breath, shaking my head.

It was hard thinking about things that way. My heart was breaking and mending all at the same time and the rest of me was having issues coping with everything that was going on. I never thought that there'd be anyone else; I thought that Mike was it. And Edward… Edward had the ability to be everything I'd never been looking for and _that_ was terrifying.

I didn't want to think about all that had happened yesterday with Rosalie. It was too much to deal with and think about when I felt like I was on the edge of breaking down. I was going to make it right and I was going to fix myself as much as possible – no matter how scared I was. Everyone in my life deserved it and damn it, I did, too. I deserved happiness at some point and if I could find that with Edward, then I would do everything I could to protect it.

I hated being the way that I was. I hated being scared of everything that may or may not have been around every corner. I hated that there was still a part of me that was scared of Edward and all the things that he was making me feel. I hated that I still wanted to hide in a corner and rebuild the wall that he'd just started to take down because he didn't deserve it. He deserved someone who was ready and willing to give herself to him completely and I _wanted_ to be that person. I wanted that more than anything in the world.

I splayed my fingers out on his chest, creating bumps in his shirt as I ran my hand over and up to his opposite shoulder. I cupped my hand around his neck briefly before I reached up and carefully threaded my fingers through his hair. I slid my thumb across his forehead a few times, smirking when his eyebrows twitched and he snorted a little. I untangled my hand from his hair, placed it on his cheek, leaned in and gently touched my lips to his.

If I was going to give my heart away to someone else, I'd want it to be him. That, all on its own, was mind-numbingly terrifying. No matter the truth that went with it, it still scared the shit out of me.

I dropped my hand, slowly turning my back to him and gently prying his arms from around my waist. I slid to the edge of the mattress and turned around to drape the blanket over him, standing up, leaning over and softly kissing his forehead.

"Don't leave me, Bella," he whispered.

I pulled back a little, watching as his eyes fluttered open and he looked up at me.

"What?"

"Don't go."

"I was just going to make us some coffee…"

"I need you more than I need coffee."

"Are you okay?" I asked as I slid one of my knees onto the mattress and placed my palms down in front of him.

He nodded and his hand slid out from underneath the blanket, slowly searching for mine. I grabbed it, linked our fingers and let him weakly pull me back to his side.

"I just… yesterday morning, we didn't get…" He huffed and closed his eyes, shaking his head as he squeezed my hand. "I wanna wake up with you. That's all."

I nodded and lay back down, getting close to him once more and curling up against him as he draped the blanket back over me. He kept my hand in his, his other arm curling underneath me and wrapping around my waist. He trailed his hand up and down on my back and I reached up to thread my hand through his hair, cupping the back of his head as he sighed quietly.

"I like it when you're here," he whispered, his eyes still closed.

I smiled and leaned my forehead against his, gently scraping my nails against his scalp.

"Even when we're having a bad day?"

"Especially when we're having a bad day."

"Why's that?"

"Because you're here to work it out with me," he whispered again, his eyes slowly opening to mine. "We knew it wasn't going to be easy and it isn't, but you keep staying."

"As long as you want me here."

"You're gonna be here for a while, then." My heart fluttered and I squeezed his hand. "Is that okay with you?"

"Yes," I whispered, nodding and closing my eyes.

"I'm sorry about yesterday morning."

"It's not your fault."

"It's not yours, either." I opened my eyes again and bit my bottom lip. "I shouldn't have reacted that way."

"You had every right to react that way. I hurt you and you had every right to act the way you did."

"I hurt you, too. I should've listened when you tried to explain it to me."

I sucked in a deep breath and leaned forward to brush the end of my nose against his, feeling better when he smiled lazily.

"Live and learn."

"I think we're gonna be doing a lot of that."

"I think so, too."

I leaned up and pressed my lips to his forehead, wrapping both of my arms around his neck as he let go of my hand to pull me against him tightly. He buried his face in my throat and I tilted my head to rest my cheek on the top of his head.

"You wanna talk about Rosalie?" he asked softly.

"Not right now."

"Do you think she'll be at dinner tonight?"

"Emmett said that he wouldn't let that happen. He needs a few days to calm down so that he can talk to her rationally and he wants me to get a break, too."

"I'm going in to see about a bike tomorrow after work." He shifted away from me slightly, tilting his head back to look at me. "You wanna come?"

"Talked you into it, didn't he?"

He laughed and nodded, shrugging.

"I was going to get one anyway. I'm just doing it sooner than anticipated."

"You can say no to him, you know." I laughed and placed my hands on his cheeks. "He may be big but he won't kill you for telling him no."

"I know. We had a good time hanging out yesterday. I enjoyed myself."

"Good. I'm glad to hear that."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Are you really gonna ask it or do I have to try reading your mind?"

He narrowed an eye at me and I grinned brightly at him, reaching up and pushing a few stray hairs off his forehead.

"Are either you or Carlisle related to Angela and Ben?"

"No, why?"

"They're coming to dinner tonight, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"I thought this was a family thing?"

"Angela and Ben _are_ family," I smiled, leaning in and resting my forehead against his. "Ben works with Emmett and met Angela when Emmett had to come and see me at work for something. Emmett met Rosalie the same day. We're all connected and we all consider each other family."

"It's nice, isn't it?" he whispered, his eyes searching mine.

"What?"

"To have all of your closest… people right there all the time? Knowing that they're always going to stand behind you; support you? Love you?"

"You're a part of that now," I whispered back, once again threading my fingers in through his hair and closing my eyes. "The minute you stepped over that threshold on your first day, you were officially a part of our family."

"Yeah?"

I opened my eyes and nodded, smiling when I saw the smirk on his face.

"Yes."

He hummed, pursing his lips and leaning forward to kiss me quickly and gently. He hummed again, nodding before grinning wickedly and pulling me closer to him.

"So then… this would be incest."

"Edward!" I laughed, wiggling in his arms.

"Well! It would be by your standards!"

"Then I guess we shouldn't be together anymore."

I raised an eyebrow at him and he scrunched his face together, quickly shaking his head and burying his face in my throat again.

"No," he grumbled, whining. "I don't like that idea at all."

"Then get that thought out of your head."

"Gone. Promise."

He nuzzled his nose into my throat and I smiled, hitching a leg over his hip and sighing quietly.

"You have family here, Edward," I whispered into his hair, closing my eyes once more. "Don't forget that, okay?"

"Okay," he mumbled, pressing his lips against my throat and lingering there.

"What did you wanna do before dinner?"

"I have to get some work done," he sighed heavily.

"You can drive me home, if you want, so that I don't distract you."

His arms tightened around me and he shook his head, placing an open-mouthed kiss over my collarbone. I barely suppressed a shudder and bit my bottom lip, my eyes rolling in the back of my head.

Fuck if he wasn't good at that.

"You won't distract me," he mumbled, his tongue tracing my collarbone.

"I don't think I'm doing a very good job of not distracting you."

"Doesn't count. I'm not working yet."

I took a deep breath and gently tugged on his hair, barely suppressing the laugh that made its way up my throat when he whined and grunted at me.

"You should get to it," I told him, smirking. "I'll make breakfast?"

"In a hurry or something?"

"No."

"Why are you pushing me out?" he pouted.

"Because you've got things to get done today before we go to dinner."

"That's a whole…" He shook his head and sighed, throwing one hand up in the air. "A lot of hours away. Just stay here with me for a little while longer."

He batted his eyes at me and pushed his bottom lip out, sniffling dramatically. I laughed and plunged my face into his neck, tightening my hold around him and breathing out a contented sigh. He hummed in appreciation and his arms were once again around my waist, his hands making smooth motions over my back. We stayed there for at least another hour, lazily running our hands over each other and barely speaking, choosing to revel in the silence and the comfort until he groaned and shifted.

"Hm?" I managed, yawning.

"I have really gotta use the bathroom."

I snorted and laughed, shaking my head and looking up to press a kiss against his chin before rolling away.

"Are you still up for making me coffee?"

I looked over at him and shrugged, smirking.

"I guess so."

He hummed and sat up on his elbow, leaning over and placing a kiss firmly against my lips before rolling away and climbing off the bed. I watched as he stretched, his arms over his head and his back slightly arched before he dug his hands into his hair and scratched. I smiled as he padded out of the bedroom and listened as the bathroom door closed. I yawned and stretched, flattening my hands on the headboard before I rolled out of bed and ran a hand through my hair as I walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

I would deal with the shit in my head when I was sitting in the therapist's office with a mound of tissues in my lap and my heart on my sleeve. Until then, I was going to live in the moment with Edward the way he'd asked me to and I was going to do my best to enjoy every second of it.

It was impossible to know when it would all be ripped away from me. It undoubtedly would be, because that's the way my life worked but until then, I was going to try really hard to be myself and be the girl that Edward really deserved to have in his life. I didn't want to be a failure anymore; I didn't want to fail _him_ anymore. I would do whatever I could to keep him for as long as possible.

~*~

"You need to relax," I laughed as Edward pulled into the driveway of my mom's house. "You already know everyone here."

"I don't know your mother," he said quickly, his eyes wide as he stared at the house and shoved the car into park.

"She won't kill you."

"She might!"

"Edward," I sighed dramatically, leaning my elbow on the console between the seats and looking over at him. "You need to calm down."

"Have you even told her that you're dating me yet? Is she going to cut my head off or beat me with something because she doesn't know?"

"I'm pretty sure she knows. I haven't told her." I bit my bottom lip when his eyes got even wider in an attempt not to laugh at him. "But I know that Carlisle has."

"Why didn't you tell her? Isn't that something you should've told her? Bella, she's gonna kill me!"

I tilted my head and reached up to run my hand through his hair, watching as his chest heaved up and down with each breath he took and his eyes darted from one part of the house to the other.

We'd spent most of the morning in the living room; me watching bad television and him working on charts as he absently rubbed circles into the arches of my feet. He'd driven me almost to the point where I was going to attack him if he didn't stop and I was pretty sure that he didn't even realize it.

"Why do you think she's going to kill you?"

"I don't _know_!" he huffed, shaking his head.

I rested my head against the headrest and my hand on the back of his neck, pursing my lips and watching as he continued to breathe heavily and look around frantically. You think I'd just threatened him with a guillotine or something to that effect. He'd been fine all morning and the rest of the afternoon. He'd never mentioned anything about being nervous about this dinner and I didn't quite understand where the nerves had come from _now_.

"Edward," I said softly, rubbing my thumb in circles underneath his ear.

"What?"

"Look at me."

He slowly turned to look at me, his eyes still wide and terrified and I felt a twinge of sympathy run through me. If the roles were reversed, I'd be just as nervous and scared as Edward was.

"My mom is not a scary person. No, I didn't tell her and I'll be the one to get hell for that, but it will have nothing to do with you. Okay?" He nodded slowly and I watched his throat move as he swallowed. "Calm down."

"I've never had to… I always knew…"

It finally clicked. He'd never had to meet parents before because he'd always _known _Lauren's parents. He'd grown up with her; her parents were probably better than his own and he'd never had to worry about it.

I unbuckled my seat belt and leaned over, kissing him softly.

"It's okay," I whispered, backing away from him.

He huffed out a breath and nodded, kissing me again before unbuckling his seat belt. I sat back in my seat and opened the door, climbing out and closing it behind me. I waited for him at the hood of the car, holding my hand out to him when he finally made it out. He grabbed it quickly, intertwining our fingers and squeezing tightly.

"Should we have brought something? Should I have brought something? Wine? Anything?"

I laughed and started to pull him in the direction of the porch, shaking my head.

"Mom doesn't drink and we don't need to bring anything, no. Stop worrying."

"Easy for you to say," he grumbled as we walked up the few steps to the front door.

I rolled my eyes and smirked, squeezing his hand again and pushing through the door. I immediately smelled pot roast and moaned, tilting my head back and shedding my coat. Edward did the same and I hung both of them on the peg behind the door, toeing off my shoes and walking to the middle of the room. Edward was immediately at my side, sans shoes, with his hand on the small of my back.

"Mom!" I called out, walking through the kitchen. "Hello?"

"Isabella Marie!"

"Oh that can't be good," Edward mumbled.

I snorted and followed her voice into the extra bedroom she'd converted into the computer room, finding her sitting at the computer with her eyes glued to the screen.

"I think there's something you haven't told me."

She pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow, tearing her eyes from the screen and pushing the keyboard in as she turned to us.

"Mom, this is Edward Masen." I grabbed his arm and pulled him into full view, grinning brightly at her. "My boyfriend."

She stood up, grinning at him and pushing me out of the way to wrap her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. I snorted at the panicked look on his face, crossing my arms over my chest and pressing my lips together. He laughed nervously and loosely wrapped his arms around her waist.

"It's nice to meet you," she said politely before stepping back from him and rounding on me. "Not that my _daughter_ told me beforehand!"

"I've been busy!"

"Excuses, excuses."

Her lips twitched and she laughed, throwing her arms around me and hugging me tightly. I laughed and did the same, hugging her back and burying my face into her shoulder.

"He's _hot_, honey," she whispered into my ear.

I threw my head back and laughed loudly, noisily kissing her cheek before I stepped back and nodded.

"Yeah."

"Everyone else said they'd be here around six or so," she stated, looking between us and clasping her hands together. "I understand Rose isn't coming."

I hummed and shook my head, crossing my arms over my chest and looking down at my feet.

"We had a bit of a falling out yesterday and Emmett told her not to come."

"I heard," she nodded, her jaw tense as she crossed her arms over her stomach. "You should've told your brother sooner."

"He was happy with her, mom. I wasn't going to ruin that."

She sighed heavily and looked over at Edward, jutting a thumb at me.

"She's infuriating sometimes, isn't she?"

"Uh," he stuttered, laughing nervously and stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I, uhm…"

I laughed and walked over to him, shaking my head and gently pulling on his shirt.

"Relax," I whispered.

"I don't bite!" my mother declared happily.

I snorted and leaned forward, resting my forehead on Edward's chest and shaking my head.

"Is there anything we can do to help you, mom?" I asked innocently, looking over at her.

"No, not really." She shook her head and plopped back down into the computer chair. "I've got everything under control."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded enthusiastically, waving us off as she pulled the keyboard back out.

"Go relax. Watch TV or something. No humping in my house!" she declared, one of her arms above her head as she turned back to the screen.

"Oh, Christ," I moaned, laughing as I pushed Edward backward.

His face was pale and his mouth was hanging open, his eyes as wide as ever as he let me push him back out into the hallway.

"We're a very open family," I explained, laughing and licking my lips as he stared over my head.

"I guess," he managed, his voice hoarse.

I leaned forward and rested my chin on his chest, looking up at him and watching as he kept his eyes trained on the doorway behind me.

"You gonna look at me at all for the rest of the day?"

He looked down at me and grabbed one of my hands, placing it over his rapidly beating heart and offering me a small, nervous smile.

"Edward," I whispered, standing up straight.

"I've never… Bella, this is all _new_ to me and I just… I don't wanna screw it up."

"You won't. It's physically impossible to screw this up."

"Give me ten minutes," he breathed. "I'm sure I'll figure out a way."

I twisted my lips to the side before moving my hand from his chest and walking back into the computer room.

"What're you looking for?" my mother asked absently.

"My… thing," I mumbled, yanking open the closet door and sinking to my knees.

"That narrows it down."

"Hush."

I pushed things out of the way, shaking my head at the bin full of wrapping paper for various events before finally finding the black case that I was looking for. I dragged it out, grunting as I stood up and closed the closet doors. I smiled brightly at my mother before wiggling my fingers at her and walking back out of the room. I grabbed Edward's hand, pulling him back down the hallway and into the living room, plopping down on the couch and looking up at him. He sat down next to me, his hand still in mine as he pulled it into his lap and stroked his thumb over the back of it. I hefted the bag onto my lap, looking over at him and licking my lips.

"This is my portfolio," I said quietly.

He looked down at the shoulder bag in my lap before looking back at me, nodding slowly.

"Yeah?"

I nodded and shook my hand out of his, flipping open the clasps on the bag and pulling out the expensive black portfolio that I hadn't changed since I'd left college. I pushed the bag off my lap and turned to face him completely, handing it to him. He took it, placing it on his lap and opening it. I grabbed the ribbon on the side, showing him how to pull out the matted prints before letting it go and sliding back on the couch. I clasped my hands between my knees and pressed my lips together, watching from the corner of my eye as he turned prints over.

He'd read the letter that I wrote to Mike and that had been as personal as I could ever get. But this was something different; this was what I worked my ass off on and something that was almost as personal as that letter. I could only hope that he'd accept it and understand how absolutely personal it was. I didn't think much of the photographs in that portfolio; in fact, I hated most of them. But there were the two or three that I was incredibly proud of that had somehow managed to strip me bare and he'd see that. If I knew him like I think I did, he'd see everything that I'd ever tried hiding from anyone outside of my family and I prayed to God that he'd accept it.

I looked over at him as he snapped the portfolio closed, his head tilted at me as he rested his arms on the top of it and smirked at me.

"You are very talented, Bella," he said softly. "Every single one of these is great."

"No, they're really not. You don't have to say…"

He leaned over, his lips against mine, effectively shutting me up. He scooted closer to me, one of his hands coming up to rest on my cheek as he worked his bottom lip in between mine and sucked my top lip into his mouth. I moaned quietly and placed my hand on his wrist, squeezing it as I traced my tongue over his lip.

"Hey now! That's not something I needed to see!"

I sighed heavily as Edward immediately sat back from me, his hands flat on the cover of my portfolio as he stared wide-eyed at my grinning brother in the doorway. Any other time, he could be heard from miles away and I'd have a slight warning. This time, when I _really_ didn't want to be interrupted, he's as quiet as a fucking mouse.

"You need bells or something," I grumbled.

"Bells? For what?"

"So that I can hear you when you're interrupting me."

He laughed loudly and walked over to us, plopping down in between us and slinging an arm over my shoulders.

"What fun is that?"

I sighed heavily and leaned against him, smirking as he immediately wrapped his arm around me and squeezed tightly.

"You okay?" I asked softly, looking up at him.

He smiled slightly at me and nodded.

"I will be. And _you_ need to speak up sometimes, Bella. That wasn't fair."

"You've been with her for three and a half years, Emmett."

"And I've known you for twenty-two. You always come first."

"But you were gonna…"

"Yeah," he said quickly, shaking his head and briefly closing his eyes. "Things change sometimes."

"Emmett…"

"She gave me a lot to think about, Bells. And I'm doing a _lot_ of thinking, which you should _not_ be worrying about." He turned to Edward, nodding at my portfolio and I pursed my lips, huffing. "What did you think?"

"I think your sister is very talented."

"Try telling her that."

Edward snorted and I peeked around Emmett, playfully narrowing my eyes at him. He did the same back at me, even going so far as to stick his tongue out at me and causing me to throw my head back in laughter.

"You two are disgusting," he mumbled, shaking his head and hefting himself off the couch. "I'm going to bug mom."

He walked out without waiting for an answer from either of us and I immediately lay down, waiting for Edward to set my portfolio off to the side before I rested my head in his lap and looked up at him. He placed one hand on the top of my head and the other on my stomach as he looked down at me.

"Have you ever thought about writing again?" he asked softly.

I shrugged one shoulder, pursing my lips.

"I'm always thinking about it."

"You have ideas?"

I nodded, closing my eyes and humming.

"Always have ideas."

"Why don't you write some down?"

I shrugged.

"I don't know. Never had the time, I guess."

"Hm."

"What?"

I opened my eyes, looked up at him, watched as he pursed his lips, and shook his head as he grinned down at me.

"Nothing."

"Should I be scared?"

"No."

I nodded, eyeing him before closing my eyes again and wiggling a little.

"All right then."

"Are you staying with me again tonight?" he asked softly, running his hand over the top of my head.

"I should go home."

"Mm," he grumbled. "Why?"

I opened my eyes again and smirked, reaching up and placing one hand on his cheek, rubbing my thumb over the bridge of his nose.

"You might get tired of me."

"Oh, I doubt that."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

I laughed and shook my head.

"Never."

"Then stay with me tonight, Bella," he whispered, his hand splaying out on my stomach and slowly inching my shirt up. "I like having you there. I like falling asleep with you."

My breath caught in my throat and I sat up a little, quickly pressing my lips to his.

"You always know what to say, don't you?" I whispered as I backed away from him and fell back into his lap.

"It's always the truth. I'd never lie to you."

I sat up completely and crawled into his lap, framing his face with my hands. He smirked, all of his nerves seemingly gone as he wrapped his arms around me.

"That means more to me than anything," I said softly.

"Well, I've learned that you don't screw over the important people in your life. And right now, you are the most important person in my life."

"You're just full of the right words today, aren't you?"

"Right or wrong, I mean them."

I leaned in, kissing him softly and wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands trailed up my back, flattening against my shoulder blades and pulling me closer.

"Hey, now!" Emmett yelled again.

I huffed against Edward's mouth and slowly pulled back from him, looking over to glare at my younger brother. He merely grinned and plopped down into the armchair next to us, snatching the television remote and flicking it on.

"Bells," I grumbled. "You're getting them for Christmas."

"There's a game on," he said absently, ignoring me. "You interested in watching, Edward?"

"Hell yes."

I sighed heavily, defeated as I kissed him again and climbed off his lap. He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, his eyes on mine as he kissed my knuckles. Sparks that I thought I'd be used to by now shot up through my arm and, interestingly enough, straight down between my legs. I bit my bottom lip and dragged the back of my pointer finger over his chin before he let me go.

"Who're you going for?" Emmett asked, completely oblivious to the way I wanted to jump Edward whether he was in the room or not.

"Giants," he answered immediately, dropping my hand and leaning around me to see the television.

I rolled my eyes, hiding a smirk and put my portfolio back together, stuffing it in its case before walking out and back to the computer room. My mom was still sitting at the computer and merely slid a glance over at me as I put the bag back into the closet and plopped down on the extra bed behind me.

"So?" she asked slowly.

"He's talking sports with Emmett."

"I don't care about _that_," she huffed, turning in the chair and eyeing me. "Give me details, girl!"

I laughed and slid back on the bed, curling my legs underneath me and propping my elbows on my knees.

"Like what?"

"First of all, why the hell did it take you so damn long to tell me?"

"Because it just happened the day before yesterday?"

"More than enough time to call your lonely old mother and fill her in." She batted her eyes at me, tilting her head and pushing her bottom lip out in a pout. "I had to hear it from Carlisle."

"Things have been crazy," I said quietly, dragging my teeth along my bottom lip. "I'm amazed that he's even here right now."

She immediately popped up from the computer chair and walked over to me, sitting behind me. I turned to her, resting my head against her shoulder as she wrapped her arms tightly around my shoulders and leaned her head against the top of mine.

"What happened, baby?"

"We were… together," I mumbled, fiddling with my hands. "And I had a dream of Mike the same night."

She whistled out a low breath and I huffed.

"It wasn't like the other ones. I actually talked to him this time."

"What'd he tell you?"

"Everything I'd wanted to hear."

"That's bad?"

"I still miss him," I whispered, guilt clutching my heart.

"Baby, you're going to," she whispered, one of her hands coming up to smooth down my hair. "And I'm sure Edward understands that."

"Yeah."

"Mike would want you to be happy and if you're happy with Edward, then why question it? You've gotta learn to just _be_, little girl."

"I'm trying," I breathed out on a laugh. "I'm calling about going back to therapy tomorrow. Edward said he'd go with me when the time came."

She hummed in appreciation and I smirked, closing my eyes and breathing evenly as we listened to Emmett scream at the television. I heard Edward laugh nervously and I snorted, shaking my head.

"He needs to relax," she declared.

I laughed and wrapped my arms around her waist, all but curling into her lap and burying my face in her neck.

"He was fine all day and the minute we pulled into the driveway, you think that I'd just told him that he was being sent to the shooting range or something."

"Ah, men," she sighed, pressing a quick kiss to the top of my head before pulling away from me. "Come help me put the extra leaf in the table. I'm not used to all of these guests for Sunday dinner."

"My love life is apparently a monumental occasion."

She laughed and got off the bed, shaking her head and pointing at me over her shoulder as she started out of the room.

"You're just universally loved," she quipped.

I snorted again and got off the bed, walking behind her and standing in the dining room, looking in to the living room to see Edward with his elbows resting on his knees as he leaned in towards the television. I hooked my thumbs into my jean pockets and tilted my head at him, smiling. He looked over at me and sat up straight, grinning crookedly at me as Emmett continued to scream at the television. I placed my fingertips over my lips and he grinned, winking at me before his attention was once again stolen by the game on television.

I smirked and shook my head before walking to the table and pulling off the tablecloth. I raised an eyebrow when I saw my mother standing in front of me, the extra leaf leaning against her stomach as she crossed her arms over her chest and smirked at me.

"What?"

She merely shook her head and held her hands up at her sides.

"He makes you happy," she said quietly, tilting her head in the direction of the living room. "It's easy and nice to see, Bella, that's all."

My face burned and I shrugged one shoulder as I draped the cloth over one of the chairs and walked to one end of the table.

"Yeah."

He did. And right now, that was all that should matter. I was about to be surrounded by the people I considered family, here to either embarrass the hell out of me in front of Edward with stories that I never wanted him to hear or question him relentlessly about things that were only important to them. Either way, for the first time in a long time, I was content.


	20. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**All right, so it's been a really shitty week and I would've updated sooner if I could get just one thing in my life to cooperate with me. *huffs* Anyway, I apologize for the delay, but it's here now so we're all good, right?**

**Once again, you're all freaking amazing and I love you beyond words. You're beyond awesome and I cannot tell you all enough how much your reviews and the like mean to me.**

**Thanks to everyone who sent me birthday wishes last week, too. I really appreciated them and yes, I did have a really good time while I was out.**

**To my girls; Angie, Amanda, Meg and Tiffany. You four make my life. And to the beautiful girls on Twitter that I never thank enough; thank you so much for… well… listening to me. Haha.**

**Also, I was nominated for Best Author at the Sparkle Awards and the voting is open so make sure you all get a chance to vote for all of your favorite authors/stories!**

**I'm done now. Enjoy!**

~*~

***Edward***

I was elbow-deep in soapy water, eyeing Bella as she stood next to me after a suspicious amount of water made its way onto the front of my shirt. She was humming innocently as she meticulously washed off a dinner plate, her hips swinging side to side.

Dinner was over and after an interesting story about how Bella had smacked her face on the side of the microwave in an attempt to kick Emmett in the head, I'd somehow gotten roped into doing the dishes that couldn't fit into the dishwasher. Bella, taking pity on me, had offered to help me and I'd been extremely thankful when I saw the pile that had accumulated there the minute everyone was out of their seats.

Dinner with everyone was an affair on its own. Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Alice had shown up at the same time, Ben and Angela following shortly after. The previously semi-quiet house quickly turned into a loud one, with everyone talking at once about everything that had happened in between the twelve or so hours that we hadn't seen or talked to each other. I hadn't seen Bella so carefree or laugh as much as she had since I'd seen her with Emmett at the coffee house and I loved it.

I'd been easily included in all conversations, finally realizing that I _knew_ these people. I worked with them and just because I was now dating one of their own – their family member – didn't change the fact that I still saw them on a daily basis. It was still slightly nerve-wracking to see Carlisle, Esme and Renee whispering to each other, looking over at me and clearly debating about whatever it was that parents thought when their daughter brought a new boy home, but it wasn't horrible. Emmett kept me talking about the game that we'd watched, Jasper argued with him about whether or not the winning touchdown had been legal while Ben just shook his head and watched the three of us. Alice, Angela and Bella talked about the Christmas Eve party that was underway, all of them having some sort of differing opinion about decorations and music choices. I'd felt included and Bella's words about me being a part of their family were finally starting to make a little sense.

"Yes?" she asked slowly, looking over at me and poorly trying to fight off a grin.

"You got me wet."

"No." She licked her lips and shook her head. "You have that backwards."

"What are you talking about? I've barely moved my…"

I blinked at her as she raised an eyebrow, grinning at me and gently bumping her hips against mine. My mouth dropped open and my pants tightened simultaneously. Did she really…? Oh my fuck.

She wiggled her eyebrows at me and went back to washing her dish, carefully placing it in the drainer on the counter next to her.

Was this still _my_ Bella? It still looked like her, but she'd never said anything like that before. Okay, yeah, our physical relationship had really just _started_, but I'd never pictured her saying…

Fuck, what was I complaining about?

"So," I managed, clearing my throat and going back to my own dish. "How soon can we get out of here?"

Her hand brushed mine in the water and she linked our pinkies together.

"Soon, I hope."

I barely stifled a moan and squeezed her pinkie, forcing deep breaths in through my nose. I gently tugged and she moved closer to me, sliding her hand completely into mine.

"Soon would be good," I breathed, nodding.

"Edward!" Renee exclaimed, walking into the kitchen with a covered container. "Take a walk with me, would you?"

Erection: gone.

"What's that, mom?" Bella asked innocently, looking over her shoulder and squeezing my hand once.

"Chicken bones. I'm babysitting Sam and you know how he likes to get into the garbage."

Bella shook her head, laughing and I looked over at her, confused.

"Neighbor's dog," Renee stated as she set the container on the counter and grabbed her coat, seeming to sense my confusion. "Phil's got to work late tomorrow night and he asked me to watch him until he gets home. I have to bury these so that he doesn't get in the garbage when I'm not looking and choke on them." She bent down and pulled her shoes on, shaking her hair out of her face. "I wouldn't want to kill the damn thing and I want to do this before it gets too dark out."

"Where's he off to this time?"

"Someplace up north." She waved a hand absently at her side, shaking her head. "His guys won something and they're up against… some other team up… there."

She pointed up to the ceiling and shrugged.

"It's good that you know, mom," Bella laughed, shaking her head.

"Isn't it?" she chirped brightly, grabbing the container from the counter and waiting for me.

I squeezed Bella's hand once more, swallowing hard before pulling my hands out of the water and grabbing a hand towel from the cabinet below the sink, quickly drying my hands and rolling my sleeves back down my arms.

"We'll be back soon!" Renee chirped, waiting for me to grab my coat and sling it over my shoulders.

She opened the door and I walked over to Bella again, kissing her quickly before shoving my hands in my pockets, ducking my head and walking up behind Renee. The door slammed shut behind me and I swallowed hard. Bella had been my safety net all damn night and now, I was walking away from it. That hadn't been a part of the plan. I was supposed to stay by her side and she was supposed to protect me from the questions I was sure her mother had for me.

"We just have to walk over the hill." Renee pointed to a bunch of trees behind a shed at the edge of the driveway. "Not too far."

"Okay," I replied, chewing on the inside of my cheek.

"I'm sure you know there's a reason that I had you come with me," she started, looking over at me.

"I figured as much."

"Has Bella told you about her father?"

I nodded, shoving my hands into my pockets and hunching my shoulders, staring down at the ground as we walked.

"He didn't want her."

My head snapped up and I looked over at her, my eyes wide.

"He wanted a boy. Wouldn't even hold her after she was born. My brother had to throw her at him and pray that he caught her." She breathed out a laugh and shook her head. "I wanted to murder him."

"He didn't… he didn't want her?"

Renee shook her head, pressing her lips together and shaking her head.

"He wouldn't get up with her in the middle of the night or anything. Said that he'd worked hard all day and was too _tired_ to get up. Because God knows I did nothing all day but take care of her; I was more than awake enough to get up." She huffed out a breath and shook her head again. "By the time Emmett was one, he decided that he didn't want to be a father anymore and he took off. He didn't try to be in their lives and only showed up when they graduated high school or got a new job that would make _him_ look good. She resents him and prefers to not be associated with him."

"I don't blame her."

"He started her issues with men and she hasn't had such good luck so far." She stopped, grabbing my arm and pulling me to a stop as well. "I'm asking you now, Edward; are you serious about her?"

"Yes," I said automatically, nodding once. "I'm not trying to fuck with her head or do anything to hurt her. I just wanna be with her."

"You don't have an easy road ahead of you."

"No part of this has really been easy."

"Then why are you sticking around?"

Well, at least she didn't beat around the bush.

"She's the only one that makes me feel anything again." I shrugged one shoulder uncomfortably, looking down at my feet. "I can't really explain it."

"You have the patience of a saint," she said quietly.

I shrugged again, licking my lips and looking up at her.

"I don't really know what to say to you. I don't know why I've stuck around through all of it. I don't know why I stayed when I should've disappeared a while ago. I just know that I feel something for your daughter that I never felt with my ex-fiancée and I'm in no hurry to lose it."

She tapped her fingertips against the side of the container in her hand, her lips pursed as she eyed me. I kept my gaze locked with hers despite my raging heartbeat, fearing that I might've said something wrong and proved to Bella that I really _could_ fuck up something like this easily.

"Okay," she said simply, nodding and squeezing my arm.

She turned and started in the direction she'd pointed at before, leaving me gaping behind her.

"Come on!" she exclaimed, laughing as she reached the edge of the shed and turned back to me. "You can dig the hole."

"You aren't going to threaten me or anything?" I asked, slowly starting back towards her.

I figured that I'd get some kind of lecture and expected to be asked fifteen thousand questions about what my intentions were towards her daughter. She had to be father and mother to both of her children for the majority of their lives and I just expected… more. Not that I was complaining about _that_, either. She already made me nervous – she was one of the most important and influential people in Bella's life – and I was expecting some grand ass ripping from her the minute we were alone. I wasn't entirely sure what to do now that I realized it wasn't going to happen.

She laughed and shook her head, shrugging as she hugged the container to her chest.

"You haven't given me a reason not to trust you. Bella obviously does." She nodded towards the house, a small smile playing on her lips. "That's good enough for me."

"Thank you, Renee," I said quietly as I walked up next to her.

"You're welcome, Edward." She dug around in her coat pocket, producing a garden shovel and handing it to me. "Let's get to it, shall we?"

I smirked and nodded, taking the shovel from her and walking with her again. We talked idly about everything – she predicted that there would be a huge snowstorm by the end of the week because her knee was killing her. After my completely baffled look, she explained that she'd been thrown from her horse when she was sixteen and had to have it completely reworked. When the weather changed, she knew about it more than anyone else did.

When the bones were sufficiently covered underneath dirt and leaves, we started back towards the house. I watched as the door opened and immediately smiled when I saw Bella walk out on the porch, leaning on the railing and smirking at me.

"That's why you weren't threatened," Renee said quietly into my ear before we reached the porch. "Dessert?"

"Nah," Bella smiled, her eyes still on me as she shook her head. "I think we're gonna get going, mom."

Renee hummed, walking up the steps and slapping Bella's ass before pushing open the door. Bella laughed and looked over her shoulder, wiggling her ass at her mother's retreating back.

"Did you tell everyone goodbye yet?"

"We'll be in soon."

She hummed again, looking over her shoulder and pursing her lips before closing the door behind her. I laughed at them and walked to the bottom step, setting the garden shovel off to the side and looking up at her. She grinned down at me, propping her chin on her fist.

"She's not so bad, huh?"

"A lot like you," I stated, nodding.

"What'd you talk about?"

"You. Your father."

She stood up straight immediately, her hands falling to the railing as she pursed her lips and tilted her head back slightly.

"Oh?"

I stepped over the small line of rocks that was meant to be a garden fence of sorts, praying that Renee didn't have any plants that I'd be killing when she wanted them to pop up again in spring, and reached up to grab her hands. She stiffly linked her fingers with mine, her entire body obviously tense.

"You already told me, Bella," I said softly.

"She told you more."

"Yes."

I watched her face transform from the stone it had been to one of pure and absolute pain and regret that I didn't understand. Just as quickly as I'd seen it, it was gone and she was shaking her head with her eyes closed.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked quietly.

I kept my grip on her hand as I walked out of the garden and up the steps, standing in front of her and gently pressing her against the railing. Her eyes slowly opened to me and I leaned down, resting my forehead against hers.

"I want you," I whispered.

"Then we should get going."

Her voice was low and even slightly detached, her eyes dull and the complete opposite of what they should be when she said a sentence like that.

"No." I closed my eyes and huffed out a breath, smirking. That hadn't really worked the way I wanted it to. "He didn't want you. I do."

I opened my eyes and looked directly into hers. She was just staring and blinking slowly at me, her breathing starting to pick up.

_Too much. Christ, Masen, too much._

"I just… that's what… I don't want you to…"

"Shut up," she breathed finally, her hand squeezing mine tightly.

I snapped my mouth shut and bit the inside of my cheek, swallowing hard.

_You need to learn to keep your mouth shut sometimes, moron._

She opened her mouth and then snapped it shut, her chest starting to heave against mine and her grip tightening on my hand. I kept watching her, keeping my eyes connected with hers and doing my best to wait patiently as she continued to stare back at me. She finally closed her eyes and pressed her lips together tightly, shaking her head.

"No one's ever…" She shook her head again, her tongue coming out to lick her bottom lip. "You are the first person," she started, whispering, "to _ever_ say that to me."

"Is that bad?" I whispered back, reaching up with my free hand to place it on her cheek.

Her lips quirked up into a smirk and she shook her head once more, finally opening her eyes.

"I don't know." She breathed out a laugh, leaning her head against my hand. "But I fucking love it."

I grinned and leaned in, kissing her softly. She shook her hand from mine, stepping up on her toes and wrapping her arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her against me and letting a breathy moan escape as she purposely rolled her hips against mine.

It was absolutely amazing how easily she could turn me on after I just spent fifteen minutes with her mother.

"I want all of you, Bella," I whispered, breaking away from her to trail my lips down to her neck. "Every single part of you; including the crazy parts. I want it."

Her hands moved up to my hair, her fingers threading in through the strands as she let her head roll back on her shoulders. I kissed around to her throat, trailing my lips up and onto her chin.

"We should go," she managed, pulling her head back up and connecting her lips to mine again.

"Mhmm," I hummed, opening my mouth and tracing her top lip with my tongue.

"Come on," she breathed, pulling away from me. "We need to say goodbye."

I pouted and huffed, kissing her once more before stepping back from her and grabbing her hand again. She walked in front of me, pushing open the door and leading us into the kitchen.

"Do you mind if we stop at my place real quick?"

"For what?"

"I need clothes."

"Nah," I smiled, shaking my head. "Just stay home with me tomorrow and we'll be naked all day."

She laughed, throwing her head back and squeezing my hand as we walked into the dining room.

"Not gonna happen."

I sighed dramatically and followed her into the living room where everyone had convened after dinner was over. They all looked up at us, their conversations immediately dying out and I swallowed nervously.

That wasn't obvious _at all_.

"We're gonna get going," Bella announced, squeezing my hand.

Renee was the first one out of her seat, her arms around Bella tightly. I stepped back from them, my hand slowly drifting out of Bella's grasp as I watched everyone say goodbye to her. Emmett reminded me about looking at a bike tomorrow and I told him that I remembered, laughing as Renee rolled her eyes and slapped him on the back of the head for reasons that I don't think I'd fully understand. Alice said something about coming over early to help decorate for the Christmas Eve party – which I realized was only a week away – and Bella nodded, sighing heavily. I smirked and stifled a laugh when Emmett snorted and mentioned something about Bella having better luck with wrapping _herself_ in lights than hanging them up on the wall. And when Bella told him that he was getting coal as his Christmas gift, it was pretty damn impossible not to laugh.

It took us twenty minutes to get out of the house without someone shouting something else that spurred us all into another conversation. We finally made it out of the house and I dug around in my jacket pocket for my keys, watching Bella out of the corner of my eye as she sashayed her way to the passenger side of the car. The way her hips swayed as she did so had my mouth watering and my pants getting that much tighter around my hips. I walked up behind her, turning her around and pinning her against the door of the car, my keys uncomfortably digging into my palm. She pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows at me, tilting her head to the side.

"Yes?"

"You're doing this shit on purpose, aren't you?" I breathed, leaning in and trailing my lips along the edge of her jaw.

"Doing what?" she asked innocently, her hands maddeningly staying at her sides.

"You know what."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Edward."

"Oh, no?" I mumbled against her skin, trailing my lips up to her ear.

"Nope."

I pushed my hips against hers and grinned into her skin when I heard her sharp intake of breath.

"Liar," I whispered, pulling the bottom of her ear into my mouth.

She hummed, her hands finally coming up and resting on my chest, her fingers curling into my shirt as she tilted her head to the side.

"Are you two actually gonna leave sometime soon or just spend the night standing outside?"

I quickly backed away and looked up at the porch to see Ben and Angela standing there, shit-eating grins clearly visible on their faces even in the fast-approaching darkness.

"Go Bella, go Bella," Angela chanted, swaying her hips from side-to-side.

"Bella? Hell, it looked like it was all Edward!"

"Oh good Christ," Bella laughed, leaning forward and burying her face in her hands.

"Bella started it!" I exclaimed.

She laughed loudly and dropped her hands from her face when I turned to look at her.

"You didn't seem to mind!" she exclaimed.

"I wasn't complaining," I said simply, nodding my head at her once. "Just stating a fact."

"Ass," she mumbled, playfully narrowing an eye at me.

"You don't seem to mind it much."

"Emmett's right," Ben laughed, suddenly next to us. "You two _are_ sickening."

"How many times has he _said_ that today?" Bella laughed, shaking her head.

"At least a hundred," Angela chirped, smiling brightly. "See you guys tomorrow."

We nodded, once again saying goodbye and watching as they got into their car.

"So… your place?" I asked, looking over at her.

"Just for clothes." She stepped up to me, pressing her chest to mine and licking her bottom lip. My fucking knees almost buckled. "Then to yours."

I nodded frantically, swallowing hard and moaning softly as she dragged her hand firmly over the front of my jeans.

Fuck, I _really_ liked it when she was like this.

"Yeah," I breathed, reaching behind her and yanking on the door handle.

My eyebrows pulled together in confusion when it didn't open and Bella laughed. I pursed my lips at her and brought my keys up, forcefully pressing down on the_ unlock_ button and listening to the locks flip.

"Flustered?" she asked innocently.

I jumped when the horn of Ben's car sounded before they drove off down the road and she laughed at me again.

"Jumpy, too."

"Your fault," I grumbled, finally able to pull her door open for her.

"I'll be sure to keep my hands to myself, then."

She turned on her heel and I grabbed her around the waist, yanking her back to me and forcefully pressing my mouth on hers.

"Never," I mumbled, squeezing her waist before letting her go. "Feel free to touch as much as you want to."

"Hm," she hummed, turning to get in the car.

She paused and her eyes raked over me, her bottom lip in between her teeth. Every ounce of blood that might have been left in my brain immediately found its way to my groin.

"I'll remember that," she said simply before climbing in the car.

I shut the door automatically, damn near sprinting around to my side and flinging the door open. I barely remembered starting the car or pulling out of the driveway. It was even worse when Bella placed her hand on my thigh, slowly inching it up to where I needed her most.

She purposely kept her hand away from me for the entire ride, trailing it up and down my thigh as I drove as quickly as possible to her apartment complex. I parked haphazardly in the spot her car was usually in and quickly unbuckled my seatbelt. Before I could even comprehend anything, she was crawling over the center console and sliding into my lap, her hands in my hair and her lips on mine. I moaned loudly, reaching up to run my hands up and down her forearms, opening my mouth to hers. Her tongue quickly met mine and she rocked against me once, hissing as she hit her knee on the center console.

We were in my car. In front of her apartment. About to do something that would be a fuck ton easier in the bed hiding behind her front door.

"Bella," I breathed, pulling back from her and resting my hands on her hips.

She merely hummed at me and began kissing my neck, her hips slowly starting to move over mine.

"Bella, your apartment…"

"Ever christened the car, Edward?"

She fucking _purred_ into my ear. _Purred_. Like a cat. Like a very satisfied fucking cat who'd just eaten the proverbial goddamned canary.

It did insane things to me.

I huffed out a shaky breath and nodded, resting my head back against the seat.

"Yes."

"Oh." I felt her lips purse more than normal against the skin on my neck before her tongue darted out and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. "Well… we can make it better."

I laughed nervously, my fingertips digging into her hips as she dropped her hands from my hair, dragged them down my chest and easily slipped them underneath my shirt.

"Bella… we are ten feet from…"

"I want you here… like this," she whispered into my ear, dragging her fingernails across my stomach.

What in the _fuck_ was I complaining about? My girlfriend wanted me in the driver's seat of my car and I was trying to convince her to go inside? There was something very wrong with me.

I lifted my head from the seat and opened my eyes, my hands trailing up under her shirt when movement on her doorstep caught my eye.

"There's someone on your front step," I said, my arms immediately around her waist and crushing her against me in some sort of caveman-like gesture of protection.

"Fuck 'em," she mumbled, her hands on the button of my jeans.

"No, Bella, seriously," I laughed, moving my arms to grab her hands and still their motions.

Every inch of me groaned at the loss of her touch and I sighed heavily, shaking my head once. She huffed and turned slightly on my lap, her fingers curling around mine.

"Fuck," I hissed, my hips automatically lifting against hers.

"You wanted me to… oh my fuck," she breathed.

I felt every inch of her tense up and I was immediately on alert, narrowing my eyes at the dark figure hunched over on her step.

"What? Do you know them? Who is it?" I asked, leaning forward to look over her shoulder in a vain attempt at making out the person's face.

"It's Jake," she mumbled, turning back to look at me.

Her bottom lip was in her mouth and I narrowed my eyes, scowling. I didn't like this shit; sitting on her goddamned front step and waiting for her like some fucking stalker wasn't anything I really fucking liked.

And what pissed me off even more was that he had the ability to ruin the entire night by just _being_ there. The last thing Bella had on her mind now was me and that on its own pissed me off. Coupled with the fact that she'd jump through hoops for him no matter what he said to her or how he hurt her and I was ready to rip his throat out. Everything had been going really damn well and now… now it was all shot to hell.

"How do you know it's him?"

"I just… I know it's him, Edward."

"How?"

"I've known him for five years. I _know_ him," she said softly.

"So what are we gonna do?" I asked after a few moments of silence, grinding my teeth together.

"You're gonna stay here and I'm going to see what he wants."

"I'm not staying here," I laughed sarcastically, shaking my head. "No fucking way."

"Edward, if he just wants…"

"Boyfriend." I pointed at myself and raised an eyebrow at her. "Who hasn't met this asshole that had you all torn up."

"He's not… Edward, if you're going to insist on meeting him, you can't be a jackass."

I stared at her and she stared back, sitting up straight in my lap and raising an expectant eyebrow.

"Fine. I'll be as nice as possible."

"Thank you," she said coolly, nodding her head once.

"You're welcome," I replied in the same tone, cocking an eyebrow at her and pushing open my door.

She huffed at me before crawling over me and stepping out of the car, running her hands through her hair before turning and walking towards her front door without even waiting for me. I growled quietly at her back before I grabbed her neglected purse – it had been in the car ever since we left my apartment – and climbed out of the car, grumbling to myself. I slammed the door a little harder than necessary before looking up to see that Jake was standing, his hands in his hair as he hovered over her.

My eyes narrowed as I forced myself to calmly walk up the pathway.

"I just wanna talk to you, Bells. We need to get a few things out in the air."

"I've got plans for tonight," she said quietly. "Can we do it some other time?"

"Apparently you've got plans every night, Bella. Do you ever turn your damn phone on anymore?"

"I've… Jake," she sighed heavily, reaching up to rub her forehead.

"Here, Bella," I said quietly, handing her purse to her and placing my hand on the small of her back.

Jake looked up at me, his eyes narrowed as he shoved his hands in his pockets while Bella took her purse from me.

"Something you need?" he growled.

"Jake," Bella hissed, reaching out and smacking his shoulder with her free hand. "Enough."

"I'm Edward Masen," I said, forcing myself to be civil. "Bella's boyfriend."

His eyes widened and snapped to her.

"_What_?"

"You haven't been around," she sighed, throwing one hand in the air.

"This is pretty fucking big, Bella!"

She stared at him and I watched her, my jaw clenched as I wondered why in the fuck she had to defend herself to this asshole and why she was just _standing_ here and letting him fucking _talk to her_ this way.

"I'm not apologizing," she said firmly, squaring her shoulders. "I needed time, you gave it to me and I appreciate that but it's not like I was going to sit around the whole time." She reached behind her and grabbed my hand, linking our fingers together and pulling my arm around her waist. "Edward is the only thing in my life right now that makes any sense. You accept _that_ or there's no reason for you to be here anymore."

He looked between the two of us, his nostrils flaring before he huffed and his shoulders slumped. He turned to me, his eyes still slightly narrowed and I tightened my hold around Bella's waist.

"Nice to meet you," he grumbled.

"You too," I grumbled back.

"Where's Jean?" Bella asked quietly.

"At home." He turned back to her and sighed, his eyes softening as he looked at her. "I would really like to talk to you, Bella."

She looked up at me and I sighed, shrugging and trying to offer her some sort of a smile. I didn't like it, didn't want to leave her here with him, but I didn't have much of a choice. She still considered him her best friend and they needed to work this out before things got too much worse between them. Just because I knew that and could understand why this needed to happen _now_ didn't mean that I liked it any more than I'd liked it when she flew out of the car.

She smiled weakly back at me before turning back to Jake and handing him her purse.

"My keys are in there. I'll be in soon."

He nodded, taking her purse and easily unzipping the top to find her keys. We both watched as he unlocked her front door and walked in, flipping on lights before closing the door behind him. I stared at the closed door, my eyebrows pulled together as I wondered why he seemed so nonchalant about digging around in her purse.

She turned to me completely, her arms wrapping around my waist and her face buried in my chest. I sighed heavily and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, burying my nose in the top of her head as I held on tightly.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"Don't apologize. You need to work it out with him."

I hated that. I hated saying it. I hated even _thinking_ it, but it was the truth. I knew what I'd felt like when I finally realized that I had no one to talk to after I'd found Lauren and Tyler together and if she could avoid having to feel anything close to that, I wasn't going to be the asshole that stood in her way.

"But we were…"

"He's your best friend, Bella." I kissed the top of her head. "You need to work it out."

She hummed and turned her head, pressing a soft kiss against the bottom of my chin.

"You can't do that," I laughed nervously, backing away slightly.

She grinned and stepped up on her toes, her lips softly against mine. I pulled her tight against me, dragging my hands up and down her back before she stepped away from me.

"You still have all my bags from the other day in your car, don't you?"

I nodded, brushing the end of my nose against hers before kissing her again.

"You want them?"

"Yeah. I'm thinking that the glasses I got my mom for Christmas might not survive another night in the cold."

I laughed softly and kissed her once more before unwinding my arms from her shoulders and stepping back. I grabbed her hand and led her back towards the car, pulling open the back door. I let go of her hand and grabbed all the bags, nodding towards the front door of her apartment when she protested.

"I'm perfectly capable of bringing those in."

"Yes, I'm sure you are," I said easily, nudging her with my elbow and nodding towards her front door again. "But I want to do this for you. Accept it and get moving."

She huffed and pouted before turning on her heel and walking towards the front door. I smirked at the back of her head and followed her, setting the bags just inside as she opened it.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow morning," I said softly, looking around for Jacob as I stood on the front step.

What'd he do; disappear? Not that I'd be complaining about that…

"I need to actually bring my car back here tomorrow night so… yeah," she laughed quietly, running a hand through her hair.

"Call me if you need anything, all right?" I stepped up to her, threading my hands through her hair and resting my thumbs on her neck. "I don't care what time it is."

She nodded, her hands coming up to rest on my arms as she sighed.

"Gonna miss you," she mumbled quietly.

My heart thumped loudly in my chest and I grinned, leaning down and gently touching my lips to hers.

"I'm gonna miss you too," I whispered as I pulled away from her.

She smiled and huffed, nodding once before squeezing my wrists. I dropped my hands from her hair and kissed her once more.

"See you tomorrow morning."

She nodded and bit her bottom lip, grabbing the edge of the door and leaning against it. I smirked at her and turned, shoving my hands in my pockets and sighing heavily as I started down the path towards my car. I climbed in, watching as she waved at me and closed the door before I started the car and backed out of the parking space.

I made it back to my apartment twenty minutes later, climbed out of my car and started up the walkway, jiggling my keys in the palm of my hand and dragging my feet to the front door. I half-heartedly pushed through the door to my apartment and stepped inside, slamming the door shut behind me as I reached over and flipped on the lights.

I slowly looked around my empty, silent apartment and pursed my lips, twisting them to the side before toeing off my shoes and peeling my coat from my shoulders. I hung it up and stuffed my keys in the pocket, slowly walking into the kitchen and staring at the counters.

Fuck.

I missed her already. I'd just left her and I missed her already. I was either already whipped beyond comparison or that much of a complete loser.

Everything just felt… empty. I don't know when the hell she'd become the one to fill all the holes in my life because I sure as hell never really wanted to depend on anyone like that ever again, but it was the truth. My apartment was completely devoid of anything and everything I'd originally thought it stood for without her.

It fucking terrified me beyond what words could possibly say and I didn't know what the fuck I was supposed to do about it.


	21. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I'm borrowing them.**

**So, uh… *crawls out from underneath computer desk and waves sheepishly* Hi. I'm sorry that this has been so long in coming, but Fourteen demanded to be written and then well… real life got in the way and I haven't truly written anything since New Year's Eve.**

**If you follow me on Twitter, you know it's the boy's fault. Partially. The rest has just been my own damn bad luck.**

**Not the point.**

**I'll stop rambling and let you get to it. Please pay attention to the A/N that will be after this chapter – it's quite important.**

**I still love all of you, by the way, and still think that you're all fucking amazing. Angie, Meg, Amanda, Shawna, and Tiffany, I love you girls like whoa.**

~*~

***Bella***

I turned onto my back, staring up at the ceiling and tapping my fingertips against my stomach. It was nearing two in the morning and Edward would be here around seven to pick me up for work. Jake had left around midnight and I hadn't been able to get to sleep, thinking over everything and analyzing every word he'd said like I was a crazy person.

Oh. That's right. I _was_ a fucking crazy person.

He didn't _like_ being left out of the loop. He didn't like that I'd gotten a life outside of him and hadn't bothered to call to let him know that he didn't need to take full responsibility of my ass anymore. He didn't like that he didn't know him and had never heard me mention him before he'd introduced himself.

_"How much do you really know about him, Bella? What can you possibly be thinking, rushing into a relationship like this?"_

_"__**Rushing**__? You think three years for a new relationship and six for it to actually __**mean**__ something is __**rushing**__?"_

_"I think when you obviously need some help, it's rushing, yes!"_

_"I'll be getting the help I need!"_

_"Oh yeah? When?"_

_"I'm calling tomorrow! And __**he**__ offered to go with me, unlike you!"_

Jake hadn't appreciated that too much, but it was the truth. He was always telling me that I needed the help, but had never once offered to go with me to get it. Maybe it was a bit of a low blow, but it felt really good to get everything off my chest. He'd finally, grudgingly, admitted that Jean was out of line ninety-nine percent of the time and I agreed that I needed to stop calling him for every little thing.

Which I had already stopped doing anyway, but it was apparently something that he'd needed to hear. Probably something that he needed to run back to Jean with so that she could be absolutely sure that I wouldn't be interrupting their sex lives any longer. He'd promised me that he'd make her calm down when I was around them and I'd nodded, smiling tightly because fuck knows I didn't believe him. She was probably overjoyed at the fact that I hadn't been in contact with him and he'd have hell to pay when he made it home.

I sighed and rolled onto my side, flinging my arm out onto the empty spot beside me and pouting at the wall. My eyes trailed to one of the framed pictures of Mike sitting on my nightstand and I sighed again, shaking my head before turning onto my back and staring up at the ceiling once more.

I had missed Jake, but it had seemed like a natural feeling since he'd started dating Jean so I hadn't really given it too much more thought than I usually did. I had Edward to spend my time with lately, Edward to distract me and keep me occupied in the best way possible so that I didn't dwell on it but when I saw Jake sitting on my front step, it was like my heart had jumped out of my chest. I'd missed him more than I'd let myself realize and even when we were in the middle of a semi-argument, at least he was _there_.

Now that everything was out in the air and we were back on friendly terms – at least, I _think_ we were back to that – I just couldn't sleep. Something was off; missing almost and I couldn't shut my mind off. It was too quiet, too still. There wasn't enough noise, not enough little movements like I normally would've reveled in. Now the stillness and the almost emptiness that was ricocheting around the apartment walls was almost too much to deal with.

At three, I threw the covers off and slammed my feet on the floor, giving up on sleep and padding my way into the kitchen. I flipped on the lights and hissed, squinting as I made my way over to my coffee maker and yanked open the top. I made myself coffee and walked into the living room, reaching under the lampshade and flicking on that light before I sat on the couch and stared at the blank television.

I was tired, bored and driving myself insane. Yes, Jake and I were back to being friends, but we both knew that it wouldn't be the same. Any and all respect we had for each other had plummeted in the time we hadn't spoken and my trust issues had flared up in full force again. It was going to take a lot to get it back to where it used to be and he knew that, but I hated it. I hated that I felt that way towards who was supposed to be my best friend. I hated that we'd been reduced to this because of the way I was.

I sipped off my coffee and ran a hand through my hair, biting my bottom lip and looking over at the end table on the opposite side of the room. I hadn't opened it for more than the need of a notebook in the past few years and why I was thinking about doing it again, I wasn't entirely sure.

I groaned quietly and stood up, setting my coffee mug on the floor before slowly inching towards the carved end table that matched the living room set in my mother's house. She'd insisted that I take it with me when I moved out because I had all of my shit in there anyway. She didn't mind not having matching end tables anymore; she barely used them as it was so I hadn't felt too horrible about stealing it from the living room and moving it into mine.

I finally reached it and plopped down on the floor in front of it, bringing my pointer finger up to my mouth and absently gnawing on my fingernail as I stared at the gold handles. My eyes irrationally flicked from them to the front door, almost afraid that someone would actually walk in and catch me. Not that I was doing anything wrong to begin with and it wouldn't matter if someone did…

"Fuck, Bella," I moaned, resting my elbows on my knees and covering my face. I shook my head and took a deep breath. "It's just an end table."

I looked up slightly, peeking through pieces of my hair as I stared at the gold handles again.

"An end table that has almost everything you've written since high school," I continued, mumbling. "An end table that's like a fucking time capsule; Pandora's Box or some shit."

I slapped my hands over my face again, shaking my head.

"If Edward could hear you now, you'd be in a fucking mental institution before you could even fucking _blink_, you damn loon. Talking yourself out of opening a fucking _end table_ like it was the end of the fucking world."

Taking a deep breath, I kept my head down as I reached one hand out and quickly yanked on one of the gold handles. I slowly looked up, huffing out a breath as I saw the unused stacked notebooks in the front, binders that I knew were full of pages and pages of my handwriting hiding in the back corners and a basket full of pens that probably had no ink left in them sitting in the middle of it all.

I slowly hooked my pointer finger on the edge of the basket, pulling it out and looking down in it. At least a hundred blue Bic pens greeted me and I smirked slightly, shaking my head before I grabbed a handful and slapped them on the floor next to me. I shoved the basket back inside and slapped my hand on the first notebook in the pile, pulling it out and wrapping my hand around the spiral-wire binding. The cover was striped blue and brown and the little label in the corner proudly declared that the pages were college ruled – as I preferred that they be.

I grabbed the pens and slid the notebook into my lap before slamming the door shut and standing up. I clutched the notebook to my chest, holding on tightly to the pens as I walked back to the couch and folded one leg underneath me as I sat down. I dropped all but one pen to the floor and started chewing on my bottom lip as I slowly pushed back the cover on the notebook.

I'd done this all the time in high school. When I had something on my mind and couldn't sleep or just couldn't seem to function without snapping at someone, I'd write. It didn't matter what it turned out to be; as long as I got most of my issues down on paper, I was good to go for the rest of the day. I don't know why I stopped doing it, to be perfectly honest, because it had always helped me get all of my emotions and frustrations out.

Taking a deep breath, I uncapped the pen and wrote the date in the right hand corner before staring at the faint blue lines on the page, only mildly surprised that the pen did in fact still work.

"Where to start," I mumbled, closing my eyes and shaking my head.

I tapped my fingertips against my forehead, pursing my lips before taking one more deep breath and placing the end of the pen on page.

_He's my best friend and I feel like I don't even know him anymore._

I stared at the words, tapping the end of the pen against the page and licking my lips before nodding once and continuing.

~*~

I jumped when I heard my alarm clock blaring in my bedroom, blinking rapidly down at the completely full page in my lap. I flipped backwards, counting out nine full pages of my babble and shook my head, setting the notebook and pen off to the side before standing up. I stretched briefly, grabbed my coffee mug from the floor and walked into my bedroom. I slammed my hand down on the alarm clock and sighed, reaching up to run a hand through my hair.

I hadn't slept and would be sorely paying for that later on today, but I'd actually _written_ something. I didn't know if any of it made any sense or if I could use it for anything – a thought that made me falter a little when I took a step because I hadn't had _those_ thoughts since Mike passed – but regardless, at least I'd written something.

I felt better. Not a hundred percent – I wasn't sure that I'd ever be _that_ good again – but I felt almost lighter. Like an entire world's worth of worry and tension had melted and disappeared from my shoulders. I rolled my shoulders before I walked out of my bedroom and into the kitchen. I dumped the cold coffee down the sink and set the mug on the counter before walking into the bathroom.

I showered and got ready for the day, smiling and humming to myself when I realized that I'd get to see Edward in a little while. I'd been so preoccupied with Jake and then getting lost in my writing that it hadn't hit me how much I'd actually missed him just being there until I'd gotten out of the shower.

I grabbed two to-go mugs and made the both of us coffee, setting them on the counter before walking into the living room and grabbing the notebook. I flipped it closed and stuck the pen in the spiral binding, twisting my lips to the side before hugging it to my chest and setting it on the back of the couch.

I was just slipping my shoes on when I heard a knock on the door and wasn't able to hide the smile on my face. I quickly pulled my shoes the rest of the way on and practically lunged for the door, hastily unlocking it and pulling it open. He was standing there, his hands in his pockets and sunglasses perched on his nose, his lips twitching into a smirk when he saw me.

"Morning," he mumbled, his voice still thick with sleep.

"Morning," I replied, nodding at him. "I have coffee for you."

He grinned quickly and pulled his hands out of his pockets. I moved out of the way and he made his way in, his arms immediately around my waist as the door closed behind him. I laughed and reached up to move his sunglasses into his hair before stepping up to kiss him quickly. He hummed and pulled me closer, kissing me again.

"How was your night?" he asked softly as he backed away, his hands rubbing circles on my back.

I shrugged one shoulder, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I haven't slept yet."

He frowned at me.

"How come?"

"Too much going on in my head." I shrugged again. "I'll be all right as long as I keep drinking coffee."

"Don't you want to call in and get some sleep?"

"I'm up now." I shook my head. "I'll be fine."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"For what?" I laughed, shaking my head.

"I don't know," he grumbled, shrugging one shoulder and pouting slightly. "I could've… come over and… sang you to sleep. Or something."

I laughed and stepped up to kiss him again, tightening my arms around his neck.

"It's okay," I said quietly as I stepped down from him. "I… uh, I wrote."

He quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Really now?"

I nodded, biting my bottom lip.

"And you can read it… I mean, if you want to."

I wasn't sure when I decided that I wanted him to read it. I wasn't sure when I realized that he was the _only_ one I wanted to read it but there it was. And since he looked like I'd just offered him six million dollars, taking it back was clearly out of the question.

"I want to," he said quickly, nodding and smiling. "Yes."

"Then I guess… at lunch? I mean, that's… you have time, right?"

"I always have time for you, Bella." He leaned down and brushed his nose against mine, kissing me again. "I want to read everything that you want to show me."

"'Kay," I managed, nodding.

"How'd things go with Jake?"

I sighed heavily and shrugged, moving closer to him and nuzzling my face into his jacket.

"All right, I guess. It's not the same," I grumbled. "The balance has been shifted and he's just… I'm… we're all sorts of screwed up."

"I'm sorry," he said softly, his hands rubbing my back again.

"Yeah, well… I've got you so…" I took a step back from him and swallowed hard, trying to smile a little. "…it's not all that bad."

He smirked and pulled me back to him, his lips once again on mine. I leaned into him, opening my mouth when his tongue traced my top lip.

"I missed you last night," he whispered, backing away from me. "Felt weird without you."

I nodded, nudging my nose against his and barely brushing my lips over his.

"Yeah."

"Stay tonight?"

I smiled and nodded, placing a light kiss on his bottom lip before stepping back from him. He groaned and huffed, reaching up and tipping his sunglasses back onto his nose. I laughed at him and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the mugs and walking back to him. The pout was gone when I handed him the mug and I laughed, shaking my head as I snatched the notebook, my purse and keys and nodded towards the door.

"Still have to come back here tonight. I really need to get my car out of the parking lot."

"We can just stay here, if you want. If it'd be easier," he suggested, pulling the door open and stepping to the side for me.

"No," I said quietly, shaking my head and sighing heavily when I realized that I'd need to put my coat on. "We can stay at yours."

I turned around with every intention of setting all my crap down when I watched Edward balance the to-go mug in the crook of his arm and grab my coat, draping it around my shoulders before I could drop anything.

"If you're sure," he said easily, quickly kissing my cheek before grabbing the to-go mug and standing by the open door again.

I smirked at him and nodded, walking out of the apartment and down to his car. I heard the door slam and his hasty footsteps on the walkway behind me, bypassing me to open the car door and grin at me as he motioned with the to-go cup to the seat. I laughed at him and shook my head, gently nudging him with my elbow as I made it to him and plopped in the seat, attempting to contain the grin on my face as he closed the door and walked around to his side.

I may not have slept and had spent most of the night writing down every little thought and emotion I'd been going through for I don't know how long, but seeing him on my front step first thing this morning had kind of made it all worth it. I felt better with him around; was starting to feel more like how I barely remembered myself to be and if being with him and seeing him made that happen, then I never wanted any of that to change.

~*~

By the time lunch had finally rolled around, I'd had at least six cups of coffee. They weren't normal sized mugs, either. I'd refilled my to-go mug at least three times and had found this amazingly large coffee mug shoved into the back corner that may have once upon a time belonged to the doctor we had before Edward showed up.

The one Tanya ran off with her stalking and creepy scrubs and even creepier-but-supposed-to-look-sexy smiles that she shot at him all the damn time.

I was thankful that he'd taken off in such a rush because this gorgeous cup with the countryside of some foreign place painted all around it had fueled my caffeine need for the day. Alice and Angela had taken a great interest in the fact that I laughed every time the damn printer jammed – which it had done at _least_ twenty times within the first hour alone – and had tried to figure out what else would make me giggle uncontrollably. So far, paperclips amused the fuck out of me, especially when Alice twisted them into some form of perverted naughtiness that only she could consider a talent. Along with paperclips, I found that Post-Its were really useful when it was too hard to talk through laughter and that binder clips hurt when you kept them on your lips for more than five seconds.

A small part of my brain was very thankful that all of our patients were used to the joking atmosphere that we had developed in the office and hadn't hidden their children from me when they checked in.

Edward had walked in at one point when I was bent over in my chair, laughing hysterically at the way Alice pronounced _office_ and had quickly turned around to leave once more. Carlisle had offered me a sick day and when I refused to take it, he'd offered me a patient room so that I could take a short nap to recharge. I refused that, too, and told him so on a bright pink Post-It.

I was damn lucky that he loved me or I probably would've been fired for this insane one-woman comedy act on the spot.

Tanya hadn't said more than a few words to me, but her Yosemite Sam and Bugs Bunny scrubs were possibly better than paperclips, Post-Its, printer jams and binder clips all rolled together. She, naturally, didn't find any of it amusing and that only made me laugh _harder_. I'd tried apologizing, but I couldn't get the words out without laughing and she'd finally just stopped coming in to the front office for more than a minute.

I hummed as I walked down to Edward's office, my notebook and another mug full of coffee in my hands as I approached. I tapped my knuckles against his door, watching through the glass as he shifted in his chair and called me in. I somehow managed to get the door open without spilling or dropping anything and walked in, grinning at him as I kicked the door closed.

"How are you doing?" he asked, chuckling at me.

"Who are you, Joey?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know… from _Friends_?" I asked, setting everything on his desk before walking around it. "You know… how _you_ doin'?"

He turned his chair to face me, his lips twitching as he nodded and cleared his throat.

"Yes, dear, I know."

"Oh, you're using that tone," I stated, pointing a finger at him and pouting. "That _I-think-you've-lost-your-mind-and-will-do-anything-to-humor-you_ tone. And _dear_! You've never called me dear before. I don't think that I like it too much."

"All right," he stated, nodding and licking his lips. "Dear is out."

"Are you trying to think of things to call me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and placing my hands on my hips.

"Oh, there are a lot of things that I could call you running through my mind right now," he laughed, leaning back in his chair and placing his hands on his thighs.

"Like what?"

"Oh, no. I'm not going down _that_ road."

My stomach dropped a little and I twisted my lips to the side, dropping my arms and looking down at his lap.

"Are they bad? Am I annoying you? Do you want me to go?"

He grabbed my hand, staying completely silent as he pulled me towards him. I reluctantly let him pull me in between his legs and fell ungracefully into his lap when he wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me down.

"Sweetheart," he whispered, his lips suddenly on my neck. "Honey." He kissed the edge of my jaw. "Baby." He nipped the bottom of my ear and I closed my eyes. "Beautiful." He untangled his other hand from mine, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me against his chest. "Love."

I shivered and he squeezed me tightly, kissing my neck again.

"Oh," I breathed. "So… I'll take that as a no?"

He laughed and nodded, placing one more kiss against my neck before I felt him leaning over me. I opened my eyes and he grinned at me, squeezing me again.

"Right."

I relaxed and toed off my shoes before curling up in his lap and resting one hand on his chest.

"Which one did you decide on?"

"For what?"

I sighed dramatically and leaned back a little, pursing my lips at him. His eyes widened briefly before he started laughing.

"I'm partial to the last one," he said easily, reaching up with one hand to push hair off my forehead.

"Hm," I mumbled, leaning back into his chest and biting my bottom lip.

"Yeah. Hm," he mumbled back, his hand running through my hair.

I closed my eyes, concentrating on the way his hand felt as it glided through my hair, barely suppressing a yawn and burying my nose in his chest.

"So do I get to read that notebook or are you going to make me stare at it for the rest of lunch?"

"Oh!" I mumbled, shaking my head and blinking. "Right."

"Why don't you go lay down for a while?" he asked softly, leaning in to me and kissing my temple. "I'll wake you up when lunch is over."

"I'm fine," I yawned, placing my feet back on the floor and reaching across the desk to grab the notebook and my coffee mug. "A little more coffee and I'll be good for the rest of the day."

"All right, well… did you wanna call the therapist and set up an appointment while you have a minute?"

"Probably not a bad idea, huh?" I yawned again, handing him the notebook. "You sure you don't mind going with me?"

"I need that sign," he mumbled into my ear, already flipping open the cover on the notebook.

It was as if my entire body froze up as I watched his eyes scan over the words on the page and I stopped breathing. I'd wanted him to read it this morning; in theory, it sounded really good. He was one of the closest people in my life now. One of the very few that knew I even wrote anything to begin with so it made sense that he should read what had come about in the early morning hours. It would show him that I trusted him and it would show him what I couldn't always say to him.

Now I wanted to burn every single page so that no one had to see it. It was pointless and pathetic and it made absolutely no sense. He wouldn't be able to follow my edit marks and arrows and he'd just get confused and tell me that it sucked. It wasn't good enough for him to read it and why I thought that it might be was beyond reason. He was just going to laugh at me and realize that he was dating a complete idiot.

"You don't have to read it!" I blurted out, swallowing hard.

He slowly looked over at me, one of his eyebrows quirked up.

"I mean… if you don't want to, I don't want you to feel like you have to. You know?"

"Didn't we go over this already?"

"I just… I don't want you feel like you have to just because you're dating me."

He snapped the cover shut and leaned back in the chair, his hands on my waist and his eyebrow still up in the middle of his forehead. It was amazing how high he could get that thing to go.

"Bella…"

I whimpered and leaned forward, burying my face in his chest and placing my hands flat on his stomach.

"Do you want me to read it?" he asked softly, wrapping his arms around me and running his hands up and down my back.

"You're gonna hate it."

"I highly doubt that."

"It doesn't make any sense!"

"So what? It may not make sense now, but maybe if you start writing a little more, you might be able to build off of it."

"I'm just… ugh, this is _hard_."

He chuckled and I felt his lips on the top of my head.

"It's all up to you, Bella. I'm not pushing." He placed his hands flat on my back. "I will tell you that I really do want to read it, though."

I sucked in a deep breath and pulled back from him, keeping my hands flat on his stomach as I nodded once.

"I'm going to go call the therapist's office and then I'll get us lunch," I decided, nodding again. "You can… read." I waved my hand at the notebook sitting on the very edge of his desk and briefly squeezed my eyes shut as if that would make it disappear somehow. "What did you want?"

"I want you to relax," he laughed, reaching up to grab my shoulders and shake me a little. "And also to maybe get some damn sleep."

"I can work on the relaxing part," I stated, pursing my lips at him. "The sleeping part will come much later. What do you want for lunch?"

"Whatever you're getting."

"Okay."

I climbed off his lap, sliding my shoes back on and yawning again as I took a step away from him. I felt his fingers circle my wrist and looked back at him.

"Forget something?" he asked.

I looked down, searching the ground to see if maybe I'd managed to drop something before looking back up at him and shaking my head.

"No?"

He laughed and stood up, pulling me against him and kissing me softly.

"I think you did," he mumbled, nodding.

"Oh, right," I grinned, kissing him again.

"That's what I thought."

I laughed and slapped at his chest, shaking my head as I stepped back from him.

"I'll be back soon."

"Good."

He plopped back into the seat and placed the notebook in the center of his desk, rolling his chair closer and propping his elbows on the blotter, watching me carefully. I smiled nervously and swallowed hard before walking out of his office. I blew out a deep breath when his door clicked shut and started towards the front office, chewing on my bottom lip.

The entire office was deserted; Edward and I being the only two that had hung back while the rest of them had gone off to Jared's like they usually did for lunch.

I walked into the front and grabbed my purse from underneath my desk, slinging it over my shoulder before walking into the lobby and grabbing my coat. I made my way out of the building and across the street, stepping into the warmth of the restaurant and walking up to the front counter. I leaned my hands against it, looking around to see that Embry was waiting on the table full of my co-workers.

I made my way over to them, dropping my hands onto Carlisle's shoulders and grinning broadly when he jumped and his words faltered while he was giving his order. He composed himself, turning to narrow an eye at me before finishing his order.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, turning completely in his seat as Embry made his way around the table.

"I'm getting lunch for me and Edward. He's… reading and I need to call the… place, anyway."

He nodded, reaching up and briefly cupping my cheek in his hand before he dropped it back to his lap.

"Proud of you," he said quietly, smiling softly.

I smirked at him and nodded, sucking in a deep breath.

"I'm getting there."

"That's all I'd ever want from you. I know you said that you had it, but if you don't, the number is in the Rolodex on my desk." He sat up a little and fished out his wallet from his back pocket, pulling out two twenties and handing them to me. "Lunch is on me."

"Carlisle, no…"

"Don't argue!" Alice exclaimed, her chin resting in her hand and a bright smile on her face. "It's not often he actually pays for someone else!"

"That's a _lie_ and you know it!" Carlisle exclaimed, turning in his seat and pointing at her. "I bought yours last week!"

"That doesn't count."

"Of course it doesn't."

"She's just greedy. We all know this," Angela said easily, handing Embry her menu and grinning at us.

"I think you're all crazy," Tanya sighed, shaking her head and running a hand through her hair.

I looked over at her and snorted, her scrubs immediately catching my eye.

"You really need to lighten up," Alice told her, raising an eyebrow. "It wouldn't kill you to enjoy our company."

"Oh, it might."

"Enough, girls." Carlisle shot me a look and I shrugged, laughing nervously before leaning down and kissing his cheek. "You're lucky I love you," he grumbled into my ear.

"I'm very much aware of that. See you all in a few."

I ordered the food and got it to go, clutching onto the paper bag with one hand and waving at my co-workers with the other as I walked out of the restaurant and outside into the cold weather. I grabbed my cell phone from my purse and sucked in a deep breath, searching for the number I'd stored there a little over a month ago. Finding it and chewing on my bottom lip, I held it up to my ear and walked to the edge of the sidewalk, looking up and down the street before I crossed and started back up to the office.

"Thank you for calling _Aro_, how can we help you?"

I cleared my throat, pacing around in front of the main entrance.

"I'd like to make an appointment."

"All right then. Your name, sweetie?"

I cringed and my eye twitched. I had this thing with strangers calling me endearments as if they've known me for my entire life as opposed to five fucking seconds. It annoyed the shit out of me.

I swallowed the immediate distaste and gave her all of my information, garnering an appointment for this coming Thursday night at five-thirty. I thanked her and hung up, puffing my cheeks and blowing out a deep breath before stuffing the phone back in my purse and walking inside. I shed my coat and hung it back up, deposited my purse on my part of the counter in the front office and slowly made my way back to Edward's office. The door was open and the notebook closed in front of him, his elbows propped up on the desk and his chin resting on his fists. His eyes were closed until I gently knocked on the doorjamb and then they immediately snapped open to meet mine.

"Food," I managed weakly, holding up the bag.

"I need more," he said simply.

"More food? I asked you what you wanted, Edward, and you haven't even looked at what I got you in the first place."

"No," he laughed, shaking his head and standing up. He rounded the desk and walked over to me, taking the bag and setting it on the floor next to us. "I need more of what you wrote."

"Really?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. "None of it makes any sense and I don't know how you…"

"It made perfect sense to me and I'm telling you, Bella, I need to read more of it. You have to write more." He placed his hands on my cheeks and leaned down to rest his forehead on mine. "You have a natural talent and you can't let it go to waste."

"It was just… I was only… it doesn't fit with…"

He laughed and before I could attempt to make sense out of anything else, his mouth was covering mine. I melted in to him, anchoring my hands on his waist as I leaned closer to him and quickly swept my tongue against his bottom lip.

"Accept my compliment, Bella," he whispered between kisses, his hands sliding back to thread through my hair. "Accept that I'm pretty much going to adore anything you write from here on out and we can just keep doing this for the rest of lunch."

I hummed and stepped up on my toes, forcing my lips against his again and reaching in between us to wrap my arms around his neck. He dropped his hands from my hair and I barely noticed when he reached over to slam the door shut. His arms circled my waist and kept me tight against him, his lips lazily moving over mine.

"Kay," I mumbled.

He laughed and pulled back slightly, his forehead back on mine.

"I called Emmett."

"I thought you said we were going to be otherwise occupied for the rest of lunch?" I pouted, my eyes still closed. He laughed and I felt him shrug. I sighed heavily and opened my eyes into slits. "Why did you call Emmett?"

"Because you are coming home with me and you are going to get some damn sleep."

"I am _fine_!"

"You are _exhausted_," he laughed. "I can pick out a bike any other day of the week."

"No, you can't." I shook my head and popped my lips. "Thursday night at five-thirty, we have plans."

"All right, well, that still leaves tomorrow, Wednesday and Friday. Please just get some sleep tonight, Bella."

"As long as you stay with me," I sang, moving my forehead from his to bury my face in his throat.

"Of course I'm staying with you. I could barely sleep without you last night as it was," he whispered, his lips right by my ear.

"You slept more than I did."

"That's a given."

I snorted into his throat and tightened my arms around his neck, humming happily.

"You make me happy, Edward," I mumbled.

I felt his arms tighten around my waist and yawned, nuzzling my nose into his chest and silently demanding that I not fall asleep. It didn't matter that I was standing upright; I was comfortable and content in his arms.

"Maybe we should eat, huh?" he asked, his voice a little husky.

My eyebrows furrowed a little at the sound, but I yawned again and nodded, tilting my head up enough to press a small kiss into the hollow of his throat before stepping out of his arms. I raised my hands above my head, standing on my toes as I stretched. I watched as he grabbed the bag and walked back to his desk, pulling out the containers and setting them in front of the chairs. I tilted my head to the side and smiled slightly, shaking my head as I walked over to one of the chairs and plopped down in it.

Despite not sleeping and making a fool out of myself because of it, I felt accomplished in a way. I'd written something that had obviously impressed Edward, I'd made an appointment with a therapist that I fully intended on keeping _because of_ Edward and I just felt… happy. And I refused to wonder when it would be taken from me because both thoughts had the ability to cripple me. For now, I was just going to enjoy what I felt while I was in the moment because it was all I had.

It was good enough for now.

~*~

**So, for that announcement…**

**Pieces will be going on hiatus. This story is too much of me and that boy I was telling you about? Yeah, he's my coffeeward. So right at this moment, it's way too much to write about and deal with. These two deserve a happy ending and until I feel like I'm in the right place to write it out, I'm choosing not to write it at all.**

**I truly am sorry, because I do love these two, and I hope you can all understand that I just need time. I do plan on coming back to it as soon as I feel that I can, but I don't want to make promises that I can't keep about any future, quick updates of any kind.**

**I'll still be writing and I'll be working on A Lot once I can get my mind to work out the last outtake of Fourteen so please feel free to read those if you'd like. Thank you all so very much; all the support for this story has blown me away.**


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